I'm Only Thinking of Him
Suggested Theme:
Main Theme- I'm Only Thinking of Him from Man of La Mancha (1972)
"What's your favorite color?"
"White. Yours?"
"Red."
"What's your favorite season?"
"Summer. Yours?"
"Winter."
"What's your favorite food?"
"Nabooian meat pies. Yours?"
"Franjo pancakes with Wroshyr lice syrup."
"What's your favorite flower?"
"Starblossoms. Yours?"
"Jade roses."
Kylo turns his comlink off for the night and slips it under his Malreaux-red pillow. He then brings his black covers over his head and tries to not think in his comfortable darkness.
Jade rose…do we have any here? He thinks. He knows that they're grown on Coruscant, but he has never seen them beyond the Mid Rim.
If I can get a flower or even some seeds, that'll make Armitage happy! It's not like his boyfriend has been miserable. On the contrary, he practically glows when they bother to holo-project to each other on their comlinks. But he the indigo bags under Armitage's eyes seems to get darker with every call.
Why has he gotten so little sleep? Is it because of me? Did killing Him or Her in my vision give him nightmares? He hasn't mentioned anything about nightmares, but I've never asked him. Oh Force, what if killing Yun-Shuno is slowly killing him!? He feels his stomach twist with anxiety.
Calm down! It was just a Force vision! It was probably warning me to…not fall asleep around him or else he'll suck me off? I mean that was alarming mostly because I was paralyzed and couldn't say anything, but that wasn't too horrible. At least he didn't rip off a nipple. He shakes his shaggy head.
No, no! Stay focus! Jade roses, where can I get them? I guess I could ask the Agrarian division here, but they're probably concerned with growing food to feed the base and the ship. I doubt they would have Jade roses in stock. I'll ask them in the morning. He's about to go to sleep when he remembers his grandfather's altar. Usually, he meditates for a minute in front of the altar before going to bed. But for the past week, he's only been consumed by one thought…
I popped a boner in front of grandfather! His face goes red in embarrassment. He once again decides to skip the ritual.
Jessica likes to eat her breakfast in her office. Her office is only a quarter the size of General Eclipse's, but it's hers. Fresh caf and a real egg sandwich; it's good to be a Head Technician. Jessica leans her head back, letting her blonde pigtails hit the back of her plush chair.
She reaches over to grab her white mug filled with her fresh caf—
BANG!
"JESSICA, OPEN THE DOOR!" She rolls her eyes at the sound of Lieutenant-Colonel Zack trying to order her about. Can't that idiot take a hint? I'm not interested in officers; they're so unreliable and cowardly unlike Stormtroopers.
"Coming, sir!" But she's not stupid enough to sass an officer. She gets up and disables the lock, allowing her door to slide open. There she's Zack sweating hard enough to give his gray uniform sweat stains. She manages not to gag.
"…Lord…..Ren's….coming…this…way!" Zack pants heavily between each word. She stares utterly dazed at him for a moment, while he catches his breath.
Lord Ren's coming here? To my department? WHHHHHHY!? Zack mirrors her panicked look.
"I don't know! He's coming! I just saw it on the feed and came to warn you!" They then hear the telltale drag of feet like a monster that was never taught to pick up his feet and decided to stomp everywhere. Kylo Ren is just around the corner.
"Hide!" She orders him.
"Where!?" He whispers.
"Under my desk, hurry!" She hisses, and he scrambles to hide under her desk. He bangs his head against her desk's drawer causing her caf to spill all over her egg sandwich.
OH THAT CLUMSY PIECE OF—Lord Ren appears at her doorway.
"H-Hello, M-M'Lord!" She quickly manages and remembers to keep her eyes to the floor. Lord Ren does not like anyone looking him in his eye slits.
"Do you grow Jade roses," He pauses, possibly to look at her freshly-shined nametag, "Jessica?"
"Um, n-no, M'Lord." The room suddenly gets colder. "B-But, I can give you the name of someone who can help you! I-If you wish, M'Lord."
"Good, I want the name."
"His name is Cade Corde. He's a…smuggler that helps us get our seeds. But we don't directly deal with him," The room gets even colder. "His little brother is our go-between. He's Petty Officer Thanisson!"
