HANAMI
"What's going on with Inoue?"
The dark-haired tomboy glanced up at the question, surprised by the asker as much as the enquiry itself.
"What do you mean? She looks alright to me," she returned off handedly, before eyeing him fully, "Why are you asking anyway? Why do you care if something's going on with Orihime? Don't tell me you sought me out during club hours just to ask me about Orihime?"
The orange top had his face in profile to her view, not looking at her but rather outside the window, the familiar scowl on his face.
"Don't make such a big deal out of it," he returned, still not looking at her fully, "It's just that she …she doesn't seem like herself lately. Heh…what am I talking about anyway? You know her best. I'll be going then. Forget I asked."
He started to walk away and she stared at his back, wondering what the hell was going on? Were those two in sync or something? First Orihime had been the one to recognize the difference in him as it neared the anniversary of his mother's death and now he seemed to have tuned in on her slight change at this time of the year. Just what the hell was going on?
"Oi, Ichigo…do you realize what time of the year is coming up in two days?"
He stopped at her question, the bag slung carelessly over his shoulder moving slightly as he arched his neck around to stare at her.
"Hanami," she replied, "And that's why she's like that. She always gets like this around this time every year. I guess it's like the way you get around that time as well."
He didn't need her to clarify anymore than that. He seemed to think about what she had said for a moment before he started to walk away again, giving her a little wave as he did, partly in thanks and partly as an indication that he understood.
She shook her head. Wonders would never cease to amaze her.
Or so she thought, until she found herself outside of her friend's door some time after.
"Eh? A trip?"
"Yes, silly. A trip so stop acting as if I suddenly asked something weird," Tatsuki replied, patting the ginger head affectionately.
"But…But…. Don't you have stuff to do with your family?"
"And I did them," Tatsuki replied, "For the past five days, I've allowed myself to be dragged around in search of the perfect show of blossoms and the ultimate hanami. Today, I just wanted to hang out with you and get away from my crazy Dad …or is it that you don't want to hang out with me?"
"No…No," the girl stammered, waving her hands comically in heartfelt denial, "It's just…"
"I'm not taking no for an answer, Orihime so you might as well resign yourself," she stated firmly, cutting off any excuse from the other girl.
"I just don't want to …but if you really want to hang out then I won't say no. I'll be ready when you come by then."
"That's a good girl," Tatsuki returned with an approving smile, "I'll be by around noon. Make sure you're wearing your kimono and ready to go."
"Alright," the ginger-headed girl returned, "I'll be ready."
She stood at the door a while later, long after her friend had left, staring down the road she had taken. She was unsure she had made the right decision but she really hadn't wanted to hurt Tatsuki's feelings when she had seemed so happy. She always had problems with this time of year and she didn't want that to ruin anyone's fun so she usually just stayed at home. She would be lying though if she said that she hadn't always wanted to go to one.
She turned and closed the door behind her. Maybe this wouldn't turn out like she thought…
And it did- it was nothing like what she expected.
Tatsuki came at noon as planned and picked her up. She was ready and waiting, anxious, nervous and still doubting if it was a good decision but ready to try it out nonetheless.
"So where are we going exactly?" she asked after a while.
"You just wait and see," came the reply.
Orihime got a bit curious with that reply and even more curious as they headed to the bus stop. Tatsuki did not offer any explanation, regardless of how she asked and so she gave up and settled for just following after all.
They got on the bus and she soon got absorbed in the scenery. It was really nice weather. The air seemed so alive and vibrant. She inhaled deeply and sighed.
They got off with everyone and by then she realized where she was. If she didn't then she would have been blind. There was a big sign that said 'Yasaka Shrine' at the entrance after all.
"I knew you always wanted to come," Tatsuki replied to her unasked question, "I remembered from when you told me about how you felt about this time and I thought you'd like it if we came here today."
She turned to see the other girl's expression only to find herself engulfed in a warm hug.
"Thank you, Tatsuki. I'm so very happy that you remembered…happier that you brought me here but happiest because you're here with me…thank you so much."
She felt the shoulder of her kimono dampen a bit and when the girl raised her head and released her, she felt stupid tears burn at her own eyes from the look of joy in the teary brown eyes staring back at her.
"Ah…you've started the water works and the day has only begun. You'll be flooding the whole place in a few hours then," she replied smartly to cover up her own awkward moment, offering the teary girl a napkin.
Orihime dabbed at her face with the offered napkin and smiled.
