Nothing In The 'Verse
One-Shot: Panda Power
NOTES: This one-shot takes place after the final episode from the main Nothing In The 'Verse storyline. If you haven't read it yet, please do so first, as things will make a bit more sense.
Inbound to Persephone.
Caliope Grant blinked her eyes, coming awake slowly to the tune of high-pitched and rapid-beat music. One of the genres of ancient Earth-That-Was tunes involved such renditions of otherwise normal music, often in a language similar to Mandarin but different enough to render the lyrics incomprehensible. Cali was the only one aboard the Fortune's Favour who could tolerate it, much less enjoy it, so it was relegated to her personal unit now propped up on her endtable and used as an alarm clock.
She sat up, looking around blearily, before slapping her unit to silence it. She stretched with her arms above her head and yawned hugely before settling her eyes on her pride and joy, a meter-and-a-half tall stuffed panda bear. "Mornin' Mr. Pickles!" she said with subdued cheer.
After the mushroom incident, she had realized that she had neglected to name most of her pandas, be they stuffed or posterized or other such forms. She resolved to rectify that immediately, though she'd known right away what her favorite one would be called.
As she woke up fully, she swung her bare legs onto the ground, wincing at the cold metal deck. One of these days she was going to get a carpet or mat or something of the sort. She'd always forget all about it as soon as her feet were shod. Mebbe I need ta get a notebook or somethin', keep it nearby ta take notes on. Help me 'member stuff.
She was immensely pleased with herself for such a jingcai (brilliant) idea, forgetting that she'd had the same notion several times in the past.
Cali stood and held up the hem of her tee shirt, cautiously giving it a sniff. Yep, needs washed. Slipping it off and tossing it into the pile across the room, she gave herself a sniff as well. Nope, I'm good fer 'nother day.
Humming contentedly to herself she grabbed a fresh baggy white tee shirt from her clean pile, noting that pile was getting significantly smaller than the dirty one. Laundry time, soon enuff. Gotta 'member to get that done today. She frowned to herself, standing with her hands on her hips. How am I gonna 'member that fer sure? Grinning at her sudden flash of ingenuity, she scooped up the dirty pile and tossed it on her bed. There, now I ain't gonna be able ta get ta bed none without washin' 'em.
She dug around her bunk to find a relatively decent pair of coveralls. Her beloved panda-patched dark brown ones were rather crusty and caked in weeks-old grease. Her Kaasan had forbade her to wear it again until it was cleaned, claiming that the stench was overpowering everyone at the dinner table. Weren't that bad, else Feather'd complain. She cocked her head to the side. Hmm. Wonder if'n that's why she wuz holdin 'er nose last time with me in th' engine room? Thought mebbe she'd let out a stinky one or somethin'. Wait, what was I doin'? Oh, right! Gettin' dressed. Don' go getting distracted none, gotta big day today!
She hummed to herself contentedly again as she continued her search. Today was her Kaasan's birthday, and the Favour was grounding on Persephone. All of the younger girls, her two sisters as well as Rain's wife Feather and her cousin Em, were all going out to the marketplace on the far edge of Eavesdown Docks. They were making an excursion of it and she was almost giddy with excitement at the prospect.
She gave an exultant shout as she finally found her pair of tan coveralls hiding under the bed. She tugged mightily and finally freed it from its prison of old tools, broken-down electronics, and miscellaneous panda accessories.
If a person were to enter Cali's bunk and mistake it for a mad scientist's robotic panda workshop, they would likely be forgiven.
Coveralls on, panda hat on, workboots secured... Wait, this don' feel right none. Right, socks!
Another few minutes later and Cali was finally ready to scamper up the ladder from her bunk. As soon as she emerged she could hear music coming from the bridge. What lyrics she could make out had something to do with drinking whiskey and dancing by a lake all summer long in someplace called Alabama. Musta been some fancy shindig nation back on Earth-That-Was.
She craned her neck around the corner to see if she'd have the opportunity to see her Kaasan dancing as was her wont, but she was pleasantly surprised. Not only was she spinning across the deck with wild abandon, she had her wife Lori in her arms as well. The two were giggling like teenagers as they held on to each other tightly and tried not to bump into the consoles.
Cali snickered to herself, withdrawing towards the galley. It made her heart glad to see the two having fun. Her Kaasan had been through such a hard time of it since her Mom died. She still got a funny feeling in her chest whenever she thought of Mom. She missed her, always, missed the way she cooked and laughed and always had fun stuff for her and Rain to do. Crafts and art projects and strange experiments that often involved kitchen ingredients used in odd ways.
