Happy Barricade Day!
I hope everyone took time today to remember the Friends of the ABC and the battle that they fought so many years ago today. We, their loyal supporters, must not let their ideals vanish with the passing decades. Take up their flag! Fight for freedom! Never give up a cause as hopeless!
That being said, here is my Barricade Day fanfic. It is a letter from Grantaire to Enjolras, discussing himself and Enjolras and Paris and belief. Hope you enjoy!
June 5, 1832
Enjolras-
Today, I watched as the barricades rose on the streets of Paris. I watched the fire in your eyes blaze brighter than ever before. I watched you as you watched all your dreams become a reality.
Well, not all your dreams. You have yet to actually win this battle you have chosen to fight.
But that part will not happen. You will die tomorrow, oh great one. You and all who choose to fight with you. And that is why I am writing to you tonight, so that you will die knowing what I am about to say.
Of course, I could simply say all of this to your face, but I highly doubt the great Apollo would take the time to chat with a wastrel like me on the most important night of his life. And even if you had nothing to do, you would tell me to shut up because my drunken ramblings only serve to irritate you.
And so I write. True, you might simply toss the paper in the gutter that will soon be running red with the blood of students and soldiers alike. But at least I will have gotten these thoughts out in the open.
Ah, but I am rambling again. Babbling as much in writing as I do in speech. And I know how terribly that annoys you, great Apollo, so I'll try to stop. I'd hate to cause you grief, tonight of all nights.
If anyone were to ask you about my values and the things I hold dear, I know what you would say. There is but one thing that matters to me, my mistress and idol rolled into one. My beloved green faerie, absinthe. For once you are wrong, Enjolras. And oh, how very wrong you are!
The drink means nothing to me. It is the drunkenness that I cling to, but not because I enjoy it. I hide behind my intoxication the way Joly hides behind his invented illnesses, Jean Prouvaire hides behind his rhymes and Courfeyrac hides behind his flirtatious manner. Or perhaps none of them are hiding at all and my cynical judgements are a way of hiding the shame I feel from hiding in the first place.
Yet here is more of my useless illogical logic. Don't mind me, Apollo. Just accept that you are wrong. The absinthe is nothing more than the outward manifestation of my fear.
That being said, it is obvious that the green fairy is neither mistress nor idol.
There is no mistress, if you care to know. I'm sure you don't care, but I'll tell you anyway. There is no mistress. There are whores, I'll admit, but I won't bore you with the pathetically human emotions that bring me to them.
And there is an idol, but it is not absinthe. I know you don't believe it, oh great one, for my cynical comments every night tell a much different tale. But you have shone a light into my miserable existence. You will not save France; I can never believe in the truth of your dreams. Yet I do believe in the reality of your hope.
You can see a world beyond the misery that is life. You have the power to dream. I envy this gift, Enjolras, and I wish that you had sat with me one night after the others had left and explained your visions to me. As it is, all I see is an unrealistic haze. I don't know if the haze is worth dying for, but I know it is a vast improvement on the quality of life I see in this wretched city each day.
If you do read this, I want you to know how very much you have affected my life. Saved my life, really. Saved me from living out my pathetic days believing that nothing could ever get better. Your death tomorrow will change nothing, it's true. But that doesn't mean a better world isn't possible. You showed me that hope, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
What could our lives have been like if you didn't have to do this? You see, Apollo, I admit it. You have to do this; it is who you are. But I am still allowed to wonder…
It is more than idolatry that I feel for you, Enjolras, for I see more of you than simply the shining god Apollo. In that regard, I think I've surpassed your loyal soldiers. I know your deepest, darkest secret. You are a human being.
And sometimes I wonder if that human being can feel anything other than disdain for me. I wonder if we could have been friends, had circumstances been much different. I wonder if we could have been more than friends.
You are beautiful, Marcellin Enjolras. You are beautiful inside and out. And I do believe you have stolen my heart.
But enough of this nonsense. None of this matters, not tonight. And by this time tomorrow, nothing will ever matter again.
Go out and fight, great revolutionary hero. Fight for that which is impossible, but which is right. I will be with you in spirit, even though I do not truly believe in the cause as you do. Perhaps I will even be here in body. Yes, I believe I will.
Would you allow a drunken cynic to die atop your barricade, dear Apollo? I do indeed hope so. It is not where I belong, to be sure. But it is where I would like to belong.
If you have read all of this, I thank you. Either way, it feels good to finally lay all my confused thoughts out in neat, ordered sentences. I will not waste your precious time any further; the republic needs you.
Goodbye, oh great and terrible god Apollo, descended to Earth to lead us all to freedom. Goodbye, Marcellin Enjolras, brave man of unyielding principles, who I envy, admire, and love. Goodbye and good luck. I know all the luck in the world cannot save you now, but I wish it for you anyway.
Perhaps that is all belief is in the end?
~Vivien Grantaire, your ever-loyal cynic
Thoughts? Reviews would be much appreciated. As a Barricade Day gift to me, pretty please?
I intend to write a Part 2 in the near future- Enjolras' reply. Good idea? No? Let me know!