I have often wondered about the night that Ana and Kate finally discussed Christians lifestyle and how that went down. Thank you ELJames for creating these characters!
What a weekend this has been! We announce our engagement, Christian and Elana's relationship gets revealed to Grace (how embarrassing) and I had the most wonderful proposal from Christian along with a beautiful ring. But the weekend almost almost blew up when Kate stormed at us as we arrived that night! I cannot believe that I left Christian's jacket in my room and I knew that email was in one of his pockets. I need to start leaving myself notes on things I should remember to do. My mind has just been so scattered since I met Christian, he just makes me lose all focus on what I need to think about. But Kate, I need to spend a girls night with her and just try to come clean with my friend. I hate hiding things from her and she knows how emotional I have been lately. So, instead of succumbing to the Katherine Kavanagh inquisition I am going for the Anastasia Steele confession instead.
Since we only have a month to get all the wedding preparations I need to get my dress, decide on the flowers, food, cakes and all of those little details that I would be totally unable to handle. Kate is much more into the kind of society that Christian and his family live in. I am so out of my league here. Christian is helping with many of the plans and has hired a planner to make many of the decisions that I have no clue but I still have some things I must do. Kate's mom is making my dress which is really sweet of her. She says it is the least she could do for her daughter's best friend and I am so grateful. So Christian and I agreed that Wednesday afternoon I was going to get fitted for my dress and Christian needed to take care of some business in San Francisco so I am spending the night with Kate after the fitting and we are finally going to catch up. I am so nervous telling her the truth finally, I just hope she doesn't want to kill Christian after all this. She was so mad that night after reading that email. Christian insists on Kate coming over to Escala after we leave her mother's house so we have security and we are not invaded by the paparazzi. Now that the word is out I have been blinded by flashes and approached repeatedly by these people. This was not something that normally accompanied Christian but now that we are getting married so many people have wanted to know about my family, my life and all manner of personal things. Mrs. Jones has started buying my personal items so I don't get approached in the aisles with people wanting to know what shampoo or conditioner I buy.
I haven't yet decided how I shouldn't approach this with Kate, I will just have to start at the beginning I guess. When we get back to the apartment from the fitting for our dresses I decide that it might be better if we were a little drunk. At least I would be better! So I go to Christian's wine racks and select a Shiraz (might as well match the room) and get the glasses from the cupboard. Kate is telling me all about her first week on her new job and all the things she is involved in. Mrs. Jones is fixing us dinner, will I ever get used to that! Kate and I sit on the couch while she works in the kitchen.
"So, my editors want to start doing research into the potential for cannabus farming and sales in the state as well as the employer impact on legalization and what to expect. A more reliable dating of the actual use of the drug is needed. We can narrow the time frame for other drugs, even alcohol so we know that the user is not under the influence so what needs to happen is to detect and test for the chemical that actually provides the intoxication effect and test this to make sure that someone is not working under the influence. There is going to be money to make once this all gets going."
"Kate, I just don't think some businesses are going to care whether their clients are under the influence or not. They just don't want them doing it at all. I know Christian is very anti-drug and he would not care whether it is legal or not. He wants people to have full control of their minds and bodies when they work for him."
"Yea, I can see that. He even wants full control over you. I don't see why you put up with him doing that. That email I read was quite a shock for me. I know that he had you in tears so many nights. What was he doing to you?"
"Oh Kate, I have wanted to talk to you for so long. But before I show you I want to give you some background so you will understand. More wine? You might need it for this...I did!"
"Sure, better give me a large glass. I think I will be taking large gulps and not sips with this. So he had all these rules that you were going to follow? And what about genital clamps? Fisting? Suspension? Ana, those kinds of things are not you and you were a virgin till he met you. What has he done to you?"
"I cannot begin to tell you how many times I wanted to talk to you about this. When we met he kept trying to warn me and push me away but I just had no clue what he was about. Then he flew me here that night and showed me what he had in mind. He has a room upstairs that he used for his 'entertainment' so to speak. I was shocked but I had no clue what drove him to this."
"Ana, why did you stay if you were scared? Did he do something to you?"
"Not then. When he found out that I was inexperienced he freaked and I didn't know what I should do. And then for some reason he decided he had to have me and it suddenly didn't matter that he wanted to use those things. Kate, I was so overwhelmed by it all I just couldn't think straight. Every time he was near me my mind was fighting itself, how much I was drawn to him, how he seemed to be drawn to me."
"But he did do something, didn't he?"
My mind flirts with all the things we have tried and enjoyed but Kate doesn't need to know about all that. It is too personal. But I have to tell her some things so she understands. I have to show her. I couldn't get her advice then but maybe I can seek her counsel now.
"Come, I have to show you something. Then I will tell you everything."
I go to the kitchen and retrieve the key to the red room, Mrs. Jones looks at me quizzically but I just smile and nod my head. I hope she catches my meaning that it is alright that I do this as Kate follows me upstairs. I hope I can explain it to her and why Christian felt the need for this. She doesn't need to know about Elana, or should she? I would feel awful if Grace discovered that she was going to her salon because she knew her. It would devastate Grace and possibly any relationship she may have with Kate.
"Now Kate, I am showing you this so you understand where Christian has come from. He needed this before he met me but now he doesn't."
