Title: Twelve Days 3
Author: ZenosParadox
Rating: PG-13
Summary: RS, Tu, A. Reed and Sato experience 7 swans a swimming, 8 maids a milking and 9 ladies dancing while on a mission with Archer and Tucker. Three guesses as to whom the dancing ladies turn out to be?? 3 of 3 chapters; 3rd of 4 episodes.
Disclaimer: The Enterprise characters belong to Paramount. This fiction was written solely for personal enjoyment.
TWELVE DAYS 3
SEVEN SWANS A-SWIMMING
January 1
Sub-commander T'Pol outlined the details of their mission with her usual detachment during their early morning briefing. Captain Jonathan Archer and Commander Trip Tucker looked like they had found another bottle of Kentucky bourbon to toast in the New Year. Ensign Hoshi Sato looked surprisingly refreshed while Lieutenant Malcolm Reed appeared a bit withdrawn. T'Pol registered these things as she spoke.
"While we were scanning for the distress beacon of the stranded Ansers, the Masquerans invited us to visit their planet once we completed the rescue mission. They are a humanoid species, largely an agrarian society, but have had warp technology for the past twenty years. The last contact Vulcans had with the Masquerans was limited to meeting a series of low-level officials. The Vulcan delegation did obtain information on procedures to be observed in order to meet the Sovereign; however, the details are incomplete. No aspect of the protocol appears to be dangerous."
Captain Archer added, "In order to follow the procedures, we'll need to leave this afternoon and spend two nights on the planet. We won't be back until late on the third day. Lieutenant Reed, be sure we only carry the Stun cartridges you've developed. This is a peaceful mission and I don't want any accidents to happen. Ensign Sato, the Masquerans use some archaic languages at times; we'll need you to take the latest UT program that can effectively account for temporal variations in the language. The two of you will meet me at the shuttle right after lunch. We'll have one more crewman to do the bioscans. T'Pol, you and Commander Tucker will be in charge while I'm on the planet. Happy New Year."
"But, Cap'n, you haven't even let me see if I've won my--" began Tucker.
"Later, Trip," said Archer with a quick glance to Reed and Sato.
Tucker threw up his hands and mumbled something about prepping the shuttle while the other officers headed to their bridge stations. Archer was surprised when Reed came to him and asked, "Captain, with your permission, I'd like to spend my time in the armory this morning."
"Permission granted, Malcolm. See you at the shuttle at 1400," said Archer.
-----
"...but it's for good luck, ya mule-headed--"
"Commander, I DO NOT EAT BLACK-EYED PEAS," Reed insisted as he and Tucker volleyed the objects from one plate to the other. Lunch was a battlefield.
"Don't tell me ya don't need some good luck coming your way. It might help out your situation with Hoshi," said Tucker as he flipped the legumes back onto Reed's plate.
This time Reed stabbed an offending bean with his fork and threatened the Chief Engineer with it as he said, "Commander, it would take more than superstitious behavior to help my situation with--Hoshi, hello."
Reed was so disconcerted by Sato's sudden appearance that he shifted the fork with the black-eyed pea on it away from attacking Tucker. Instead he nervously aimed it toward his mouth and bit down just to keep himself from saying something stupid. Sato smiled sympathetically as she watched the disgusted expression appear on Reed's face.
"It's just once year for good luck, Lieutenant. Southern tradition," she said as she sat down beside him. She immediately stabbed a black-eyed pea from Reed's plate and popped it in her mouth. "See, nothing to it and you gain a little luck. I prefer mine with jalapenos, though."
Tucker gave his friend a See-there smile. Reed was too busy trying to erase the taste by drinking up the juice he had poured. "I just need a day free of anything fowl, is that too much to ask?"
Sato patted Reed's shoulder in sympathy. "I hate to break the news to you about the away team for this mission, but the Captain has assigned Ensign--"
"NO!" Reed, the normally cool, collected Armory Officer, continued, "Please don't tell me it's Partridge?"
Sato could only nod. Reed literally put his face into his hands, "Three days. The mission is for three DAYS!"
Sato cooed in his ear, "It's alright, we've survived him before and we can do it again. Just give him a phase pistol and he'll knock himself out."
Reed shook his head. "No, that won't work. The Captain sent me specific orders that Ensign Partridge is not to be near any weapon."
Sato snapped her fingers in a Darn-it gesture. She'd been counting on the man's own stupidity to eliminate him from the away team.
"Well, at least ya get to go down to the planet. My only entertainment is gonna be watchin' T'Pol avoid Porthos while the Cap'n's gone." Tucker sighed and ate a big chunk of ham.
Reed perked up a bit at the mention of the beagle. "I had an odd dream about Porthos last night. He had this funny laugh when--uh, never mind."
"Did you dream it when we were in the Anser's nest? I fell asleep for a few minutes, I think," said Sato.
Reed shook his head, "No, I dozed off in the nest, too, but this was later after, uh, when I finally got to my quarters."
She picked up the dinner roll on her plate and slathered some butter on it. She brought it up to her lips and gently kissed it saying, "I just love fresh bread."
Sato noticed that Tucker was grinning like a cat who just got into the cream, but returned her attention to torturing her Armory Officer. Reed could only stare as Sato licked some butter she had spread off the top of the bread and rolled her eyes in pleasure. He didn't even notice he had eaten more black-eyed peas as he was absently stuffing his mouth with anything on his plate.
Tucker cleared his throat and rose saying, "I've gotta go. See y'all later."
-----
As Reed and Sato walked back to the bridge together after their lunch, they had one thing on their minds: how to eliminate Ensign Partridge from the away team.
