This very, very short story is between Distraction and Before the Fact, so you might want to go read at least one of those first.
Chagrin
It is over now, I have won.
I gaze up at the sky. From down here, in the gloom and the miasma, the stars seem even more beautiful and extraordinary than before. 'You're a star', I think. One of those stars. Up there, far away... I used to be up there. With you. But now I'm down here, so far away. I close my eyes, and sink away. I fall into the shadows, into myself. I can't handle this; I can't stand what I've done. I cannot forgive myself for this. I need blankness, numbness. I need to forget.
Does it make a difference that my victory, my glory, was ripped away as soon as I received it? I did savor it though, my win. I was so happy that I didn't care who I had hurt to get there, not even you. But not anymore, now I regret it. I'm sorry, please, I'm so sorry... I never wanted to hurt you. Please, try to understand, you would have done the same. Do I believe that? Somehow, I cannot. I know what you would have done, or do I? Still, it does not change what I did. What you could have done, it would never be worse than what I did. I can't believe I lost everything. It just takes one wrong decision, one fatal mistake. Now I'm alone, and I have nothing. I'm sorry, I need to hide, and I need to forget this. My shame, my burning hatred of myself, it hurts as if I was destroyed with real fire. My last wish, if I truly deserve a wish, is that you know I suffer just as you do. And that I will regret my choice forever, that I hate myself for what I did to you. I need you to know why. I want to let you know that I'm sorry, so incredibly, terribly sorry.
I wasn't sure if I should post this as a separate story or not, because it's 'after the fact' so to speak, but it's kind of short...so I just stuck it here. Hope it's not too confusing.