Author's Notes: SPOILER ALERT! This story takes place shortly after the end of Captain America: The Winter Soldier … by the same token, it's also almost two years after the current storyline of Birthright. I'm trying to ensure that any spoilers will be mild … there will be mentions of births, deaths, marriages, and adoptions, but not how those events came to pass. It is also a two-parter. The first part deals with the interaction between Suzie and a badly-traumatized Bucky Barnes, who is taking the first steps to reclaiming himself. As a dear friend said after seeing the movie, 'I want to hug him and comb his hair and give him tea and punch in the face anyone who would hurt him.' The second part answers the question on many people's minds … where the hell was Clint? As to Eleanor, you'll meet her in Dite's Favor.
Part One
The Stranger Wearing My Face
"Suzie, I need you to go to Washington DC."
Suzie Costello looked up from the requisition form she'd been filling out for Liam Grady (more to the point, for Safe Haven, as they'd taken to calling the new Flat Holm) when Rassilon uttered those ultimately fateful words. She arched a brow at her boss in all but name. Washington, was it? And why would she want to go even remotely near that place? Well, yes, she would do it anyhow, but the question remained … what was in Washington that she would need to go there? Especially with the massive clean-up that had been going on lately.
It had been weeks since SHIELD was revealed to be a façade for HYDRA, and the dust was still settling … both physically and metaphorically. Not just in DC and in New York, but even in this small corner of the world. Suzie watched, entranced, as the Triskelion came down on live TV, the newest Rift foundling seated in her lap and gripping her hand tightly. Tosh and Ianto were equally riveted, although Ianto looked half-sick … not just at the likely number of lives lost, but at the massive clean-up that would be required. Some things never changed.
For his own part, Rassilon didn't seem entirely surprised by the events or by the revelations which came courtesy of Natasha Romanova (which wasn't anything new) … just sad (which was). When Ianto asked about it, Rassilon only answered quietly that HYDRA was still known in the fifty-first century … and it was also known that SHIELD was a cover for HYDRA up until the early years of the twenty-first century. Tosh protested that Jack was from the fifty-first century, and it didn't make sense that he would make an alliance with SHIELD, knowing such things about the organization.
Koschei, as he did with more and more frequency now, pointed out that Jack and Torchwood's alliance was with the Avengers, not with SHIELD, regardless of what the late (?) Nick Fury thought. Eleanor caught on even before the others did (clever girl), asking if Jack meant for the alliance to be a sanctuary for the Avengers in the shitstorm that was to come. Koschei admitted that he didn't know exactly what was in Jack's mind and heart, but he thought it was the most likely scenario. Jack was playful, and occasionally reckless, but he wasn't a fool. He knew something was coming, and he wanted the Avengers to have a safe place.
Which brought her right back to Rassilon's query. She looked up at him, asking, "Does this have something to do with the fall of SHIELD?" He gave a small shrug, which was Rassilon-speak for 'in a manner of speaking.' The Time Lord sat down opposite her, handing her a picture of a young man. Suzie frowned thoughtfully. There was something vaguely familiar about this man. It wasn't just that he looked like he could be related to Rassilon and to Jack, although that certainly played into it. No … no, she'd seen him before. But where? She finally asked, "And just who is this handsome young man?" She was married, she wasn't dead … well, not any more. Or, as she heard Ianto quip once, 'I was dead, but I got better.'
"His name is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, also known as Bucky. He was one of the Howling Commandos, Captain Steve Rogers' unit from World War II, and the lad's best friend since they were children," Rassilon explained. Oh. Oh, that explained a lot. And then, Rassilon dropped the other shoe, adding, "He's also the Winter Soldier, a drone for HYDRA." Suzie's eyes widened in horror, forcing Rassilon to continue, "He was a programmed assassin, not something he did willingly. Captain Rogers went up against him, and that began the process of shattering his programming."
Very little of what he was telling her would have been in any official reports … or even unofficial reports, come to that. Which meant that Rassilon was getting his information from some other source, and Suzie learned a long time ago that she didn't want her questions about those other sources answered. Unfailingly, Rassilon's attempts to answer broke her brain. Instead, she asked quietly, "And you want me to go to DC to find him?" Rassilon nodded, his impossibly ancient eyes boring into her soul. At least, that was what it felt like.