"...an impromptu target practice lesson that he'd accidentally walk in on?" offered Sato.
"No, too obvious. How about I just lock him in his quarters? I suppose the man does need to eat, though. Pity." said Reed.
"Is there any contagious disease we an expose him to?" suggested Sato next.
"Ah, biological weapons. Unfortunately, no, at least not without exposing ourselves." Reed sighed. They both stopped and crossed their arms over their chest as they thought. Reed then broke the silence with, "But, you know, I should send Partridge to Dr. Phlox to check the settings on the scanners for the readings T'Pol wants."
Sato grinned. "You're a cruel man, Lieutenant."
"I have my days, Ensign," confirmed Reed.
-----
"Hey, Doc, I'm Danny Partridge. Lieutenant Reed said you should check the calibration on the scanners before I load them in the shuttle," said Danny as he entered sickbay. He looked around and said, "Wow, Doc. Oh, cool you have a--"
"Don't touch that, Ensign," said Phlox as he removed Danny's hand from the bat cage. "It will only take a moment to check the scanners."
Phlox turned his back on Ensign Partridge just long enough to ensure the calibrations were correct. In the background, the Denobulan heard:
"Wow, cool, whoah! OW!" Thunk.
Phlox looked down at the Ensign who had a smile on his face even as he was saying, "Ooo, aaah, guuuh..."
-----
"Ooo, aaah, guuuh..."
The moans kept coming out of Ensign Partridge whose face was contorted into one reflecting continual sensual pleasure. Tucker was almost envious, but preferred to let nature take its course in these matters. He looked suspiciously at Reed and Sato who were standing in the corner trying to look innocent.
Captain Archer strode in and asked Phlox, "What exactly happened, Doctor?"
"I turned my back for a moment to check the calibration on the bioscanners when I heard Ensign Partridge falling. He's been injected with the venom of my Arana spider. It's never bitten anyone before, even when it escaped from sickbay the other day." Phlox shook his head in disbelief, but continued in his cheery tone, "I normally extract the venom once a week and use a microliter of it to treat patients. It has a neuropeptide that binds to receptors in the, well, the pleasure centers of the brain. In low doses it helps relieve distress."
"So, he's constantly feeling, uh, pleasure?" asked Archer.
"Oooo, aaah, guuuh..." could be heard in the background.
"It will wear off in 24 hours, Captain; he's in no danger. Ensign Partridge will feel very tired and drained, and certainly won't be needing shore leave for a while, but nothing he won't recover from. My spider, on the other hand, lost a stinger. It will take a month to grow back."
Reed said quietly to Sato, "You know, I'm beginning to sympathize with the spider. It was the same one that scared Ensign Moffet the other day at breakfast."
"I'll have to find a replacement for him on our mission," sighed Archer.
Tucker immediately asked, "Cap'n, did you forget...?"
"What? Oh, that's right," Archer said as he looked at Reed and Sato in the corner of the room. They WERE trying to look innocent, weren't they? "Commander Tucker you'll join us on the mission to the planet. T'Pol can handle things on her own up here. I'll just get Travis to intercede with Porthos."
Archer left and the officers emptied out of sickbay. Once in the corridor, Reed put an arm on Tucker before he could leave. "Commander, what was that about?"
"Not in polite company, Malcolm," said Tucker with a nudge of his head in the direction of Sato. Rather than give in to the suggestion, Reed crossed his arms over his chest in synchrony with Sato's movements.
"Spill it, Trip," Sato commanded.
Tucker had a sheepish look on his face. "The Cap'n and I had a bet."
"Regarding the two of us?" prompted Reed. Tucker nodded. "Go on."
"I won the bet so I get to go on the away team! See ya," said Tucker. Rather than make a quick getaway, Tucker felt the steely arm of the Armory Officer blocking his escape.
"What was the bet, Commander?" Reed asked quietly. Tucker looked between Reed and Sato.
Okay, Reed could be reasonable, but Sato looked like she was capable of murder underneath that sweet facade. He stood as far away from her as possible and said, "The bet was about whether ya'll had slept together by New Year's."
"WHAT!"
As Tucker ran off he said, "Well, you both did say that you fell asleep in the goose nest yesterday."
That twist of logic stunned the two officers and allowed Tucker his successful escape. Reed and Sato turned to look at each other.
"No mercy?"
"No mercy."
~~~~~
Archer piloted the shuttlepod while Tucker sat behind him in an attempt to keep a safe distance from Reed and Sato who had decided to sit together on the bench in the back. Tucker would throw wary glances at them occasionally. He would swear they were whispering about him and sending speculative glances his way. Some way, some how, when he least expected it, he knew he was gonna get slammed.
"What kept you so busy in the armory this morning? I tried to contact you twice, but your crew said you were too busy to answer," asked Sato of Reed. She had been miffed that Reed was trying to avoid her, but accepted the fact that the man would take a few wobbles before his brick wall finally fell.
Reed's sudden blush only served to arouse Sato's suspicions. He had actually been working on his present for her, but just said, "I wanted to make sure that I left everything in order. I'd hate to come back to find things in disarray."
"I see," said Sato. "Any ideas about Trip?"
"I think we should improvise while we're on the planet. We don't want payback to interfere with our mission. Just be patient, love," said Reed rather distractedly as he noticed Tucker throwing a quick glance back at them. He turned his attention back to Sato and noticed her smile. What did he just say?
The crew landed in the designated area and made their way to their destination. The village was nestled among rolling hills that presented a pastoral scene. As they made their way they were mesmerized by feminine voices singing.
Archer looked at his companions, "I think we can afford a detour to investigate the source. Follow me."
