Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and all related characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, SCI FI Channel, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no profit is being made here.
Category: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Childfic
Feedback: Yes, please! :)
This is for pettygrew, BizzyLizzy, Grey8, Monica, miscbills and ditzywaitress. Thank you all so much for your encouraging reviews for The Jar. Have no sequel planned for it at present but I hope you'll enjoy this new story. Lastly, to sHoT – what would I do without you? :D
The young woman looked on, the tiny hope within her dying a slow death as her husband continued to speak, his normally pleasant voice low and terse, into the telephone. Cold hands clasped tightly together to mask the slight tremors in them, she watched with mounting trepidation, dark green eyes growing wider and more fearful the longer he continued to argue with the person on the other side. Hardly breathing, with her heart lodged somewhere in her throat, she waited, biting into her bottom lip so hard that the part of her that was oddly detached from all of this was somewhat surprised that she hadn't drawn blood just yet.
There. He'd finished.
She felt her stomach clench, hard and painful, as he slowly hung up the telephone, knowing instinctively what he was about to tell her. Lines of defeat were written all over him, and he heaved a sigh that seemed to come from his very soul before he turned towards her, his handsome face scoured by the knowledge he carried.
It's over.
Without warning, the thought pushed its way through and to her horror, her eyes filled.
He didn't really have to say anything, she thought vaguely, blinking hard. In some way, she'd always felt that things had been too good to be true and had nursed the suspicion, deep inside, that it wasn't going to last. In some way, she'd known it all along. But whatever preparation she'd made, subconsciously or otherwise, hadn't made the pain any more bearable.
And in spite of their very best efforts, they'd lost.
It's all over.
"Lily…" he began, seeking her gaze, his grey eyes dark with regret.
Involuntarily, she took a step back, shaking her head, her mouth forming a soundless 'no'. She wasn't ready to hear what he wanted, needed, to tell her. More than that, she wasn't sure if she could hear it right now – knowing that once he'd said it aloud, it would make whatever that was going to happen all the more excruciating. It'd be final – it'd be real, and it would become something they, she, would not be able to change. A sob caught in her throat as she felt the first painful crack and wondered if her heart would be able to survive the coming blow.
"No…" she whispered, wishing that she could in some way turn back the hands of time, and stop this moment from happening. The invisible crack running across her heart widened and she pressed her palm hard onto her chest – perhaps if she did so hard and long enough, she'd be able to prevent her heart from shattering to a million tiny pieces.
"Lily, please…" he implored, his own misery apparent in his voice.
It wasn't fair – they were just beginning to become comfortable with each other. Not that it took a lot to accomplish that – despite knowing the risk that he may not be placed long with them, she'd more or less fallen in love with their adorable young charge the moment she'd set eyes on him.
But who wouldn't? She almost laughed out loud at that rhetorical question. He was so very easy to love, and completed their tiny family perfectly, despite their rocky start. At first glance, he appeared to be an unusually subdued child, small for his age, but she had seen through his solemn, sometimes dour manner, recognising it as one of his defense mechanism against what he considered a cruel world.
Not that he had been very far off mark – since he'd lost his parents less than a year ago, he'd been bounced from one foster home to another, sometimes not staying long enough in one place to adjust to the change before he had to move once more. No wonder he'd been so distrustful and had held himself rigidly apart from them when he'd first arrived. However, in spite his efforts to hide it away, she'd sensed within him a deep, almost desperate need for belonging, for family. That knowledge alone had helped her to get past the mask that he'd presented to the world to the intensely complex little boy underneath.
Reminding her once again that still waters do run deep.
His quick intelligence had all but taken her breath away. And while Lily had continued to marvel at his natural gift for languages and his passion for learning, it was his earnest, wide-eyed declaration of becoming an archeologist like his parents when he grew up that had charmed her over entirely. But she knew that it was his ability to care for another, even after all he'd been through, that illustrated clearly just how truly special he was.
While their young charge still had the occasional nightmares, which had plagued him virtually every night during their first two months together, he was now more at ease with the comfort that was offered to him. Although, to this very day, neither one of them ever found out what his nightmares were about, except that they involved his dead parents – the small boy had steadfastly refused to talk about the dreams, and had ignored all their efforts to get him to open up about them.
And Lily had promptly added 'stubborn' to the growing list of things that defined their foster son.
Initially, they had been more than a little distressed when he'd woken up screaming and crying in the dead of the night. But they'd made sure that either one or the both of them were there whenever he did so, realising that their presence were a big help in soothing away the remnants of those terrible dreams.
Either Lily or Michael would then hold the young child tightly in their arms, rocking him gently until he fell asleep once more. For the past couple of months, however, he'd been sleeping peacefully throughout most nights. Encouraged by the development, Lily prayed that there would come a time when the nightmares would stay away for good.
Once they'd cleared that terribly awkward hurdle at the very beginning of their life together – one that was accentuated by sullen moments, sudden tantrums and silent treatments – things had smoothed out almost immediately. The message that someone care and wanted him finally got through to the little boy and all of a sudden, the three of them were a family, the kind Lily had always dreamed of having.
And she had been so very happy. They had been so very happy. When they decided to try for an adoption, she'd held on to the hope that everything would ultimately work out for them. Then, would they be a real family in every sense of the word.
A wishful dream that was now never going to be.
Lily choked back another sob, her resolve to not cry dissolving totally the moment her husband drew her into his arms and hugged her tight.
"I'm sorry, honey," Michael murmured into her ear, tightening his arms around her as she clung to him, sobbing out her anger, frustrations and grief onto his shoulder, one large hand making slow, soothing circles on her back. "They tried their best but he wouldn't sign the papers..." Damn that man and his perverse sense of family…
Dimly, Lily heard the words but was unable to form a reply – incapable of anything at the moment except to simply lean into Michael's warmth, drawing solace and love from his tender embrace.
Finally, her sobs tapered into soft hiccups and she turned her head to one side, listening awhile to the slow, even beat of his heart beneath her ear. The steadiness of the sound helped her to organise her scattered thoughts, and she sniffed once before drawing a deep breath.
"When?"
"Next week. They'll be placing a new child with us a few days after that. Gale says if we want, we could try for an adoption then, since this one doesn't have a legal guardian that won't give him up."
"Oh, Michael … I don't want another…" Her voice broke and she trailed off.
"I know, sweetheart," he said softly. "I'm so sorry it had to turn out this way. I love him too…" He sighed, running a hand through his dark brown hair. "He's an easy kid to love…"
"Lily?"
A young child's voice, hesitant and unsure, called out from the other side of the door, interrupting the rest of his sentence and Michael felt her stiffen slightly in his arms. As Lily pulled away from him, swiping hurriedly at the tears on her face, he could see her visibly pulling herself together.
His whole being swelled with love for her and Michael wished again that she didn't have to go through this turmoil. But if there was one thing he knew about his Lily, it was that she would weather this through, as hard as everything might be. He only hoped that there wouldn't be too many pieces of her heart to put back together once this was over. No matter, he reflected as he gave her an encouraging smile, for as long as it took, he'd be right there, putting those pieces back together with her.