"I do. It will take him time before he's ready to face Captain Rogers. HYDRA broke him, Suzie, in every way imaginable, but in turn, that boy still found the strength to break his programming and save Captain Rogers, quite possibly from another seventy years on ice. He needs time to heal, needs time to forgive himself. We can give him both," he answered. Suzie nodded slowly, thinking about a man who was programmed against his every instinct, against everything he knew … about the acts he committed because of that programming, and then she considered how a man who was slowly regaining himself would view those acts.
She understood then, and said quietly, "That's why you're sending me … not Tosh or Ianto. Because out of all of us, I'm the one who probably understands him best, even though I chose to commit my sins, and he was raped. Oh, maybe not physically, but what was done to him was a violation of a horrific kind. It was still his hands that committed those crimes, even if it wasn't his soul." Which meant that she couldn't take anyone with her. Damn. Even so, Suzie began to consider what she would need to take with her when she went, rather than who.
"Exactly. Bring him home, Suzie. The Compound is a place for broken souls. Bucky Barnes fits that description," Rassilon answered and Suzie nodded almost absently. The American Flat Holm had many names, including the one that Rassilon used … the Compound. She preferred the one that Olivia Colasanto coined once Rassilon allowed her to start healing: Safe Haven. Suzie still didn't like her, and was glad that the Time Lord still had her life tied to Anwen's, but even she had to admit when the older woman had good ideas on occasion.
"I'll leave in the morning. What airport should I use for my flight to DC?" Suzie inquired. In truth, she spent very little time traveling, except around the immediate environs of Safe Haven. Rassilon smirked. She knew that smirk. That smirk almost always meant that things were about to get very, very interesting. Suzie sat back with a small sigh, asking, "Do I really want to know what you're about to say, or should I just start packing?" She would just start packing, regardless of what he said, but this was all part of their dance.
"Artemus will fly you on the Colasanto jet, my dear. Or, to borrow Ianto's phraseology, you'll be flying Air Colasanto. And no, Ianto is not going with you, but Eleanor is … can you imagine putting Ianto and Artemus together in a confined area?" Rassilon asked with a small shudder. Suzie didn't bother with small … those images induced a full-body shudder in her. Rassilon continued, "Get packed, spend the night with your husband. You'll leave first thing in the morning. And Suzie? Bring him, and yourself, back safely. Eleanor's mission is separate and she shouldn't be in any danger." Suzie nodded solemnly. This wouldn't be an easy assignment, not at all. Just from what Rassilon told her so far, she would be dealing with a man with severe PTSD and that was just the tip of the iceberg. But it needed to be done, and Suzie had a lot of work to do before she atoned for her past sins.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
James Buchanan Barnes. That was his name. And Bucky … that was the name his mission, his friend, had called him … Bucky was the name of the man in front of him, this stranger who wore his face. It was the same face, and yet, at the same time, it wasn't. There was determination in this man's eyes, and a darkness, but his eyes weren't as haunted as the eyes of the man who gazed into the mirror this morning, before he came here. Here, to the Air and Space Museum. The papers after the helicarriers came down covered the disaster, of course … and they told the name of his mission, told the name of his target. Captain Steve Rogers … Captain America.
Those same papers told of the Captain America exhibit here at the Air and Space Museum, and so he found his way here. He wasn't ready to seek out the man he was supposed to kill, the man he couldn't let die … but he still needed answers. His name was James Buchanan Barnes and he died when he was twenty-seven years old. He died in 1944 and was born in 1927. He heard one elderly lady mourning to her husband about how young both Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were, how young so many of them were. Were they young? She seemed to think so.
He wasn't young. He wasn't old. He wasn't even human … or he hadn't been. Up until Captain America (so thin, so scrawny, except he wasn't, not any more) plummeted into the Potomac, unconscious and possibly dying, he hadn't been human, he hadn't been anything but a weapon. Until he encountered the man on the bridge and detached memories bombarded his mind, memories that were wiped away. Memories … there was a figure looming over him, whispering his name and helping him up, murmuring, 'I thought you were dead.' He heard his own voice answering, 'I thought you were smaller.' Blurry images danced before his eyes as he tried to get his bearings, before he was led away from that horror. At least for a while. The conversation between the two friends continued in his head, even as he stared at the stranger wearing his face.
'What happened to you?'
'I joined the Army.' And that didn't make any sense, but the proof was before him … scrawny little Steve, whose heart was bigger than his body allowed for. Besides, after what he experienced, why not? When he asked if it hurt, Steve allowed that it did, a little. And so Bucky Barnes, who wasn't the Winter Soldier, asked the logical next question, 'Is it permanent?' Steve, showing the same patience Bucky used with his exasperating friend while they were growing up, answered almost absently, 'So far.' There were more memories … more battles, more laughter, more protecting his friends, more his friends protecting him. So many memories … teasing atop a mountain, and a train in the distance.
