The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of
By Gemma Wheeler
Rating: PG ish I suppose. If you can watch the show you can read this
Summary: Buffy's thoughts after Riley leaving her.
Spoilers: Well, most things, Inc new ep "Into the woods"
Disclaimer: Nope, I own nothing. All characters in this fiction belong to Joss "evil one" Whedon, the song "I dreamed a dream, was taken from the hit musical Les Miserables, and belongs to Cameron Mackintosh. I am a poor student, so please don't sue me!!
Author's note: I write this at 3am after an inspirational dream that I had. Just had to type it up!!
Feedback: Please! Please! I hate begging, but I need it to survive!!
Dedications: This one is for my friend Kathryn, 'cos she's putting all my fictions up on her site. I love ya babe!
And he left me, just like that. At this point in my life when everything has gone wrong, and things that haven't gone wrong are starting to fly down hill at ninety mines per hour. It's going to make it worse. I know it is.
Riley was the one solid thing in my messed up life that was holding me and preventing me from cracking. Now, all I want to do is curl up in my bed and cry.
I am a long again. Buffy - Dumpee. That's just fantastic. So now I have to get my demons alone. The demons and creatures that I fight. - I mean hey, it's my destiny. Why do I seem to always think that I have met the perfect guy? Angel, Parker and Riley.
Riley loved me. He told me often enough. It kills me to think this, but I never loved him. Maybe I could one day, but there was something holding me back and not letting me love him. I needed him, wanted to be near him, loved having him there to look after me. But he left me today, I don't know if I will never see hi again. He left because he knew that I wasn't in love with him.
I am telling myself that I don't deserve him, but another part of me says good riddance, as I feel that he has betrayed me. Asking to be fed off. Why? I don't understand how that would bring me closer to him, and him to me. I feel that I don't understand men, and their whole deal. I don't know if I want to anymore.
A year we were together. To me it was a year of lies. It is times like this that I wish that my seventeenth birthday never happened. What would have happened if Angel and I hadn't been lost to lust that night, maybe we would be still together - or not. I don't know, it all seems pointless. I want to give up on it all. But I know myself that I can't.
I walk into my room and lie back onto the soft mattress of my bed. I want to cry so badly. I am not going to though; I can't, for my mom, and for Dawn. I have to stay strong for her.
Sleep I tell myself. Sleep and it will all go away, even if it is just for a minute.
I dreamed a dream in times gone by,
When hope was high and life worth living,
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that god would be forgiving.
It's a bright sunny day, and I am sitting on the beach, staring at a young couple riding a pair of golden palomino horses through the surf. They are laughing together as they squeeze their steeds into a canter.
They get out of my sight, and my eyes trail to where I can see a figure walking towards me. I smile at him and he smiles back. Angel. And with that, he walks right through me.
My eyes follow Angel. My angel, as he walks over to where a petit blonde woman is sitting. He greets her with a kiss and sits beside her. I feel tears start to stream down my face. Angel, he has someone in his life now. I try to turn and run, but a soft hand moves to my shoulder. Dawn.
Then I was young and unafraid,
When dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine untested.
"Dawn?" I ask her.
"No, I am not Dawn, I just take her presence, something that you can see, that you are close to. You may call me Majenta"
I look at her. She seems so wise.
"Buffy, I come to you, to show you something. You have taken responsibility for so much, you have had to grow up so fast Buffy, with your destiny and your mothers illness."
"You are so happy Buffy" She tells me gesturing to Angel and the girl on the sand.
"That's me?" I say.
She nods at me. A tiny girl runs into Angel's arms. She is about three years old and has long golden hair and Angel's dark chocolate eyes.
"That is Karma, your daughter" Majenta tells me.
But the tigers come at night.
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dreams so shame.
"We have a daughter?"
"Yes, and like you Buffy, she is a child of the sun."
"But Angel?" I say "He's?"
"Yes, he is human."
Sensing my confusion, Majenta smiles with Dawn's sweet smile.
"He was gifted by the powers Buffy, given his life as well as his strength. Like you, he is human, but he is still a warrior."
"This happens? All of it really happens?"
"Yes Buffy"
"But Riley... Does he ever..."
He slept the summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder,
He took my childhood in his stride...
But he was gone when autumn came.
Reading my thoughts she tells me.
"You did the right thing. Riley does return to you, but you tell him the truth. That you need him, but you cannot love him in ways that you have loved before. He understands you Buffy. But he loves you so much. He thinks that he will go insane if he is not touching you. And you didn't want that, as you realised that it was wrong to go on with a relationship with him if there was no love. He and you remain friends."
"Where is he?" I ask Majenta.
"He's back working for the initiative again. He's training soldiers in demonology."
"And Angel?" I ask her.
He comes shortly after this. He has been giving his life, his Shanshau. He wanted to know if you still loved him, even after all of this time. He heard about you and Riley's break-up. Willow called him up and told him. You marry soon after. Two years after you fall pregnant with Karma and are relieved from your duty as the slayer."
And still I dreamed he's come to me,
That we would live the years together
And there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather.
"How can I make sure that it will happen, what if there is a moment in time that..."
"That I cannot tell you my child. Life your life, as the days come, and if things are right, and fate is correct, it will happen. What is meant to be will be, and what is meant to come will come." Majenta tells me wisely.
"But how do I?"
"Hush, be string and let it take you"
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed.
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
My eyes flutter open.
Have to be brave and strong, this will end up all right. I am destined to fight and be string, but not forever.
Life is a fight. One that I must win in order to succeed, but it's not the survival of the fittest, strength and will is more than that.
It leads me to think - What is success? What is it to succeed, and how do you know when you have won?
We shall see.....