"I can't help it. I'm so happy that Tatsuki-chan remembered and brought me here…I…"
"Then, let's stop dawdling at the front and go see what the shrine is all about then."
"Hai!"
They hurried along with the flock of people going up to the shrine, Tatsuki holding on to her lest they get separated in the crowd. They made it to the top safely however. As soon as they got there though, Tatsuki stopped and almost immediately, a hand clamped over her eyes.
"Guess whooo?" a voice sung in her ear.
She smiled recognizing the voice immediately, as well as the game.
"Rangiku-san!"
"Ah, she figured it out."
"Who wouldn't?" came a terse reply.
"You're just being mean 'cause I ate your dango, Taichou," Rangiku pouted as the hand was removed.
The darkness cleared up and her breath caught. It wasn't just Rangiku-san or Toushirou-kun. Kuchiki-san, Abarai-san, Keigo, Mizuiro, Ryo-chan, Michiru-chan, Chizuru, Sado-kun, Ishida-kun, Ikkaku, Yumichika, a girl that slightly resembled Keigo and…Kurosaki-kun- they were all there as well. She felt tears well in her eyes.
"Ah, my Hime looks so good in her kimono," Chizuru started as she hurried over, "It makes me wonder what she's wearing under…Ooff."
Ikkaku neatly sidestepped the flying girl. She landed slightly behind him.
"I see you're as sprite as ever, Arisawa," she stated getting up and wiping her bloody nose, "Even in a kimono, your kick doesn't lose power."
Tatsuki let her leg fall, neatly fixing her clothes and ignored the girl. Why the hell had she even bothered to let her come?
"Well, since we're all here, let's go. There's a ton to see and if we want to get to Maruyama Park, we'd better get going," she stated then.
"I want to see the shrine first," Rukia interjected, "I was reading up on it and it sounded really fascinating."
There was some murmuring of agreement and discourse following that. During that time, Orihime reached out and grasped Tatsuki's shoulder.
"I…I…Thank you- for getting everyone together…"
"Ah…you shouldn't thank me. This…"
She stopped in mid-sentence as a pair of brown eyes met hers over the ginger head.
"You're welcome," she said instead.
Nothing else was said after that. There was too much to see and do. Yumichika and Ikkaku disappeared at the games area; Rangiku hauled Toushirou off to win her a fish, Keigo was fighting with his sister on where to go next and Rukia was baiting Renji to join her in some kind of challenge. The scene may have seemed strange to others watching but it filled her with such a warm nice feeling to see everyone having fun and to know that they were here together, everyone today…
After all the games, food and tons of prizes, thanks to the overzealous competitive streak that had come out, especially between Renji, Ishida and Ichigo, they finally moved on to the park. As soon as they entered, they all paused. A slight wind was blowing and sakura petals were floating everywhere. It was dusk now and in the orange glow, the scene was just breathtaking.
"Kirei," she breathed in awe.
"It's beautiful," Rukia agreed, "I've never seen anything like it."
The ground was also full of fallen sakura blossoms, making the grass a bed of pink. She eyed it with a bit of sadness, feeling near to tears once more but trying valiantly not to spoil the fun by crying.
"You can go, you know?" Tatsuki encouraged pushing her forward, "Today is your day. You can do whatever you want."
She stared at her, not really understanding what she was saying, yet not daring to believe.
"Go on," she encouraged with a smile.
That was all she needed. With a whoop of joy she set off for the trees, joining in happily with the children already frolicking in the blossoms. The children, surprised at first to see a high schooler playing in the blossoms, got over their surprise fast enough and soon they were all laughing and dumping blossoms on each other.
"Looks like fun. Want to join, Taichou?"
"Do I look like a little child?" came the reply.
Matsumoto laughed.
"But you are," she replied and promptly dragged him off, even though he struggled all the way.
"Ah, it does look like fun," Renji commented, before looking at Rukia.
She was looking longingly at the group and he knew she was barely holding herself back from joining them. She had never really had much of a childhood and he was sure she wanted to just go play as freely as the children in front of her. But she wouldn't go. She was always like that, especially after going into the Kuchiki clan. Keeping up the name was hard on her. He sighed softly.
"Ah…what are you doing, baka? Put me down this instant! Abarai-Fukutaichou!...Renji…the hell! Put me …oomph."
