Author's note: Hello everyone! Long time no see! Sorry, I've been quite busy with real life. I'm hoping to write more after the holidays. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this!
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
- Lewis B. Smedes
Forgiveness
Evening was falling as Appa sailed through the sky. His two passengers were strangely silent. The sky bison was accustomed to lively chatter and laughter, but there had been little talking and no laughter on this trip.
Zuko glanced over at Katara. She hadn't said a word since facing her mother's killer that afternoon. He sighed. Both of them were soaked to the bone. The rain had not abated, and the gray afternoon had given way into a gray evening. Zuko strained to feel the setting sun behind the clouds. Even Katara seemed tired of being surrounded by the incessant rain.
Without consulting the waterbender, he guided Appa down to a small island that appeared to have a small cave and a water source. It would do nicely as shelter for the night. As Appa descended, he heard Katara's voice behind him. He had expected her to argue resting for the night, but it was still a shock to hear her voice after so many hours of silence.
"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded, moving forward to the front of the saddle. Her voice cracked a bit from the long hours of disuse.
"I'm tired, you're tired, and the bison is tired. I thought it would be best to rest for the night," he explained logically.
"W-we need to get back. The others-" she stopped when Zuko interrupted.
"-will be fine without us for one more night. We're not going to do anyone any good if we crash into the ocean due to exhaustion," he said sternly.
He braced himself for a continued argument, but she crossed her arms, narrowed her eyes, and simply said, "Fine." He didn't miss the flash in her eyes. He suspected he would pay for this. Well, he was certainly used to snide comments and frequent glares by now. Zuko could take whatever the waterbender threw at him.
Less than an hour later, they had their bedrolls spread out on the beach, and a fire burned cheerily between them. They were both relieved that the rain had finally stopped after sunset, so they did not need to sequester themselves to the cave. Appa lay contently sleeping a few feet away as occasional snores escaped his nose.
Zuko risked a glance over at the waterbender. She looked so…lost. He understood the feeling. She looked how he felt. She sat with her arms around her knees, gazing up at the moon, as if pleading for direction. He was disturbed when a glistening tear rolled down her cheek, reflecting the firelight back at him.
Agni, what do I do now? Uncle is the one that's good at this comforting stuff! She hates me!
He took a deep breath. He was not one to shy away from any challenge…although at the moment, he would almost rather face Azula than the grieving waterbender. Almost.
"Katara?" he said softly. He was still getting used to saying her name. Not "peasant". Not "waterbender". Katara…he liked the name. It was so different than a Fire Nation name. It flowed…it was not harsh like the names of his homeland.
He half-expected her to ignore him. He started slightly when she answered him.
"What, Zuko?" she asked. He was vaguely relieved that she didn't sound angry with him. Lately, it was rare that she spoke to him without anger in her voice. Now, she just sounded weary, as if it took all of her effort to speak. She continued to stare at the moon.
He plunged on. He wanted to fix things with the girl. Here was his chance.
"Are you-are you okay?" he asked haltingly.
He felt slight discouragement, but some measure of relief when she didn't answer right away. She continued staring at the moon, and let out a soft sigh.
Suddenly she spoke so quietly that he almost didn't hear her.
"You must think I'm terribly weak," she whispered, her voice nearly drowned out by the crackling of the fire and the soft sounds of the surf breaking on the shoreline.
The firebender looked at her sharply in surprise. "What?" he blurted before he thought of anything intelligent to say. Of all the things he had expected to hear her say, that wasn't it. He never thought she would admit weakness, especially to him.
"You came with me and expected me to avenge my mother's death…a-and I couldn't do it," she said as the sobs threatened to spill over. "I fantasized for years about what I would do if I ever met him again. Now…I have met him once more. I always thought he would be something like a spirit-monster. I built him up in my head. Nothing less could have taken my mother from me. Then I saw that he was a sad, pathetic human who committed a war crime," she said with a sob.
Zuko couldn't help it. In that moment, his heart broke for her. He scooted across the sand until he sat facing her. He didn't know what he was going to say; he just knew he couldn't let her go on thinking this.