Reed was a bit disgruntled at being taken off their assigned path, but Sato just turned and beckoned to him. Of course he followed her. He was foolish enough to follow the woman even if she were leading him over a cliff. That was his problem. As they walked out of a grove of trees, they found the source of the song.
The small lake held turquoise colored water that reflected the clouds in the sky. Swimming in the lake were seven beautiful women. They had long, blonde hair and long, slender limbs that moved gracefully through the water.
Sato hated them on sight, especially when she noticed the men had stopped to stare. Well, actually, Archer and Tucker had stopped to stare. Reed, on the other hand, looked aghast and had turned his face away quickly. Was he really that shy? Then she took a closer look at the women's faces. That explained everything.
"They look like the sirens of Greek mythology," said Archer.
"They look like the girls on Miami Beach," said Tucker.
"They look like my sister," said Reed, and the other two men finally noticed he had his face turned away from the graceful creatures flitting through the water.
"You have a sister that looks like that?" asked Archer in a voice of disbelief.
"Almost exactly like that, Captain," confirmed Reed, still refusing to look directly at the lake.
"When do I get to meet this sister of yours?" asked Tucker while he watched the lithe forms swimming.
"When you learn to 'keep yer shirt on', Commander,'" said Reed, mimicking the Southern drawl with the last phrase.
"I always behave like a perfect gentleman," insisted Tucker.
"Dressed in nothing but your underwear, Commander?" asked Reed. Archer was just laughing at Tucker's discomfiture, so Tucker decided not to argue the point further.
"Gentlemen, I suggest we introduce ourselves. It's impolite to stare," said Sato. At least her Armory Officer wasn't ogling the women. Good boy. He deserved a reward for that.
There was a collective cooing, ah-ing and giggling as the party approached the mermaids. Archer cleared his throat and tried not to stare. The women all stood up with the water glistening on their bodies, although their hair conveniently covered any naughty bits.
"We're sorry to disturb you. I'm Captain Jonathan Archer from the starship Enterprise. This is Commander Tucker, Lieutenant Reed and Ensign Sato. We were on our way to your village when we heard you singing."
The seven blonde heads gathered together to giggle. Reed rolled his eyes. They even sounded like his sister. He just hoped they wouldn't start speaking in puns; he'd had enough of that yesterday.
The alpha female said, "Forgive us, Captain. We are expecting you. If you turn around we'll get dressed and introduce ourselves."
Sato couldn't understand why the women objected to having the men watch them dress when they were so eager to step out of the water after skinny-dipping. The phrase Ditsy Blondes kept resonating in her mind.
Another set of light giggles wafted into the air as the men turned their backs. Tucker got nudged in the ribs by Reed when his neck wouldn't cooperate, so the engineer whispered, "Look, they are NOT your sister, so lay off."
Reed in turn replied, "Interesting choice of words, Commander."
Sato did not turn her head and merely tsked. The veil-like garments the women were dressing themselves with did little to hide their assets. At least some opaque panels of material were strategically placed in the clothing.
"Turn around now," said the alpha, again amid giggles. She stood with regal posture as she made the introductions. "I am Lin, to my right is Vin, then Rin and Tin. To my left are Gin, Sin and Fin. She was the last."
"Please forgive us if we get you confused. You look so much alike," said Archer.
"We are sisters," said Lin. "Our family name is Suan."
Reed said quietly to Sato, "Here we go again."
-----
The Suan Sisters were very friendly and liked to frolic as they made their way to the village. They were buzzing around the men like little damselflies, constantly cooing and giggling, nabbing a strand of grass as they went and chewing on it. The one named Sin in particular had insisted that Tucker scan her in great detail.
Sin was aptly named, thought Sato. The only pleasant thing for the Communications Officer was that Reed was using her to keep the Suans from fluttering around him too much. The man had good intuition.
"They're very friendly," said Sato quietly to Reed.
"I'm trying not to imagine what their intentions are towards the Captain and Trip," said Reed. "Damn! Why do they have to all look like Madeline?"
"You think Jon and Trip will get lucky tonight?" asked Sato.
Reed took a quick glance to see four of the women converging on Archer and three on the Chief Engineer. Tucker was walking by Sin who appeared to have the common touch. Reed observed to Sato, "Well, Trip and Jon are neither married nor gay--"
"But the Suan Sisters don't know that," said Sato with a smile. "I think it's time for payback. Leave it to me."
The Suans had led them to a large house and as they entered, Sato made her request. "Lin, could I talk to you and your sisters? We have so few women on board our ship I'm just dying for some girl talk. Please call me Hoshi."
Lin giggled. "Certainly, Hoshi. In fact, we could help you do something with your hair."
"...and pluck your eyebrows."
"...and do your nails!"
"We have some lotion for your skin..."
"...and you can borrow some nice clothes."
"...and some perfume!"
"...and some make-up. Lots and lots of make-up," ended Sin.
What am I, a wreck? thought Sato as the Suan Sisters led her out of the room.
The men were then greeted by a tall blonde-haired Viking sort of male who appeared very pleased with himself. The man waved at the Suan Sisters, then turned his attention to the Captain.
"You must be the visitors we were expecting. I'm Rutger. I see you've met our Suan Sisters. Personally, Sin is my favorite. She can--well, I'm sure one of you will find out soon enough. Come inside so we can talk."
-----
Reed was beginning to get worried. They had not seen Sato for two hours and dinnertime was upon them. What could they possibly be doing? His question was answered when the Suan Sisters appeared again. They walked into the dining hall in pairs with the last being Sin leading Sato by the hand.