The End
By Gemma Wheeler
Rating: PG ish I suppose. If you can watch the show you can read this
Summary: Buffy's thoughts after Riley leaving her.
Spoilers: Well, most things, Inc new ep "Into the woods"
Disclaimer: Nope, I own nothing. All characters in this fiction belong to Joss "evil one" Whedon, the song "I dreamed a dream, was taken from the hit musical Les Miserables, and belongs to Cameron Mackintosh. I am a poor student, so please don't sue me!!
Author's note: I write this at 3am after an inspirational dream that I had. Just had to type it up!!
Feedback: Please! Please! I hate begging, but I need it to survive!!
Dedications: This one is for my friend Kathryn, 'cos she's putting all my fictions up on her site. I love ya babe!
And he left me, just like that. At this point in my life when everything has gone wrong, and things that haven't gone wrong are starting to fly down hill at ninety mines per hour. It's going to make it worse. I know it is.
Riley was the one solid thing in my messed up life that was holding me and preventing me from cracking. Now, all I want to do is curl up in my bed and cry.
I am a long again. Buffy - Dumpee. That's just fantastic. So now I have to get my demons alone. The demons and creatures that I fight. - I mean hey, it's my destiny. Why do I seem to always think that I have met the perfect guy? Angel, Parker and Riley.
Riley loved me. He told me often enough. It kills me to think this, but I never loved him. Maybe I could one day, but there was something holding me back and not letting me love him. I needed him, wanted to be near him, loved having him there to look after me. But he left me today, I don't know if I will never see hi again. He left because he knew that I wasn't in love with him.
I am telling myself that I don't deserve him, but another part of me says good riddance, as I feel that he has betrayed me. Asking to be fed off. Why? I don't understand how that would bring me closer to him, and him to me. I feel that I don't understand men, and their whole deal. I don't know if I want to anymore.
A year we were together. To me it was a year of lies. It is times like this that I wish that my seventeenth birthday never happened. What would have happened if Angel and I hadn't been lost to lust that night, maybe we would be still together - or not. I don't know, it all seems pointless. I want to give up on it all. But I know myself that I can't.
I walk into my room and lie back onto the soft mattress of my bed. I want to cry so badly. I am not going to though; I can't, for my mom, and for Dawn. I have to stay strong for her.
Sleep I tell myself. Sleep and it will all go away, even if it is just for a minute.
I dreamed a dream in times gone by,
When hope was high and life worth living,
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that god would be forgiving.
It's a bright sunny day, and I am sitting on the beach, staring at a young couple riding a pair of golden palomino horses through the surf. They are laughing together as they squeeze their steeds into a canter.
They get out of my sight, and my eyes trail to where I can see a figure walking towards me. I smile at him and he smiles back. Angel. And with that, he walks right through me.
My eyes follow Angel. My angel, as he walks over to where a petit blonde woman is sitting. He greets her with a kiss and sits beside her. I feel tears start to stream down my face. Angel, he has someone in his life now. I try to turn and run, but a soft hand moves to my shoulder. Dawn.
Then I was young and unafraid,
When dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine untested.
"Dawn?" I ask her.
"No, I am not Dawn, I just take her presence, something that you can see, that you are close to. You may call me Majenta"
I look at her. She seems so wise.
"Buffy, I come to you, to show you something. You have taken responsibility for so much, you have had to grow up so fast Buffy, with your destiny and your mothers illness."
"You are so happy Buffy" She tells me gesturing to Angel and the girl on the sand.
"That's me?" I say.
She nods at me. A tiny girl runs into Angel's arms. She is about three years old and has long golden hair and Angel's dark chocolate eyes.
"That is Karma, your daughter" Majenta tells me.
But the tigers come at night.
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dreams so shame.
"We have a daughter?"
"Yes, and like you Buffy, she is a child of the sun."
"But Angel?" I say "He's?"
"Yes, he is human."
Sensing my confusion, Majenta smiles with Dawn's sweet smile.
"He was gifted by the powers Buffy, given his life as well as his strength. Like you, he is human, but he is still a warrior."
"This happens? All of it really happens?"
"Yes Buffy"
"But Riley... Does he ever..."
He slept the summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder,
He took my childhood in his stride...
But he was gone when autumn came.
Reading my thoughts she tells me.
"You did the right thing. Riley does return to you, but you tell him the truth. That you need him, but you cannot love him in ways that you have loved before. He understands you Buffy. But he loves you so much. He thinks that he will go insane if he is not touching you. And you didn't want that, as you realised that it was wrong to go on with a relationship with him if there was no love. He and you remain friends."
"Where is he?" I ask Majenta.
"He's back working for the initiative again. He's training soldiers in demonology."
"And Angel?" I ask her.
He comes shortly after this. He has been giving his life, his Shanshau. He wanted to know if you still loved him, even after all of this time. He heard about you and Riley's break-up. Willow called him up and told him. You marry soon after. Two years after you fall pregnant with Karma and are relieved from your duty as the slayer."
And still I dreamed he's come to me,
That we would live the years together
And there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather.
"How can I make sure that it will happen, what if there is a moment in time that..."
"That I cannot tell you my child. Life your life, as the days come, and if things are right, and fate is correct, it will happen. What is meant to be will be, and what is meant to come will come." Majenta tells me wisely.
"But how do I?"
"Hush, be string and let it take you"
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed.
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
My eyes flutter open.
Have to be brave and strong, this will end up all right. I am destined to fight and be string, but not forever.
Life is a fight. One that I must win in order to succeed, but it's not the survival of the fittest, strength and will is more than that.
It leads me to think - What is success? What is it to succeed, and how do you know when you have won?
We shall see.....
The End