"Kimi Wo Aishitsuzukeru" (I'll Keep On Loving You)
by: shattered teardrops
"A love that is denied only grows strong..." -anonymous
A feeling of deep sadness and melancholy slowly settled inside Yamaguchi Kumiko's chest as she stared into the empty classroom of her first advisory class, the class 3-D of Shirokin Gakuin. A faint and wistful smile creased her lips as she recalled the faces of each of her students who spent the whole school year with her inside the four corners of this very classroom. Each particular student had found a place inside her heart and it was quite sad for her to think of letting them all go.
She slowly took small steps around the classroom, letting her fingertips touch the graffiti painted walls and badly messed up chairs. She was told that she was to transfer to another school next school year. So, it was good-bye to Shirokin afterall. Kumiko couldn't help but feel an incomparable emotion of sadness. She stood up in front of the empty classroom once again, on her usual spot by the desk in front.
Noda...
Minami...
Uchi...
Kuma...
... Sawada...
They're no longer her students. He's no longer her student. A tear ran down Kumiko's cheek. She remembered their nickname for her and how it sounded coming from their lips. "Yankumi!" Kumiko remembered Uchi's good-natured smile as he called out to her. Sawada used to call her by her family name. It brought a great deal of happiness to her when he finally called her Yankumi.
Sawada. 'He's different.' Kumiko thought. No one really understood him. No one really knew what's running inside his mind. 'But he's a good person' Kumiko thought. A sudden thought struck her as she suddenly realized how deeply she missed him. Sawada got accepted into Tokyo University. Of course, Kumiko was happy for him. But the sudden thought of not seeing him anymore brought out unknown realizations inside Kumiko.
This time, this place
Misused, mistakes
Too long, too late
Who was i to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'cause you know,
You know, you know
How could she have been so stupid? Why didn't she realize it sooner? Her heart raced frantically as soft sobs shook her body. It was too late. And it was all her fault. She tried to deny everything but the more she denied it, the more it grew. She was in love with her student. She was in love with Shin. It was painful, and the fact greatly hurt her, but it was the truth.
That i love you
I have loved you all along
And i miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
Kumiko suddenly took off in a run. She ran along the corridor with tears streaming down her cheeks. Good thing, it was already two weeks after graduation, so, nobody would see her in this very vulnerable state. She hated it. Hated the fact that she was stupid enough to let herself unconsciously fall for the most unlikely person, her student. She hated herself for not realizing it sooner. And she hated it because she realized she couldn't bear to see Shin leave.
Kumiko ran up towards the rooftop. Shin liked hanging out there while enjoying the cool breeze and the peaceful atmosphere. 'Maybe, I'd see him there.' Kumiko thought. But as she opened the door to the rooftop and looked inside, the whole place was empty. Nobody was there.
She ran out of the school grounds and into the nearby river, hoping to see Shin lazily lying on the grassy riverside while enjoying the warmth of the sun. But he was not there. More tears came out of Kumiko's dense eyes. Both her hands balled into fists as she thought of Shin and how she hated crying.
'Just one last time.' She thought. 'For one last time, I want to see him and let him know of how I feel.' For two weeks since graduation, Kumiko busied herself with fixing her papers for transfer to the next school where she'll be teaching. And for two weeks, she hadn't been able to see Shin anywhere. Now, she realized how badly she missed him. Then, again, after taking a few ragged breaths, Kumiko bolted into a speedy sprint, hoping to find the person she was looking for.
On my knees, i'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'cause with you, i'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but i won't give up
'cause you know,
You know, you know
Kumiko sprinted towards his apartment. She made her way through the streets and alleyways until she found the place that she was looking for. She stood panting and sweating heavily in front of a wooden door in a three-storey building. She knocked for a few times but nobody answered. She tried to twist the door knob but it was locked. She looked inside the room through a small hole on the window and saw that the room was empty. Another sudden painful realization hit her. 'Maybe Shin had already left...'
