Title: gotta work for the dollars
Pairing: Sasuke/Sakura, but mostly just about Sasucakes.
Note: Guys...I don't even know where this came from.
Warning: There's no Sasuke bashing...but no one is being particularly nice to our favorite emo kid either.
Summary: In which Sasuke learns that declaring his independence isn't cheap. Or dignifying.
…
Sasuke stomped around his room, ripping clothes from their hangers and yanking more out of dresser drawers.
Itachi—the little irritant—sat cross-legged on his bed, following his movements apathetically.
"You do know that you're being childish, right?"
Sasuke spared him a glare before resuming his packing. "No, brother, I do not realize that."
"Well, you are."
He yanked the zipper on the suitcase closed and smacked both of his palms against the bulk of it.
"I am not being childish. I am—"
"Running away from home?"
"—Moving out."
Itachi rolled his eyes. "So you're a little upset—"
Sasuke made a grunting noise at that, clearly implying that he was more than just a little upset.
He went on as though Sasuke never interrupted him (because he was the oldest and so he had privileges like that).
"But that isn't a very good reason to run away."
"I am not running away."
Itachi opened his mouth but was effectively cut off when Sasuke raised his voice and continued speaking.
"I'm old enough to live on my own. It's not called running away."
Only Itachi could get away with snorting and not sound like a pig for doing so.
"It is if you look at the reasons for your moving out."
Sasuke did not appreciate the way his brother put air quotes around that with his fingers.
Really, what was so hard to understand? He was eighteen years old. He was a college student. He knew how to take care of himself. And, most importantly, he was tired.
His father only gave him grief.
His mother babied him.
And his brother—
Sasuke shoved Itachi off of his bed.
"You know, you're one of those reasons."
The oldest of the two didn't even pretend to look offended.
"It's not my fault that you can't live up to my greatness, little brother."
He ducked his head to avoid the lamp thrown his way.
Itachi tsked. "You're going to have to pay for that. Since you don't live here anymore and all. Really, you're such an ungrateful son."
"At least I'm not a pathetic hermit in my twenties and still living with his parents."
Sasuke successfully gathered his luggage and his pride and dashed down the stairs to talk (read: hide behind) his mother when Itachi decided to make a grab for his neck.
…
"So, you ran away from home?"
"I moved out you dumbass."
After a brief goodbye with his father, a heartfelt parting with his mother (who shoved several brown-sack lunches in his duffle bag while he wasn't looking) and a narrow escape from his bitter brother, Sasuke retreated to his new home (also known as the only place he had left to go because there was no way he could afford to rent his own apartment without this little thing called money).
Naruto grinned, too elated to care about the insult.
"Awww, our little Sasucakes is all grown up!"
Sasuke closed his eyes, mentally counting to ten.
Sakura whacked the back of Naruto's head and moved to help her boyfriend with his bags.
"Cut it out, Naruto. This is a big step for Sasuke."
The corners of Sasuke's mouth twitched and he couldn't help but feel a little thankful for his girlfriend's particular brand of kindness and acceptance—
Her mouth formed an evil grin and her voice took on a tone that hinted that she was speaking to a toddler.
"It's not everyday that our little boy grows up and decides to declare his independence."
"...I'm breaking up with you."
Sakura laughed at his threat, waving a hand in dismissal.
"Relax, sweetcheeks. We're just kidding."
"...And stop calling me that."
"Dude!"
They turned to look at Naruto who had opened Sasuke's duffel and was digging through his belongings. He held up a brown sack in each of his hands.
"Your mom packed you like, twenty different lunches! We're set for a week, man!"
Sasuke groaned, dropping onto the couch in Naruto's small living room.
Sakura sat down next to him, reaching over to rub his shoulders.
"Relax, this is going to be good for you! I mean, you're already off to a good—"
She glanced over at Naruto who had discovered a juice box in one of the sacks and was giggling in excitement.
"...A decent start. All you need now is a source of income."
Naruto piped up, "Yeah, 'cause you need to pay half of the rent if you're going to stay here."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I realize that."
"And groceries. Because I am not feeding you."
"Tch, I'd starve if I relied on you for food."
"And I'm not cleaning up after you either."
Sakura stared at him.