"One more thing," Jessica feels like Death is looming over her. "Tell Zack to get stronger deodorant."
And Lord Ren lurches away.
"I-Is he gone?" Zack asks as he crawls out from under the desk.
"Yes, now get the pfassk out!" She orders him, and he beings to walk out like he's the biggest chump in the world.
"Wait." Zack stops and turns to her.
"Lord Ren, told me to tell you that you need to get stronger deodorant. The First Order-issued stuff isn't cutting it." He frowns.
"Yeah, I heard him." He grumbles and then walks away.
"Force, how did we go from Darth Vader to Darth Tantrum?" She tsks at the present state of the Imperial Remnant.
Petty Officer Thanisson is currently debugging the First Order HoloNet-servers. Normally, technicians would do this, but none of the technicians aboard the Finalizer are anywhere near as skilled as him when it comes to this. He's waist-deep in the cooling-pools of the servers as he finishes up his work.
Maybe I should've gone down the Technician career path. I'd probably be head of the HoloNet department with my own office and an assistant. But then again, the technicians are the ones whose pays get cut first whenever Darth Tantrum loses it. Which was often.
But so far he hasn't attacked the officers, except Mitaka. But he hasn't Force-choked an officer since. Probably because the General got the Supreme Leader on her side. For once.
Cade did say that the First Order is a sequel to the Empire, which meant that it was going to be shitty. And…I'm not sure. It's not like my time here has been exciting, but it's not like I joined up because I wanted daily blaster battles with pissed-off pirates. Nor did he want chattering teeth.
But I was hoping for more hands-on leadership. Instead of the Supreme Leader just ripping off the Emperor—And now he is floating almost six centimeters above the red-lit water. He breaks out into a colder sweat.
"Thanisson….I have need of you." Kylo Ren states as though he was reminding himself not to kill the poor blonde for his impudent thoughts.
"Yes, M'Lord?" Thanisson is not a technician. He is an officer in the First Order that went through Hells before he even entered the Academy. He will not be rendered witless by this shadow of Darth Vader.
"Your brother…..Cade Corde, was it?" Thanisson nearly rolls his eyes at this cliché. Why does every bad guy think saying the victim's loved one's name is going to get instant submission from them? For Maker's sake, I was more scared of Cade's crazy exes than this shit.
"My brother is Cade Corde, M'Lord." I can't even turn my head to face him, but that's probably for the best. He doesn't like it when people look him in the eye, or so the Stormtroopers claim.
"Yes, I hear he can procure certain goods." Thanisson rolls his eyes.
"He can." Get to the bloody point.
"I need Jade roses." Thanisson's face scrunches up with confusion like he can't believe what he has heard. Jade roses? Why the bloody Hells would he need flowers?
"My brother is in the middle of a job," Trying to fuck the crazy out of Talon. "But I know where he gets the seeds for the Agrarian Technicians."
"Where?" The impatient Master of the Knights of Ren lifts him two centimeters higher.
"From a Ho'Din healer named Baji. He's on Barenth, trying to restore the planet's native flora after the Far Outsiders messed it up. The planet is on the outskirts of the Expansion Region right near Codia." Thanisson swears he hears him mutter something about his ginger and it better not be swampy.
"Good, now one more question. Are you single?" Thanisson wrinkles his nose.
"Yes, M'Lord. Always has been." And always will be. I've seen what dating does to people…
"Great. Now, get back to work." And Lord Ren drops him, face-first into the cold pool. Thanisson has to bite his tongue to keep himself from letting out a surprised shriek. By the time he gets up, Kylo Ren is gone.
What the fuck was all that about!?
"Barenth has been abandoned due to an ecological disaster. It is not part of the First Order or the New Republic." This is all Kylo can find on the planet in the First Order database. Even with his clearance.
Just like the Yuuzhan Vong War. I can't find anything about it in our databases, except a mention on Nihl's memo. So are the Far-Outsiders another player in the Yuuzhan Vong War? Because Thanisson claimed that they are the ones that messed up the planet. And he severely doubts that when his ship finally drops out of hyperspace. He can see green covering every centimeter of the so-called uninhabitable planet.