It had been a long time since she lost Mom. But she knew she was still around, watching over them. And she knew her Mom still lived on in both her and Rain, even Em who everyone said looked just like Mom did at that age.
But more than anything, she remembered her Mom fondly when she heard Kaasan laugh. It reminded her of good times past, both far and recent. And that's when she really knew her Mom was still around, in the laughter of her family.
It made her all warm and fuzzy inside, thinking of how lucky they all were to have Lori come along.
She was almost to the galley when she heard the music cut off abruptly and her Kaasan speaking in a somewhat breathless voice.
"Sorry Control, almost missed th' outer marker, weren't payin' attention none. This's Firefly transport Mermaid's Song requestin' clearance ta land at Eavesdown Docks."
Cali hesitated, frowning. Mermaid's Song? "Oh, right, we're disguisin' ourselves nowadays," she reminded herself. Since their activities on Osiris, of which she'd played an integral and completely huaidan (badass) part, thank you very much, they were using different transponders to keep a low profile. Especially this close to the Core.
She skipped onward into the galley to see what was on for breakfast. Her sisters Rain and Sara were present, along with Feather and Aunt Kelly, munching on what looked to be some sort of crunchy cereal. She halted and peered over Sara's shoulder. "Um, what's that?"
"Mornin' to you too, meimei," the petite brunette smirked. "It's called granola. Pretty good, actually."
"Looks like rabbit food," the diminutive mechanic declared skeptically.
Rain raised her spoon up. "Wanna taste?"
Cali leaned over and sniffed the spoonful. "Eww. No. I'm good."
The auburn-haired woman who shared the engine room with her snorted amusedly. "Yer loss. I'm takin' yer share."
"Be my guest," she replied generously. She wandered over towards the kitchen area. "What else we gots fer breakfast?"
"This's it, meimei," her pixie-haired sister replied, smiling.
"What? Who's turn wazzit ta make breakfast?"
"Well, baobei, last night you said you would take care of it," Kelly replied, her eyes twinkling in amusement.
"I did?" Cali looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Nope, ain't ringin' a bell none. If'n I did, I'm sure I had a better notion than rabbit food, though."
"Well, we ain't gots the time now," Emily declared as she walked into the galley. The small but curvy blonde woman was wearing shorts for a change and a tight halter top that showed off her waistline, trim and lean after many months of tai chi workouts with most of the other women on the ship. Cali always thought about joining them, but it was just too gorram early for that sort of shen jing bing (insanity). It'd be nice to be in better shape, though. Wait, what were we talkin' 'bout? Think back, Em walked in an' said...
"What ain't we gots the time fer?" Cali asked.
"Breakfast, hon," Emily said patiently. "Ship's gonna land soon, an' we needs ta get goin'!"
"Right!" she cheered. "We gots an adventure today!"
"An' yer gonna stick with us, right squit?" Rain warned.
Cali looked at her, affronted. "'Course I am. We're gonna all have fun t'gether!"
Fifteen minutes later the Favour, or Mermaid's Song as it went by for now, was securely landed and awaiting her cargo. Everyone but the five younger women would be staying aboard the ship, though Kaasan warned them all to stay in touch.
"Yer such a worrier, Dani," her redheaded wife chuckled as the pair saw them all off from the cargo bay ramp. "They'll be fine."
"'Course we will!" Cali said cheerily over her shoulder. "We're a buncha niubi (fucking awesome) gals, ain't nobody gonna mess with us none!"
The five laughing women headed out across the docks in high spirits. They only made a few stops right at the edge of the ship berths, as the merchandise was generally both of higher quality and cheaper price further into the warrens that made up Eavesdown Docks. Cali did persuade them to make a quick detour to pick up some sort of sugary pastry to fill her stomach, that was being peddled by a streetside stand.
"Can't figure out none how ya c'n eat that gou se (shit)," Rain sighed as they walked along.
"Yao wo (bite me)!" Cali replied, powdered sugar spraying from her mouth as she spoke. "This's delicious!"
"For the love of Buddha, Cali, chew yer food 'fore ya talk!" Sara protested, shielding herself from the sugary onslaught. "What arya, ten or somethin'?"
"She insulted my deliciousness," Cali grumbled, taking another large bite.
The women walked along, enjoying the sights and smells and colors of the streetside vendors. Cali finally finished up her pastry, licking the sugar off of her fingers. "Know who else woulda 'preciated that? Lori. She gets me an' my food."
"Well, ya gots a point there," Feather mused. "Aunt Lori's gotta sweet tooth almost as bad as yers."
"Ain't nobody gots as bad a sweet tooth as my meimei," Rain snickered.
"Got that right," Sara agreed.