Reed was devastated. Sato was out of uniform and he was out of luck. She looked absolutely beautiful in the native dress of the women, the same filmy clothing with the strategically placed panels. Her belly button was taunting him again.
Reed was left speechless and immobile as Rutger immediately indicated that Sato sit beside him. Lin Suan put a hand to Rutger's arm and was shaking her head vehemently, but rather than let Sato go to the Starfleet officers, Rutger shook Lin off and insisted Sato sit next to him.
Sato frowned, but didn't want to upset their diplomatic mission. She turned to Reed, rolled her eyes, and shrugged. She hoped he got the message and would stay put. Sato certainly didn't want their Armory Officer making a scene. Tucker and Archer were distracted by Gin and Fin at the time, so took no note of Sato's dilemma.
Dinner was an ordeal for all of the Enterprise officers. Archer and Tucker, expecting their earlier welcome by the Suan Sisters to be continued, were disappointed to find that the ladies were now pleasant to them, but no longer flirting. Archer and Tucker kept exchanging confused glances while Reed merely sat quietly and coldly.
Sato, in the meantime, kept brushing Rutger's hand off of her thigh. She had intended to sit by Reed, but the local PooBah had spoiled her plans. She finally grabbed the man's pinky and jerked it in the direction it was not meant to bend. That finally got the message across to Rutger, who soon had Sin easing his pain.
Four of the Suan Sisters then performed a play to entertain their guests. The Enterprise officers had trouble following the story line, but were again mesmerized by the voices and graceful movements, among other things.
Once the applause finished, Lin stood to announce, "We've assigned some rooms on the third floor for you. I put your card key by your plate. Good night."
With that dismissal, Rutger shooed away Sin and made another advance to Sato. Reed abruptly stood up and left while Archer and Tucker spoke with Rin and Tin. Again the women were amiable, but not as friendly as they had been on their walk to the village. Archer and Tucker walked away together in confusion.
"I just can't figure out what happened," muttered Tucker. It's not like he expected any action--wait, yeah, he knew he was a horrible flirt, but the change in attitude of the women still bothered him.
Archer merely shrugged. "Let's just stay focused on the mission. Say, this is my assigned room, too. Guess they put the men together."
They walked in but saw no sign of Reed and only one large bed. Trip stretched and yawned. "I reckon Malcolm got assigned to another room."
"He's a big boy; he can take care of himself. Let's get some sleep. I'm still recovering from New Year's," said Jon.
He and Trip were both thinking the same thing. Malcolm was going to wind up with Hoshi. The Captain smiled at the thought. That would teach the Lieutenant to lecture him about fraternizing with crew.
The two old friends settled down to sleep as they talked quietly of shared memories. They needed to do this more often.
-----
Malcolm walked to his assigned room, disrobed and crawled into bed feeling lonely, confused and--no, he would not label it as jealousy. He was disappointed. At least he didn't have to contend with Ensign Partridge. Hoshi was a grown woman and capable of making her own choices. She obviously preferred tall, blonde Vikings. She owed him nothing. He certainly had given her nothing. He turned his back to the door and tried to find some sleep.
Hoshi was stumbling a bit on the high heels and muttering to herself about dumb blondes as she made her way to her room. It must be the planet, she told herself. Every human blonde she had ever met before now had had a brain. She'd had to resort to pulling Rutger's waistband out to dump the remainder of her cold drink down his pants to get him to cool off. Really, Hoshi had expected more respect from Rutger. She opened her door hoping she wouldn't be disappointed. She smiled when she recognized the form occupying the bed.
Malcolm just assumed it was Tucker or Archer, but then the perfume wafted his way. He rolled over to the direction of the door and saw her standing as the moonlight was streaming through the window.
"Hoshi? Are you alright?" The tone of Reed's voice changed when he asked, "Rutger didn't try anything, did he?"
Hoshi sat on the bed and put a finger to Reed's lips. "No, his ardor cooled off quite a bit."
"Oh." Malcolm looked at Hoshi expecting further explanation of why she was in his assigned quarters. Silence. "Um, Hoshi, why are you here?"
Hoshi smiled, "You remember you mentioned something about Jon and Trip being neither married nor gay?"
"Ye-es," said Malcolm. He was becoming quite distracted by the filmy clothing Hoshi was wearing.
"Well, I explained to Lin that Jon and Trip preferred each other's company," confessed Hoshi.
"You mean they think that--"
"They're a couple. They deserved it for making that bet about us. As if we were just dying to jump each other, really!"
Hoshi gave a little indignant sniff and Malcolm simply nodded his agreement. Right. No danger of Hoshi jumping him; she obviously had no interest in that regard.
"I also suggested that we were married so that you wouldn't feel so uncomfortable at having women who look like your sister trying to hit on you," admitted Hoshi. Yes, altruism was her middle name. Hoshi Selfless Sato, that was her.
"Ah." Malcolm nodded his head again. Of course, it all made sense now. "Oh, but that means--I'll sleep on the floor."
Hoshi merely pushed him back on the bed. "Don't worry, Malcolm. I'm really tired. I'm just going to put on a t-shirt and get some sleep. Look, the bed's so wide we won't even have to be near each other."
Malcolm frowned a bit, but then found he couldn't bring himself to do the proper thing and just leave her. He rolled with his back toward her and soon felt her settle down. Her soft breathing soon put him to sleep as well.
-----
That night Malcolm dreamed he was holding Hoshi in his arms. That was the good part of the dream. The bad part was dreaming that both Tucker and Archer were his brother-in-law. He was going to have a long talk with Madeline if she ever did meet his friends. Malcolm settled back into his dream--and settled his arms tightly around Hoshi.
