yoo i'm all finished with exams! So now I can get back to writing without stressing. Also, this is my first BB and Robin fanfic... I wanted them to be able to talk to eachother and relate. This is also kinda based on the TTG comic, about Robin's past. Except this is my own little version of it, with some things relating to the comic. ;; Enjoy!
Robin stared at the poster in his room. The Flying Graysons. And he sighed, as he burried his face into the palm of his hand, trying to will away any tears that could develop. His mind felt foggy, his legs like jello. He woke up this morning, and felt as if he had this huge weight just sitting on his shoulders.
That feeling hadn't gone away.
It was almost One in the after-noon, and he had this achy, disgusting feeling. He felt sick. His head hurt. There was a lump in his throat, and he felt like snapping. He could only hope that none of his team mates would bother him, because he wouldn't know what he would do with himself if he snapped on them for no good reason.
But that reason all became clear, as he looked at the poster.
Memories flashed before his eyes, until his knees gave out and he had to sit down.
God, he had never felt so weak before.
He hated himself for wanting to break down, for wanting to snap.
Why, you ask, was he in such a bad mood?
Because today was the anniversary of his parents death.
It was a slow day. Robin was just trying to get through it, but it felt as if time had stopped. Every minute, every hour, it all went by too slowly, and Robin just felt exhausted. His team mates had noticed how groggy and out of it he was acting today, and each of them tried to help him, in some way.
But Robin was never too great at accepting help.
Cyborg had offered a training session, "just for fun". Robin could tell the older male could sense something was off, and he knew he just wanted to help, but the boy wonder couldn't bring himself to focus enough to train. And if he did, he had a feeling there was a good chance Cyborg would just end up kicking his butt anyways.
More bragging rights to him. No thanks.
Raven had offered help, as well. The empath was good with healing, and she had even offered an emotional healing session, but Robin turned that down, too. He did apprectiate it, don't get me wrong, but he knew this was a feeling he would be stuck with. Not all the time, but on days like this, it was important to grieve the loss of his parents. It was a nice offer, and perhaps a good idea too, but Robin had declined it, never the less.
Raven probably knew him better than anyone on the team. She had been inside his head before-she knew his darkest secret. She knew all about the tragic death of his parents. And Robin knew she meant well with her offer, but Robin couldn't bring himself to do it. He knew some certain people could put up a mask and just hid their pain behind it, but he wasn't like that.
After all, he was only human.
It seemed that not even Starfire-his own girlfriend-could help him out this time. The girl was always there for him. She would spend until the crack of dawn listening to him, and attempting to comfort him, if it meant getting a smile out of him. But he couldn't. And she couldn't. Her warm hugs were not enough to cheer him up, albiet, he did manage to shed a few tears-something he had not brought himself to do up until now. It brought alot of feelings off his chest, but the feeling was still there.
Robin sighed.
He hated making his team worry, but he had never felt this horrible, before.
It hadn't been too long, either. A few years... he was in his late teens, but his parents death had happend when he was just a boy.
He closed his eyes for a moment, the memories from then to now flashing by his eyes. Being taken in and trained by Batman, bringing the man who murdered his parents to justice, leaving Batman, forming the Titans... so much had happend in such short years. He had came so far. But that didn't mean that it didn't still hurt.
It didn't mean that he still didn't blame himself.
Robin pinched the bridge of his nose. He was getting to introspectical again. He was thinking too much again. He looked up, and got up from where he was currently assembled in his room-infront of the poster. After his friends tried to help him, he realised he really just needed to have some alone time to sort these thoughts out. Then maybe he would be okay.
The boy wonder walked over to his window, opening the curtains. The sun was setting. He found himself smiling-he had always been found of the sun set. He took a seat on the window ledge, and began to think.
Everyone had tried to help him, in some way. From hugs from Starfire, to even more goofier ways from Beast Boy. Earlier, the young teen had tried to get Robin to laugh. Pull my finger jokes, knock knock jokes-whatever he could get. Robin didn't bite. If anything, it just fueled more of his annoyance.
"Hey, dude..." Robin jumped from his thoughts, hearing a small voice and a knock from the other side of his door.
Without a word, the boy wonder opened his door, to find Beast Boy. He looked rather nervous, and upon seeing Robin open the door, he grinned. Robin raised a brow.
"How are you doing?" Beast Boy attempted to make talk. Robin sighed a little, and shrugged. He really didn't know what to say. And Beast Boy could tell. He looked down. "Look..." He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry about earlier. For annoying you?"
