Korra Gets Drunk
By: Elecman99
(Author's Note: Let me make one thing clear, while this is a Legend of Korra one-shot I am by no means a Korra fan. I personally disliked the show quite heavily. Regardless, what's funny is funny and when I thought of the idea, I chuckled and got right to work. So here we are. Now enjoy as a character aimed at 10-year olds gets totally Sh** faced. XD )
(Open up to Air temple island in the early evening where Tenzin and Korra are meditating.)
Tenzin: Now just take a deep breath and relax. Feel the chi as it flows through your body. Channel it into spiritual energy to make contact with- hmm? (Opens one eye to look at Korra)
Korra: *Snore*
Tenzin: KORRA!
Korra: (Shoots up) Wah! Spirits! Breathing! Yea! Got it!
Tenzin: Korra! You need to learn to get in touch with your spiritual abilities in order to truly utilize your full potential as the Avatar!
Korra: But it's so boring! I'm just sitting around and breathing! I wanna go hang out with my friends!
Tenzin: *sigh* Very well. We'll try again tomorrow.
Korra: Awesome! I'm off. Bye, Tenzin! (runs off)
Tenzin: *Grunt* Kids these days.
(Suddenly Ikki flies in)
Ikki: Hey, where is Korra going? Why is she running? Did you scare her off? What happened? Did you yell at her? Is she in trouble? (She continues spouting questions nonstop)
Tenzin: (Weeps silently)
(Cut to Korra walking through republic city)
Korra: Ugh! Stupid meditation! Why does getting in touch with my spiritual side have to be so difficult and boring? If only there were some way I could enhance my spiritual senses.
(Suddenly a truck drives by, hitting a pot hole. As it lurches out, a crate falls off and lands in the middle of the road near Korra.)
Korra: Hm? (Runs after the truck) Hey! One of your crates fell off!
(The truck drives off, unaware of its lost cargo)
Korra: Huh. (Turns and faces the crate) I wonder what's in there. (Walks over to the crate, looks around to make sure no one is around, then drags it into an alley and summons a large stone to pry open the top)
(Inside the crate dark bottles with lables that say "Jin Bing: Original Spirit Elixer")
Korra: (Pulls out a bottle) I've never seen a drink like this before. "Original Spirit Elixer," huh? What, do monks drink this as some sort of potion to help them meditate? Nah! Probably not. Although… (Holds chin) Hmm… Well, it couldn't make me any WORSE at contacting the spirit world. May as well give it a try. (Opens the bottle and takes a swig) (Her face shrivels up a bit in surprise) Whoa! *Tsk* Not bad! It has a bit of a kick to it, but otherwise it's pretty good. (Keeps drinking it) Well, I better not keep Mako and Bolin waiting. (Walks out of the Alley and takes another drink of the Elixer) Ooh! I feel kinda light-headed all of a sudden… Maybe I should slow down on this stuff.
(Cut to later that evening at the Pro Bending arena, where Mako is waiting in the locker room as Bolin practices in the other room)
Mako: I wonder what's taking Korra so long. She'd normally be here by now.
(Suddenly Korra bursts into the room)
Korra: Hey! Hey! Guysh! How ya doin? Sorry I'm late. (Stumbles into the room) There was zis truck that hit a pothole and- (Bumps into the Locker) Ow! PFFFFFFFFFFTTT! HAHAHAHA! Did you see that? I just went BAM! RIGHT into that thing! Ha! Ha!
Mako: Uh… Korra? Are you sure you are feeling okay?
Korra: Yea, Ahm fine, Mako! It didn't even hurt!
Mako: No, not the locker! I mean—
Korra: Hey, did you know that you have the same name as a shark? "Mako!" "MAKO!" You're a SHARK! Arg! Rargh! (Snaps her Jaw shut a few times) Don't eat me! (Takes another swig from the bottle)
Mako: Uh… Korra, what is that you are drinking?
Korra: Wha-what? This? Iss juss sumthin to help me concentrate! You want some? (Holds the bottle out)
Mako: (Reads the lable) "SPIRIT ELXIER?" You're drinking a SPIRIT?
Korra: Well, YEA! I mean, Tenzin sed I need to focus more on reeshing a connekshun with the spirit world, so I figured this might help.
Mako: I don't think that's quite what he had in mind when he said that!
Korra: You know, you're a REALLY good kisser! We should totally kiss again!
Mako: Oh, dear god! She's freaking PLASTERED!
Korra: Now Wher zat BITCH, Asami? I wan her to sssee ush!
Mako: OKAY! We need to get you back to your place!
Korra: YOU don tell ME whud ta doo! I'M the GAD DAM HAVATAR! I can deshide WHAT I wanna joo and WHEN I wanna do id. (Falls on face) Ow! Where did the ground com frim?
Mako: Bolin! I need you to help me carry Korra!
Korra: Also, Tell Asami she's a whore!
Mako: Just ignore her!
Korra: Hey! Asami! Hey! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
Mako: Would you SHUT UP? Asami's not even here!
Korra: Well when you see her, tell her she's a slut! *BURRRP*
Mako: *sigh* The symbol of hope for mankind, ladies and gentlemen!
(The next morning)
(Korra wakes up in her underwear looking completely trashed with her hair in a mess and bags under her eyes)
Korra: Ugh... Oh god, what happened last night...? Why does my head feel like it's being trampled by a sky bison? (Looks down) Where are my clothes?
Mako: Oh, you are gonna LOVE that explanation!
Korra: Gah! (Pulls covers over herslef) MAKO? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM?
Mako: Well, last night, after you got TOTALLY SMASHED, Bolin and I brought you home, laid you down on the bed, then after Bolin left, you FROZE ME, while drunk no less, so props there, then locked the door THEN you proceeded strip to your underwear and tuck the key in your bra and telling me to "Come and get it." And then you passed out.
Korra: (A look of horror, shame and embarrassment appears on Korra's face. She blushes as her jaw drops and she raises a hand to cover her gaping mouth, panting heavily.)
Mako: Oh, believe me! That's gonna be the LAST thing on your mind in a few seconds!
Korra: HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY SAY THA- URP! (Throws up in her mouth)
Mako: AND here it comes!
Korra: (Runs to her Bathroom and slams the door) HWEEEEEEELLLCH!
Mako: You want me to hold your hair back?
The End