*****
Author: ZenosParadox
Rating: PG-13
Summary: RS, Tu, A. Reed and Sato experience 7 swans a swimming, 8 maids a milking and 9 ladies dancing while on a mission with Archer and Tucker. Three guesses as to whom the dancing ladies turn out to be?? 3 of 3 chapters; 3rd of 4 episodes.
Disclaimer: The Enterprise characters belong to Paramount. This fiction was written solely for personal enjoyment.
TWELVE DAYS 3
SEVEN SWANS A-SWIMMING
January 1
Sub-commander T'Pol outlined the details of their mission with her usual detachment during their early morning briefing. Captain Jonathan Archer and Commander Trip Tucker looked like they had found another bottle of Kentucky bourbon to toast in the New Year. Ensign Hoshi Sato looked surprisingly refreshed while Lieutenant Malcolm Reed appeared a bit withdrawn. T'Pol registered these things as she spoke.
"While we were scanning for the distress beacon of the stranded Ansers, the Masquerans invited us to visit their planet once we completed the rescue mission. They are a humanoid species, largely an agrarian society, but have had warp technology for the past twenty years. The last contact Vulcans had with the Masquerans was limited to meeting a series of low-level officials. The Vulcan delegation did obtain information on procedures to be observed in order to meet the Sovereign; however, the details are incomplete. No aspect of the protocol appears to be dangerous."
Captain Archer added, "In order to follow the procedures, we'll need to leave this afternoon and spend two nights on the planet. We won't be back until late on the third day. Lieutenant Reed, be sure we only carry the Stun cartridges you've developed. This is a peaceful mission and I don't want any accidents to happen. Ensign Sato, the Masquerans use some archaic languages at times; we'll need you to take the latest UT program that can effectively account for temporal variations in the language. The two of you will meet me at the shuttle right after lunch. We'll have one more crewman to do the bioscans. T'Pol, you and Commander Tucker will be in charge while I'm on the planet. Happy New Year."
"But, Cap'n, you haven't even let me see if I've won my--" began Tucker.
"Later, Trip," said Archer with a quick glance to Reed and Sato.
Tucker threw up his hands and mumbled something about prepping the shuttle while the other officers headed to their bridge stations. Archer was surprised when Reed came to him and asked, "Captain, with your permission, I'd like to spend my time in the armory this morning."
"Permission granted, Malcolm. See you at the shuttle at 1400," said Archer.
-----
"...but it's for good luck, ya mule-headed--"
"Commander, I DO NOT EAT BLACK-EYED PEAS," Reed insisted as he and Tucker volleyed the objects from one plate to the other. Lunch was a battlefield.
"Don't tell me ya don't need some good luck coming your way. It might help out your situation with Hoshi," said Tucker as he flipped the legumes back onto Reed's plate.
This time Reed stabbed an offending bean with his fork and threatened the Chief Engineer with it as he said, "Commander, it would take more than superstitious behavior to help my situation with--Hoshi, hello."
Reed was so disconcerted by Sato's sudden appearance that he shifted the fork with the black-eyed pea on it away from attacking Tucker. Instead he nervously aimed it toward his mouth and bit down just to keep himself from saying something stupid. Sato smiled sympathetically as she watched the disgusted expression appear on Reed's face.
"It's just once year for good luck, Lieutenant. Southern tradition," she said as she sat down beside him. She immediately stabbed a black-eyed pea from Reed's plate and popped it in her mouth. "See, nothing to it and you gain a little luck. I prefer mine with jalapenos, though."
Tucker gave his friend a See-there smile. Reed was too busy trying to erase the taste by drinking up the juice he had poured. "I just need a day free of anything fowl, is that too much to ask?"
Sato patted Reed's shoulder in sympathy. "I hate to break the news to you about the away team for this mission, but the Captain has assigned Ensign--"
"NO!" Reed, the normally cool, collected Armory Officer, continued, "Please don't tell me it's Partridge?"
Sato could only nod. Reed literally put his face into his hands, "Three days. The mission is for three DAYS!"
Sato cooed in his ear, "It's alright, we've survived him before and we can do it again. Just give him a phase pistol and he'll knock himself out."
Reed shook his head. "No, that won't work. The Captain sent me specific orders that Ensign Partridge is not to be near any weapon."
Sato snapped her fingers in a Darn-it gesture. She'd been counting on the man's own stupidity to eliminate him from the away team.
"Well, at least ya get to go down to the planet. My only entertainment is gonna be watchin' T'Pol avoid Porthos while the Cap'n's gone." Tucker sighed and ate a big chunk of ham.
Reed perked up a bit at the mention of the beagle. "I had an odd dream about Porthos last night. He had this funny laugh when--uh, never mind."
"Did you dream it when we were in the Anser's nest? I fell asleep for a few minutes, I think," said Sato.
Reed shook his head, "No, I dozed off in the nest, too, but this was later after, uh, when I finally got to my quarters."
She picked up the dinner roll on her plate and slathered some butter on it. She brought it up to her lips and gently kissed it saying, "I just love fresh bread."
Sato noticed that Tucker was grinning like a cat who just got into the cream, but returned her attention to torturing her Armory Officer. Reed could only stare as Sato licked some butter she had spread off the top of the bread and rolled her eyes in pleasure. He didn't even notice he had eaten more black-eyed peas as he was absently stuffing his mouth with anything on his plate.
Tucker cleared his throat and rose saying, "I've gotta go. See y'all later."
-----
As Reed and Sato walked back to the bridge together after their lunch, they had one thing on their minds: how to eliminate Ensign Partridge from the away team.
