So.. I wanted to write a thing. Takes place just after 9x14, Captives.
Dean sat there in silence, drowning out with those headphones of his. He was just so damn sick and tired of..what, exactly? The world? Being undermined by his own little brother? Heaven? He dared not to open a beer, because he had realized that it just wouldn't help- it only helped a bit, but it never was a great therapy for him. Of course, he always knew..but whatever helped to pass him by would help, right?
Not right….nothing was ever right. Nothing would ever go fucking right.
"It's okay, Dean." Castiel, the angel of the lord appeared beside him on the bed, his head leaning lazily on the shoulder of the emerald-eyed one as best he could without moving his headphones.
Dean grunted and ignored him, looking straight ahead and listening to the music. Did Cas just say.. it'll be okay, Dean? Isn't that what Dean said when his father always needed reassuring, when the one who wasn't supposed to be capable was helping the latter? It'll be okay, dad.
He looked over to Castiel after a few moments, who wasn't leaning on his shoulder anymore. He was there, looking at him with the same blank, dumb expression on his face as always. But it was different- not pity, maybe..? Maybe sadness?
After a few lingering seconds, Dean looked forward again, ignoring Cas once again.
In return, Cas crawled onto Dean's lap, and Dean felt awkward, but he kept his head in place and averted his eyes to the walls behind them. They both stayed silent, and as Castiel tilted his head to the side in curiosity, lifting Dean's jaw up with soft touches with the tips of his fingers. This caused Dean's eyes to lift up, making sure he continued the same expression.
Cas made a slight smile, taking Dean's headphones off slowly. "Dean..I realize it's your life, but..these headphones are having a negative effect on you."
Dean rolled his eyes and grunted. "Whatever, Cas."
"I'm being quite serious, Dean. You're too busy drowning out the world and what's happening around you. Please.. I don't like to see a righteous man be so ignorant to the wonderful world around him. It's not fair, honest." Cas rambled on, and Dean continued to listen, although he somewhat grew impatient with what Castiel was saying.
"...How would you know?" Dean looked away, crossing his arms and smacking his lips.
"It seems you have forgotten I was once human and I have been around longer than humankind." Cas said somewhat matter-of-factly, messing with the headphones.
"..Go to hell, Cas. I don't really give a shit about life at the moment." Dean grumbled, glaring at him in those blue eyes he adored. He pondered what he'd just said; did he care? If he did..he wouldn't be wearing those headphones. Right? He needed to talk to Sam, acknowledge Kevin's death for good, and just to hang out with Cas. Do something positive instead of being pessimistic. Something. Something had to be done- and it couldn't be weed, alcohol, or music. It couldn't- wouldn't happen like that this time.
Cas rolled his eyes with a shaky huff, cupping Dean's face in his hands. It was odd, for the fact that he was so used to Dean shaving his face, it just wasn't smooth there anymore. It was all scruffy, more scratchy than his own. "You're right. You don't. You were dealing with shit like this when I first met you, remember? You don't care about your life, but you care about the idea of caring about your life. You need to stop being such a greedy, prideful man, Dean.."
Dean grunted, taking his face out of his hands with a sharp turn of his neck. "Because you're such a great help, Cas. Where were you when I needed you?"
"I cannot come too often unless you call for me, Dean.. I always want to be here, enjoying and basking in life with you. But alas, the world cannot be such a perfect place for an angel. I'm not even supposed to be here, don't you understand that? I want to help you-" Cas drifted off, eventually setting his hands back on Dean's face and rubbing his thumbs across it smoothly. This time, Dean didn't move, he just watched his facial expressions. Sometimes he went to uncertainty, sometimes frustration, sometimes..a feeling of loss or regret.
"I shouldn't have to pray to get you to be by my side, Cas." The green-eyed man mumbled, slowly and softly to get the message out. "..You know me too well."
Cas nodded. "That is true, but sometimes I can just tell you don't want me around."
"I always want you around." Dean bit his lip, lifting his hands up to Castiel's and pulling his wrists down. "But..occasionally you can be an asshole. Or clueless. I always want you here with me, and you saying I don't is clueless. You need to realize sometimes there are more things than friendship."
"Our relationship is toxic."
Dean grinned, rolling his eyes. "Very true." It was, and Dean never realized Castiel would be the one to bring up that point. "But… I need you here with me, Cas. I need you, and I've said it once, and I'll say it in the voids of the veil. I need you with me."
"Dea-"
"No, Castiel. I need you here, when I'm fucking trying to avoid the worst parts in my life. If you didn't realize that, you wouldn't be here right now, straddling my lap. Seriously. Grow the fuck up." He growled, unable to lean up to grab the headphones he oh-so needed.
"I came because you need to open your eyes. Life is beautiful. Expand your world.. and grow the fuck up." He mimicked Dean's low tone, glaring at him in what was anger. Why couldn't Dean realize that he needed to open up his senses? Mourn over Kevin's death. Scream at Sam. Anything. Anything than sit around with headphones and listening to Billy Squier.
"Now that's bullshit," Dean grunted, looking away. "Life has never been beautiful, not for me...what's the point in expanding that?"
"You expanded for me."
"You were different."
