I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE WRITING THIS - THERE ARE PEOPLE YELLING AT ME TO FINISH THE STORIES I'VE STARTED- BUT I WAS STRUCK WITH THIS BRILLIANT IDEA ONE MORNING, AND DECIDED TO PEN IT DOWN BEFORE I FORGOT OR BECAME TOO LAZY TO DO SO.

SO POOH POOH I SAY TO THE YELLY PEOPLE (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, I.E. SA Y EMIL)

LET THE FANTASTIC ADVENTURE BEGIN!

YAY!

I DON'T OWN.

⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂

Artemis was having a pleasant morning.

Which one, you ask?

In this particular case, it happened to be the goddess of the hunt.

Said goddess was spending the day on Mount Olympus, and she was quite enjoying herself for once.

She waltzed slowly through Persephone's magnificent spring garden, taking in the scene with her hunter's eye. So rarely could she appreciate the beauty of nature, even though she spent half her time up to her eyeballs in it.

The hunt is taxing, Artemis thought, but I must remain vigilant. I have no time to weep salty tears of admiration over a flower bulb. If I am to succeed in the hunt, I must use my energy to focus on my prey, and to concentrate all my skill.

Fortunately, though, I am not on the hunt, am I now?

The goddess smiled to herself. Today was the one day, the one day that came perhaps every century, that Artemis allowed herself and her hunters rest and relaxation. Any other day, they could be found tracking a monster, or a rogue demigod.

But today? Not a chance.

⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂

To the casual passerby, the goddess appeared as simple young woman, maybe twenty years old, with a pretty face and a flowing dress that seemed to be made of moonlight.

She didn't normally appear this way to her hunters. They saw her as a girl of thirteen, with, never a dress as she wore today, but maybe a silver hunter's cloak.

The satiny, flowing folds of her shimmering ensemble danced around her with every move, giving the appearance she was floating. (Being a goddess, she might have been.)

She may have looked elegant, which she certainly was, but underneath, the power of the Divine Huntress shone strong, like a fiery sun.

Or rather, a full moon, Artemis thought, leaving out the sun imagery. She scowled as she thought of her twin brother, wondering where the irresponsible Apollo might be. But she soon let the matter slip away, returning to her peaceful walk through the garden. Occasionally, she would whip out her bow - seemingly from nowhere - and take a potshot at a passing butterfly. With a single deft movement, Artemis would have the insect pinned to a column or a statue. Her magical arrows cut through the marble as if it were soft cheese.

She would approach to see a single silver shaft sprouting from the colorful creature's midsection.

A perfect shot, Artemis would muse, then she would pry the arrow from the stone, slip it back into her quiver, and watch as the butterfly (which somehow wasn't dead) drifted lazily away.

The hunt ends as soon as it begins, the goddess observed with a smile. And finally she would continue on her way.

⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂

Nearing the end of the garden path, Artemis was eyeing a tasteful arrangement of blossoms, thinking of how nice they would look by her temple.

Maybe I should speak to Persephone later - the goddess has a way with these azaleas...

She was wondering if Persephone might be obliged to put something together, when something flickered in the corner of her eye. Faster than a blast from Zeus's master bolt, Artemis had her bow out, a silver arrow notched and glinting maliciously.

She waited, and was glad to see one of her hunters running up the path. She knew each one by name, and this girl just so happened to be called Azalea. Artemis glanced at the flowers beside her, and smiled inwardly as she lowered her weapon.

"My lady!" called Azalea as she rounded the corner, "Lady Art-". Upon setting eyes on Artemis, the girl looked rather stunned.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, "Ah... you look nice my lady." Then she hastily dropped to her one knee in respect.

"My lady," Azalea spoke staring at the path, "I bring ne-"

"Rise, my huntress," Artemis interrupted kindly, "and catch your breath before you speak this news."

Azalea rose gratefully, and heaved several breaths. She had been running around Olympus for a long time, trying to find the goddess. As the redness faded from her cheeks, she delivered her news:

"My lady," she began, still a little out of breath, "I hate to interrupt you on your Day of Rest, but what I bring to you is something I know you'll hold to the utmost urgency."

"This news comes from another amongst our ranks, Aoife. For her Day of Rest, she decided to visit her homeland - Ireland."

"A magical place," Artemis recalled, "I know of it. It was not far from the ancient lands. I don't much like it. There are traces of strange and alien powers that whisper in my ears." Something inside her shivered, as she remembered the foreign magic that called to her from deep inside the earth.

"Yes my lady," Azalea continued, "But, as it happens, Aoife has not visited Ireland in almost one hundred years. Something has developed there that may require your attention."

Since a hunter was made immortal when she received the blessing of Artemis, it was not at all unrealistic that this girl, Aoife, had not visited the emerald island in one hundred years.

"A hunt?" Artemis inquired. "Not of the Day of Rest, Azalea."

"No, my lady. Not a hunt, per say..." Azalea stopped, forming sentences in her head - she was about to stray onto very dangerous ground.

"There's a family, an Irish family that has lived there for many years. There's a man that owns the house, and does the business for the family..."

Artemis scowled - she didn't much like men.

"They're known quite a bit around Ireland. This man has much wealth to his name, and there was something about a son with a high IQ..."

He sentence petered off.

"And?" Artemis urged Azalea on, her voice becoming a little menacing.

"Well," Azalea clicked her tongue, and what she said next, she said very quickly, "Hiznamsartimisfol."