"Naruto, you don't even clean up after yourself." She kicked a pile of trash away from her feet to emphasize her point.
"Exactly! So, I obviously can't be expected to clean up after Sassy-kins here."
"I'll cut you."
Sakura stood and strategically placed herself between the two boys lest they start a fight and anger Naruto's all too friendly neighbors (seriously, it wouldn't do if they were evicted—they might ask to stay with her).
"Naruto, drink your juice. And Sasuke, do you have any interviews lined up?"
When her question was only met with his dead stare, she realized just how spoiled her boyfriend really was.
"Okay...do you at least know where you would maybe like to try to get a job at?"
She had to fight to keep her patient smile when Sasuke continued to stare at her.
"You know what? Here." She reached into her purse on the coffee table and pulled out a card. She handed it to Sasuke to read the contents.
Want Agency
Need a job? We can help!
He read over the contact information as Sakura spoke.
"That's the card of a woman who used to be one of my professors. She quit the next semester."
Naruto mumbled from the other end of the couch.
"That explains why she quit..."
He let out a squeal when Sakura's shoe connected with his face.
"Anyway, she works there now. You just go in, answer some questions, and she'll find some work for you."
Sasuke looked between her and the card, the skepticism clearly showing on his face.
Well, it was either this or return to his family...
Sakura raised an eyebrow at his visible shudder.
"Alright..."
She grinned at him, leaning down to kiss his cheek.
He smirked at her, about to say something along the lines of, "Want to go back to your place?" when Naruto's voice spoke up from the floor.
"Awww, Sasu-boo-boo is such a big boy now!"
It was Sakura who later made up a story about fighting cats to the neighbors in order to explain the noise problem.
…
Sasuke gripped the hand rail of the bus tighter to avoid being thrown off balance when the driver sped right through a pothole.
He was starting to wonder if he had really thought this whole independence thing through clearly when he noticed movement in his peripheral vision.
Upon turning, he saw a wrinkled woman in a tube top and hot pants staring up at him with the most disturbing come hither look on her face that he had ever seen (and he had met Sakura's best friend Ino Yamanaka, so he knew what disturbed was).
She flashed him a grin, trailing a bony finger down his suit-clad arm.
"Hey there, handsome. You lookin' for a good time?"
Sasuke launched himself at the wire running along the side of the bus, practically ripping it off of the wall in his desperation to get the bus to stop.
…
"Come in."
Sasuke opened the door to the office.
He subtly glanced at the card hidden in the jacket draped over his arm.
(He was forced to take it off after walking four blocks to the agency in order to avoid being molested by the age-confused woman on the bus.)
"Are you Tsunade?"
The woman in question looked up at him with a bored expression, placing her elbow on the desk and her chin in her palm.
"I am. Take a seat."
Sasuke dropped into the plastic chair, not even bothering to seem excited about the prospect of employment.
Tsunade sighed, shoving her blond pigtails over her shoulders. She began to type on her keyboard.
"Name?"
It took Sasuke a second to realize that she expected an answer to the rather rude question.
"Sasuke Uchiha."
She turned her head towards him.
"Huh. So you're the one that Sakura called about."
It took everything in him not to cringe. If he thought his mother was bad, then his girlfriend took second place in the position of coddling him.
Tsunade gave him a once-over before turning back to her computer screen.
"She didn't do half-bad for herself, I guess."
Sasuke wasn't quite sure whether that was meant as a compliment or an insult.
The sound of her nails tapping the keys filled the little shabby office space.
"Age?"
"Eighteen."
He heard her mutter something about being a child but chose to ignore it.
"Prior experience?"
She looked back up at him when her question was met with silence. He raised an eyebrow at her.
"...Oh...you're one of those."
He narrowed his eyes, about to answer that with a scathing comment when she ripped a sheet of paper out of a notebook on her desk and shoved it at him.
"Here. Take this address and go."
Sasuke looked down at the paper, then up at Tsunade.
"...You're shitting me, right?"
She gave him a cruel grin.
"Maybe if you had some experience you wouldn't be here for me to give you that job."
Sasuke briefly considered the pros and cons of committing murder.
(At least then he wouldn't need a job in order to afford room and board.)
…
Sasuke suppressed a twitch of annoyance when yet another customer (read: annoying son of a bitch) walked by him.