Cali snorted, blowing some leftover sugar from her lips into the air. "What is this, pick on Cali day?"
"Every day is pick on Cali day," Rain snarked, looping her arm around her sister's neck. "'Cause yer just so gorram adorable."
"Ew! Ain't adorable none!" Cali protested, trying vainly to extract herself from the sisterly hug. "You take that back! I'mma ferocious huaidan (badass), y'hear?"
The other four women laughed heartedly as Rain released the youngest of their little group. "Sure y'are, meimei," Sara chuckled. "'Specially with a wrench in yer hands."
"Gorram right," Cali said, trying to gather her dignity around her while adjusting her panda hat back on her head.
Before long they finally found themselves within the bustling marketplace. It seemed to Cali as if half the population of Persephone was there. She could barely see over the shoulders of most of the people. She looked at the others, smirking slightly. Only Rain and Feather were taller than her. Both Sara and Em would have an even worse time.
"Gorramit," Em complained, as if hearing her thoughts. "This's gonna suck chou maniao (stinking horse piss)."
"Just stick t'gether an' we'll move 'tween the stalls," Rain said, her hand grasping her wife's firmly. Cali looked at their interjoining hands bemusedly. It still took her some time to remember that her jiejie was a married woman now. She never figured her for the marrying type, as much as she hated getting close to other folk. Gotta admit, though, her an' Feather make a good couple. She firmly pushed to the side the notion that there was somebody out there for everybody. She was most certainly not, as much as Sara tried to insinuate, a romantic. She just liked seeing people happy. And so what if they just happened to be couples that made each other the happiest.
"'Sides, I ain't gotta worry none 'bout findin' anyone," she snickered to herself as she trailed behind the others. "Already found my best companion, an' that's me. I'm niubi (fucking awesome) all by myself."
"You say somethin' meimei?" Sara called out over her shoulder.
"Nah, just musin' out loud," Cali chuckled. Sara nodded and turned back, but Cali caught sight of something over her older sister's shoulder that looked really colorful and sparkly.
"Oooh, shiny!" she exclaimed, cutting through the crowd. It was difficult to even move the few meters across as the crowds were getting more dense by the minute. Finally though she squeezed between one very portly gentleman wearing a fancy suit entirely too warm for the day and another woman dressed in clothing that was entirely too skimpy to be out in public. Must be one a' those fancy women who sells themselves. Ain't gonna ever figure that out. Why'd someone wanna sell their bodies fer sex? The whole idea of sex was, quite frankly, revolting to the teenager. She paused for a second, realizing that in a few short months she'd be turning twenty and at that point no longer able to call herself a teenager.
Eventually Cali gave herself a shake. "What was I doin'?" She turned around in a circle before spying the stall with the sparkly cloth. "Right! Shinies! Guys, check this out, think Kaasan'd like any of this?"
She turned in a circle again before she realized the other four women were nowhere to be seen. "Gorram irresponsible," she huffed irritably. "How am I s'posed ta protect 'em if'n they walk off like that?"
She sorely missed having a communicator. Uncle Keith didn't allow her to carry one anymore after she'd lost the last two. Ain't my fault fer th' one on Osiris, we were busy bein' xiong jiaos (handsome heroes). An' the last one, I still think he never done gave it to me. Prolly just lost track of it an' fergot he never gave it to me.
"Well, now what," she grumped. Upon closer examination, the cloths in front of her seemed to be spools of material, not shiny scarves or clothing like she thought, so those wouldn't do.
"Guess I'll keep lookin', and hope th' others catch on up t' me," she decided. She was tired of fighting crowds, however, and thought perhaps the going might be easier down some of the side streets.
Twenty minutes later, Cali was definitely out of the crowds. Problem being, she was no longer in the marketplace, either.
"Now how d'ya figure that," the pigtailed girl exclaimed. "Why they gotta make a marketplace so easy ta lose?"
She looked to both sides, hoping for some sort of inspiration, before her eyes landed on a small storefront just up the street. She quickened her pace once it became obvious what the storefront in question was.
"A metalshop!" she squealed happily. She pressed her nose up against the window pane where there were all sort of trinkets and sculptures, as well as the more practical fixtures and tools and such things.
She was in nirvana.
Skipping cheerfully, she entered the shop and headed towards the front counter. It was more of a workbench, really, with a wizened old man hunched behind it, working on some sort of clockwork mechanical contraption. Along the wall next to him and behind him were various tools, both large and small. Some of them were obviously well-used, likely by him, and others were for display or for sale. She eyed a particularly large wrench with admiration. Betcha I could make a dent in some Reaver's head with that lil' beaut!
