O/S written for: Ciara Cunningham (for winning the OUAT Fan Fiction & Creations weekly trivia quiz)
Prompt: Regina, Mary Margaret and Emma are all pregnant at the same time. Their husbands, Robin, David and Neal all meet up at the Rabbit Hole to commiserate. They receive a frantic call to come to the hospital not knowing which wife is in labor only to get there to find out it was a false alarm.
Rated: K
EXPECTING
Michelle Hughes Hunter *aka* CharlotteAshmore
The lights were dim, the whiskey wasn't overly watered down and the felt on the pool table was in fairly good shape at the Rabbit Hole, one of the few bars scattered about in the small Hamlet of Storybrooke. The perfect place to hide from one's wife…especially if that wife was also a reformed evil queen and pregnant to boot. Robin tossed back the half inch of amber liquid in his glass and lined up his shot. He thought all the nastiness had been put behind them when Regina's half-sister had been vanquished and he'd finally been able to convince her that he only had the most honorable intentions toward her. Her past didn't matter to him, only their future. It had been a rough road to the altar, but in the end he'd won his fair queen. And there was no denying that she loved his son…their son now, and Roland simply adored her. Regina's pregnancy had come as a shock to them both as she'd despaired of ever conceiving a child of her own. But as the shock wore off, they couldn't have been happier.
He did not, however, expect their child to disagree with the dark magic that dwelt within her. The more their child grew, the more magic Regina seemed to expel…all against her wishes. Their home was turning into a chaotic nightmare and putting a strain on them both. How does one deal with a plague of frogs in the bathroom? Or needing a step ladder to peel one's wife off the ceiling after a bout of hiccups? And he didn't even want to think about the rainbow colored pustules that Regina broke out in one morning over breakfast. He suppressed a shudder and let the pool cue smack into the ball.
Nothing they'd tried seemed to be able to stop the strange events that seemed to plague them. The baby simply didn't want to inhabit his mother's body while it had to share the space with Regina's magic. She'd been so desperate, she'd swallowed her pride and gone to Rumpelstiltskin for help. His answer had been to attempt to bind her magic with a simple spell. But it seemed she couldn't go anywhere near the sorcerer without getting violently ill. She could only reason it as his magic being even darker than hers and the baby could sense it. Nevertheless, he had tried…at Belle's insistence, of course. The Gold twins were only four months old and Belle remembered all too well her own pregnancy symptoms. If there was a way Rumpelstiltskin could help Regina, Belle was going to make sure he put forth his best efforts. Unfortunately, his most powerful binding spell proved useless and only succeeded in turning Regina's hair a bright shade of pink that didn't wear off for nearly three weeks.
Thankfully, the baby was growing at a normal rate and was declared healthy by the doctor. It was only his poor Regina that was so miserable and despondent. To make matters worse, there seemed to be a baby boom in their now quiet little town and Emma and Mary Margaret were also expecting. Regina had taken it as a personal affront, a way for them to steal her thunder so to speak. It took a great deal of pleading on his part to make her see that they hadn't done it just to spite her and now the three of them were planning a joint baby shower to celebrate together. He was going to take a leaf out of Rumpelstiltskin's playbook and hide for a few hours when the pregnancy hormones got out of hand and the need to escape became desperate. Rumpelstiltskin had retreated to his shop when the need arose; Robin opted for the Rabbit Hole.
"Hiding again, Robin?" Neal asked, sliding his jacket from his shoulders and hanging it on the back of a chair. He sipped from the longneck bottle of bear in his hand and picked up a spare pool cue.
Robin shrugged and gestured for Neal to join the game, stepping back and refilling his glass from the bottle of whiskey the bartender had left for him on the table. "I wouldn't call it hiding exactly," he protested mildly.
Neal lined up his shot, a smirk curving his full lips. "Yeah, right. Your house if full of three pregnant women, my stepmother, Ruby and Granny, two squalling, colicky infants, Henry and wee Roland. Hiding," he sing-songed the last word as he sunk two balls into the pockets.
"Hmm. And what's your excuse, my friend, for being here if not to get away from your own hormonal wife?" Robin asked.
"When I dropped Emma and Mary Margaret at your house, she asked that I pick up some takeout Chinese food," he said, slinging a thumb in the direction of the Mandarin Garden across the street. "When you weren't home I figured I'd find you here."