He sighed and said in a monotone, "Would you like to try some of our new cologne?"
He held up the bottle of the product for the man to inspect.
"Uh...sure?"
He held his wrist out to Sasuke. His response was a soul-buring glare.
The customer made a quick excuse to flee without letting Sasuke spray the cologne on him.
Really. This was pathetic. Surely there were better options—
"Fancy meeting you here."
He turned to witness the return of the creepy-bus-lady.
She wiggled her white eyebrows at him suggestively and reached for the hem of her top.
"I'll take a sample of some of that."
Sasuke walked away briskly and ducked around a rack of men's pants when she gave chase.
…
"How did I know you would be back?"
Sasuke dropped into the chair across from Tsunade's desk yet again, frowning when the overbearing cologne wafted up from the movement.
He wondered how much bathing it would take to rid himself of the horrible scent.
His eyes narrowed when Tsunade let out an amused snort at his discomfort.
"So, since you got fired from your last position—"
"I quit. There's a difference."
"I'll have to set you up with something a little different."
Sasuke mumbled, "No retail."
He added on a reluctant "please" when she sent him an icy stare.
Tsunade leaned her chair back to grab a sheet of paper off of the printer. She handed it to Sasuke with a patronizing wink.
"Try not to screw this one up."
…
Tsunade was a cruel, demented, evil woman.
"Okay, all you have to do is restock the shelves and answer the customers' questions. And don't forget to wear your apron. And smile!"
Sasuke just stared at the too-perky girl. She walked around him, tightening the strings on the black apron he now wore.
He rolled his eyes to the ceiling, willing a bolt of lightning to put him out of his misery.
...Actually, he was willing it to strike at the evil blond woman who set him up with this position. He specifically stated that he did not want to work in retail—
"Excuse me, can you tell me where to find the sassy melon lipstick?"
Much less a beauty supply store.
He sighed, turning to the all-too familiar voice to see his roommate/best friend (although, Sasuke was seriously thinking about recasting for that position now).
Sasuke was about to retort with his usual insult, but his new manager was looking between him and Naruto with an encouraging smile on her—obviously plastic—face.
"...Aisle three."
Ms. Perky gave him a thumbs up before skipping off to the in-store hair salon. As soon as she was out of sight, Sasuke rewarded Naruto with a well-placed slap upside the head.
"Ow! I'm so calling management on your ass!"
"What the hell are you doing here?"
Naruto rubbed at his aching wound and held up the black shopping bag in his free hand.
"Buying beauty products. Why else would I be here? You know, other than to laugh at your pathetic-ness."
Sasuke simply raised an eyebrow at the blond, ignoring the dig aimed at him. "So you're finally coming out of the closet?"
"SCREW YOU, BASTARD! And how am I the gay one? I'm not the one wearing an apron and selling lipstick and hairspray to women!"
"I'm also not the one buying it, idiot."
Naruto bristled. His undoubtedly loud comeback was cut off by a new, feminine voice.
"Naruto, did you find someone to ask about—"
Sakura came up short when she saw her boyfriend with Naruto, donning the black clothing and apron that was the uniform of this particular shop.
"...Sweetheart, is there something you need to tell me? Like maybe something about your sexuality?"
"HA! SHE BURNED YOU SO BAD!"
Sasuke ground his teeth together, once again mentally counting and contemplating the benefits of a murder charge.
"Your hellish ex-professor set me up with this job."
His fury was redirected at the love of his life (another position he was now considering someone else for) when the sound of laughter escaped her lips.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke...but you must've done something to piss her off in order for her to do this to you."
"If by something you mean took your advice and sat down in her office then yeah."
"Hey, my advice is fantastic. It's not my fault you have no experience at anything else."
His eyes narrowed into slits. She sounded exactly like that damned blond demon—
"Sasuke!" Ms. Perky popped up beside them, pointing her fingers to her cheeks with an overly excited smile. "Don't forget to smile when you help the customers!"
Sakura had the grace to bite her lip and turn away, lest she give away her obvious amusement at her love's misfortune.
Naruto was not so kind.
"Yes, Sasuke. Now then, do you by any chance know where I can find the wax products? My roommate is really into cross-dressing and—"
Naruto's resounding scream echoed through the store when Sasuke ripped a shelf off of a nearby display and proceeded to chase him through the aisles.