At the sudden painful thought, Kumiko felt a huge lump inside her throat. It felt like her chest was being squeezed and wretched all at the same time. Her heart was torn into millions of miniscule iotas which made it impossible to be glued back altogether. Feeling mixed emotions of anger, sadness and pain hit her heart with such intensity that Kumiko suddenly punched the wall with all of her strength until her knuckles were bruised and began to bleed. She felt helpless and vulnerable... And she deeply hated the feeling.
She was the yakuza heiress for God's sake! Nobody messes with her and gets away with it! But here she was... all alone, sad, tired and helpless. At the end of the day, the yakuza princess, though a princess... was still just a girl... And she needed her prince...
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
It was already mid-afternoon, the sun's heat was painful as it hit Kumiko's skin. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were swollen under her dirty glasses, her right hand was wrapped in her handkerchief to stop the bleeding of the wound, her clothes were untidy and her shoes were already worn out because of too much running. She looked like a poor kitten as she stood outside the gates of her home.
As the yakuza princess walked inside the gate, her comrades greeted her warmly but all their warmth and cheerful remarks fell into deaf ears. Kumiko paid no attention to them. She simply continued to walk. As she opened the door to their living room, she was greeted by the familiar scent of freshly served hot tea and the sound of a very familiar voice.
Shin!
Kumiko's eyes widened as she saw Shin sitting down at the table together with her Grandpa as they had tea. Shin looked back at her with a puzzled look on his face. "What happened to you?" Shin asked as he stood up and got Kumiko's wounded hand. Kumiko didn't answer his question. "What happened to this?" He asked as he lifted her wounded hand. "Did you get into a fight?" Still, Kumiko had no answer.
Kumiko forcefully withdrew her hand threw a strong punch on Shin's right cheek. Blood oozed at the corner of Shin's lips. When Shin turned to look at Kumiko, she was already crying. Shin's eyes softened as he looked at Kumiko's vulnerable state. Then, without another word, he pulled her into a tight hug to which Kumiko fell without protest.
Shin continued to whisper soothing words into Kumiko's ears until she was calm and her sobs gradually died down. On the other hand, Grandpa and the others decided to give Shin and Kumiko some privacy for them to sort out things.
"Baka." Shin commented at Kumiko as they sat beside each other on the balcony while watching the sun slowly set down the horizon. "You didn't think I'd leave you without saying a proper good bye, did you?" Shin looked intently at Kumiko while waiting for an answer. Kumiko bowed her head low. Guilty beyond reasonable doubt. Shin smiled and took her hand in his. "The reason why I didn't try to see for two weeks was because I needed time. Time to think things through and weigh my decision. I also needed to make sure that my feelings were genuine."
Kumiko refused to speak and didn't reply to Shin's statements that's why Shin continued to explain. "I've decided to pursue my education in Toudai. I'll try to follow what you've told me before." Shin smiled uncomfortably. "I'll try... to get on with my life and... find someone else..."
Finally, Kumiko found the courage to speak. "Does that mean you don't really love me?" She asked in a barely audible voice almost like a whisper as she looked down. Her heart waited for Shin's answer. She couldn't stop the anticipation as it gradually build inside her chest.
"Baka." Shin spoke into Kumiko's ears. "If I didn't love you, do you think I'd go through all the burden of following your suggestions with my decisions in life just to make you happy?"
Kumiko suddenly buried her face into Shin's chest and pulled him into a tight embrace. "Don't." Kumiko spoke out the muffled word. "I don't want you to find someone else." Kumiko spoke out clearly.
With those words coming from Kumiko, Shin knew that she loved him too. He felt it and there was no mistaking that the love that they shared was true. A sudden overwhelming feeling of bliss filled Shin's chest as he held Kumiko tighter. "Aishitteru... Kimi wo aishitsuzukeru..." Shin whispered.
"I love you too... and I'll wait forever..." Kumiko replied.
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'cause i needed
I need to hear you say
That i love you
I have loved you all along
And i forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'cause i'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
-The End-
a/n: The song I used is entitled "Far Away" by Nickelback. For some reason, I am addicted to the song since last summer of 2005, until now, so I decided to write a ShinKumi fic using the song. Pls. READ and REVIEW!