"Hi, mister!" the diminutive mechanic piped up.
The man jerked upright, startled. "Oh, sorry miss, didn't see you come in! My name's Don, an' this's my humble shop. Welcome!"
"My name's Cali, an' I'mma ship's mechanic!" she replied cheerfully. "I'm lookin' fer a gift, my Kaasan's birthday is today. C'n I look 'round, or d'ya gots anythin' in particular I could get her?"
"Hmm, well lessee..." the old man mused as he got up from his stool, groaning slightly. "What izzit yer Kaasan does?"
"She's the Capt'n!" Cali replied, pacing alongside the man as they headed into the depths of the shop. There were racks and racks of various items, many of which she'd never seen before, and some of them she couldn't even fathom a use for. And that in itself was a remarkable fact. She was loving this shop more and more. "Oh, an' she's a pilot, too. Useta fly in the War, y'know."
"Did she now..." He stopped at one rack that was filled with miniature figurines. "These are some of my older works, but see if'n they might be of use."
"Hmm. Ain't sure 'bout this one, or this... Nah, she'd think that was silly... Oh! Hey, is this...?"
Don picked the small metal sculpture up and examined the bottom. It was quite intricate, fitted metal parts of such small size that it almost seemed as if it were the real thing, just shrunk down enough to hold in one's palm. "Here, see if'n you c'n read it, my eyes ain't what the used to be..."
Cali leaned in, squinting, and then let out a cheer which almost made Don drop the item. "Oh, sorry mister Don. Yep, this's perfect! She's gonna be pleased as pie!"
As they walked back towards the front, Cali noticed one particular item she'd missed previously. She laughed and snatched it off of the shelf. "An' this one's gonna be fer me!"
Don led her up to the counter and began to wrap the items up in thick brown paper. Cali counted out the platinum coins into his hands, pleased with the inexpensive price, all things considered.
She stayed for a few minutes to chat with the old man about working with metal. She was fairly proficient with the tools in the workshop that was nestled within the Favour's hold, but this man was truly a master craftsman, and she wished she could stay all day and perhaps pick up a few pointers.
Their conversation was interrupted when four young men walked in. Don looked up at them nervously and leaned over towards Cali. "Listen, little miss, you should get goin', I need ta deal with these here folk."
"Nothin' doin', we ain't finished talkin' shop yet!" Cali protested. "Here, I'll just look 'round yer shop some more, mebbe I'll find some more gifts fer my family."
The man looked as if he might protest, but Cali had already wandered off. He turned towards the four tough-looking men as they loomed menacingly over his workbench.
"You missed yer payment again," the bigger one stated.
"I know, I'm sorry," the old man replied meekly. "I ain't had enuff left over. Business has been slow."
"If'n ya want protection, ya needs ta pay up. Y'know how it works."
By this point Cali had wandered back over as she'd been listening in to the conversation. The four toughs noticed her interest and turned to encompass her in their threatening circle.
"So what's yer deal, then, ni zi (little girl)?" the leader sneered.
"I wantcha ta leave this nice old man alone," she replied calmly.
The four gang members broke out in raucous laughter. "Izzat so?" one of the others snorted. "An' who's gonna make us, huh?"
"You ain't even armed, lil' biao zi (bitch)," the leader grinned, looking around at his friends who were all sharing in his condescending humor. "Whatcha gonna do?"
"Deng yi miao (hold on a sec)," she replied cheerfully, walking over towards the wall next to the workbench. "D'ya mind?" she asked Don.
"Um, sure, whatever you want," the old man replied nervously.
Grinning widely, Cali snatched the large wrench she'd been eyeing before, whirled around with it, and slammed it up against the leader's head.
The thug's eyes rolled back and he toppled backward, felled like a tree.
The other three stared at her incredulously. One of them finally reacted, reaching into his waistband to pull out a concealed pistol. Cali didn't give him the chance as she swung the wrench around again, slamming it into his forearm. The sound of his snapping bone was audible to all of them, and he staggered back cursing. She took another step towards him and swung low this time, hitting him square in the knee. He collapsed, howling in pain, to land right on top of the leader.
The other pair by this point were eyeing the diminutive braided and pigtailed girl as if she were a demon from the ancient tales, come to life before their eyes.
"Take yer huobans (buddies) an' qu nide (fuck off)!" she yelled over the noise of the fallen man's screaming.
The other two wasted no time in complying, grabbing their wounded comrades and hauling them quickly outside, scurrying down the street just as fast as they could.
Cali walked outside the shop to make sure they were on their way. "Ya don' ta ma de gen (fuck with) the Panda Queen none!" she declared in a ringing voice, the wrench hoisted overhead like an avenging sword.