Tatsuki couldn't hold back the laugh, seeing Renji throw the half pint over his shoulder, taking her, kicking and screaming, to the group playing, only to drop her in a large pile of blossoms. When she sat up, spitting out blossoms, it was hilarious. Her hair was filled with the little pink flowers and even from this distance, she could see the anger in her eyes.
"I swear I'm going to get you back for that," she stated standing, "you'd better run away while you can."
As the red-head backed up a bit, Tatsuki felt Ichigo come to stand beside her. She looked around and saw that the rest of their group had gone off to a quiet spot and were actually getting ready to play some kind of game with Keigo and the others. She turned her attention back to Ichigo, and, following his line of vision, saw him looking at the laughing ginger-headed girl.
"Why did you set this up?" she asked him then.
He didn't look at her and for a while, she didn't think he was going to answer her until he stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared up at the sky.
"It's hard enough as it is… living alone… it isn't something I'd wish on anyone but then holidays…. I guess I understood. I got the same way after my mother. But I had Karin and Yuzu…and even that damn annoying old man. "
Tatsuki turned her attention back to the scene. Both Rukia and Orihime were chasing after Renji and Toushirou was glaring, hands folded, at a laughing Matsumoto even as she approached him with a borrowed bucket of leaves, petals and grass.
Looking at the scene, she understood. Orihime didn't have a family and even though she had invited her to join her own family, she had never accepted, always not wanting to be any trouble. But here, in this group, she did have what was the closest to a family and Ichigo had understood that.
Rukia now had Renji passively under her, dumping as much grass, petals and anything she could get her hands on, on him. Toushirou was now glaring murderously at a heavily laughing Matsumoto, trying to dust the debris off his light blue kimono. The kids started to go away, their parents having started to round them up and, seeing everyone else having fun, Orihime headed to the little hill above them. Her mind was full of things and sitting up there would probably help to clear her head.
Before she had always declined to go out on days like today. She had thought she would have felt sad or ruined it for everyone but she was surprised at how much she'd laughed and how much fun she had had. Now, in the tranquility of the view overlooking the park, she couldn't help but feel a little guilty…
She shivered in the cold air. It would have been like this if they had actually gotten to go- they would have had so much fun; he would have tried to win her stuffed toys…she would have been laughing…A tear slid down her cheek. She wiped at it.
She shouldn't be sad. She was happy. She was with everyone and they were happy…then why was she crying? She shivered again, wrapping her arms around herself for warmth. Something warm and black fell on her shoulders, the warmth seeping through her. Surprised, she looked up.
"Kuro…Kurosaki-kun?"
"It's getting cold," he said, "You should have put on a coat before coming up here."
"But won't you get cold? You'll only have…"
"It's alright," he replied, waving off her concern.
She looked down at the small stream below.
He watched her a little, noting how small she looked enveloped in his outer coat. Had her shoulders always been so small and fragile looking? Seeing her always smiling and happy, he might not have noticed but tonight it seemed she was almost breakable.
Her sudden laughter grabbed his attention.
He frowned.
"What's so funny?"
"I can't believe you wore something so similar to your shinigami outfit," she finally managed to get out.
He gave a small smile at her easy amusement before his familiar scowl returned.
The girl settled on the grass, fixing her kimono around her before hugging her knees and resting her chin on them.
"It's really pretty, isn't it?" she asked after a moment.
"Aah," he replied, flopping down beside her.
They were quiet for a while, oblivious to the rowdy games going on behind them or Chizuru getting hit back by Tatsuki from interrupting them.
"I'm happy that you guys are all here," she said again after a while, "I am…yet I can't help but feel sad too…its stupid isn't it?"
He looked over at her.
"That year, he promised to take me here…It would always get busy at his work around this time but he promised me that definitely, we would go. We would play all the games, eat everything and then we'd play in the blossoms… I looked forward to it for weeks but we never did get to go. I tried not to think about it but every year around this time, I'd see other kids and their families or I'd hear the people in my class talking about what their families would be doing. I guess I started to feel isolated. Tatsuki asked me to go with her family but it just never felt right. I always felt like I would start crying or something and I would ruin it for them…but I still wanted to go."
He listened, not looking at her but at the half moon above them. This story was too similar to his own. After his mother died, holidays were never the same. The first Christmas was horrible and the next few after that- Yuzu cried and Karin would lose her appetite and he had never been able to feel the same joy in the holiday as he had before. They hadn't even bothered going out to the Hanami celebrations that year or the one after. Going to school and hearing of other children and their mothers, seeing families in the park…it had been hard too.
