The Battle Rap
A/N: Okay, another crack rap but this time as me, UberReader. DASL is DarkAngelSnapeLover, for future reference, and the people speaking in the beginning will be cleared up later. I tried to keep up the rap for every part of this, but feel free to flame because hey, you sometimes have to get on boredom because it produces some well…crazy shit. Beware what you're about to read, but if you've read 'Whomping Willow Rap,' 'Voldy Rap,' or 'Jack's Rap' by DarkAngelSnapeLover, you'll know what to expect. Enjoy, and take these words to heart. This is the final battle-rap style.
"Yo, Harry Potter, you entered the game, jumped on in like a man with a cane. You so slow your bones don't break, they just bend and fold like a piece of cake. I want to take your ass down, make you look like a gay ass clown, but if we're just sittin, standin around, ain't nothing going to happen, ain't nothing going down!"
"Voldy, Voldy, with an ass so moldy, stop talking shit and singing your oldies. No one cares what you got to say, because I'm the bitch that's going to win to-day, to-day."
"Fuck you Harry Potter, I'm this bitch's daughter, and I'm never going to be on your side. I may be a red-head back from the bed-head, but I can see right through your bull."
"Voldy you ass, ain't got no class, changing over folks like a raggedy Flash. Ron did nothing, just played along, so what the hell is going on? You think you can come on up in this joint and flog?"
"What the fuck did that bitch just say? If I was us, we didn't hear a God damned thing. You're just mad 'cause he ain't banging you, giving your white ass what should be due. Ain't that the truth, or are you gonna lie again, cause I can let Ginny in on your plan."
"Hermione! They got you on the dimey? You ole nasty whore, I knew this day would come. Your cunt must be like a piece of old chewing gum. Everybody's had you from here to Nebraska. I here Palin got a piece of your ass up in Alaska. Looks like that coochie is the key to your heart, even though I have to say, it smelt like fart."
"Yo, Harry, we ain't got time for this shit! Get on your knees and stop this skit! I'm Voldy the Great, ain't got no other name, and it's time for me to erase your fame."
Boom-Bam, they got the shit that hit the fan. Bang-Boom, off the ground! Harry got blasted like a former king's crown. Oh! Shit! He just took a hit, right up the ass, let's end this fast.
"Gang bangers! Come into the hangers! Back to my crib, bitch, where we got the good shit!"
"Malfoy, WHAT, Malfoy, WHAT?!?"
"Oh, yeah, that bitch is in the ground! Can't you hear the sound of our shovels digging into the ground? Potter's gone, now we got no one to fight."
"And that's the reason why you can't get a date."
"Who said that, some bitch with the forehead! Hermione's just mad 'cause she ain't licked His head. What the fuck you gonna do, come whomp my ass? Party's over, bitch, go back to suckin class."
Boom-Bam, they got the shit that hit the fan. Oh! Shit! They all took a hit, to the ground, so much for that crown. The inner battles done gone and made some doo-tie, and now they ain't as much as a groupie.
"So now it's just me, the King of all Darkness, the bitch of UberReader and her best friend DASL. Down with the Voldy, his ass so moldy, and up with this dick, it's a solid goldie. Come on, whomping willow, come stand right beside me, help me bask in this ever-lasting glory. Come on bitches, come scratch my itches, 'cause guess what? Snape won."
So this concludes my battle rap, I guess you're looking to me for the recap. Voldy spoke first, rapping and shit, then Harry snapped back with his tiny ass dick. Ron spoke next, then Harry snapped. What the hell happened to his old 'Brokeback?' Hermione cracked next then Harry spoke about her bed-deeds, getting that ass faster than getting Mardi Gras beads. Voldy got pissed because everyone forgot about him, then the battle was on, get the battle hymns. Harry got knocked from his pedestal, but of course it ain't over 'cause that just ain't cool. They went over to the Malfoy's to sit and hang, but that just ain't apart of the game. Hermione cracked off to a particular person and the battle was on, and soon the whole party was straight up gone. But guess who survived to come bang my ass? The best of the best, my Back in Black man- Severus Snape of the 'Bitch, yes I can.' I made him survive because Rowling's a bitch, even made Dumbledore crave some dick. So then I alluded to some previous magic, DASL's little whomp-rap, and now ole Sevie's gonna sit and tap that-what ever's on the table, actin able. So get it on, and leave a review, 'cause next my man'll be after you. So just go! It's over anyhow, but take it slow. Some bitches just died here, don't wanna dis there or they'll get ya, haunt ya all nightmare long.
Post Note: Did you catch the song allusions? Review/PM with the answers. Just a hint: both are songs from some kick-ass bands that have been around for about twenty years or so but are still kicking ass. I'll go now. Hope you enjoyed this:)