Either this Baji is that good or this planet was a desert that got terraformed into a floral paradise. So how is this an ecological disaster? He didn't get his answer until his ship landed on the surface and he stepped out. He sees a sea of trees that remind him of pine trees if they were created by a War God. The brown branches are curled like whips waiting to be used with leaves resembling green swords.
Woah, I don't feel any life here! But I can see it. Is this some kind of elaborate holo? He takes off his right glove and feels the pocked trunk of one. It has no Force! None of these trees have the Force in them!
Even corpses have some Force in them. These trees…they shouldn't exist. Is this what the ecological disaster was? Stripping the Force from them? He quickly puts his glove back on and then sits on the floor to meditate.
Okay, there may not be any Force in this part of the world. But there has to be some somewhere. Most likely with the Ho'Din…if he's here. He really hopes that he didn't waste nearly twelve hours of his life in hyperspace for nothing.
He searches, and searches, and searches, and searches….
I have found…something familiar. Something small, but white like…Armitage's Force-signature. So Armitage is on the planet? But why? For a job? Maybe he's working with the Ho'Din in solving this…ecological disaster? Kylo immediately gets up and begins his thirty-two kilometer trek to where Armitage is without thinking.
As usual.
Okay, in hindsight, I really should've brought some water. Kylo admits after he finally reaches the general vicinity where Armitage is hold up. He finds a clearing with an earthy-looking hut that looks barely tall enough for him to fit through.
Is that grass growing on the roof? Is the entire hut made of dirt? Minus the door, which is stretching it since it's more of a filthy tarp covering a hole. Oh Force, this is one of those places in which you have to shit in a bucket, isn't it? He really, really hopes that Armitage is not…using the restroom.
He goes through the tarp.
Okay, I see a bunch of a rugs, mostly with orange and blue thread, strewn on the literal dirt floor. I see a blue couch with a small stack of folded clothes; one of them is a bright orange skirt, which screams Armitage. There's a desk like a couple centimeters from the couch with brown gloves that I know are Armitage's. He can feel that small, white Force-signature coming specifically from inside the left glove.
Why is his Force-signature so concentrated there? Come to think of it, his is usually fainter because he's a Force-null. Did he come into contact with some kind of Force-imbued artifact that enhanced it when his left hand touched it? He goes to pick up the glove. He feels something shifting inside the glove like there might be a curious bug moving about.
And then it came out.
It has the body of a human, but the ashen wings of a moth. It is extremely pale and naked, but he does not see any discernible genitalia or even tiny nipples. It has red hair that looks as fluffy as a cloud and just as sparse along with matching, bushy eyebrows that are long enough to curl upwards like little horns. It has pupil-less golden eyes with a freckled face just like….
"ARMITAGE!" His voice crack registers as a static screech that causes "Armitage" to cover his little ears in pain.
"Sorry, Armitage!" Kylo whispers as softly as he can. Oh Force, Armitage turned himself into a…a Wistie? I mean he's small like one and Wisties are kind of fairies on Endor. At least that's what Chewie told me. B-But how did Armitage turn himself into a Wistie!?
"Did you mess with some weird plant and it turned you into this?" He whispers softly once more, but panic sinks into his voice. "Armitage" just cocks his little head to the side like he's confused.
Oh Force, what if he can't speak anymore? He's like the size of a moth, so his voice would be nearly impossible for me to hear even with the Force! Oh poodoo, how am I going to fix him? Do I take him to Master? Do I find Baji and force him to reverse this? Do I ask the Force for help? Do I pray to Yun-Shuno for some divine intervention? WHAT THE PFASSK—
"Lord Ren?" Kylo turns around with his Wistie-fied boyfriend in his hand and sees a confused Armitage. He's wearing a fur-lined black robe that reaches his knee-high, purple-black boots. He has a black towel wrapped around his head like he just got out of the shower.
"A-Armitage!?"
Sheeva was sleeping, while vis Creator was bathing. Ve are nocturnal, so ve slept during the day and were active at night. Much to vis Creator's chagrin. Ve would sleep in vis Creator's gloves because it would block out any light in the room, while vis Creator worked. And ve would normally sleep until the night.
But then the glove began to shake.
Ve poked vis head out and saw someone not vis Creator and not Baji. It was some stranger all in black with a tattered hood and a metal face.