"...an impromptu target practice lesson that he'd accidentally walk in on?" offered Sato.
"No, too obvious. How about I just lock him in his quarters? I suppose the man does need to eat, though. Pity." said Reed.
"Is there any contagious disease we an expose him to?" suggested Sato next.
"Ah, biological weapons. Unfortunately, no, at least not without exposing ourselves." Reed sighed. They both stopped and crossed their arms over their chest as they thought. Reed then broke the silence with, "But, you know, I should send Partridge to Dr. Phlox to check the settings on the scanners for the readings T'Pol wants."
Sato grinned. "You're a cruel man, Lieutenant."
"I have my days, Ensign," confirmed Reed.
-----
"Hey, Doc, I'm Danny Partridge. Lieutenant Reed said you should check the calibration on the scanners before I load them in the shuttle," said Danny as he entered sickbay. He looked around and said, "Wow, Doc. Oh, cool you have a--"
"Don't touch that, Ensign," said Phlox as he removed Danny's hand from the bat cage. "It will only take a moment to check the scanners."
Phlox turned his back on Ensign Partridge just long enough to ensure the calibrations were correct. In the background, the Denobulan heard:
"Wow, cool, whoah! OW!" Thunk.
Phlox looked down at the Ensign who had a smile on his face even as he was saying, "Ooo, aaah, guuuh..."
-----
"Ooo, aaah, guuuh..."
The moans kept coming out of Ensign Partridge whose face was contorted into one reflecting continual sensual pleasure. Tucker was almost envious, but preferred to let nature take its course in these matters. He looked suspiciously at Reed and Sato who were standing in the corner trying to look innocent.
Captain Archer strode in and asked Phlox, "What exactly happened, Doctor?"
"I turned my back for a moment to check the calibration on the bioscanners when I heard Ensign Partridge falling. He's been injected with the venom of my Arana spider. It's never bitten anyone before, even when it escaped from sickbay the other day." Phlox shook his head in disbelief, but continued in his cheery tone, "I normally extract the venom once a week and use a microliter of it to treat patients. It has a neuropeptide that binds to receptors in the, well, the pleasure centers of the brain. In low doses it helps relieve distress."
"So, he's constantly feeling, uh, pleasure?" asked Archer.
"Oooo, aaah, guuuh..." could be heard in the background.
"It will wear off in 24 hours, Captain; he's in no danger. Ensign Partridge will feel very tired and drained, and certainly won't be needing shore leave for a while, but nothing he won't recover from. My spider, on the other hand, lost a stinger. It will take a month to grow back."
Reed said quietly to Sato, "You know, I'm beginning to sympathize with the spider. It was the same one that scared Ensign Moffet the other day at breakfast."
"I'll have to find a replacement for him on our mission," sighed Archer.
Tucker immediately asked, "Cap'n, did you forget...?"
"What? Oh, that's right," Archer said as he looked at Reed and Sato in the corner of the room. They WERE trying to look innocent, weren't they? "Commander Tucker you'll join us on the mission to the planet. T'Pol can handle things on her own up here. I'll just get Travis to intercede with Porthos."
Archer left and the officers emptied out of sickbay. Once in the corridor, Reed put an arm on Tucker before he could leave. "Commander, what was that about?"
"Not in polite company, Malcolm," said Tucker with a nudge of his head in the direction of Sato. Rather than give in to the suggestion, Reed crossed his arms over his chest in synchrony with Sato's movements.
"Spill it, Trip," Sato commanded.
Tucker had a sheepish look on his face. "The Cap'n and I had a bet."
"Regarding the two of us?" prompted Reed. Tucker nodded. "Go on."
"I won the bet so I get to go on the away team! See ya," said Tucker. Rather than make a quick getaway, Tucker felt the steely arm of the Armory Officer blocking his escape.
"What was the bet, Commander?" Reed asked quietly. Tucker looked between Reed and Sato.
Okay, Reed could be reasonable, but Sato looked like she was capable of murder underneath that sweet facade. He stood as far away from her as possible and said, "The bet was about whether ya'll had slept together by New Year's."
"WHAT!"
As Tucker ran off he said, "Well, you both did say that you fell asleep in the goose nest yesterday."
That twist of logic stunned the two officers and allowed Tucker his successful escape. Reed and Sato turned to look at each other.
"No mercy?"
"No mercy."
~~~~~
Archer piloted the shuttlepod while Tucker sat behind him in an attempt to keep a safe distance from Reed and Sato who had decided to sit together on the bench in the back. Tucker would throw wary glances at them occasionally. He would swear they were whispering about him and sending speculative glances his way. Some way, some how, when he least expected it, he knew he was gonna get slammed.
"What kept you so busy in the armory this morning? I tried to contact you twice, but your crew said you were too busy to answer," asked Sato of Reed. She had been miffed that Reed was trying to avoid her, but accepted the fact that the man would take a few wobbles before his brick wall finally fell.
Reed's sudden blush only served to arouse Sato's suspicions. He had actually been working on his present for her, but just said, "I wanted to make sure that I left everything in order. I'd hate to come back to find things in disarray."
"I see," said Sato. "Any ideas about Trip?"
"I think we should improvise while we're on the planet. We don't want payback to interfere with our mission. Just be patient, love," said Reed rather distractedly as he noticed Tucker throwing a quick glance back at them. He turned his attention back to Sato and noticed her smile. What did he just say?
The crew landed in the designated area and made their way to their destination. The village was nestled among rolling hills that presented a pastoral scene. As they made their way they were mesmerized by feminine voices singing.
Archer looked at his companions, "I think we can afford a detour to investigate the source. Follow me."