Sakura sighed, turning to the manager who was (for once) without a smile.
"I'd like to check out now, please."
…
"...You're back? Again?"
Sasuke slumped in the all-too-familiar plastic chair. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead in irritation.
"Huh...I didn't expect much out of you to begin with, but I figured you would at least keep something down by now."
He glared at Tsunade through his fingers.
"Just look into the database and find something else."
She rolled her eyes at his curt tone. "Well, don't we have our big boy panties in a bunch today..."
She clicked her mouse, scrolling down the page until the cursor landed on something that seemed more suitable than Sasuke's previous adventures.
She clicked the print button and handed Sasuke the print out.
He didn't even wait for her typical snide remark before he was up from his seat and out the door.
Tsunade stared after him for a moment before reaching under her desk and popping the stop on a bottle of Crown Royal.
…
It was amazing how many times Sasuke seriously contemplated murder throughout the week.
"Your head looks like a ducky's butt!"
He stared balefully at the young boy who was grinning up at him with a gap in his teeth.
"Can you do my hair like that? Huh, can you, can you?"
Sasuke suddenly felt a push at his back. He turned to see the girl—the boy's sister—shoving her hands against him.
"Giddy-up, horsey!"
He suddenly developed a twitching problem.
Kids usually didn't bother Sasuke. Surprisingly enough, he was actually pretty good with them and desired one or two of his own when he was older and married (which he had no doubts that he would be). But the week's stress had really done a number on his already barely-there patience. Combine that with two children hopped up on candy and ice cream and you were bound to get an explosive reaction.
"I'm going to name you Miss Prissy Pants! And I'll put bows in your hair!"
Sasuke twitched again. Who the hell even heard of a professional babysitter anyway—
"No! I'm going to paint flames on him and ride him like a motorcycle!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yeah huh!"
Sasuke closed his eyes and used his mental counting technique.
One, two, three, four—
"NUH UH!"
"YEAH HUH!"
Five, six, seven—
"NUH UUUUUUUUH!"
Eight—
"YEAH HUUUUUUH!"
To hell with numbers.
Sasuke grabbed the children by both arms and forced them to sit down on the couch.
He leaned in close and growled dangerously, "You are going to brush your teeth, get into your pajamas, and get your asses into bed. Right. Now."
They stared at him, jaws slack. The little girl trembled and looked like she might burst into tears. The boy may have wet himself.
"Eh hem."
Sasuke whipped around to see the children's parents in the doorway. The mom looked aghast while the father's foot tapped angrily.
Sasuke didn't even wait for a response before turning and letting himself out of their home.
The boy looked at his father.
"I like him."
…
One week and ten lost jobs later, Sasuke was still seated in front of Tsunade's desk.
She stared at him, completely at a loss for words.
"I don't understand. This level of failure shouldn't even be possible."
Well, almost at a loss.
Sasuke just stared at her. His patience and energy were now completely dwindled to nothing.
"You know, it's people like you that give me a reason to drink."
She waved her nearly empty bottle of booze at him with reproach.
"Honestly, I haven't met someone as inept as you since this one idiot blond boy that always smelled like instant ramen came in—"
Oh no.
Oh hell no.
Screw murder.
Sasuke was just ready to commit suicide.
Seriously. What was there to really say about his life if he was on par with Naruto?
"—I mean, you can't sell, you can't work with kids, or animals, or people period. And don't even get me started on the erotica store—"
He stood up, shaking off a shudder from that particular memory, and effectively cutting off Tsunade's rambling.
"Would you cut the crap and stop patronizing me and just do your job? Or maybe you can give it to me since you're obviously no good at it."
Tsunade's fingers gripped the neck of her bottle, making a cracking sound.
She too stood up from her seat, placing her palms on the desk top.
"At least I can hold down a job, unlike you. The only thing you're qualified to do is stick your head up your ass."
Her hands slapped against the wood, making two good sized dents. He took a cautious step back in the interest of self-preservation.
She grinned at him, dripping sweetness from her voice. "And I am doing my job when I tell you to get the hell out of my office."
Sasuke blinked once.
"...What?"
Tsunade folded her arms.