Robin smile ruefully at his friend and dropped into a chair to wait for Neal to finish his turn. They'd become fast friends when Neal had gone through a portal and ended up back in the Enchanted Forest back at the Dark Castle and had once again resumed their friendship when the last curse had brought them all back to Storybrooke. Neal was one of the few people Robin could talk to about his problems with Regina's pregnancy.
"There you are! How could you leave me at Regina's with a bevy of hormonal cackling hens to come have a drink?" David Nolan asked, coming up behind Neal and completely wrecking his concentration.
Neal whirled around to face his father in law with a sheepish grin. "I was coming back."
"Please don't tell me she's turned them all into poultry!" Robin groaned, lowering his head into his hands with a grimace.
David glanced at Robin, confused by his comment for a moment before Neal distracted him with outright laughter. "What? No, no. I mean that they're all over at your house cackling like a bunch of hens over this shower they're having." He turned to Neal. "Why do they call it a shower again?"
"Because they will be 'showered' with gifts," he said, taking a swig of his beer, his laughter dying down to mere chuckles.
Robin decided to change the subject away from the shower to pick his friends for vital information. "So, your highness, has Queen Snow had any unusual cravings this time around?" he asked David.
"She's developed a fondness for pickle juice. Not the pickles themselves, just the juice," David said with a shudder as Neal went to the bar and returned with a beer for the princeling.
Robin cringed. "Is that normal?"
"I don't see why not. When she was pregnant with Emma, she wanted roasted pumpkin all the time. That was strange, because Snow absolutely hates pumpkin."
Neal settled back in a chair and drained his bottle of beer, stretching out his long legs and crossing them at the ankles. "Emma's hasn't had any weird cravings, but she's been a lot meaner lately. I think that's why the crime rate in Storybrooke has gone down. Nobody wants to have to call the sheriff's station and talk to her. But I don't think anyone suffered through a pregnancy as much as my papa when Belle was pregnant with the twins."
David's eyes grew round as dinner plates and he shook his head slowly, preferring not to comment. Robin raised one golden brow and waited. "How so?"
Neal snorted. "The poor man couldn't seem to do anything right. And he never slept. He was forever chasing down one exotic craving of hers after another, trying to please her. Her mood swings were a nightmare and yet he never once raised his voice to her."
"How did he do it?" Robin asked, unable to picture the Dark One as the soul of amiability.
"I didn't say no one suffered," Neal said with a wicked smirk not unlike his father's. "He had to replace the glass display cases in the shop more than once, he raised the rent at least three times on four different properties and the cabin is undergoing renovations as we speak."
"Ouch," Robin said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Did you ever tell her?"
"No indeed not. You know Belle. She would have felt terribly guilty about making papa so miserable and then papa would have gotten angry with me for telling her. No thank you," Neal huffed with indignation. His father's temper tantrums were still a sore spot with him.
"So why are you hiding out here?" David asked, the Rabbit Hole not being one of his favorite places in Storybrooke.
"Regina suggested that I make myself scarce for a while this evening. She said my pacing while awaiting our next catastrophe was giving her hives."
Neal smirked, his teeth gleaming in the pale light of the neon sign hanging over the pool table. "Were you?"
"I have no bloody idea. But when she started scratching, I didn't argue and left."
"I…" Neal's voice trailed off as he reached for the cell phone in the pocket of his jeans as it chimed. David and Robin exchanged puzzled glances as theirs began chiming as well. Three different cell phones displayed the same text message: HOSPITAL! ER NOW!
Three faces drained of blood as they grabbed for their jackets and rushed toward the exit and into the street. Neal had his keys out first, ushering them to his vehicle parked across the street. "Come on, I'll drive!"
"Did yours say who they were taking to the hospital?" Robin asked, climbing in the back seat since David had already dived into the front passenger seat and was already buckling his seatbelt.
"No, just to get to the ER at the hospital," Neal answered, stepping on the gas and pulling out onto Main Street in the direction of Storybrooke General.
"Oh gods, I hope it isn't Snow," David groaned. "Or Emma."
"They aren't due for another two weeks," Neal said, concentrating on the road. He glanced up in the rearview mirror to catch Robin's eye. "You think it could be Regina?"
Robin grabbed onto the headrest in front of him as Neal took a right without slowing. "Regina isn't due for another four days, but she could go anytime. Babies come when they want to, not when the doctors of this land say they should."
