Warning: Extreme crackfic ahead, created while very high on sugar. ENJOY!!
The God of Smex: The Epic of Natsuki
Chapter 01: The End of Libidos
Natsuki Kruger the all-powerful Gakuenchou of Garderobe the all-powerful place of all-powerful magic girls was not happy. She was not happy because until ten seconds ago she had discovered something very disturbing about her lineage.
"Ok run that by me again Yohko," Natsuki demanded.
"Ok apparently our research points to the fact that Schwarz was invited in ancient earth country United States of America on ancient planet Earth by ancient American President Arnold Schwarzenegger."
[Begin Flashback
"I am the Presidenator!" said Arnie.
"Aren't you a Simpson's character?" Matt Groening asked.
"No I vas also in Demolition Man starring Slyvester Stallone. Aaaahh!"
[End Flashback
"And what else did you find out?" Natsuki droned on already knowing what was to come next and dreading it.
"Well as you know you're Teutonic what with your sexy German accent and fetching name Kruger. Countess."
Natsuki glared at Yohko complete with evil censored images and wolf-heads who almost peed herself.
"Well anyway it turns out you're the last descendent of President Schwarzenegger and therefore the living heir to the Schwarz organization.
All over Windbloom the Banshee scream of Natsuki could be heard.
"BLLARRGGHH!! ME EARS!ME EYES!ME NOSE!AND A!!CHEEKS!!" Yohko screamed after getting nailed to the wall by Natsuki, in a non-sexual manner.
[Elsewhere
"It is the cry of our God the descendent of President Schwarzenegger we must answer the call!" proclaimed the leader of Schwarz aka Midori.
"Ramens ready!" Mai proclaimed.
"Oh RAMEN!!" everyone proclaimed and went for Ramen.
[Back in Garderobe
"That's it I'm going for a drink," Natsuki proclaimed and went into town to have a drink.
[Not quite one drink later because she hadn't yet reached the pub
Natsuki came across the Otome shop and saw…
"OH MY F12KING GOD!!" she screamed and kicked the door down and ran straight up to…
Natsuki Kuga figurines, well they were Natsuki Kuga figurines because they had the name Kuga and not Kruger written on them and they look like a younger and cuter version of Natsuki with lots of sexy trimmings combined with loli-bits. The price tag was pretty good, one of them showed her famous hitch-hiking scene, another one her pantyless scene and one of them a tentacle scene.
The Gakuenchou screamed bloody murder, violated the shopkeeper in a way that shall not be spoken off but that he otherwise enjoyed and stormed back to Garderobe. Destroying several cars, buildings, roads and pornshops.
"NOT TEH PR3NSHOPS!" screamed a random bystander right before he was killed by a rolled up piece of tissue paper from Natsuki's jacket pocket that could be used to commit murder by Natsuki Kruger Queen of Awesomeness and p3wning to the maxi.
[Right now
Natsuki kicked down the gates of Garderobe and held an emergency meeting to demand what the bloody hell was going on with the latest extremely ero figurines made of her.
"All your Natsukis are belong to us!" Shizuru stated as she walked into the Gakuenchou's office.
"I'm sick of these Natsuki f king Shizurus in this Natsuki f:)king school!!" Haruka ranted as she walked into the Gakuenchou's office.
"LOL! LOL!LOL!LOL!LOL!LOL!LOL!OMFG!LOL!" Arika blabbered as she walked into the Gakuenchou's office.
Soon all the casted characters with at least one line entered the office including a randomly resurrected Erstin.
"Yai Erstin," Arika squealed before glomping her.
And Harry Potter who was still trying to find out if Natsuki Kruger was his long lost big sister right before Natsuki gave him a Silver Cartridge enema and sent him back to Hogwarts. Since this wasn't Gundam Seed everyone fitted into Natsuki's office all disturbingly carrying Natsuki Kuga figurines.
"Ok I want to know WHY THE HELL DID NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THOSE!?!" she pointed to all the plastic models.
"But there so cool and well made," Mahya explained stroking her Natsuki doll and was subsequently tied, gagged, spanked, violated with cucumbers and returned unmarked by the Gakuenchou in three seconds earning her the awe of everyone else.
