How Dean Winchester feels about Castiel
I keep trying to rationalise this connection with you. But I'm ready to stop trying so hard. This is not a normal friendship, I know that now- it doesn't need to be rationalised. (When you fell from heaven- you fell for me.) We're not just friends Cas. (I have no idea what we are, but we are not just friends.) All I know is that we love each other- I'm not sure what that means (for us, for you or for me). But I know that when I was with Lisa she thought I was too close to Sam- (that it was unhealthy... ).(I think) I know how she'd feel about my relationship with you.
When I thought you were gone The World felt... wrong. I've been to hell and back, lost everything, (more than once). But when I thought you were gone- I've just never felt so wrong... I suppose I just can't live without you.
I've felt this way for a long time. (I'm not sure exactly how long. I'm not sure exactly how I feel, either.) It's a longer time than you'd expect (how could I have felt so deeply for you after such a short time). And I feel more for you than you'd expect (you have no idea how much I care about you).
And all of that undying love crap really isn't me but, (I need you to know): for a long time now- I'm only happy when I'm with you.
I really need my family, I always have. (Even the demons know that that's my weakness.) But for a long time now the only person I really need is you. Sam is (and Bobby, and Kevin and Ellen and Jo were) my family too, but for a long time now, I can (just about) live without them, but not without you. So I guess, you're my family now Cas. I think you know what that means to me.