Head's up: This is a purely Deanne fic, meaning it's has very little fluff and dark themes of abuse, rape incest (not the good kind of incest either) suicidal attempts and angst, lots and lots of angst.

Slash Warning! ;-0 You've been warned!

DISCLAIMER: KRIPKE OWNS! I just like to mess with other people's stuff.

Chapter 1: Favourite Brother

At this very moment I am pretty sure something's wrong with me. Here I was, sitting on a bed with a guy I'm absolutely crazy about and telling him that I'm not ready to take the next step in our relationship.

"Come on, we've been going out for four months now, this is insane…" he muttered, sitting up and away from me.

I sat up and stared out of the window, the usual excuse escaping my lips:

"I'm just… I just want to take it slow, Dean." I said, regretting it the moment it came out.

"I know, and I respect that." He said, running a hand through his hair.

"So, what now?" I asked, pulling a snickers bar from my pocket.

Dean gave a laugh, and pulled me into a hug.

"I don't know… some Street Fighter, possibly?" he said, with that pleased smile on his face.

I was thankful the day I met Dean Winchester. He gave me another reason to not run away from home… what I had for a home, anyway. He and my little brother are the only two things that I hold dear and actually make my life worth living.

After Dean whooped my ass at the video game twice and rubbed it in my face repeatedly, and we made out for a while – I left to pick up my baby brother from school and went home, praying that Michael was already home and hopefully sober.

"Assbutt!" I heard Castiel squeal as he spilled his drink on the carpet.

"What?" I laughed, staring at him incredulously.

"Assbutt… Balthazar told me that it was an okay word to say, it's bad, isn't it?" he said, a little panicky.

Of course, Balthazar was his best friend. The little rugrat moved from England last year and stuck to Cas like glue since then. He was kind of a bad influence on little Cas, but he was his only friend, so I had no complaints.

"Assbutt… it's… fine, I guess." I replied. "Just… don't say it around Michael."

"Okay." He nodded as he cleaned up the mess.

We sat on the floor and watched a scary movie marathon, and I had to listen to my ten year old brother point out the bad plot, terrible effects and worse acting in all the movies. By twelve he had fallen asleep and I sat there, contently drifting off as well, until there was a pounding on the door.

"Gabe, open the damn door, I forgot my key!" I heard Michael slur as he pounded on the door.

I sighed, swallowing unnecessarily as I got up to open the door. He beat me to it though, somehow magically remembering the key we hid 'inconspicuously' in the flower pot.

"Come on, Cassy, up the stairs," I said, as I woke Cas rather roughly and sent him to bed.

I went off too, not wanting to be in the way of a drunken older brother.

As I closed my door I could feel someone opening it forcefully, and could see the twisted look on Michael's face. I sat on the bed with my back turned as he stood by the door.

"I brought you Red Vines." He said, and I felt the weight on the bed shift.

"What am I, five?" I scoffed, as I inched away from him.

Silence.

The sound of chuckling followed that, dark, amused chuckling, and I closed my eyes as I felt his weight leave the bed.

"So, I heard you've been fooling around with that loser, Dean Winchester." He said, standing in front of me and kneeling to my level.

"What's it to you?" I retorted, smelling the stench of alcohol on his clothes.

"He's not good enough for you Gabe." He stated simply. "He's a mechanic, a high school dropout, a reject."

I refused to make eye contact with him; he pulled my face up to his.

"No one is good enough for you." He said, something resembling fondness in his eyes.

Then, like clockwork, my brother pulled me into a chaste kiss, cold and harsh and unfeeling. He pushed me down to lie on the bed and climbed on top of me, like clockwork. I closed my eyes – always closed my eyes when he did this, I always imagined that it wasn't my oldest brother, it was some old pervert that looked eerily liked Michael Novak.

"Did you sleep with him?" he whispered in my ear.

I lay there silently, stiffly, not answering him. I knew what would make it worse; I knew how to deal with this by now. I shook my head slowly, giving an affirmative 'no'.

"I want to hear you say it, tell me that bastard did not touch you." He growled in my ear.

"He… I didn't sleep with him." I said, truthfully.

"Tell me you won't see him again and that you don't feel anything for him." He said, whispering and kissing behind my ear.

"I…" that was a lie. I have done many things, but I refused to lie to myself, I refused to lie about what I felt for Dean. So I improvised.

"I love you, Michael. I always have and I always will. No one is going to change that." I said, softly, shaking as he gripped my forearms.

"I know," he whispered. "You, me and Castiel, we're a family."

He kissed me again and left the room. That was odd… very odd.

"Wh-where are you going?" I asked, breath caught in my throat.

"To Castiel's room, since you insist on defying me." He said.

At that moment it was if I had an outer body experience. I couldn't feel myself move toward him, but when I collected my wits I had fastened on to his arms.

"No, Michael, stay with me please. I won't see him again, I swear to you." I pleaded.

"Not enough, Gabriel." he said. "I think you know how you can prove that you mean it."

I knew exactly what he wanted me to do. It was like this recently, him using Cas to get me to submit, me begging him to go nowhere near Cas.

"Can you close the door, at least? I don't want any disturbances." I said.

And with that a wicked, twisted, sadistic smile appeared on his face. He closed the door and put his back to it, arms crossed and casual. I felt sick to my stomach, as I dropped to my knees and watched as he unzipped his slacks. This was the part I hated the most, the part I wanted to bleach from my mind.

"Good boy," he commented as I took the head of his cock in my mouth.

"Oh, this is why I love you, Gabriel," he moaned "This is why you're my favourite brother"

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