"Unfortunately Natsuki no one knows, except we now have an extra source of revenue lookies," Shizuru handed Natsuki some papers which revealed to her that the figurine sales had since dwarfed all other sources of revenue making Natsuki very rich.
"Is this supposed to help?" Natsuki quirked an eyebrow.
"Maybe…"
"…Forget it, I'm going to take a shower…oh my shower is broken so I'll be using yours Shizuru," Kruger announced and left.
"Isn't she going to your room?" Arika asked.
"Yes, she is," Shizuru replied.
"Where all your figurine tools are?"
"Yes she is…………AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Shizuru screamed assuming her orgasm faceTM (Look on animesuki)
And ran for her life. Everything went into slow motion as Shizuru caught up with Natsuki just as she was about to open her room.
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
But she overshot and crashed into a line of students yurifying them all in the process in the way only Shizuru Viola can. Natsuki unfortunately entered Shizuru's room and with scary Alfred Hitchcock sound effects and saw all of Shizuru's equipment used to mass produce the Natsuki Kuga figurines.
"Shi-zu-ru," Natsuki menacingly called her name while glowing like totally evilly (insert extreme girlishness ROFLMAO!!).
Yes, Nat-su-ki?" Shizuru replied trying to remain innocent.
"I've put up with your cheating with Arika, Erstin, Tomoe and Akane! I've put up with you not giving me a hug when I came back! I've put up with your all crazy sex antics for 10 years! And this is how you repay me!?"
"Oh you love it."
"That's I'm going-to have to-punish you!"
Shizuru perked and ran right up to her.
"Give it to me!" she eagerly demanded.
Expecting something kinky she was pleasently surprised when Natsuki put a syringe in her.
"Ooohhh! What was it?"
"Myaaahahahaha! It was the ultimate torture." Everyone else came in to see what was going on. "It is the SUPREME ANTI-VIAGRA!!" she proclaimed in the uber-evil-fashion.
"The what?"
"It is the opposite of viagra I invented, the bane of aphrodisiacs. It completely destroys your libido and renders you unable to get horny!! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
"Gasp! That can't be true."
"Oh? In that case I'm JUSTGOINGTOHAVETOFLASHMYRECENTLYNANOMODIFIEDBOOBSTODCUPTOPROVEIT!" she flashed her perfectly enlarged boobs causing a mass round of nosebleeds.
Unfortunately…Shizuru didn't get any reaction.
"No…NO…NNNOOOOOOO!!!! IT'S REAL! I CAN'T GET MY GRROOOOVVEE OOONNNN!!" in a Darth Vader fashion.
Everyone except Natsuki gasped in pure horror in perfect unison.
"This is horrible, this is worse than when Sakimozi ate that bowl of bad curry and ruined the carpet," Mashiro added.
"SAY WHAT!!!" everyone cringed.
"Fufufufufu, it's the perfect torture to deny people the ability to get it on…And for all the pain and humiliation you all have caused me I'M GOING TO DENY THE WORLD THE RIGHT TO HAVE SEX!! NYAHAHAHA!" she proclaimed and pressed a big red button on a remote control she was suddenly carrying. "This device activates a nano-disperser that disperses the anti-viagra agent across the world instantly. From this moment henceforth you must all suffer the curse of being unable to get it up and going AHAHAHAHA!!!" assuming a God-like pose.
All over Garderobe the students and visitors quickly discovered they were permanently groove crippled causing them all to scream in horror. Soon all of the city then all of the world joined them in a chorus of screams that sounded mysteriously like Beethoven's Ode to the Joy techno-remixed.
[In Aries, 3 seconds later
"It is the Sexpocalypse, the Hornageddon. The End of Libidos. The GOD OF SMEX HAS SPOKEN AND REMOVED ALL OUR ABILITIES TO HAVE SEX!!NYYYOOOOHHHH!!!" Tomoe screamed. "SSSHHIIIZZZUUURRRUUU-SSSSAAAMMMAAA!!!"
And thus began the Epic of Natsuki, her great journey to become the God of Smex. For no apparent reason.
Next Chapter: Lord of the Libidos; Return of the Smex! Involing the War of the Horny! LOL!LOL!LOL!