And then, he saw Steve reaching out to him desperately, screaming his name … just before Bucky's grip faltered, and he was torn away from the train, away from his best friend, away from everything that mattered to him. He was torn away from those he loved and his life, and turned into … he was vaguely aware that his breathing was coming quick and fast now as the two halves of his life warred with each other, and a gentle hand on his cheek pushed him over the edge. He hadn't even sensed that someone was near him, didn't realize there was a potential threat … and he reacted accordingly, seizing whoever touched him by the throat.
It was, of course, the wrong thing to do when trying to lie low, trying to stay off the grid and avoid attention of any kind (because right now, attention of any kind was bad), but even as he forced his fingers to release the other person, that individual was saying hoarsely, speaking to someone else (one of the security guards?) "It's fine! I should know better than that! It's fine, really … he's my younger brother, and I lost track of him. It's my fault, totally my fault … I thought it would be a good outing. He's suffering from a very severe case of PTSD … I'm so sorry, love, I didn't mean to frighten you. He was affected by that monstrosity called the Miracle a few years ago ... in fact, he was one of the experimentees. We only just found him a few months ago. Yeah, the damned Families wanted to try again. Come on back to me, Jamie."
Jamie. That was the wrong name, but at the same time, it was right. That was the first thing that occurred to him. The second thing was, the other person? It was a woman, and in the part of him that was still Bucky Barnes and still appreciated a beautiful woman, he noticed that she was extremely pretty. And the final thing that he noticed was her English accent. He'd served with a Brit once, hadn't he? There was a Brit who was captured with him … Falsworth. One of the Howling Commandos. Falsworth. Dum-dum. Morita. Jacques. Gabe.
His 'sister' spoke again, saying, "C'mon, let's get a hot dog or something. The exhibit will be here another few weeks. Yes, he hears that a lot … people are often commenting on his resemblance to Bucky Barnes. It doesn't hurt that he has the same first name." She linked arms with him, gently drawing him away from the crowd, away from the concerned (and suspicious) expressions of the security guards, away from the exhibit which provided only a few answers, just enough to provoke even more questions in his mind. She could have been trying to kill him. That was a possibility. But … he didn't think that was the case. Not this time. Besides, he was curious about what she was doing.
As they walked, she said softly, "I'm sorry about the subterfuge, but I saw you starting to have a panic attack, and wanted to avoid suspicion as much as possible. I know you're trying to fly under the radar while you get your head straight, and that would have been impossible if your panic attack drew more attention. Try to stay with the cover story. If anyone asks why you have a Yank accent and I have an English one, it's because we had different fathers, and you were raised here in the States." A very good cover story, and an easy one to remember. Which brought up another issue … one that his new 'sister' seemed to have thought of, as she added, "By the way, I'm Suzie. You don't need to answer, don't even need to speak, but I just thought that was something you needed to know."
He merely nodded as they made their way out of the exhibit hall and onto one of the many walkways. He had been Bucky, and then a weapon, and now he was being called 'Jamie.' It was an interesting progression. Suzie led him down the stairs, quietly murmuring apologies as she never let go of his hand or his arm, and then eventually out of the museum, talking about anything other than what just happened … both in the museum and in the city. The part of him that was Bucky, those slowly re-emerging memories, pointed out to him that he would have been responsible for the deaths of so many of these people. The Winter Soldier simply saw the people scurrying around them, many of them still traumatized themselves, as being simply in the way (at best) or targets (at worst).
He shook those thoughts away, unnerved not just by the war going on within his own soul, but how the Bucky part of him reacted to the Winter Soldier's thoughts. Instead, he focused on the walk as Suzie led him to a quiet Italian restaurant. At the entrance, she squeezed his arm gently, saying softly, "We'll be able to talk in here. The owner is a friend of a friend." Talk? He looked at her more closely and Suzie added quietly, "You didn't really think that I just happened to be at the exhibit, did you? I was sent." He froze and Suzie stopped as well, reaching up slowly to put both hands on his cheeks and making sure that he saw the contact coming this time. Suzie said, her dark eyes boring into his, "I'm not here to hurt you. I'm not here to make trouble. I'm here to help you. The man I work for … Steve Rogers is a friend of his son's. And we know that you're not ready to face your friend … we also know that you need answers, and a place to put yourself back together. We can do that. We can provide all of that."
