Disclaimer: Don't own. Everything goes to the brilliant, talented, wonderful J. K. Rowling. Oh, and Meyer.
A/N: Okay, I know this has been done probably a thousand times, but I hate Twilight and love Harry Potter (especially the Dark Side), so I figured, why the hell not. I think I made up some words here... So, here is my version of the clichéd "Bella meets Bella". Enjoy! Please. Enjoy this.
Other A/N: I wrote this months ago while high on chocolate in Florida... hope you like!
EDIT: Spelling/grammar mistakes have been (I hope) mostly fixed.
Bellatrix Lestrange, the Dark Lord, and all those other useless Death Eaters were at headquarters (duh), waiting for some mysterious people to show up. They had recently captured Cedric Diggory, and for some weird reason hadn't killed him, so he was there too. They were waiting for these strange people because they had received a letter saying something along the lines of... "I don't know who you are. But you have Bella's mother. And we will rescue her! Be afraid!"
Bella(trix) was, of course, very confused. Her mother was dead, and even if she weren't, she wouldn't need rescuing from Malfoy Manor. No one knew another Bella, so everyone soon joined Bella(trix) in the Land of Confusitivity. (Wait, what? What the hell is "confusitivity"?) The Dark Lord especially wondered why they needed to be afraid. Why, he and Bella(trix) were the most powerful Dark wizard (and witch) ever! And then, the rest of them... well, they could always be used as shields... Anyway. Waiting. Why were they waiting? The most powerful Dark wizard (and witch) ever should not be kept waiting! Oh wait, someone was ringing the doorbell.
Ding! Bella (Swan) walked in the door, followed by her beautiful, girlish, sparkly boyfriend, (Hmm. My spell check tried to tell me that should be "boyfiend". Oh, I love spell check.) Edward. She had her special powers of Sueness ready, and Eddie (Ugh. I had to use disinfectant after I wrote that) was ready to read their minds. A man in a black hooded cloak opened the door. Bella (Swan) and Edward ran through without waiting for the man to move. Consequentially, Lucius Malfoy was crushed to Death Eater pulp.
A shout of "Renee" was heard by all within the house (except Luci-Lu, cause he was dead). It was a girl's voice. Bella(trix) cackled evilly. If this girl thought they had "Renee", then she would get to torture her. She immediately started to skip around the room screaming "I killed Sirius Black!" in a sing-song voice, even though she hadn't killed him yet. As she scream-sang this for the ELEVENTH FRICKIN' TIME, a brown (is it brown?) haired girl came in with a ginger boy who looked strangely like the Diggory boy.
"You- you- you BITCH!" Bella (Swan) screamed at Bella(trix). As Voldemort was about to reply that Bella(trix) wasn't a bitch, she was a... something the author...ess is not sure she's allowed to type in a T-rated fanfiction, Bella(trix) began laughing (again).
"Why, thank you for the compliment, luv, you could have called me much worse. Now, who's Renee? I don't think she's here?" At this, Bella (Swan) screamed.
"No, I don't care about Renee anymore, YOU HAVE EDWARD!" She obviously didn't notice that Edward was STANDING RIGHT BESIDE HER. "And what can be worse than a bitch? That's the worst swear word I know."
Bella(trix) once again began to cackle evilly. "Who's Edward, then? And there are many things worse than a bitch."
Edward took this moment to butt in to the conversation. "Bella, I'm standing right beside you." Edward, who from now on shall be referred to as sparkly-boy, had a gift for stating the obvious.
Bella(trix), from now on referred to as Mrs. Riddle cause that's how she just told the authoress she wants to be referred to, cackled again. "CACKLE! How dare you talk to me in such a familiar way? DIE FILTHY MUGGLE!" She then whipped out her wand (ha ha ha NO) and began to Crucio sparkly-boy while cackling.
Bella (Swan), now sparkly-girl, screamed at Mrs. Riddle to stop hurting her wonderful sparkly boyfriend. Edward now tried to explain that he wasn't talking to the-crazy-lady-whose-name-he-didn't-know, he was talking to Bella. At this Mrs. Riddle cackled again and began Crucioing sparkly-girl and sparkly-boy.
Voldemort then killed sparkly-boy-and-girl and Cedric, who had fainted. He then dropped to one knee and pulled out a diamond ring. "Bella, will you marry me?"
Mrs. Riddle, now actually soon to be Mrs. Riddle, shrieked with joy. "Eek! Yes, I'll marry you! Just let me go kill my husband and blame it on Harry Potter!"
And they all lived happily ever after... (except Lucius, sparkly-girl, sparkly-boy, and Cedric, 'cause they were dead.)
A/N: Wow... Not what I expected. But I like it! If you like it too, review. If you read it, review. If you hated it, (which you probably do) review. So, basically... If you're reading this author's note, review! No flames, please!