Reed was a bit disgruntled at being taken off their assigned path, but Sato just turned and beckoned to him. Of course he followed her. He was foolish enough to follow the woman even if she were leading him over a cliff. That was his problem. As they walked out of a grove of trees, they found the source of the song.
The small lake held turquoise colored water that reflected the clouds in the sky. Swimming in the lake were seven beautiful women. They had long, blonde hair and long, slender limbs that moved gracefully through the water.
Sato hated them on sight, especially when she noticed the men had stopped to stare. Well, actually, Archer and Tucker had stopped to stare. Reed, on the other hand, looked aghast and had turned his face away quickly. Was he really that shy? Then she took a closer look at the women's faces. That explained everything.
"They look like the sirens of Greek mythology," said Archer.
"They look like the girls on Miami Beach," said Tucker.
"They look like my sister," said Reed, and the other two men finally noticed he had his face turned away from the graceful creatures flitting through the water.
"You have a sister that looks like that?" asked Archer in a voice of disbelief.
"Almost exactly like that, Captain," confirmed Reed, still refusing to look directly at the lake.
"When do I get to meet this sister of yours?" asked Tucker while he watched the lithe forms swimming.
"When you learn to 'keep yer shirt on', Commander,'" said Reed, mimicking the Southern drawl with the last phrase.
"I always behave like a perfect gentleman," insisted Tucker.
"Dressed in nothing but your underwear, Commander?" asked Reed. Archer was just laughing at Tucker's discomfiture, so Tucker decided not to argue the point further.
"Gentlemen, I suggest we introduce ourselves. It's impolite to stare," said Sato. At least her Armory Officer wasn't ogling the women. Good boy. He deserved a reward for that.
There was a collective cooing, ah-ing and giggling as the party approached the mermaids. Archer cleared his throat and tried not to stare. The women all stood up with the water glistening on their bodies, although their hair conveniently covered any naughty bits.
"We're sorry to disturb you. I'm Captain Jonathan Archer from the starship Enterprise. This is Commander Tucker, Lieutenant Reed and Ensign Sato. We were on our way to your village when we heard you singing."
The seven blonde heads gathered together to giggle. Reed rolled his eyes. They even sounded like his sister. He just hoped they wouldn't start speaking in puns; he'd had enough of that yesterday.
The alpha female said, "Forgive us, Captain. We are expecting you. If you turn around we'll get dressed and introduce ourselves."
Sato couldn't understand why the women objected to having the men watch them dress when they were so eager to step out of the water after skinny-dipping. The phrase Ditsy Blondes kept resonating in her mind.
Another set of light giggles wafted into the air as the men turned their backs. Tucker got nudged in the ribs by Reed when his neck wouldn't cooperate, so the engineer whispered, "Look, they are NOT your sister, so lay off."
Reed in turn replied, "Interesting choice of words, Commander."
Sato did not turn her head and merely tsked. The veil-like garments the women were dressing themselves with did little to hide their assets. At least some opaque panels of material were strategically placed in the clothing.
"Turn around now," said the alpha, again amid giggles. She stood with regal posture as she made the introductions. "I am Lin, to my right is Vin, then Rin and Tin. To my left are Gin, Sin and Fin. She was the last."
"Please forgive us if we get you confused. You look so much alike," said Archer.
"We are sisters," said Lin. "Our family name is Suan."
Reed said quietly to Sato, "Here we go again."
-----
The Suan Sisters were very friendly and liked to frolic as they made their way to the village. They were buzzing around the men like little damselflies, constantly cooing and giggling, nabbing a strand of grass as they went and chewing on it. The one named Sin in particular had insisted that Tucker scan her in great detail.
Sin was aptly named, thought Sato. The only pleasant thing for the Communications Officer was that Reed was using her to keep the Suans from fluttering around him too much. The man had good intuition.
"They're very friendly," said Sato quietly to Reed.
"I'm trying not to imagine what their intentions are towards the Captain and Trip," said Reed. "Damn! Why do they have to all look like Madeline?"
"You think Jon and Trip will get lucky tonight?" asked Sato.
Reed took a quick glance to see four of the women converging on Archer and three on the Chief Engineer. Tucker was walking by Sin who appeared to have the common touch. Reed observed to Sato, "Well, Trip and Jon are neither married nor gay--"
"But the Suan Sisters don't know that," said Sato with a smile. "I think it's time for payback. Leave it to me."
The Suans had led them to a large house and as they entered, Sato made her request. "Lin, could I talk to you and your sisters? We have so few women on board our ship I'm just dying for some girl talk. Please call me Hoshi."
Lin giggled. "Certainly, Hoshi. In fact, we could help you do something with your hair."
"...and pluck your eyebrows."
"...and do your nails!"
"We have some lotion for your skin..."
"...and you can borrow some nice clothes."
"...and some perfume!"
"...and some make-up. Lots and lots of make-up," ended Sin.
What am I, a wreck? thought Sato as the Suan Sisters led her out of the room.
The men were then greeted by a tall blonde-haired Viking sort of male who appeared very pleased with himself. The man waved at the Suan Sisters, then turned his attention to the Captain.
"You must be the visitors we were expecting. I'm Rutger. I see you've met our Suan Sisters. Personally, Sin is my favorite. She can--well, I'm sure one of you will find out soon enough. Come inside so we can talk."
-----
Reed was beginning to get worried. They had not seen Sato for two hours and dinnertime was upon them. What could they possibly be doing? His question was answered when the Suan Sisters appeared again. They walked into the dining hall in pairs with the last being Sin leading Sato by the hand.
