Jacob Stone was at a loss. He was a man who needed to keep busy. If he didn't, the voices in his head were far too loud to deal with. And there was something that was shouting inside his head right now and nothing he was doing was silencing it.
The Library had been quiet these past weeks, almost as if it knew that they had someone important to focus on. Apep and DOSA had been oddly quiet and that seemed to add a sinister weight to things. But on the other hand, it was just as well. Everyone was concentrating on Cassandra and her recovery. He'd honestly never seen Flynn so focused on anyone other than maybe Baird. The head Librarian's usual hyper energy was solely focused on getting Cassandra better and supporting the others when the stress got too much for them. Stone was glad to see that Flynn had turned that corner, being the friend that they all knew he could be.
Cassandra was getting better every day. She was having trouble coping with her improved gift, but she hadn't turned it on very often, deciding to heed the advice of the others and concentrate on her physical health first. She'd had major surgery, that recovery was the first step. But as she got better and better, Stone felt himself staying further and further away. It might have been because the last time he was over, he'd heard Cassandra tell Baird that the first thing she wanted to do when she'd gotten the all clear for the door was to see Estrella. And he'd felt his heart drop to the floor. He'd shut his love for her up as tight as he could, but it kept screaming at him. And he didn't know what he was going to do.
He knew that Cassandra was attracted to a person, not a gender, they were close enough, or had been close enough once, for her to share that with him. But that was the problem, she'd slipped away from him over the last few months. For the longest time he didn't know why. But then the surgery happened. And during the hours of waiting for word, praying that she'd live, he'd realized two things. That he'd not kept his love for her as bottled up as he thought he had. And that in the heat of the moment, during an argument while stranded in a hotel full of Frost Giants, he'd let his real feelings show.
Her subsequent actions after that, told him all he needed to know. She didn't love him like he loved her. He was pretty sure she did have some love for him, but it was the same love she had for all of them. He was family, a friend. And she didn't know how to let him down easy so she pulled away.
The thing was, he didn't want her to let him down easy. He didn't want to confront her. He didn't want to ruin what they did have. When the doctor had let them enter her room after she woke up and he'd seen those beautiful blue eyes open and alert, he'd been struck by one thought, he couldn't live his life without her. And now he didn't have to. They could spend the rest of their lives side by side in the Library. Even if all they ever were were friends.
He could deal with that. Cassandra's happiness was the most important thing in the world to him. If Estrella made her happy, then so be it.
He'd get over her. Or at least over the disappointment that she'd never be more than his dearest friend. Someday, some day he'd find his own love. Someone like Cassandra, who knew the real him and liked him anyway. Someone that between them they didn't have a cargo plane full of baggage. That baggage had doomed him and Cassandra from the beginning. He had no regrets though in the end. He'd love Cassandra for the rest of his life. But he'd be what she needed, not what he wanted.
He had an opportunity now to focus on something else other than his heart. He needed to do this, for himself, for Cassandra, for the Library, possibly for the very world.
Baird hadn't been really able to give him more training as focused as she'd been on both Flynn and Cassandra. So he'd gone to Flynn asking if the Library had any contacts for him. This morning the offer came. The Monkey King himself had offered to train him in Shangri-La. Two years ago, he would have laughed at those words. But now, he understood the honor that was being offered him.
It was the perfect opportunity to put physical distance between him and Cassandra. Let his mind focus on his future. Reshape her role in that future. He could be gone for months, it was perfect.
He'd taken the offer and now there was just one thing left. He'd said goodbye to the others, now he just had one last trip to make.
He knew what she'd say. She'd be delighted for him. So happy that he'd have the opportunity to learn and grow. She'd always been encouraging of him to embrace his life as a Librarian.
What she wouldn't ever say was the one thing his heart wanted more than anything else. She wouldn't ask him to stay.
And in time, that would be okay with him.
I might revisit this with Cassandra's thoughts on his leaving but for now it's complete. And no, I don't think the ship is dead, I just think they're moving to another stage in their relationship, taking a step back, breathing, growing. Become better friends in their new lives. I hope you liked this.