Hello...it's far from normal, obviously. I like Artemis Fowl, as you can tell. I am sorry to insult your intelligence with the disclaimer that I don't own this. I REALLY LIKE REVIEWS! So please review if this story had even the slightest impact on you. After all, you were interested enough to click on it...

Chapter One

"FORE!" came a shout, about two miliseconds too late. By the time Artemis Fowl heard the warning, he was on the ground with a throbbing pain on the right side of his forehead. Butler was bending over him, clearly hoping that whatever had hit him hadn't killed him.

"Master Fowl, are you all right?" he asked, holding up his hand. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Artemis stared at his butler's hand for a moment, then answered, "Four, I think, Butler. Help me up. What was that?"

At that moment, someone stumbled through a bush with a golf club in her hand. She seemed distraught. "Did I hit anyone?"

Butler and Artemis exchanged looks. "Yes, you hit me, I'm afraid."

The young woman covered her mouth as her face turned a lovely shade of pink. "I am so sorry, it really was an accident. Is there anything I can get you?"

Artemis raised his eyebrow as he attemped his patented look of sceptism. It wasn't pulled off as is should have been to to the rather large goose egg blossoming over his right eye. "Some ice would help, I think."

"Oh, right. Of course it would. I can run up to the club house real quick and bring it back-"

"Or we could go up with you and you just buy it," Artemis said, immediately picking up her American accent. She was already raking on his nerves. The sun wasn't improving his mood either.

"Yeah, that would make more sense,"she said, her face turning as red her blouse.

She stood there for a moment, he could tell she was trying to think of something.

"I think we should start walking, don't you?" he asked, feeling more and more contempt with her every second.

"Yeah, this way," she said, starting off to her left.

"The other way," he corrected, and when she corrected herself, he followed her.

At the club house, after she had bought him an ice back, they sat in the living room set up. She still looked really nervous.

"Dude, I am so sorry. I really didn't m-"

"Yes, you've said so several times since it happened. And I'm tired of hearing it," Artemis snapped at her. It was true. Ever since it happened, she had been constantly apologizing.

She looked astonished for a moment, then leaned back into her chair, delibrately closing her mouth.

It was quiet for a few minutes, and Artemis was thankful for that. He could feel a monstrous migraine coming on.

"Well," the girl stood up, brushing her hand together, one gloved, the other not. "I guess if there's nothing more I can do, I'll take my leave, then."

She didn't wait for an answer. She turned and headed toward the door. "Wait," Artemis commanded. And indeed, it wasn't just an idle request.

He watched her stop. He could tell she was thinking about not continuing her way out the door. She finally turned around.

"What name should I put on the papers should I choose to sue you?" he asked. Not the best line to find out a girl's name, but a line none the less.

She smiled slightly for a brief moment.

"Rowan. Rowan Smoke," she told him, then she turned and left.

"How did that go?" David asked her as she returned to the hole they had been previously at.

"Not bad, considering I missed. He seemed to really hate me," Rowan replied as she pulled out a five iron and peered at it skeptically.

"Well, you did just hit him in the head with a golf ball."

"Yes, but I didn't kill him, did I?" she stated, almost wispfully.

"No, you didn't. But what does that matter. At least we'll be able to see more of the beautiful Irish countryside, eh?"

"The sooner we get home the better." Rowan's answer was as abrupt as it was surprising.

"But you love Ireland, you said so yourself last time we were here," David pointed out as she teed up.

Rowan didn't reply. She didn't want him to know her reason for wanting to get home soon. She didn't want anyone to know. And if she didn't get home soon, it would definitely be a disaster. Instead, she teed off again, and her drive landed the ball directly on the green of their par 4.

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