"Slowly, my huntress. Again," Artemis ordered gently.

Azalea sucked in a tentative breath.

"My lady," she began quietly, and dropped back onto one knee, "This man's name is..."

"Speak it, Azalea."

A pause, as Azalea gathered herself.

"Artemis Fowl. " she almost whispered, "His name is Artemis, my lady."

⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂

For a moment, there was silence. The tension in the air seem so thick, one could cut it with a knife (or pierce it with an arrow, which would more likely be the case), and the atmosphere seemed to crackle with unseen electricity, though Zeus was nowhere near.

The colors of Persephone's beautiful garden seemed to become bleak as Artemis processed the information. The goddesses expression went through several phases in a matter of seconds:

First came confusion, the startled realization, followed by seething ire. Artemis's face turned beet red as she raged, but held control. Suddenly her face was a mask of calm. She addressed Azalea.

"You mean to tell me," her voice became a dangerous whisper, "That somewhere, there is an insidious bit of male scum that bears MY NAME?!" The whisper turned into a roar as Artemis loomed over the terrified Azalea.

It was all the delicate girl could do not to turn tail and run like one of the deer she often stalked. She had never seen Lady Artemis so angry.

Azalea knew she would regret what she said next. She dropped down onto both knees, looked down sullenly at the ground, and said in a shaking voice:

"Not one, my lady," Azalea said quietly, "two. Two bits of insidious male scum that bear your name."

"WHAT?!"

"Well, my lady," Azalea continued nervously, "this man - this Artemis Fowl - is Artemis Senior. His... his firstborn son is Artemis the Second."

"TWO!?" Artemis bellowed, "TWO!?" She drew her bow.

Azalea, clasped her hands together, shaking them at the now-livid goddess in plea.

"Please, my lady. I only bring the news," she yelled over Artemis's screams of rage.

"TWO!?" Artemis shrieked at the sky, throwing her hands over her head. Her face was crimson as she notched an arrow. The bowstring was yanked back with a fierce tug, strong enough to rip it from the bow.

But the string did not give, and the arrow was sent angrily whizzing through the air, piercing the heart of an oak tree with a sickening thunk.

Artemis stomped around, continuing to shout 'TWO', and continuing to let her silver arrows fly. One struck another tree. One, an elegant statue of Persephone. Another shattered an ornate vase on a pedestal, and several more were sent screaming into the shrubbery and negative space - Artemis was too angry to even aim properly.

With a final shout, Artemis launched an arrow straight into the sky, threw her bow down with a huff, then collapsed - exhausted - onto a garden bench. She buried her face in her hands.

Moments later, the arrow came streaking down to earth, where it embedded itself in the white flagstone, exactly five and a half inches from Artemis's toes.

The goddess seemed not to notice.

It was that moment Azalea seemed to remember where she was.

"My lady," she said gently, laying a hand on Artemis's shoulder. She cast her eyes down toward the fallen bow. She longed to pick it up for lady Artemis, but if she touched the instrument of a goddess, she would most likely spontaneously combust, immortality blessing or no.

"My lady, what are you going to do about these detestable male vermin?"

Artemis looked up, fire in her eyes. She looked at Azalea for the longest time.

Just before the girl had to look away, Artemis stood abruptly.

"I apologize for my behavior, my hunter." The goddess held out her hand, and the bow on the ground flew to her fingers with a whoosh. Reunited with her favorite toy once more, the goddess's dress flickered, and became her silvery hunter's cloak. She started out of the garden.

Azalea scrambled after her.

"Enjoy what is left of your day of rest, Azalea."

The goddess smiled, but there was a hint of steel there.

"Of course, my lady," Azalea replied, bowing again. "But what of you?" she inquired, straightening.

Artemis's eyes flashed, and Azalea almost wished she hadn't asked, but Artemis replied:

"I'm off," the goddess said evenly, "to file lawsuit. Against Artemis Fowls one and two."

⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂

SO THERE YOU GO.

WOW, THIS DIDN'T TURN OUT AT ALL LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE...

DO YOU THINK IT'S TO LONG FOR A 'SHORT STORY'?

AND I KNOW I MADE UP THE DAY OF REST, AND AZALEA AND AOIFE, AND I PROBABLY MADE UP PERSEPHONE'S GARDEN ON MOUNT OLYMPUS TOO...

LET'S JUST PRETEND THAT THOSE ARE ALL REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES AND THINGS.

ANYWAY...

NOW WE'VE GOT ARTY AND HIS FATHER HEADED TO AN OLYMPIAN COURTROOM, AND IT WAS THE THOUGHT OF THE COURTROOM THAT TRIGGERED THIS RECOLLECTION, WHICH OCCURED TO ME MUCH LIKE IT OCCURED TO SOMEONE ELSE I KNOW:

"EVERY DEFENDANT IS ENTITLED TO A GOOD LAWYER."

FIFTY POINTS TO YOUR HOUSE IF YOU CAN GUESS WHO.

HOPEFULLY I CAN GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP IN A DAY OR TWO...

THANKS FOR JOINING US FOR THIS INSTALMENT OF 'A SURPRISING DEVELOPMENT, A FAMILIAR GAME, AND A VERY SPITEFUL GODDESS', WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED BY THE FABULOUS UNINTENTIONALAUTHOR!

OH, AND PLEASE REVIEW.