At the name, he began to relax. He wasn't sure why he believed her. But even if she didn't have answers for him, maybe this man whom she worked for did. Once he began to relax, Suzie released him and linked arms with him once more, saying, "C'mon. I'll tell you more once we have our table. It's a long story, and kind of incredible, but after what you and Steve have both been through, it may not be so hard to believe." He found his facial muscles moving in an unfamiliar way … and for the first time since he fell from that train, so many years earlier, James Buchanan Barnes could smile.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
If she ever got her hands on the wankers who created the Winter Soldier, who stripped Bucky Barnes of his humanity … it almost made her wish that she had the Resurrection Gauntlet and its accompanying dagger back, just so she could kill the bastards and bring them back to life. Almost. Even now, nearly three years after being brought back to life by Rassilon, Suzie was still haunted by what she did. And those were her own choices! She chose to become that monster, to become what she hated most. Bucky? He had no choice. Rassilon included a dossier in her carry-on bag (arsehole … if he didn't do it, he had Eleanor do it), and she read that file during the extremely long flight from Nevada to DC. Everything that made him Bucky, that made him a charming gentleman and a loyal friend, all of that was stripped away. And if Arnim Zola still had a physical body, he would be her first target.
It made her ill. It actually made her physically ill. She wasn't making excuses for what she did. Anything but! And she knew that in time, she would have become even worse. Maybe that was why she was so angry. She looked at Bucky and she saw what she did to Max Tresilian. It was something she never really allowed herself to think about … too concerned about what she'd done to her friends and to the people she'd killed. She'd never really allowed herself to think about her other victims. And knowing Rassilon, that probably played into his decision to send her. He was sneaky like that.
However, she wasn't the important one right now. Bucky was. God, he was so damn young! As their drink orders were placed in front of them, he said quietly, "He knew me. Steve. When my mask came off, and he saw my face, he called me 'Bucky.' And I asked him who the hell Bucky was. He knew me. He knew me and called me by name. They wiped my memory again, because I couldn't let it go. They … they knew I was no longer theirs, and they couldn't take that." There was a growing, quiet rage in his voice and Suzie didn't dare to interrupt. Not that she really wanted to.
But then, he looked at her and asked, "How … what do I do now?" Impulsively (because it worked out so well the first time she did it … not), she reached out and took his hand. He looked down at their clasped hands almost curiously, but didn't lash out this time. Nor did he take it, but that didn't matter. They were making progress. Suzie didn't remove her hand, and after a long moment, his free hand (his human hand) covered hers. Yes. Yes, they were definitely making progress.
"Come back with me. I know for a fact that Steve is already looking for you. He wants to help you, but he doesn't know how. My friend, the lady who traveled with me, she's … I suppose you could say that she's a psychologist. She lost everything during a war … her husband, both of her sons. She almost lost her mind. But she put herself back together, and while she doesn't know what you've been through, she can make a start," Suzie told him.
He stared at her for a long time, and Suzie wondered what he was thinking. She couldn't really get a read on him … not yet. Eleanor might have better luck with that. At last, the young man asked, "What do you want from me?" It was, she reminded herself, a perfectly logical question. After the way he'd been used, how could he not ask that question? He continued, "What's in this for you? Yes, you've told me that you're working for a man whose son is friends with Captain Rogers, with Steve, but what's in it for you?" Suzie's mouth went dry at the question.
She could have told him any number of things. There were so many answers to that particular question. She could have told him that Rassilon gave her back her life (which was true, but she really wasn't ready to have that conversation with him). She could have been flippant and told him that she was always on the look-out for good-looking men to add to the household (which was also true … what? She was married, but she could still look. She just couldn't touch). She could have even told him that she was damaged, too. That was also the truth.
But in the end, she stuck with the foundations of the truth, telling him, "What do I get out of this? Atonement." Her companion arched his brows questioningly, and Suzie explained, "I used to be a very bad person. Not because I was turned into a weapon, not even because I was misled, but because I wanted to be. It was because I loved the power that I was given, power of life and death, and cheating death … if only for a few minutes. I blamed the organization I worked for, because they gave me access to technology that fed into that desire for power. But the truth is, it revealed my flaws. I suppose I could blame them still, but I finally grew up and started taking responsibility for my own actions."
