Trying to Understand

by CelestoArius

Tres Iqus doesn't understand human emotions. He doesn't understand why humans laugh or cry. He has no emotions, and according to the dictionary, this means he is dead. As he tries to understand the complexities of human emotions, what will he discover about himself and his relationship and meaning to the people around him? Cross-posted on AO3, under CelesteArius

1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Tres didn't understand human emotions. He didn't understand why people cried, nor did he understand why people laughed.

Esther told him that made her sad, but Tres didn't understand 'sad'. Abel said that didn't make sense. Tres was 'living', so he had to have emotions, right?

Negative.

Tres could never say he 'enjoyed' anything, but he did like to spend a lot of time in the Vatican library. He 'enjoyed' reading, though he didn't necessarily need to. The information could be downloaded, if he requested it from Dr. Wordsmith.

But Tres 'liked' to sit in the quiet rows, towering shelves of books hanging over him on either side. He 'liked' to take in the words, discover all the things he couldn't merely find a downloadable program for.

He didn't need sleep, but rather hibernate for a few hours a night. So, when all other operatives were in bed or out on missions, he would come to the library and read for hours. In the five years he had spent at the Vatican, as a member of AX, he had almost read half the library.

In his readings, he came across a book called 'The Psychology of Self-Esteem'. He had sat and read the book in one night, seeing as it was incredibly small. Considerably smaller than all the others.

Something he read got him thinking. An excessive amount.

The book had said that having emotions are a representation of consciousness. Consciousness means that being is living.

Tres wasn't living. 'Living' was a quality for humans and animals. But at the same, he wasn't dead, was he? And what did dead actually mean?

He skimmed his fingers over the spines of the books until he found the dictionary. The word dead was right at the top in bold, like it was waiting for him to make this connection.

'Dead: no longer alive, as in, a dead body. Definition 2: (of a part of the body) having lost sensation; numb. Definition 3:-'

This is the definition of the word 'dead' that bothered him so much.

'Definition 3: having or displaying no emotion, sympathy or sensitivity.'

He didn't understand human emotions because he didn't have them. He was created as a killing machine, a Killing Doll was what he was called. He wasn't created to understand human emotions; he was only created to kill.

His creators theory was that if something had no emotional ties to anything in the world, and nothing within themselves, they would work better. 'Work' as in kill. The emotionless didn't need a reason, they only needed orders. They couldn't deem the innocent from the guilty, because emotions ruled that decision.

And they had none. Tres had none.

Therefore, he was dead.

A/N: 'The Psychology of Self-Esteem' © 1969 by Nathaniel Branden. Yeah. A really old, boring book, but I like it like that :)

So, my Desirable Outcomes story isn't coming along as well as I'd like, so I decided to take a break and see if it would get a little more views or reviews and whatnot. So this is what I decided to do with my time. I dunno. This may turn into a Caterina x Tres fic, but right now I don't know.

Review, favorite and follow!

(O, _,O) Please