Just like the stars, you seem so close, yet when I reached out, you were so far away.

Now I remember why we grew apart. It was my fault, I put too much distance between us in fear. Whether it be because of my jealousy, my fear of loyalty, or my fear of falling in love again. It was all my fault.

I was terrified of falling too hard for you. Scared of the feelings that I didn't understand. My thoughts constantly of you and only you. I was scared of losing you, so I distanced myself so it won't hurt as much when you leave me. So it won't hurt as much when I look into your eyes and realize that you may not love me how I love you.

I was scared of the things I felt. The pain of wishing you were with me when I was alone. The feeling of warmth and butterflies when you look at me. The excitement of when I knew I'd get to see you again. The anticipation of waiting to see you, whether it be at my house or at school. The smile and looks that you would give me, making my heart melt. When my heart would seem to simply stop when you would call my name or when I would catch you looking at me. I was scared of the hope you gave me.

The pain of wishing you would talk to me in person. The longing of staring at your back wishing you would turn around and give me that smile. Wishing you would give me a single word or signal of acknowledgement. The hope that one day we could be like we were.

I was scared of the commitment, the idea of being with only one person for who knows how long. With all the other people I dated I never had that worry, I never worried about losing them because I could replace them. But I know, that I can never replace you, the idea of losing you makes me feel like my heart is breaking slowly but surely.

Knowing I only have one chance to love you and after that no chance of redemption. Unlike with everyone else, for once there is risk, there is something to lose, something to miss. How terrifying. That idea haunts me, knowing no matter how hard I try I won't be able to forgive myself or forget you, let alone stop loving you.

I see you talking to him, as if he is everything. As if he is the Sun, moon, stars, and the sky to you.

I can hear your voice, it makes my heart beat even faster, wishing that voice was directed towards me, but I know it is rare for that to be.

Now here I sit, staring at the back of your head waiting for you to turn around and love me.