Robin knew he was hurting his team. He was supposed to be their leader. Be strong. But instead he avoided them, and pushed them away, when in reality, he just needed someone to be there. They all had tried. He pushed them all away. He was surprised Beast Boy was giving it another go.
Robin supposed he appreciated that.
He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, too."
Beast Boy looked surprised, as he froze, looking up at his leader.
"For pushing you away earlier. For pushing you all away." Robin clarified, and watched as Beast Boy stood awkwardly. And then he sighed, reaching out to put a hand on the younger male's shoulder, pulling him into his room. He gasped a little, and tensed up.
But he was glad Robin was starting to come around.
He understood. More than anything, he knew what it felt like to feel broken. He knew what it was like to loose both parents. He had been there. He was on the same boat.
"Rob, look, I gotta tell you something." Beast Boy turned to face Robin, who took a seat on the window ledge once again. The sun shone down, illuminating the room. It made things feel less cold, but that didn't mean Beast Boy was any less nervous to be here with his friend. After all, Robin rarely, if ever brought his friends into his room.
"You... aren't the only one sailing the grief boat." Beast Boy announced, and for a moment, Robin looked shocked. His facial expression softened, and he nodded.
"I know."
Beast Boy hummed. He knew Robin knew. He was glad he did so. But he still had to let him in on the fact he wasn't alone, before he could help him see the bigger picture.
"Before I joined the Titans, I was on your boat. You aren't the only one who lost parents; I did too." He admitted, dropping his head for a moment to regain his thoughts. He was younger than Robin-this hadn't been too long ago, either. Only a few years.
"I know this." Robin nodded. He knew all about Beast Boy's backstory. He knew everyone's story, each so different than the others. Beast Boy was probably the closest one he could relate to.
"Good. So, you'd understand how they... passed away in a boating accident." He sighed.
Robin looked down. "Yes." He could tell that Beast Boy was still affected by it. Underneath all of the jokes, the young male was sensitive. He hid his pain behind lame jokes in attempts to cover it up, but Robin was always the first to see right through it. He and Beast Boy had the same understanding of eachother, of being able to relate to death in the family, but they had never bothered to share feelings about it. Never bothered to express how they felt, how sad they were, because that would make them vulnerable. They were both too stubborn to let that happen, so they concealed themselves. Beast Boy, with humour. Robin, behind a mask, pretending as if the life of a hero was all he would allow himself.
It was a defense mechanisism, for both of them.
It was silent.
They weren't the two closest members. The two of them swayed more to other parts of the group-Beast Boy was closer to Cyborg, while Robin enjoyed being around Starfire.
"I dunno, you know I'm not the best at talking about these kinds of things, but I want you to know that you aren't alone. I mean-you have me, and you have the rest of the team to fall back on. We're your friends. Please dont be so shy or embaressed about sharing what's on your mind, because we understand." He explained, and Robin couldn't beileve he was being this insightfull. He supposed he was just judging a book by it's cover, but at the same time, he felt thankful that Beast Boy took the time to step up and try to comfort his leader.
Robin smiled. "Thank you." He was still speechless. He supposed that was another thing he and Beast Boy had in common-they were both pretty bad about talking about these things. It took time. Beast Boy did alot better than Robin ever thought he himself would be able to do. And he was right. He did have the rest of the team to fall back on-all of them tried to help him, but he was just too stubborn to let them. He knew he had to trust them-he lived with them, shared his life with them. He let out a sigh, and hesitantly, spoke up. "I'll... keep what you said in mind. I know you guys are here for me, as I will be here for you. I appreciate it, just know that."
Beast Boy grinned, walking closer to his friend. "I'm glad, dude." And he patted him on the shoulder. With a pause, he pulled away, before his grin grew. "Cy is thinking about going out for pizza for dinner, later... when you're ready, come join us. You could really use a slice."
Robin smiled back. "Thanks again. I'll consider it."
And with that, Beast Boy gave a chuckle, before dissapearing out of his room, to report back to his friends, leaving Robin alone with his thoughts.
This time, though, they were more happy thoughts. Clear thoughts. All this time, he thought he was alone. But if he really thought about it, his friends all came from some sort of wild background-they all knew some level of pain or grief. He wasn't alone on his own boat. And he did have people to fall back on. He just had to stop being stubborn about it.
With a grin, Robin got up from his seat on the window ledge.
He was going to go join his friends for a much needed slice of pizza.