Daft Punk? Ve first thought because the man had a metal face like the musicians in the music video.
And then the stranger screamed vis Creator's name.
CREATOR! Ve thought extremely hard to vis Creator for help.
The stranger then whispered vis Creator's name and asked ver questions. Really dumb questions. Or rather, thought them.
The stranger had the same kind of power ve did, but it was…stranger.
"Lord Ren?" "Lord Ren?" Ve look confusingly at Him.
"He's an acquaintance." He smiles at ver.
"I-I-I….you're okay?" Lord Ren asks, while relief floods into his mind.
"Yes, why wouldn't I?" It takes a moment for Lord Ren to answer.
"I…..thought you turned yourself into a Wistie." "That's a fairy, right?" Vis Creator's light pink lips twitch like He's about to laugh. It takes a moment for Him to respond.
"Oh, no! That's Sheeva; ve is my Familiar." Wait, he's a witch? That's hot. Ve hear Lord Ren thinks, and ve frown. Creator, isn't hot. He bathed in the cold river!
"Familiar?"
"For the Yuuzhan Vong, a Familiar, sometimes also known as a mascot, is a trusted aide, a close companion, or even a tutor. Familiars and masters are connected to each other until death." Vis Creator comes over and plucks him from Lord Ren's hand. He smiles down at them.
"What is he to you?" Lord Ren asks; ve can see dark eyes boring down on them from behind the metal face.
"Ve is my child." There is so much pride in vis Creator's beautiful voice. Ve look at Him with awe, and so does Lord Ren.
"So, aside me being turned into a pixie, why are you here?" Wisties aren't pixies. Lord Ren thinks pedantically.
"I….Matt wanted to get some Jade roses for you." Vis Creator smile gets warmer like he's drinking his favorite tea.
"You know my Matt?" That's hotter. Ve is starting to figure out that hot means something very different from what ve learned in vis lessons.
"Yes. The General was getting really upset by my…outbursts, so I figured I channel my anger into something positive: teaching. And I saw Matt working out one day and figured he could use some sparring lessons and….it's been going well. He's a very enthusiastic pupil." Lord Ren speaks too quickly for ve to completely believe him. But vis Creator clearly does by the way He blushes.
"So Matt asked you to get the roses for me?" Ve feel something electric in the air as though something magical was going to happen.
"A true knight cannot refuse such a noble quest." Vis Creator opens his mouth and reveals his slightly crooked teeth; ve feel the utter delight radiating from Him. Woah, even with his shields, I can feel his joy. Chivalry turns him on more than my nose! Ve senses something….odd and charged from Lord Ren's thoughts.
"You truly do live up to your name." Now, confusion colors Lord Ren's mind.
"My name means nothing." Ben is nothing. Now, ve is wondering who Ben is.
"In Nagaian, ren means kindness. So you are a Knight of Kindness, and a Master of it to boot." Wow…that is so saccharine, but so him. I wish I could kiss him. Ve nearly gasps aloud.
Lord Ren loves Creator!
Author's Comments- No links this time.
Baji is from the Legends/Expanded Universe, and is kind of a spoiler if you read his background in regards to his connection with a certain other important Legends/Expanded Universe character that will play a role later in the series.
Lieutenant Colonel Zack is from the SNL skit and this is like his second appearance in any of my works. I also added Jessica from Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode III who I thought was going to grow up to be Phasma in a future Robot Chicken: Star Wars special, but I guess that's not going to happen. So I decided to use her here, which saves me from making up an OC, and with another parody-associated character.
I also incorporated, possibly incorrectly, some stuff I gleamed from message boards about the Phasma novel. I don't really plan on buying or reading the novel because I've never been terribly interested in learning more about Phasma. But I'm so going to use her warrior background, which delights me to no end!
Speaking of which, in a future story: Mitaka invites Hux for drinks with Phasma, Umano, and Thanisson tagging along. Matt gets to watch Sheeva for the first time, while he sends two of his Knights to make sure nothing obscenely happens to him. Nihl Ren and Chantique Ren have to blend in with the crowd, but the problem is that Nihl's a former Warlord and Chantique wants the cinnamon roll.
And in the next story: Darth Vader gets dragged right back into this series, Twin Peaks-style.