Cancer
Cancer. A terrible word, that sounds so much less terrible than it actually is. I went to the doctor that day, just to get a normal check up. And that's when the doctor told me that I had Cancer. Just that one word for that one second, made my heart stop beating, and my world stop spinning. Besides my parents, Eli couldn't know. I couldn't do that to him. Not now at least. Everything was going perfect. I couldn't die knowing that I was the reason he couldn't be happy again. I couldn't bare to live with the guilt. So when I was out of school for a week, I said it was the flu. It would be an excuse for the physical damage. But the emotional damage, was far too visible.
So that day when Eli came to visit me in the hospital, my day dream was trashed and reality was staring at me straight in the eyes. That look on his face. Hurt. Broken. Was worse than having or experiencing Cancer. His eyes filled with tears as he saw the reality of what was really going on. "Why didn't you tell me?" his hurt voice questioned, now sounding angry. "I couldn't do that to you, after all that you've been through," I whispered staring him in his emerald eyes. I could tell that he didn't believe me. He just stood there and looked at me. After looking him in his now vulnerable eyes, I honestly didn't know what to expect.
He stood there, and just started to bawl. I felt so helpless. I flinched as I grabbed the IV and ripped it out of my arm, now standing up trying to comfort Eli. By this time he was pacing the room back and forth, hyperventilating. "Eli, you need to calm down," I whispered. I wrapped my arms around him, as he cried into my shoulder. It was a scene that you would see in one of those sad lifetime movies. Though the experience was much more painful in real life. I didn't realize how weak my legs had gotten, until they started to shake, threatening me to fall. Eli soon realized, and carried me to the bed. He was now sitting at the foot of the bed trying to regroup himself. I was now crying as I was watching him.
"Please lay down Eli, Please," I begged hopelessly. He now laid on the bed so that he was facing me, and he reached his rough hand in my hair, pulling a curly lock of my hair behind my ear. "Eli, I," I stammered as he interrupted me pulling my face close to his. "How long?" he asked sadly as he looked as if he knew the answer. I didn't speak. My eyes did all the talking. And his now did all the crying. "Why didn't you tell me" he asked in between sobs. "I-I," stammered. And he got up off the bed, leaving my world crumpled at the sound of his foot steps leading towards the door.
I followed him out of the door, now filled with rage. "What the hell Eli, You find out the girl you love has Cancer, and you just walk out on her?" I deadpanned angrily. "Look at me!" I screamed following him towards the parking lot. "What do you want me to do?" he screamed back as his voice cut husky patterns of hurt through her mind. "Do you want me to cuddle you and pretend like your not dying?" "Huh?" he yelled. By now he was pacing again. He stopped, mid pace, and let out the most agonizing scream, and then began sobbing. Right on the sidewalk was the love of my life crying because of me. He was so broken and hurt. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't know what to do after the fact, so I just ran.