A silence lands on my audience as the band stops playing. "Welcome to our kingdom," I proclaim to a group of excited tourist Ricks, and point at a large oil painting on the wall. "Let's give a hand to this utopias founding father," I say and take the lead with clapping. The crowd follows my actions obediently. They feed my master's ego, for a cheap holiday. They see the great gain, thus they're leeches in my eyes. Alas, the master admits that a pitfall of being just vain enough like him, is in boasting like this.
The alternative would mean we wouldn't ever hear of the outside world, here in this gold gilded cage. Thus it is not a wonder that even still after leading the planets only hotel establishment for five years, being the middleman on such a powermove, raises my hairs. I was raised to be humble and wary of having this implied power.
I proceeded to walk them to the lobby of the hotel and help my brother's at the counter, give our guests their rooms. A mix-up on our registration system is slowing us down, and as compensation I call for discount coupons to be handed out by our lobby boy. Most Ricks haven't noticed a thing and obliviously move around, creating chains of collisions. Lobby Boy drops one, and while picking it up, he bumps into a client. The gold toothed roid-monster kicks that boy so bad the younger lobby boy is called in for replacement. Clients around this more naive brother become docile, donning the flustered boy with appreciative smiles. Booze and innocent Mortys make all Ricks happy. It's always the fastest solutions to all our customer service related issues. The young boy gives some Rick's the 'I'll give you one f-for tomorrow too, but don't tell my ma-manager,' move, giving the Rick's the feeling they successfully manipulated him to their bettering. Really this is a tactic we are taught in pre-training. The way to seduce a Rick is to make him feel like he is the master of the universe. This Morty knows his stuff, he's a smart boy, top of his class.
It is later in the evening, and I sneak a break in a back alley from the hotel kitchens.
I turn a corner to hide from view of my working brothers. A narrow alley with a single garbageshoot, not a single window towards this hidden side of the building. I pull out a cigarette, and use my nearly empty lighter. I look at the simple tiles under my feet. They've been swept free of all dirt by some lower ranked Morty. I feel bad for letting the ashes fall on his meticulous work. I bend down, and use my handkerchief to wipe it clean. Have to remember to ask someone to get it washed. I need this invaluable tool to keep cleanliness up. Every fingerprint I spot will be wiped.
I walk over to the garbageshoot, and dust my ashes down it, by lifting the lid just a tad. I stuff the dirty piece of cloth in my back pocket, and try to relax and enjoy my break.
A moment of blissful silence, of just me and my empty queue of thoughts.
Nothing ever lasts, and as I stand hidden by the pipe, I stump out my fire, and crouch. I stole the cigarettes from a Rick whose heart failed. As he had laid there beneath me gradually colder, I decided it was a bonus well deserved. But it is not a bonus worth getting punished for, so my lips are sealed as I try not to hear what they're saying.
A Rick who I recognise as our final year teacher of etiquette, says:" You see child: the bad is an opportune way to grow your understanding of good." My instincts ring alarms , but he can't be in on a conspiracy like that drunk Rick tourist once speculated, as he says it with such deep conviction. Perhaps me and my brother are both fools.
I yearn want to believe this lie. Black and white is easy to tell apart.
The boy he was talking to sobs out a muddled response. The door is opened and just before it is shut I hear teacher Rick tell the boy: "Some Rick's just show affection that way."
I stand in the dark long after they're gone. My breath is getting frostier. I can think of a good enough reason for my absence. I'll say I had a headache, and took a quick nap. Our policy forbids being anything less than perfect in front of clients. My secretary Morty can handle that tiny spring cleaning he had enthused of for weeks. He's real eager to please. I was to help with the the computers. It's ok. No matter how high my rank, I will never be important enough to be sorely missed.