This is a joke. I do not own Mojang or Minecraft. Oh why did I agree to this Tony?
Cracks in the Dark
I was sitting with all the other stone, way back in a cave. I hadn't seen the light since the chunks had loaded. I was lonely, but safe. Mama coal always said that it was better to be alone, then with some cold heartless wooden pickaxe. They would rob you for everything that you had, and leave you with cracks all along your surface. I decided to pass the time by counting my pixels. There was a ton of them you see.
A few hours later, I saw light. I looked around, blinded by the sudden illumination, only to be frightened by what I saw. About a dozen blocks away from me, sat a torch. Mama coal told me about torches, she said that they were only carried by rapists. Strange men who would come at the dead of night and turn you to cobble with long pieces of wood.
Seconds later I saw a Steve. It was tall, nearly twice as tall as me. And in its hand, it held a pickaxe. It was a ruthless creation,and chilled me to my core. A sharp piece of white metal sat upon a thin, spindly piece of wood. The thing looked all twisted, as if it had drilled many blocks already. They I saw the man set his eyes upon some ores sitting next to me. He broke them immediately without a second thought. Then he stopped. What I saw next almost made me cry. The coal that had dropped from the ores had fallen down, and he couldn't access them. He brought the pickaxe close to me, and I heard it whisper "Hey girl. I don't have a silk touch, but my will is unbreaking, and my penis has efficiency V". He then rammed into me. It hurt, and oh god did it hurt. He aimed right for my crack, and particles of stone fell away. But then something strange happened. The pain went away, and was replaced with a different feeling. It seemed to be... joy. I suddenly realized how good it felt, and before I knew it I was screaming, but in happiness. Then I said something that ashamed me forever. I shouted "Make me your cobblestone!" and he started to drill me so hard. I came multiple times, thanks to his fortune enchantment, and before I knew it I popped off the wall towards him.
Because of that day, and my lack of self control, I now sit as a tile of floor. And every time a Steve walks over me, I feel regret. If only I held on a bit longer. I might of stood past his durability.
Well thank god that is over. R/R!
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