"It's stupid but even though I'm happy to be here with everyone, I can't help but feel guilty too. He should have been here too, it should have been me and him…I keep thinking that and then I feel guilty. I thought those feelings would go away but sometimes they're just there still…"
It wasn't so stupid. How many times had he felt guilty for just being alive when his mother had died? How many times had he felt guilty at seeing an old movie his mother would have liked or seeing something she would have liked and that she wasn't there anymore to enjoy it? There had been quite a few of those times and even though he was trying to move past his own guilt about her death, he still had those moments once in a while too.
"You know, Nii-chan said Hanami is the best time of the year- except for winter because we get to build snowmen and play in the snow. He said it's because it's the only time of year when beer cans turn pink, there are strange weather forecasts on TV and train stations are covered with pictures of flowers. It's the only time when everyone would slow down and stop and take notice of something as simple as flowers, he said."
She was quiet again, suddenly realizing who she was talking to and feeling guiltier, especially as Tatsuki's words echoed in her head - "When we were nine, his mother died. He was still a goofy, clingy mama's boy. But… she died."
"Gomen ne Kurosaki-kun. I …"
"I don't think he minds."
She stared at him.
"I think he understands and that he's happy for you, that you finally got to come here. It might not have been with him, but you got here with another type of family. It's alright that you feel like that sometimes. It's normal I guess. You really don't have to push yourself to get into things if you don't feel like it. Thinking like that though…it's what makes it harder to get through it."
She stared at her slippered feet.
"I know I should be happy but knowing that and…I can't seem to…"
"Do you think he'd be happy that you are like this?"
The sudden question shocked her. Would Onii-chan be happy if she was like this? She thought about it and a hundred scenes flashed through her head- her and her brother in the park, her and her brother cooking, doing homework- and in all of them, he was smiling, smiling because she was smiling. She sighed and dug her chin further down.
"No."
"It's alright to feel like that- like being happy on days like this is wrong…but what matters is that you don't dwell on it. I don't think he would like to see you sad, especially over this. Being sad…it doesn't suit you."
He thought he had said something wrong when she suddenly turned those brown eyes full force on him. A dark rush of color tinted his cheeks and he turned away, glad she couldn't really see.
The lantern behind her flickered with the sudden breeze that sent sakura petals everywhere.
She reached out a small hand and a single petal fell in it.
"Kurosaki-kun knows too, doesn't he? All about the 'brevity of life and frailty of existence' associated to these petals? And yet, he's able to do everything he does…"
He picked up a few and dropped it in her palm.
"Life is short… but that doesn't mean you shouldn't live it to the fullest."
He closed her hand, and then covered them with his own. She wondered if he realized what he was doing but it didn't seem so.
He suddenly seemed to realize and blushed again, hastily trying to pull away his hand but she grabbed it with her other hand, covering it with her own.
"Your hands…Kurosaki-kun has really warm hands."
He stared at their intertwined hands, then at her face only to realize she was blushing as hard as he was, though she wasn't looking at him either. He wasn't sure what to say to that though, so he turned away and said nothing, leaving his hand where it was.
"It's really very peaceful and beautiful," she said now.
"Aah," he managed to get out.
A silky strand of her long hair brushed across the arm she held and he looked over at her. In the light, she looked almost ethereal, like something from a story. He recalled that frightening thump his heart had given when she had appeared at the top of the steps with Tatsuki, dressed in her pretty white kimono with pink sakura blossoms printed all over it. He shook his head mentally.
"Arigatou, Kurosaki-kun. Thanks to you, I feel all better now."
"It…It was nothing," he found himself stammering.
She laughed.
"Kurosaki-kun is always so modest."
He looked down at her smiling face, at the genuine happiness that exuded from her. Tatsuki's question came to him again. Why had he planned all of this? Did it even matter, he thought then. All that mattered was that it had been worth it. Seeing the sakura petals was nothing like seeing her smile- that was what he liked best. It was his own special hanami.
"We should go back," she said finally, sounding as reluctant as he felt to do so.
He shrugged.
"When they are ready, they'll come and get us. In the mean time, let's just continue to enjoy the scene."
She gave him a happy smile, and tucked his coat closer around her with her free hand.
"I'd like that," she returned.
His response was to squeeze the small hand in his lightly, his gaze studying the now star filled sky.
OWARI
Note: Hanami hana means "flower" and mi is "to look".