She took a sip of her water, staring into the eyes of the Winter Soldier, who was slowly becoming Bucky once more. After a moment, Suzie went on, "Ever since I got my life back, started turning myself around, I've started making amends. I hurt so many people. Unlike my former boss Jack, the son of my current boss, I've done far more terrible things than good. Little by little, I've been making amends, by protecting people and trying to help others. But there was something that I failed to do. I hurt my friends Tosh, Owen and Ianto. I've been making things up to them. I hurt Jack, and I've tried to make things up to him. And while I can't make amends to those I killed, I can save others. I can and I have. But there was one person whom I never made amends to. Someone I used, as badly as you've been used. I hurt him so badly … repeatedly wiped his memory, the way your memory has been wiped. And in the end, because I wiped his memory so many times, I ended up causing brain damage."
Suzie looked at her hands, remembering the awful hole that opened up at her feet when Ianto told her about Max's final fate. And what hurt her even more was the compassion in the young man's eyes. She said slowly around the lump that was growing in her throat, "In the end, Jack had to place him in … well, basically a hospice. He never got better, and finally, his actions put the lives of the other patients in danger. Because of my actions, a lot of innocent people nearly died, and you know something, I didn't even care. I didn't see human beings … I saw subjects, I saw what I thought was the greater good, but was in fact just my desire for power. It started so innocently … I wanted to make sure that I was never helpless again. It morphed into something far, far worse. You want to know what I get out of helping you? If I can do this, if I can help Bucky re-emerge from the Winter Soldier, then Max is avenged. Selfish? Of course. But like I keep telling my best friend and my husband, I'm not truly reformed. I just have different priorities." Once more, Bucky was silent for a long time, those eyes never leaving her face.
Did she wonder what he was thinking? Of course she was, how could she not? Then again, she also wondered if bringing him back to Safe Haven was particularly smart while Tosh was there. Rassilon assured her that there wouldn't be an issue, that one of the men in the Howling Commandos was himself of Japanese extraction, one Jim Morita. Which, now that Suzie thought about it, she remembered seeing his picture among the Howling Commandos. And that alleviated her concern, at least a little.
At last, he asked quietly, "What will you need me to do?" And that, perhaps, was the question with the easiest answer. Once more making sure to telegraph her moves (because being choked to death? Not a fun sensation, not something she cared to repeat), Suzie reached forward to cup his cheek with the hand not cradled between his. He froze, but didn't jerk back, not even when she stroked his cheek with her thumb. Once again, she marveled at how very young he was. He was so young and so old at the same time. In some ways, he was just a child again, and for the first time, it hit Suzie, just how much of a responsibility Rassilon gave her. More to the point, just how much trust and faith he placed in her. For the first time in her life, she understood the phrase, 'I am humbled by your faith in me.'
"What do you need to do? You need to heal from what they did to you, and that includes letting someone look at your arm, to see if it was done properly. You need to bring Bucky and the Winter Soldier into alignment. Because one thing I know? You can't just be one or the other, you have to be both, and you're the only person who can do it. We can help, but you're the one with the biggest job. And finally, you need to be patient with yourself, especially when your memories start breaking loose. You need to have patience with yourself, and you'll need to learn to forgive yourself, even though you weren't in control. There will come a time, maybe sooner and maybe later, but there will come a time when you'll start to remember things that will horrify Bucky Buchanan, and it won't matter that he wasn't in control, what will matter is that it was his hands that committed those acts. When that happens, don't shut us out. We've all done horrible things, and we've all had to learn to forgive ourselves. You may always be broken, Bucky. But maybe, in time, you'll become more whole. Are you willing to take that chance? Are you willing to accept our help, if it means letting Steve Rogers find you when you're both ready? Because he had a journey of his own to undertake, one that will allow him to understand what you've been through, and despite what he may think, he's not ready to meet up with you again," Suzie answered, her slim fingers tightening around his non-human hand.
Bucky looked down at their interlaced fingers and gave a very small nod. But it was enough. Suzie offered him her most radiant smile, and waved over the waiter. He approached with a smile, and she said, "We're ready to order now, my friend …" She paused, not knowing what name to call him (not that it really matted right now). Words formed on his lips, and Suzie's smile broadened further. She looked up at the waiter, saying, "My friend Bucky and I. And unless I miss my guess, he's going to trust me to order for him." Her companion rolled his eyes, but didn't argue. And this? This, she sensed, was the beginning of a beautiful friendship (regardless of how clichéd that sounded).
TBC