Hello! I've wanted to write this for quite some time - the idea of just everyday life in the Wizarding a World is a lovely and exciting one, to me anyway, and I wanted to who this through various newspaper stories over the years ... Firstly, just after atheThe Battle of Hogwarts, a certain Ms. Skeeter sets her quill to the page once more ... Quite light-hearted, and hopefully it will improve as it goes along. Thank you! Please read and review!

18th June 1998

' 'Hero's Heartache - How Perfect Potter Wallowed for A Year in Romantic Torment', oh this should be good,' laughed Ginny derisively, smoothing out The Daily Prophet so Hermione could read the story too.

'In this exclusive new extract from veteran author and acid-tongued reporter, Skeeter delves into the turmoil of the young heart, the agony and joy of fresh love and the jealousy which, Skeeter says, grew between two of the most important women in the young hero's life.'

'Oh, let me guess,' said Hermione, her voice dripping with sarcasm, 'the two of us were vying for Harry's attention, throwing away years of friendship in favour of a trashy feud perfect for the papers. Am I right?'

Ginny smirked, plucking a biscuit from the plate in front of them.

'Got it in one, my most hated enemy,' she replied nonchalantly, munching the homemade ginger newt almost lazily.

The pair of them were sitting at the kitchen table of The Burrow, alone but for Crookshanks' almost constant purring as he lay curled on Hermione's lap and the sleepy, half muffled hoots of Errol, who was drooping against the window frame, his feathers rumpled and dusty. From upstairs came the muffled thumps of Ron getting up, probably disturbing Harry along the way. Outside, the rain poured, sheets of it pounding the yard and creating a metallic clatter as it pummelled the inside of the rusty old cauldron which stood by the door. Hermione took a ginger newt, biting it quickly before it started wriggling; she knew it was only a charm, but eating food that wriggled, especially food shaped like animals, still made her feel queasy occasionally.

'Go on, then,' she sighed, 'spill the details, so we know what we're facing ... '

Ginny snorted. 'Oh, more of Skeeker's old guff ... 'Miss Granger, a cunning and wily girl many term a 'sneaky backstabber', keen to regain Potter's bruised and damaged affections after she had previously toyed with the boy hero's feelings ... has, over the year spent with Potter in the wild, been engaged in a bitter battle of flirtatious fortitude -' I'm sorry, 'flirtatious fortitude'?' squawked Ginny as Hermione let out an intelligent snort of mingled amusement and disgust, 'What does that even mean?'

'It means Skeeter's having to pad out a paper-thin chapter,' retorted Hermione briskly. 'Go on. I'm dying to hear how we're about to slit each other's throats.'

'Right, where was I? ... Oh yeah, 'flirtatious fortitude', here we are: ' ... engaged in a bitter battle of flirtatious fortitude with once bosom friend Virginia Weasley -' Virginia? VIRGINIA? My name is Ginevra! She better get that right in the final print of her trashy book, I'm telling you. Anyway.' Ginny rustled the paper crossly and continued reading, '... a girl who, some say, is too pretty for her own good, with a long line of ex-lovers ready to expose her vicious temperament to Potter, who, my sources report, has been torn between the two young vixens and is desperately looking for a way out.

But is the story so simple? With a bit of in-depth research, and a few well-spent Sickles at the local pub, I managed to procure exclusive information from a source close to Potter. Romilda Vane, a charming and stunningly pretty young woman -' Right, that's it, I'm done,' exclaimed Ginny, tossing the newspaper away in disgust. 'If she's interviewing Romilda Vane about Harry, then -'

'I wouldn't be surprised if Romilda Vane never said more than a small 'hello' to Skeeter and perhaps a few vague hints that we don't deserve to crawl in Harry's oh-so-mighty footsteps,' said Hermione, glaring waspishly at the article, which was topped with a moving photograph of Rita Skeeter, who kept winking and smiling up at them, her Quick-Quotes Quill clasped in her fingers. 'I'm by no means Vane's biggest fan, but I wouldn't mind betting Skeeter took her words and amplified their meaning somewhat. I don't doubt that - ugh!'

Hermione was staring in horror at the bottom of the article.

'What?' asked Ginny, 'What is it?'

'Harry Potter: The Boy Who Lied is set to be published on July 31st, to coincide with Potter's eighteenth birthday. The Daily Prophet is pleased to announce that Skeeter's all new in depth biography Snape: Scoundrel or Saint? is set to be released on the same day. Readers of the Daily Prophet can enjoy an exclusive sneak preview of Chapter Nine: Death Eater or Death Hater? in next Thursday's Prophet. Both the Potter and Snape biographies are available for pre-order via Owl Post.'

'On his birthday?' Cried Ginny, aghast.

'Yep. What a lovely, tasteful tribute to all the heroes of war ... ' the derision in Hermione's voice was palpable. 'Well, I guess most people know she's an old windbag, but still ... Perhaps a short sharp shock would do her some good.'

Ginny slowly began to grin.

'What did you have in mind?'

'I was thinking ... A special delivery of Skiving Snackboxes to arrive just in time for her book release, curiously altered so that she might just develop a hideous affliction of the skin which she most certainly won't be able to cure herself of ... Completely harmless and painless, of course, but somehow not quite how she might want to appear for her big day ... Maybe a brief stay in St Mungo's would make her hold her serpent's tongue for a while ... '

Ginny grinned. 'Hermione, you are quite the genius. Evil and ruthless, but a genius nonetheless.'

Hermione raised an eyebrow with an air of mock puzzlement. 'Why Ginny,' she said, her voice quivering with suppressed laughter, 'I don't know what you're talking about. We were merely discussing sending a delightful gift to a woman who did promise not to write any more awful things about me and Harry ... '

At that moment, Harry and Ron stumbled sleepily into the room.

'What are you two t-t-talking about?' yawned Ron, as Harry eyes them suspiciously.

'Nothing,' chorused the girls in unison, stealing a quick glance at each other. Would they carry out the plan? Probably not. But the news was always so much more fun to read together.

Thank you! :) Hope you enjoyed it, and please review to let me know your thoughts! :) Next up: A cluster of Puffskeins are curiously migrating and Sirius is highly entertained.

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