Never Gather Rosebuds after Dark
By: The Writer
Rating: PG
Category: Josh/Donna
Declaimer: I doubt anybody like Aaron Sorkin would come around here looking for people to sue for borrowing his characters, but just incase you don't know, THEY AREN'T MINE!
Author's Note: This takes place some time during Season 2, before the MS crisis and Mrs. L's death. This story is about something that would probably never happen on the show, but I'm going to write about it anyway. (I'm not sure if Donna's birth date was ever disclosed or if Josh really has a coffee maker in his office, but let's pretend.) So, anyway, here we go… Please Read & Review
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I sat at my desk late one Friday night. It was long past the time when all of the interns and other people whose names I don't know had gone home. I wasn't even sure what time Donna had left, which was quite an odd thing. Usually she comes in to say good night and make sure I didn't need anything else. But tonight I had looked up a few hours ago—was it nine or ten?—to the startling realization that her desk was empty and her computer turned off.
So there I sat, staring at my monitor, willing the last few words of the letter I was writing to come to me so I could go home—or, better yet, go get a drink. The quiet in my section of the West Wing was deafening.
You can see why, when I heard a loud crash, I jumped up and grabbed for something to defend myself with. My keyboard was the closest thing at hand, so I picked it up and began carrying it towards his doorway…until I realized the limitations of defending oneself with an object still attached by a cord to the rest of a computer.
Deciding I was enough of a man to defend myself without the petty use of a weapon, I stepped out of my office and almost tripped over the body that lay at my feet. It moaned, "Ouch. I'll report you to the PCAAA if you kick me again…"
"Donna?" I knelt down next to my assistant and helped her sit up. She pushed tangled blonde hair off of her face and smiled at me. Her eyes had the same glossy-shine I've seen many times in the mirror. "Donna, are you drunk?"
She squinted at me, her words were slurred, "PCAAA…Prevention of Cruelty Against Assistants Association." She jabbed a finger into my chest. "They know about you…oops." Donna lost her balance and flopped back onto the floor, laughing.
"I don't think there is such a place." I put an arm around her waist and helped her to stand up. She leaned heavily against me as I guided her into my office and set her in my chair. "Just stay there while I make you some coffee."
"It was about time we traded roles…wee!"
"Donna, what are you…" I abandoned the coffee maker to watch my assistant sit in my chair and spin herself in circles.
She stopped spinning and grabbed her head. "Joshua, tell the room to stop spinning…it's not listening to me."
If only I had a camera…if only I had a camera… "How much did you drink?"
"More than you could." Donna laughed and hiccuped.
I rubbed my face. How can Donna still manage to argue when she's drunk? "Which would be…?"
"Two…three…six shots of something? Or was it one? And then I had a bottle of beer…or was it wine?"
"Donna, beer comes in a small bottle and wine comes in a—
"I know, I'm just teasing." She laughed loudly. "I'm not drunk, you know, just a lil' bit tipsy…a little…"
"How did you end up back here?" I asked, handing her a steaming mug.
Donna blinked, tried to focus on me, gave up, and closed her eyes. "A taxi…a nice man got one for me…wasn't that nice? I was going to go home…but I thought you owed me."
I pushed a pile of papers to the side and sat on the edge of my desk. I looked at my assistant. Donnatella Moss? Drunk? Those words never seemed to go together. But here she was…and what was I going to do? Let her sleep it off here? Drive her home or take her to my… No, no, that's no good. I couldn't…I wouldn't…But…
Suddenly she sat up and wailed, "I'm twenty-eight, Joshua!"
I my fingers through my hair. "Okay…"
"No! It's not okay!" Donna moaned, rocking back and forth on my chair. "Today's my golden birthday and by now I was supposed to meet the man I was going to marry!"
I. Can't. Breathe. Take this like a man, Lyman, take this like a man. Ha. Yeah right. I'll be sly, that's it, sly like James Bond. "Maybe you have met him."
Donna cocked her head to the side, her eyes clearing a bit. Oh no. Now I've done it. What will she say? "Like Joe the pizza guy or my mailman?"
I'm going to shoot myself. Right now. Bam! Dead. If I had a gun, that is. "Yeah, maybe…"
"Then why hasn't this man told me?" she asked.
There is a good response to this question…there is a good response to this question… "Maybe he doesn't know." And that wasn't it.
She looks a bit disappointed. "Oh."
"Or maybe you don't know."
"Oh, I know, Joshua."
"You would know or you do know?"
Donna stood up and walked towards the doorway. Damn it! She's walking straight…who gets sober in twenty minutes with one cup of coffee? "Good night, Josh."
That's it? That's it! "Donna, wait!"
"What?" Donna turned around, looking as hopeful as a…a…a… A good simile eludes me at the moment. She just looked very hopeful, all right? Yes! I am a Fulbright scholar! I really am!
"Happy birthday, Donna." I took a step forward and kissed her…on the forehead. It wasn't the right time. I'm sorry. She still is my assistant and we are standing in the White House and…and…you should never gather rosebuds after dark.
Donna smiled at me and left. I swear I heard her whisper, "Maybe he doesn't know."
Maybe I don't. Maybe I do. Maybe I do and I'm not going to tell. I did tell? Well, that's just your opinion, now isn't it? Maybe I have a plan. What? You didn't think I had a plan? How could I, Josh Lyman, the Deputy Chief of Staff, the graduate of both Harvard and Yale (thank you very much) not have a plan?
Well, I researched rosebud gathering and I have come to this conclusion: Never gather rosebuds after dark. They (the flowers) have this thing that they will only open when the sun's out and, trust me, they're much nicer looking when they're open. There's a certain step-by-step process that must be followed or else the flower will not bloom.
Are you following me? Good. 'Cause I lost myself a few sentences ago.
So, you can see, I already had it all planed out. I even have a bouquet of flowers in mind. And I will, of course, make sure they were gathered during the day. I can't wait to see the look on Donna's face…she has even less faith in my romantic abilities than you do. But I can be a downright Romeo when I put my mind to it. Just wait and see…
(Probably) The End ~ Please review!
Note to any readers of
The Political Engagement who recognized my pen name: I really truly am at work on the next scene! Keep an eye out and expect it up in the next few days! Thanks.