I open the door and raise the light level in the room. Of course, all the canes are now gone as are the belts and whips but we haven't had time to remove the mounts they were on. Christian and I were just talking last night about removing some of the furniture like the bench and rearranging the room a little. I think he wouldn't mind losing that since I think he relives that morning every time he sees it. Kate looks a little stunned as I knew she would.
"He was into THAT lifestyle? OMG, Ana! But did he hurt you?"
"Yes Kate, he did. One time. And I asked him to do it. He kept on and on about punishments and his rules that I demanded he show me one morning. It was right after I got back from Savannah. I was so upset about it that I left him. But it was the best thing that could have happened, for both of us." I decide that telling Kate about spanking and rulers and those wonderful balls might be a little information overload.
Kate is stunned. I grab her hand and take her to the couch and we both sit. She is looking around at all the items left but she is totally speechless. I look Kate in the eye and tell her about Christian's mother and his horrible childhood.
"He has felt all his life that he deserves to be unloved and he created all this so he could punish his mother over and over. When I left him that morning he realized that he needed to stop. I realized that I couldn't live without him in my life but I just couldn't take any punishments or rules. After a few days he and I realized that we needed each other and he agreed to drop the rules and punishments. Dr. Flynn tells me that I have started to mend the hole in his heart that was created by his drug addicted mother."
"I knew you were overwhelmed. I had no idea that this was the reason why."
"His whole world has overwhelmed me. I was so lost and unable to talk to anyone about anything but I am starting to come to grips with it now. Kate, I just hate that people think I want him for his money."
"If people think that then they are stupid. But seriously, you are like a lottery winner to everybody. They want what you have, they want to be your friend and they will want you to help them. That was what I loved about you all those years ago as freshmen. When I offered you that spare bedroom I knew you couldn't afford a lot but I saw something in you that I liked. You didn't want anything just given to you. I respected that. So many of the girls I went to high school with expected things to be provided and given. Even their summer jobs were fake. But I was in awe of you. And now everyone is."
"You deserve this happiness Ana. And I see how happy you both are, almost as happy as I feel with Elliot. So none of Christian's family knew about this room? Wow, how did he hide that from his brother?"
"Well, I don't think Christian wanted to advertise, especially to his family. And he had to keep all this quiet for his business dealings. So it was all very private. I even had to sign a non-disclosure agreement when I came here the first time. That was why I couldn't tell you really anything about this. And I understand his reasoning now."
"But you're telling me now because of Saturday? This won't get you in trouble will it? You know, this room is kind of sexy and warm in a way!"
"Kate!"
"Well it is!"
"Well, I sort of have to agree with you! And no, Christian had me tear up the NDA as he trusts me now and I trust you to keep this between us. Now, let's get out of here and go back downstairs! We still have a lot of things to decide and more wine to drink!"
"But you are happy with all this, aren't you?"
I just smile at my friend. She doesn't need to see the items in Christians chest that bring happy memories to me. Maybe I should think about some items I could gift to her and Elliot someday. Wonder what Christian would recommend for his brother?
"Kate, I think if I was any happier I would burst apart."
"By the way, what happened at the party with Grace's friend. What was her name...Elaine, Ellen?"
"Elana."
"I saw her car take off while we were outside having dinner. Must have been some emergency the way she spun out."
"No Kate, and I doubt you will see her again at Grace's house. She was the one who started Christian down this path. Grace found out that night and kicked her out." No reason to tell Kate how old Christian was when this all started. I don't need to add fuel to that fire.
"Wow, that must have been some confrontation! Were you there?"
"I kind of lit the match a little. She confronted me and told me I couldn't make Christian happy because I wasn't like her. She accused me of being a gold digger and I lost it, throwing my drink at her. Christian came in and started arguing with her and Grace caught the conversation. She slapped her and kicked her out. I left Grace and Christian to talk it out and I think she blames herself about all of it. But I think she is OK with everything now. She wants to talk to me about all that this Friday when we meet to discuss plans. I just hope she doesn't think ill of me because of this."
"Well, I can attest that she is crazy about you, and so is Mia. I heard all about the ball and how Christian practically declared you in front of everybody that you were his! And his grandmother approves completely! If all the women in the family like you then you are set. Oh, and before I forget we need your Mom in on some of this. Can she Skype or FaceTime this weekend? If not Mom would be willing to fly out to Savanah or we can see if she can come here until the wedding. We have so much to plan including your party!''
"Let's go downstairs and eat, then we can call Mom and get her feelings on this. Kate, I just want you to know that I have never been as happy as I am right now and I just have a good feeling about what I am doing. I know it is sudden and I hope everyone doesn't get the wrong idea. Even Mom asked me if I was pregnant. I think she was reliving the time when she and my father...well she was remembering her own history. Part of the Christian plan comes with birth control built in. That is taken care of, trust me. No let's go eat, I am starved and whatever Mrs. Jones is fixing smells wonderful."
As we leave the room I feel relief that Kate has not been judgemental with all this and I know that even if she doesn't understand I can trust her with this. Makes me feel better at least, I felt so guilty not being able to discuss this with her. I hear Mrs. Jones call up from downstairs "Ana, Mr. Grey is on the phone" and I smile at Kate as I run down the staircase to talk to my love, my life and my future.
I have wanted to write this down for some time. Hope you like it.