Snickering to herself, she headed back inside and carefully replaced the wrench back on the wall. "Sorry 'bout that. My sisters an' I, well we just don' like bullies none." She turned towards the proprietor who was staring at her still, mouth agape. "C'n ya tell me which way's the ships from here?"
The old man nodded slowly and pointed down the street, the same path the gang members had taken.
"Right, thanks mister! Hope y'have a shiny day!" she chirped as she headed on her way.
She'd not gone five minutes down the street before she heard a voice speak up from her elbow. "Noticed some beat-up hundans (bastards) that I passed, was that yer doin'?"
Cali glanced over. "Sara! Ya finally caught up ta me! Did y'all get yer shoppin' done?"
Sara smiled patiently, carefully concealing her relief at finding her wayward younger sister. "Yeah, we did, meimei. You?"
"Yep, good ta go!"
"An' what 'bout those hundans?"
Cali blinked her eyes. "What hundans?"
Sara laughed softly. "Never you mind none." She held her hand up to her ear. "This's Four, I gots Six. We're on our way home."
"Who's Six?"
"That's you, silly."
"Oh, right! Does that mean we're onna mission?"
Sara chuckled as she slipped her arm through Cali's. "Yep, it's called Rescue the Panda Girl."
"That's Panda Queen, if'n ya please, jiejie," she replied loftily.
That evening the entire family gathered around the dinner table to enjoy a scrumptious cake that Jess and Keith had put together. It was all sorts of chocolatey gooey goodness and Cali was drooling at the sight of it. Lori was right there with her.
"Didya ever see anythin' so beautiful?" Cali asked wonderingly.
"Never ever," Lori breathed.
"Careful there lian ren (sweetheart), yer gonna make me jealous," Dani snickered as she cut into the decadent mountain of chocolate cake. Soon enough all had a large piece of cake and were happily stuffing their faces with the rare treat. Lori kept playfully trying to steal forkfuls off of Cali's plate, who in turn threatened to use her own fork in a way certainly not intended for it at the dinner table. Dani had to separate the two, laughing at their antics.
After cake were the presents. Dani received several articles of clothing, including one from her wife that made her blush and which she refused to fully pull out of the bag, as well as a couple of actual printed books. Rain, amazingly enough, had found a datastick with a collection of old Earth-That-Was songs on it, some of which they hadn't heard before.
Eventually Emily gave Cali a nudge on the shoulder. "Hey, where's yer present?"
"Oh, right!" Cali exclaimed. "I fergot, it's still in my pocket!"
She fished it out, careful to leave the one for herself in there. Eventually she handed it over with a grin. "Hope ya like it, Kaasan!"
Dani carefully unwrapped it on the table. Once it was fully uncovered she gave a gasp.
It was a small but highly detailed model of a Firefly Mark I.
"Baobei, how didya 'member I flew one of these in the war?" she asked quietly, unable to take her eyes off of the miniature ship model now resting in the palm of her hand.
Cali laughed unconcernedly. "I 'member stuff, Kaasan. Ain't always everythin', but I 'member th' 'portant stuff. That was the last ship ya flew in, was yer favorite. Ya called it after Mom."
Dani nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "The Bonnie Bethany." She carefully set it down and turned to gather her nu'er (daughter) up in a tight hug. "It's so, so very thoughtful. I love it, an' I love you, baobei."
"Love ya too, Kaasan," Cali smiled happily, returning the hug.
Later that night, back in her bunk, Cali took out the sculpture she bought for herself. It was, of course, that of a panda. It was munching on a shoot of bamboo and sitting happily on its haunches.
She placed it up on a shelf in between a ceramic panda and one carved out of wood.
"I think I'll call ya... Bernie. Yep, yer a Bernie."
She smiled to herself and got ready for bed, brushing her teeth and making use of the combination washbasin and toilet there in her bunk.
She looked around the bunk for her sleepshirt, spying it in a pile on her bed. "Now how'd that get there?" she pondered, looking at the large pile of clothes. "Ain't gonna be able ta sleep like that none."
She pulled her sleep shirt over her head and then dumped the clothes on the floor where they belonged.
Smiling contentedly to herself, she snuggled under her covers and thought about the niubi family she had.
Life was pretty gorram good, she thought to herself sleepily.
Before long she was snoring softly, looked over protectively by a whole herd of pandas, including the new addition of Bernie.
NOTES: Hope you enjoyed the awesomeness that is the Panda Girl (excuse me, Queen)! This tale has the stamp of approval by PandaAnimeLover, who Cali is based on.