Reed was devastated. Sato was out of uniform and he was out of luck. She looked absolutely beautiful in the native dress of the women, the same filmy clothing with the strategically placed panels. Her belly button was taunting him again.
Reed was left speechless and immobile as Rutger immediately indicated that Sato sit beside him. Lin Suan put a hand to Rutger's arm and was shaking her head vehemently, but rather than let Sato go to the Starfleet officers, Rutger shook Lin off and insisted Sato sit next to him.
Sato frowned, but didn't want to upset their diplomatic mission. She turned to Reed, rolled her eyes, and shrugged. She hoped he got the message and would stay put. Sato certainly didn't want their Armory Officer making a scene. Tucker and Archer were distracted by Gin and Fin at the time, so took no note of Sato's dilemma.
Dinner was an ordeal for all of the Enterprise officers. Archer and Tucker, expecting their earlier welcome by the Suan Sisters to be continued, were disappointed to find that the ladies were now pleasant to them, but no longer flirting. Archer and Tucker kept exchanging confused glances while Reed merely sat quietly and coldly.
Sato, in the meantime, kept brushing Rutger's hand off of her thigh. She had intended to sit by Reed, but the local PooBah had spoiled her plans. She finally grabbed the man's pinky and jerked it in the direction it was not meant to bend. That finally got the message across to Rutger, who soon had Sin easing his pain.
Four of the Suan Sisters then performed a play to entertain their guests. The Enterprise officers had trouble following the story line, but were again mesmerized by the voices and graceful movements, among other things.
Once the applause finished, Lin stood to announce, "We've assigned some rooms on the third floor for you. I put your card key by your plate. Good night."
With that dismissal, Rutger shooed away Sin and made another advance to Sato. Reed abruptly stood up and left while Archer and Tucker spoke with Rin and Tin. Again the women were amiable, but not as friendly as they had been on their walk to the village. Archer and Tucker walked away together in confusion.
"I just can't figure out what happened," muttered Tucker. It's not like he expected any action--wait, yeah, he knew he was a horrible flirt, but the change in attitude of the women still bothered him.
Archer merely shrugged. "Let's just stay focused on the mission. Say, this is my assigned room, too. Guess they put the men together."
They walked in but saw no sign of Reed and only one large bed. Trip stretched and yawned. "I reckon Malcolm got assigned to another room."
"He's a big boy; he can take care of himself. Let's get some sleep. I'm still recovering from New Year's," said Jon.
He and Trip were both thinking the same thing. Malcolm was going to wind up with Hoshi. The Captain smiled at the thought. That would teach the Lieutenant to lecture him about fraternizing with crew.
The two old friends settled down to sleep as they talked quietly of shared memories. They needed to do this more often.
-----
Malcolm walked to his assigned room, disrobed and crawled into bed feeling lonely, confused and--no, he would not label it as jealousy. He was disappointed. At least he didn't have to contend with Ensign Partridge. Hoshi was a grown woman and capable of making her own choices. She obviously preferred tall, blonde Vikings. She owed him nothing. He certainly had given her nothing. He turned his back to the door and tried to find some sleep.
Hoshi was stumbling a bit on the high heels and muttering to herself about dumb blondes as she made her way to her room. It must be the planet, she told herself. Every human blonde she had ever met before now had had a brain. She'd had to resort to pulling Rutger's waistband out to dump the remainder of her cold drink down his pants to get him to cool off. Really, Hoshi had expected more respect from Rutger. She opened her door hoping she wouldn't be disappointed. She smiled when she recognized the form occupying the bed.
Malcolm just assumed it was Tucker or Archer, but then the perfume wafted his way. He rolled over to the direction of the door and saw her standing as the moonlight was streaming through the window.
"Hoshi? Are you alright?" The tone of Reed's voice changed when he asked, "Rutger didn't try anything, did he?"
Hoshi sat on the bed and put a finger to Reed's lips. "No, his ardor cooled off quite a bit."
"Oh." Malcolm looked at Hoshi expecting further explanation of why she was in his assigned quarters. Silence. "Um, Hoshi, why are you here?"
Hoshi smiled, "You remember you mentioned something about Jon and Trip being neither married nor gay?"
"Ye-es," said Malcolm. He was becoming quite distracted by the filmy clothing Hoshi was wearing.
"Well, I explained to Lin that Jon and Trip preferred each other's company," confessed Hoshi.
"You mean they think that--"
"They're a couple. They deserved it for making that bet about us. As if we were just dying to jump each other, really!"
Hoshi gave a little indignant sniff and Malcolm simply nodded his agreement. Right. No danger of Hoshi jumping him; she obviously had no interest in that regard.
"I also suggested that we were married so that you wouldn't feel so uncomfortable at having women who look like your sister trying to hit on you," admitted Hoshi. Yes, altruism was her middle name. Hoshi Selfless Sato, that was her.
"Ah." Malcolm nodded his head again. Of course, it all made sense now. "Oh, but that means--I'll sleep on the floor."
Hoshi merely pushed him back on the bed. "Don't worry, Malcolm. I'm really tired. I'm just going to put on a t-shirt and get some sleep. Look, the bed's so wide we won't even have to be near each other."
Malcolm frowned a bit, but then found he couldn't bring himself to do the proper thing and just leave her. He rolled with his back toward her and soon felt her settle down. Her soft breathing soon put him to sleep as well.
-----
That night Malcolm dreamed he was holding Hoshi in his arms. That was the good part of the dream. The bad part was dreaming that both Tucker and Archer were his brother-in-law. He was going to have a long talk with Madeline if she ever did meet his friends. Malcolm settled back into his dream--and settled his arms tightly around Hoshi.
*****