It took Neal five minutes to pull up outside of the ER entrance and vault out of the car, remembering to put the car in park at the last moment. Robin nearly tripped over David as he got out and sprinted into the ER's waiting room, the others following behind him as he sought out the worried faces that greeted him. Granny, Ruby, Belle, the children, Emma, Snow…where was Regina? Where was his wife?
"Oh, Robin…" Belle said, balancing her daughter on her hip while Henry sat in one of the chairs with her son. "Everything's going to be fine. Dr. Whale is with Regina now," she explained.
"What happened?" he asked, raking a hand through his blond hair and trying to calm his rampaging heart. "Did she go into labor?"
Belle blushed fiery red and worried her lower lip between her teeth. "No, not exactly."
He took a deep breath, relieved that she hadn't gone into labor while he was off drinking at the Rabbit Hole. Regina, not the most forgiving person in the world, would never have let him live that one down. But Belle was looking awfully guilty about something and he was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"Her hair is what?" he heard Neal exclaim from the other side of the waiting room as Emma whispered furiously in his ear.
"Her face?" he heard David gasp.
"Alright, enough! What is wrong with my wife?" Robin asked, causing the nurse at the desk cast him a reproving glare as she put her finger to her lips and tried to shush him.
Belle bounced her daughter on her hip and tried to smile, although it came out as more of a grimace. "Well, Robin, we were trying to help."
Snow came to stand on one side of Belle and Emma on the other, lending their support. "We know what a bad time Regina's been going through and we thought if…"
"We thought if we mixed a potion into the scones Belle baked for the shower that…" Emma chimed in.
"That the baby wouldn't realize and therefore it might work?" Belle finished.
Robin glared at the three women and scrubbed his hands over his face in exasperation. He couldn't very well start upbraiding them in the middle of the hospital, but if Regina wanted to curse them all for this latest stunt, he wouldn't stand in her way. He opened his mouth several times to say something, only to slam it shut each time in the face of their misery.
"Where is she?" he asked with more calm than he was feeling.
Snow pointed down the hall. "Curtain three."
Without a word, Robin left them standing there to find his wife. Before he reached her, Whale stepped out of the curtain and smiled reassuringly at him. "Regina's fine, the baby's fine and I'm sure she'll be back to her old self before she's ready to deliver."
"Then why are you smiling like the village idiot?" Robin snarled at him. He didn't wait for an answer, pushing himself past the doctor to go to his wife's side.
Regina was inspecting herself in a mirrored compact when he whipped the curtain aside, her large honey brown eyes glassy with unshed tears. She snapped it closed when she saw him, holding her arms open to him. He stepped to her side and sat on the side of the hospital bed, gathering her close to his chest. "What happened, my darling?" he asked, stroking his hand over her lavender tinted hair.
"Belle and Gold and Snow…and Emma. They were trying to help me which is the only reason they aren't all toads right now," she said, tucking her face into the crook of his neck where it met his shoulder.
He plucked several tissues from the box on the bedside table and dried the tears from her eyes. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing at the green polka dots that dotted her lovely face. "Is that why you're here? Because of…this?" he asked softly, gesturing to her hair and face.
"No, Robin, I started having what felt like contractions because of the stress, I guess. So Emma insisted on bringing me in to have Whale check to make sure I wasn't in labor," she explained, taking a moment to blow her nose. "He said it was a false alarm."
Robin pulled her close again and kissed her gently. "I'm just glad you're alright."
Regina ducked her head, refusing to let him look at her dotted face for overlong. "I'm sorry I worried you. I've put you through so much already. I find it hard to believe that you haven't run from me yet."
He cupped her face in his hands and forced her to look at him, smiling lovingly down at her. "You're mine, Regina and I love you. Just as I love our child, temperamental as she may already be. I'm not going anywhere," he promised. "But your friends, as well meaning as I'm certain they are, need to mind their own business and let us muddle through on our own."
"My friends," she said with a huff. "I'm beginning to think I preferred having them as my enemies."
"Why would you say that?"
"Because at least I knew what to expect. Now I just have to worry about them helping me into an early grave," she said ruefully.
Robin cast her a wily grin as he nibbled at the corner of her mouth. "Yes, darling, but you'll be a fashionable corpse. The only one I think I've ever known with lavender hair," he teased.
THE END