"You heard me, you little punk. The agency policy says that I can't give you anymore assignments if you lose ten of them. And you did. In one week."
His mouth opened in indignation.
Her finger pointed at his face in a threatening manner.
"Get out of my office."
"You—"
"GET. OUT."
…
Sasuke leaned his head back against the bus bench, inwardly lamenting to the heavens.
His victories towards gaining independence chalked up to a grand total of zero while his failures included unemployment, a smug and irritating roommate, and severe emotional scarring—
"Hey there, sugar. We meet again."
His eyes snapped open.
Of course something like this would happen AGAIN.
The creepy-bus woman sat down next to him, her knobby hand dropping onto his thigh.
Her fingers slowly slid up his leg.
"You and I have got to stop meeting like this. Unless of course, you'd like to meet somewhere a little more comfortable like my bed—"
Sasuke found absolutely no shame in leaping over his seat and jumping out of the emergency exit in the back of the bus.
…
"Dude, an old lady tried to get into your pants. That's just hilarious."
Sasuke glared at Naruto.
"Shut up, idiot. It's not funny."
"Are you kidding? That's the best thing I've heard all week!"
Sasuke resisted the urge to strangle Naruto as he fell onto the couch, gasping for breath.
He wiped a tear from his eye and cleared his throat, trying to put on his most serious expression.
"Now that that is out of the way. We need to talk about you mooching off of me."
"...Are you serious? You think I'm—"
"I know you are, Sasucakes. You're not paying for anything. But since we're friends and all, I'm going to help you solve your money problem."
Naruto folded his arms, not even noticing Sasuke's slow and deadly advance.
"Now, you're apparently desired by women, so I'm sure if we put you out on a busy street corner—"
Sasuke left the apartment, bags and all, leaving a screaming blond boy dangling from his third story window.
...
Sakura was stirring the sauce in the pot on her stove when she heard her front door open and bounce off of the wall from the forceful entrance.
It would appear her boyfriend decided to stop by for a visit. And he wasn't in a good mood either.
She sighed and resigned herself to her unwanted position as therapist.
Ah, the many roles of Sasuke Uchiha's girlfriend.
"I'm in the kitchen." She called.
He stomped in seconds later.
"How was your—"
"Your goddamned job woman threw me out of her office after giving me ten assignments from hell, then Naruto has the balls to bitch to me about not paying my way, and don't even get me started on the hag on the bus that keeps trying to molest me!"
Sakura stared at him for a good minute while he panted in utter fury.
This may have been the most she has ever heard him speak. To anyone. And she's been dating him for almost two years!
"...A hag tried to do what to you?"
Sasuke threw his hands up and turned around, pressing his forehead against the wall.
Sakura turned the stove off and wrapped her arms around his middle.
"Calm down, it's going to be alright."
He turned to face her and she immediately hugged him.
"Sakura, I have no source of income, no experience to get a source of income, and I'm about to kill Naruto just so that I can get arrested and solve my money problems. How is everything going to be okay?"
She held his face between her hands, urging him to meet her gaze.
"Sasuke, relax. You can always stay with me if you want."
She could tell from his gaze that he was calculating the pros and cons of this. He seemed to find her suggestion to be a positive one.
"And I'm working at the hospital right now, so I can afford the rent and groceries until you can get back on your feet. I'll even put in a good word to see if I can get you a position."
The tension slowly left his features.
She dropped her hands from his face with a gentle smile.
"I love you, Sasuke. I'll help you. Okay?"
Sasuke nodded and gripped her hips, lifting her up onto the counter to make her gaze level with his.
He briefly kissed her lips.
"Thank you."
Sakura grinned and looped her arms around his neck.
"Now, how about we do something to help you relax, hm?"
Sasuke smirked at her, bringing her lips to his for a rough kiss.
He dragged his lips down her exposed neck when she pulled her mouth away from his to catch her breath.
She shivered and spoke in a teasing tone.
"Mm, if anything you can get a job as a really hot male stripper..."
The sudden lack of contact let her know exactly what he thought about that.
…
Itachi opened the door, an instant smug smirk adorning his features.
"Well, well, well, look what we have here."
Sasuke scowled, barely holding his pride and dignity together.
"Oh, shut up."
…
Whatever. I had a lot of fun with this.