Disclaimer: I didn't vote for Sanjaya.

Van Cooper was an odd duck indeed—seated in an easy chair, looking a bit tired and haggard, his useless legs resting on an ottoman, a peach-colored skirt covering his useless legs. His friend Alan had notified their circle of friends of his sudden arrival, and they had begun to assemble—first Arthur and D.W., then Binky and Sue Ellen, then Alan's teenaged sister, Tegan.

"I said I'd tell you the whole story once I got my wheelchair back," said the big-beaked boy to Alan and the gathered kids. "So, where's my wheelchair?"

Alan's glare was one of suspicion. "I don't know where your wheelchair is," he replied impatiently. "I'd find you a new one, but they don't exactly grow on trees."

Van sighed dejectedly. "I don't want a new wheelchair. Unless…unless you can get me a pimped-out one with off-road suspension and…"

"Where's the Professor?" barked Alan. "You didn't kill him, did you?"

Van's eyes went wide with indignation. "No!" he declared. "I'd never kill a dog! I tried, but I couldn't force myself to do it!"

"Then how did you change back?" Alan demanded. "Who changed you back?"

The duck boy hesitated, his face sheepish. No one in the room dared breathe a word.

The silence was broken when D.W. turned to her brother and asked, "Arthur, what does 'pimped-out' mean?"

"Uh, it means…fancy," answered the aardvark boy. "Fancy and expensive, like something a pimp would drive."

"Cool," said D.W. "Maybe I'll be a pimp someday."

Troubled thoughts swirled in Van's brain. I don't know how I can say this. I didn't kill the Professor, but he's as good as dead anyway…

He earned a welcome reprieve when two girls strolled into the living room, Muffy and Fern. "Omifreakingosh," said Muffy, who once again wore the optical fiber dress that showed off a real-time image of her startled face. "Van? Here? In a dress?"

"Er, hi, Muffy," said Van bashfully.

Muffy put her hands on her hips. "You may be an honorary girl, but this is taking it a little too far," she chided the boy. "Wearing dresses is a privilege reserved for female girls."

"I can explain," Van assured her.

"Whatever," said Muffy. "I'm just glad you're back."

Sue Ellen, meanwhile, loosened her grip on Binky's fingers so she could touch and stroke the astonishing fabric of Muffy's dress with both hands. "It's fabulous," she marveled. "Where did you get it?"

Muffy yanked the pleats of her alien dress away from the cat girl's probing fingers. "Whoa, Nellie," she said. "You don't touch the dress, the dress touches you."

"Muffy's dress came from the planet Orelob," Fern informed Sue Ellen. "You know that. We all know that. She won't stop telling us."

Orelob? thought the orange-haired girl. I've never heard of such a place. This reality is so weird and confusing. Stay calm, Sue. Just nod and smile and pretend you know what's going on.

"Muffy, I don't think it's a good idea to wear that dress in public," Arthur cautioned his friend. "Somebody may try to steal it off your back again."

The monkey girl shook her braided head. "I'm on my guard now," she said confidently. "I never go anywhere unless I'm in plain view of other people. No one would dare try to take my dress—especially that horrible Mr. Gelt, after the lesson my daddy taught him."

Flashback

"Heed my warning, Crosswire," said the old rabbit man, clutching his cane with one hand and rubbing his sore jaw with the other. "I'll have that dress, or I'll have my revenge—on you, and your entire family!"

End flashback

Alan's voice cut through the pleasant conversation like a siren. "Let's not change the subject," he said. "Van's trying to tell us what happened to the Professor."

Who the heck is the Professor? Sue Ellen wondered.

Van timidly cleared his throat. "It was his idea, not mine," he began. "He said he had a plan to get me turned back into a boy…he told me to repeat the words…the magic words that would transport us to the chamber of the Unicorn Council…"

Unus Cornu Concilio, D.W. recalled, having once uttered the words herself.

"…but once we were there," Van continued, "he spoke to the Council, and announced that he was surrendering."

"Surrendering?" Alan blurted out. "What do you mean?"

"He was surrendering," said Van, "on the condition that I'd be changed back into my old self."

"But why?" said Alan earnestly. "Is he at war with the unicorns? Did he commit some sort of crime against them?"

"I asked them the same question," recounted the duck boy, whose voice was beginning to quiver. "They told me something I didn't totally understand…that their minds are protected from the Professor's powers, but it won't be long before they're not."

Flashback

The unicorn girl Vanessa lay trembling on the couch, convulsed by spasms and screams. "Whatever you're doing, it ends now," said Alan to the repentant-looking Shih Tzu. "Can't you see you're torturing her?"

End flashback

Alan's expression turned solemn as he remembered the scene. "So that's what it's all about," he mused. "And they're already starting to lose their immunity."

"But once it's gone," observed Arthur, "the Sentinels won't stand a chance against the X-Pets. That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Yes," said Alan. "But for the unicorns, it's a very bad thing. No wonder they want the Professor dead."

"Don't worry, Alan," said D.W., her eyes bright and hopeful. "We'll find your wheelie-dog, even if we have to go all the way to the end of the world."

The bear boy shook his head. "It may be too late," he said somberly. "If the unicorns have him, they'll kill him. Why would they keep him alive?"

A tear formed at the base of Van's right eye, streamed down to his beak, and dripped into his nostril.

To be continued