"Katara, listen to me. You are not weak. You have been so strong…ever since the day I met you. My ship crashed into your village, I threatened everyone, I was throwing fire around," he paused as he felt shame pass through him, "and you stood there with defiance. That was the first time I admired your strength, and it wasn't the last," he said encouragingly.
His heart jumped when she looked at him with a hesitant smile. The smile disappeared nearly as soon as it touched her lips, and her face crumpled in sorrow once more.
"Zuko, she died because of me. If-if I hadn't been a waterbender, if she hadn't been protecting me, why couldn't she just have-" she broke off as another sob overtook her voice.
He didn't know why, but he began talking. There was something about her that made him want her to understand. After all, they had something in common. He spoke to her of things that he had never spoken to anyone about.
"You know, my mother disappeared because she was protecting me. My father…was going to kill me," he began. He looked away as Katara's eyes widened in horror.
"My mother bargained for my life. Fire Lord Azulon – my grandfather – was the one who had ordered my death. I have since learned that she-" he faltered for a moment, as he imagined the horror his beloved mother had faced, "that she killed him to protect me. For her deeds, she was banished. She came to my room to say goodbye, and I never saw her again," he finished. He squeezed his eyes shut against the memory.
Katara looked up at him, confused and horror-struck. "I thought you said that she was…" she trailed off.
"I thought she was. I confronted Ozai on the Day of Black Sun, and he hinted that she may still be alive. He was trying to get me to stay until the eclipse passed, though, so he may have been lying," he said, his eyes trailing down the beach toward the darkness.
When he gained enough courage to look back at her, he was surprised to find her eyes shining with tears and…happiness.
"Zuko, that's wonderful news," she said graciously.
"But what if…she's not…if he was lying…"
"You need to hold on to the hope that she's still alive. If she is, then she needs you," she stated.
"Thanks, Katara," he said softly, running grains of sand through his fingers. Like life, the beach was always changing. The water pushed and pulled at the landscape, molding it. Funny, if you saw the place every day, you would never notice the change, but if you only visited once in a while, the change would be obvious. A year ago, he would have scoffed at anyone who suggested he would one day be having a heart-to-heart with the waterbender who had repeatedly defied him. Now…well, here he was.
A shadow seemed to come over her face. "I can't believe your own father would-"
"He would. I tried for so long to earn his approval. I thought my honor hinged upon it," he stopped as he gave a mirthless laugh. "You'd think I would have gotten the message when he gave me this," he said bitterly as he gestured at his face.
Too late, he realized Katara didn't know the story behind his scar. Her eyes widened in horror. "Your father was the one who burned you?" she gasped.
Zuko turned away. "That's-that's a story for another time. I don't like to talk about it."
When the waterbender didn't say anything in response, he risked a glance back at her. He wasn't prepared for the plethora of emotions that flitted across her face. She was shocked, saddened, horrified, and finally her eyes seemed to hold a deep anger.
Is she angry for me? Or at me?
"Zuko-"
"I'll tell you about it another time, I promise. I just can't talk about it right now," he said. The emotions of the day were catching up to him. The last thing he needed was to break down in front of the Water Tribe girl. After all, he had originally been trying to comfort her.
"Zuko, what I was going to say – is that when you're ready to talk about it, I'm here. That's what…friends are for," she finished softly.
Her warm, quiet voice echoed in his ears. He hadn't realized how long it had been since he had heard kindness and understanding from anyone. Suddenly it registered that she had just referred to herself as his friend.
A silence filled with the sounds of the night followed as each was lost in their own thoughts.
"We should get some sleep. We've got a long day of flying ahead of us," he said gruffly, struggling to keep emotion out of his voice. He wasn't prepared to deal with the kindness of the perplexing Water Tribe girl. He had wronged her so many times…and she seemed to give him a new chance every time. He wasn't going to mess this one up.
As they lay on their bedrolls, he heard her voice cut through the night one last time.
"Zuko? Thanks for coming with me…for helping me face him. You have no idea what that means to me," she whispered.
"You're welcome, Katara," he said simply in return. For the first time in a long time, Zuko fell asleep with a smile on his lips.