"How so, Dean?" Cas tilted his head, looking confused from his words. "I was just that angel who pulled you out of Hell. You didn't want me around, but I stayed, and years later you're begging for my help secretly. You want me, but you don't want me. You hate me, but you can't bring yourself to hate, love, or do anything super emotional to anyone- not even your family, not even me. So how am I different? You said I was family. I'm no different to you than Kevin was."
"Haven't you been listening?" Dean interjected, grabbing Castiel's hand and rubbing his thumb against his hand. "I care about you. If I didn't, I'd be making up with Sam instead of talking to you.. Cas.. you have to help me. I'm a goddamn mess."
Cas sighed, looking at his hand with a slight smile. "That is true, Dean Winchester. Which is why I cannot permit you to own these headphones."
"..Excuse me, Cas?" Dean's face turned into a fiery glare, piercing into Castiel's. But Cas was smiling slightly, he could just tell. That dick.
"I'm taking these headphones from you until you earn them." Cas started, flipping them between his hands.
"You're not my mothe-"
Cas glared at him, lowering his head. "If I recall correctly, you will not defy against someone whose power is as large as the Chrysler building. Now to let me finish; I don't believe these headphones will help with anything, Dean. They are isolating you. I know you don't give a damn, but it's better this way.. trust me, please." Castiel demanded everything he said with a sharp, but crisp tone, looking sincere the whole time. Of course, it pissed Dean off, but it was better than nothing. "You have to trust me, you have for years. It's been too long, it's.. been too long to lose your view of me. I understand you respect me, but you're also my friend. You must do both."
Dean rolled his eyes and grumbled the whole time, and twice trying to snatch the headphones, but Castiel moved his arms away in precise motions. "How do you know I won't listen to that iPod?" He tried to be sly and bring up a very good point, but it was fruitless to Cas's answer.
"The pink iPod of doom? I hope you know, I realize all you have is one Billy song and all the rest is all Air Supply. You know, your guilty pleasure music? I highly doubt you would, as the cool guys say, jam out to that." Cas set the headphones around his neck, not putting the ear section over his ears.
Dean stayed silent, glaring at him again. How dare he think he had the right to do this?
"Please, Dean. I'm your friend." Cas offered a small smile, grabbing both of his hands and rubbing them like the human was before.
"You're not acting like a very good one at the moment." He mumbled.
"I know, Dean. I know. But it's better this way," Castiel started playing with his fingers, intertwining them with his own. "Now I'm asking.. please, Dean?"
"No."
"Dean, p-"
"Go die in a hole, Cas. I'm done with you. Do you hear me? Do you need me to scream into the void now?! I need you to talk to me, me as Dean Winchester, the righteous man that's your best friend. Not a pity party or a beacon of hope. Now I don't want your help if you're just going to piss me off and make me regret myself to stop buying alcohol. I rely on this music now, now I'm begging you please. I need Cas, not the angel of the lord. And since you got your grace back I've been done with your shit."
Cas's face softened and he looked down at his hands and released. "That's nothing a friend says to a friend."
"No matter how much you believe you're being a friend right now, you're not. You're being God's little slave, the father you love more than your two favorite humans. And that I say is hypocrisy, and therefore- get away and give me back my damn headphones."
"No." Cas growled slightly, crawling from him and standing next to the bed, hands wrapped around the headphones lazily. "You will never get these headphones until I see fit, Dean. Afterward you'll understand."
Dean groaned, standing up to face him and creasing his brows. "What did you say?"
"You won't defy me, Dean. You're smarter than that, and you realize if you get me mad only you could stop me, which would be pointless considering you'd be against me." Cas said back, defensive and throwing the phones on the bed.
Dean's eye twitched in anger, moving slowly to sit on the bed. "You're a sinner. Get away from me before I attack you."
"You won't."
"Who the hell says I won't?!" Dean yelled, getting up and stomping to his face, taking his new trenchcoat in his hands in a swift motion, face inches from his. "I won't refrain from getting these headphones back in this little game of yours, Castiel."
Cas looked at him. "You can't harm me, and even if you tried, you couldn't. You know fighting against me is useless, Dean. There's no point in violence."
Dean moved his arms, the side of his right one digging into Cas's chest and the other by his neck. "You will give me the headphones."
It was until glass broke that Dean had the last straw, almost punching Cas in the face. He couldn't bring himself to do it, for obvious reasons, and Cas stood there in shock.
"Dean! Stop this at once! It's just headphones, and I refuse to fight you-"
"That's because you're a pussy. Give me back my damn headphones!" He growled, holding the lamp in his hand.
"You refuse to punch me! All you're doing is breaking things!" Cas replied back, half calm, but half hurried, standing right on the edge of the bed.
"Cas, I'm dead seriou-!"
Cas opened his mouth, mumbling something aloud but Dean couldn't understand what it was.
"What-?" Dean asked, looking confused. What was happening? Cas just mumbled things, things he couldn't understand at all.
"Enochian. I said you can have your headphones, as long as you don't break anything else." Cas said, standing still with his average blank expression.
"Deal." He replied simply, placing his foot on the ground to stay completely still.
Cas disappeared, headphones on the bed with the iPod. Dean smiled and walked to them, laying on the bed and putting them on.
"CAS?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
Cas giggled and appeared before him, smiling widely. "It's the sound of Jimmy Novak making love to his wife."