Hey I'm back with a much happier story tho. Any mistakes are mine. I hope you enjoy it. Also I love reviews so let me know what you think.
It might help listen to Be Still by The Fray.
The night is chilly and you are sore and tired. Clarke is there right next to you, holding her pencil against a sketchbook and you stare at her, like you always do. Daydreaming. She looks so comfy and concentreated in her work that you don't mind the silence. You both never speak much but when you do, she pours all of her in it. You could spend hours listening to her voice saying stuff. You could listen to her all the time even when she says she's rambling and boring you to death. You like talkative Clarke, you like silent Clarke. You like Clarke.
You don't know when it happened or maybe you do, maybe it was that rainy day when she got home all soaked and tired and you laughed and she made that adorable grumpy face she does when shes annoyed, maybe it was when you pushed away a strand of hair of her face or maybe it was when she closed her eyes and said "I hate you" and you knew she didn't. She was just tired. Maybe it was at mornings when her hair was a mess or when she was too sleepy to talk. Yes, maybe you do know when but she is right there next to you and you can't seem to comprehend why life is so hard when she's around. But despite everything you do know why. She is with you but not in the way you want. She is your best friend and you are so damn grateful for it but you wish more. You wish so much more coming from her. And it makes you feel bad most of the times. Selfish even. She seems happy despite the fact that Finn broke her heart once. You werethere, holding her in your arms, you were there when she was sobbing out her pain and you wished to pull it out of her chest and feel it for her. You wished to heal her right away so she shouldn't have to endure the heartbreak. You were there and you still are.
You are lost in thoughts and she keeps sketchking but then she looks at you and asks if everything is alright. You nod. The night is chilly and you are tired, so you lie down on the couch and curl up your body in a way where sleep could come easily, she keeps sketching and you close your eyes because there with her makes you feel safe. And you trust Clarke with your own life.
You fall asleep soundly. And it feels great to finally rest your eyes. And even in your sleep all you see is light blue eyes staring at you. You are at peace, until you're not. Nightmares come and go. Blood stanning your hands a limp Clarke lying on the cold tiles. Sirens go off and you feel your chest heavy, constricted. There's a muffled cry coming out of your mouth because you know she's dying. You're frantic, freaking out because your legs wouldn't move and she's there and you can't help her. You feel desperate. It feels too real.
You shift. Clarke is screaming something at you but you can't understand. And suddenly you're bursting into weakfullness, gasping and frantic. Your eyes are blurry but you seem to try to focus on whatever it's happening, you hear yourself saying "I love you" and repeating it constantly and Clarke is looking at you with soft and worried eyes.
"Hey, hey" She says and you gasp, she holds your face in her hands. You close your eyes and inside you there's a war that never ends, because you said those words out loud and you meant them. "Hey, Lex. Look at me" You open them. And there's love right there in her eyes. She wipes the tears that scape yours. "You are okay and safe. I promise" She says. You sighed, your chest feels heavy, there's so much you want to tell her. There's so much fear inside you, but you can't lose Clarke. You can't lose your best friend.
"Clar-ke" Your voice sounds broken, so you breathe deeply. "I-I'm" She stares at you.
"Shh" You look at her with loving eyes, like you always do. But you're troubled by your feelings and you feel like you'll need air soon. "I know" She whispers and you swear you die right there, you froze and she notices. So she does something you didn't expect. She kisses you. Her lips feel soft and warm against yours. You don't know what to do because you've been waiting for this moment for so long, but she keeps insisting so you give in. You press your lips against hers with so much need it terrifies you, she moans softly and your head its spinning. Your tongues find each other in a sweet but fierce dance, there's tears and sobs and your heart bursting out of his place. And she's right there holding you close with so much abandon that you want to cry.
You open your eyes once you both separate from each other's space. She smiles shyly. You bit your lip. You want to say so many things but your voice is forgotten once she speaks first.
"Lex. I-I know" She sighs. "I'm sorry it took me so long to notice how I was feeling towards you but I know now. I love you too" You try not to cry but you can't. Everything it's overwhelming. And you feel like crying. You like talkative Clarke. You like silent Clarke. But you love oblivious Clarke. You love her.