a/n: Hey, look, the story I promised. By the way, I might change my mind and delete version 1 from this site.
In this story, Tony/Bruce is pre-established.
HIJMY 1 - "This Is Crazy"
Iron Man was falling.
Not like when you trip and fall flat on your face, or even when you fall out of bed and wake up.
No, he was free-falling, and it was a long way to the ground.
"He's not slowing down," Thor said. He was spinning his hammer in preparation of reaching Iron Man when the Hulk jumped up and caught him.
They slid down a building before the Hulk dropped to the ground and landed on his back. He pushed Iron Man off his chest and stood up.
Captain America, Thor, and the Hulk surrounded Iron Man, who was lying on his back.
The Hulk ripped off the mask. Tony's eyes were closed and he wasn't moving.
Cap knelt down and touched Tony's chest.
The arc reactor was dim.
Steve looked helplessly up at Thor, whose eyes were locked on Tony.
The Hulk's roar, halfway between upset and disbelieving, jolted Tony awake.
"What the hell. What happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me."
"We won," Steve told him.
"Alright, yay. Alright, good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow." Tony continued talking, quickly switching the topic to shawarma.
Steve cracked a grin.
"We're not finished," Thor interrupted.
"And then shawarma after?"
That's when Tony noticed the Hulk standing about 20 feet away. He seemed to be scanning the sky.
"What's the big guy doing?" Tony asked, feeling slow.
"Probably looking for Loki, which is what we should be doing," Steve replied. He stood up.
Tony groaned. "No thanks, I'll just stay here."
"Come on, get up. We've still got work to do."
"I actively avoid work. Can't I just stay here for a few more minutes? I just fell from, like, a different dimension."
"Nope," Steve replied easily, dismissing the complaints. He held his hand out for Tony to take so he could stand up more easily. "You can relax after this, alright?"
Tony sighed and took the offered hand. Next thing he knew, he was being pulled to his feet.
"Besides, the Hulk caught you, so it doesn't count," Steve added.
"It counts!" Tony huffed.
Clint finally arrived at that point. "You can keep trying to convince him all day, but we still won't have caught Loki," he said.
"Alright, alright. Last I checked, he was in my tower, but I don't know what happened after that," Tony said, being helpful. "I'll ask Natasha if she knows where he is."
On the roof of Stark Tower, Natasha was left with Loki's scepter and an unconscious scientist. She decided that somebody else could get him later. As for the scepter, she felt the urge to just throw it out.
She chose to hold on to it, though, since she really had no place to throw it out. Besides, it could be useful in the future.
That settled, she brought it with her as she climbed down to the penthouse level.
Loki was lying in an indentation in the floor for some reason, and he looked like he was in quite a bit of pain.
Natasha was setting the scepter down on the bar when she heard the stomps of something large.
The source was revealed when the Hulk jumped up the tower and met her in the penthouse. Natasha, unable to resist, took a step backward. "Hey, Hulk," she said nervously. "What's up?"
"Hulk smash puny god through floor," the Hulk announced proudly, motioning to Loki.
"Oh, so that's why he looks like he got run over by a train. Good job."
Tony's voice suddenly ran over their wireless communication system. "All clear on the roof, Agent?"
"Yes," Natasha replied. "Loki is... detained. The Hulk is also here."
"Great to hear. The rest of us will be with you momentarily."
"Copy that." Natasha looked up at the Hulk. "Looks like you get to stay for a while longer."
"Smash?" he asked hopefully.
"I don't think so," she admitted. "But you get to look scary."
The six Avengers looked particularly formidable while surrounding Loki, who was still on the ground from when the Hulk tossed him around.
Loki gulped. "If it's all the same to you, I think I'll have that drink now."
Thor pulled Loki to his feet.
"Another time, then," Loki said.
"Sure," Tony replied. "You'll have to come say hi next time you try to take over the world. We'll have a drink and catch up before trying to blow each other up."
"I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not."
"I'll let you know if I ever find out. In the meantime, I made handcuffs just for you. Jarvis, care to explain their dangerous properties?"
"It would be my pleasure," Jarvis replied as Tony put said handcuffs onto Loki's wrists.
He got bored of that conversation and left them to it.
He took off his suit while humming "Hell's Bell's" and looking around the room. The holes in the ground upset him a little bit, but he knew he could just fix the floor later, so he let it go.
He watched the interaction between the Hulk and Natasha. She was handing him some clothes. His shoulders slumped at whatever she was saying.
