Written in Memory
For the Ones I love
I'm sorry for not being able to answer your question
The answer is
"Live for me"
Unfortunately, it's too late to say that to you
R.I.P.
"I don't want to live."
You never expect to actually hear those words. They are the things that you will sometimes read about on the Internet. You'll hear them whispered at the back of the class by the emo-druggies as they sniff some questionable white powder in a bag. But, you never expect to hear those words come from a friend. No one ever talks about it- unless they are high-. It's an unspoken rule. It's like talking about sex with your parents. You get glared at, hushed, and the atmosphere becomes really tense and awkward. So, I guess that's why you're never supposed to hear it come from your best friend. I guess that's why when she first tells you those forbidden words you try to laugh it off. She has to be joking, right?
Wrong. She gives you that look. That look that's a mixture between she's already given up, is mad that you don't believe her, defeated, and like she's about to cry. She doesn't cry, though. That's when you realize she isn't joking around. Then you ask that really dumb question that everybody has to ask.
"Are you serious?" She gives you another look. This time it reads "Are you an idiot? Duh, why would I joke around like that?" She sighs but answers your question- this time with only one word and you're praying to God it only has two letters:
"Yes."
"You're serious?" Another dumb questioned and she's getting annoyed.
"Are you going deaf?! How many times do I have to repeat myself? 'Yes'! I wouldn't joke around like that, dumby!" she shouts. She really looks like she's going to cry, now.
"Oh…" you can't think of anything else to say.
" 'Oh'? I've just opened up my heart to you and all you have to say is 'oh'?" She turns to leave. There's this feeling in your gut that tells you if you don't stop her know this will be the last time you see her- alive.
"Wait!" You grab her wrist and pull her back, causing her to yelp in pain and snatch her arm away. She's holding it close to her chest, tears brimming. "Rima….?" Before she has the chance to snatch her arm away you pull her hand close to you and push up the sleeve of her shirt to reveal bright red marks drawn haphazardly up, down, and across her arm. Cutting marks. You don't need to look to know that there are similar scars on her other arm. She's crying by now -full-blown sobbing– but you continue to stare like an idiot at the permanent marks on her arm.
"I don't want to live, Nagi!" she sobs. Again, those forbidden words. "I don't want to live anymore. I give up!"
A finger traces one of the many scars. Everything blurs up and you find out now impossible to see which scar you're tracing. Everything is just a blur of watery red lines on white. She tries to pull her arm back but you end up going with it. Your arms almost crush her in a bear hug. She is still crying. There's a spot in her hair that's wet. The two of you stand there for what seems like to be hours. Who knows how long it actually was? Feel her lips moving against your chest and can barely make out her muffled words.
"What is there to live for?" The question is stupid and somewhat corny/melodramatic. It makes you cry more and hug her closer nonetheless. "What do I have, Nagi?" Her shoulders are shaking. She is trying not to cry. "Please, tell me." You blank. You know there are thousands of things -a million reasons for her to live!- but you can't think of anything. What do you say? What does she have that's worth living for? She's waiting for an answer. You're taking too long. What are you supposed to say? Here is your best friend saying she has no reason not to end her life. How are you going to answer her question? How are you supposed to answer her question? Giving the wrong answer might mean she will follow through with her desires. Not answering at all only adds to her reasons why she doesn't have a reason to live. Answer correctly and maybe she will live. The life of your best friend is pretty much in your hands right now. If you mess up, it will be on your conscience forever.
What are you going to do? You've spent too much time thinking. Whatever you say, you have to say it now. What are you going to say?
Criticism wanted~