Soon, there was a man standing in place of the Hulk... and try though he did, Tony could not remember who he was.
Well, he figured he knew, anyway, because he knew the Hulk.
He supposed it was possible that he had just never been around the Hulk very much until now, but something felt... off.
He was starting to develop a headache from trying so hard to remember, so he headed for the bar.
On the way, he tapped Steve on the shoulder and motioned for him to follow.
"Hey, Cap?" Tony asked quietly, selecting a glass. "Should I be remembering that guy over there?" He almost dreaded the answer.
Steve did a double take. "You mean- You mean Dr. Banner?"
"Is that what his name is?"
"This isn't funny, Stark," Steve said, gritting his teeth. "Cut it out."
"You think I'm joking? Okay, to be fair, if I were you, I'd also think I was joking, but-"
"Stop fooling around!"
Steve's raised voice brought the attention of the others.
"What's going on?" Bruce asked.
Steve noticed that Tony's expression, while looking at Bruce, was void of the emotion is used to hold. He realized that no, Tony was not pulling a prank.
"He doesn't-" Steve began, but stopped because saying it meant believing it, and he very much did not want to believe it.
"Jarvis, scan my brain," Tony ordered.
"Sir, there seems to be an interference. It's not electrical."
Tony cursed and reached for a bottle of alcohol. He was pouring it into his glass when Natasha came over and pulled it from his hand. "Share with the class," she said. "What's going on?"
"I don't re-" Tony rubbed his eyes. His headache was getting worse. "I don't remember him." He made a vague motion toward Bruce.
"Oh." Bruce put his hands in his pockets. "Okay. Amnesia, then." He muttered something scientific-sounding - something about head trauma - before asking, louder, "It wasn't Loki, was it?"
Everyone turned toward Loki, who looked amused but not particularly guilty.
"I claim nothing," he said coolly.
Thor gripped his brother's shirt. "Loki, reverse it."
"As I said, I-"
Suddenly, Loki was on his back. Natasha pressed her boot into his chest, huffing impatiently. "Ant," she said, motioning to Loki. "Boot." She pointed at her foot. "What did you do to him?"
Meanwhile, Steve began to argue with Tony. "How could you not remember? If there's anyone you should remember, it's him. At least give him that."
"Oh, right, because I can choose who I remember. Even on purpose, it'd be hard to forget the human identity of the Hulk."
Steve slammed Tony against the shelves. Bottles clinked together, but nothing broke. "I still don't know if you're lying or not."
"You heard Jarvis just as well as everyone else. It's not my fau-"
"It's Loki's scepter," Clint announced. His voice abruptly cut off the multiple fights and shut everybody up.
"I don't know what happened to Stark," Clint clarified, "but the scepter is making everyone fight. It's one of the things I learned while under Loki's control."
"This happened before," Tony said, moving away from Steve. "After we found out about the weapons SHIELD wanted to make."
"Where is the scepter?" Thor asked.
"I put it over there," Natasha said, pointing at the bar.
Tony picked it up. "I'll put it in a safe," he said. "Loki won't need it where he's going. Well, he'll wish he had it, but I'm in favor of not giving him what he wants. Fury will probably want to see it, too, but I'm also in favor of not giving him what he wants, either."
"Good. Get rid of it as soon as possible," Steve said.
"Hey, uh..." Tony looked at Bruce. "Banner, is it? Want to come with me?"
"Um..." Bruce shared a look with Natasha. "Sure."
"We'll deal with Loki when we get back. For now, make yourselves at home," Tony said to everyone else.
They entered the elevator with the scepter. The last thing they heard was Natasha, who said, "Hey Cap, there's an unconscious guy on the roof."
The elevator was quiet until Tony spoke up. "Are you a medical doctor?"
"No, I'm... I"m a scientist. Radiation."
"Sounds like we'd get along great."
"Yeah, we did."
a/n: Sorry for cutting it off right there. Next chapter will continue directly where this left off, though! Coming soon: the actual pair this story advertises!
Hm... the staff/scepter/idk acted differently for each Avenger. It's sort of a... headcanon, I guess. I don't know exactly what the staff can do, but I see it as "it's complicated" - which means I can make up whatever I want while still having it be plausible.
Oh my, and nobody told Tony what his relationship with Bruce is... Well, that can wait until next chapter, which I will finish one of these days. Pepper is definitely going to appear pretty soon.
Please tell me if I have made any errors. (p.s. I'm sorry for being so slow.)