This story was made with the assumption that no one has EVER seen Inui without his glasses. Also, this is a short little drabble that's not meant to be taken seriously. Consider this a crackfic. Please review (or not) as you see fit.
Note: All of my percent symbols disappeared when I uploaded the story into my account. Sorry if seeing the word "percent" instead of the symbol annoys you.
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Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis
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Opaque. Totally, absolutely opaque. No one could claim that they never wondered about how and why Inui would wear opaque glasses considering he shouldn't be able to see through them. Of course, the keyword is "shouldn't". He appeared to manage just fine. Apparently, his opaque glasses functioned as well as normal glasses.
"I wonder what Inui has behind those glasses," said Eiji pensively while closing his locker. "Does he have freak-eyes that turn other people to stone?"
Oishi scolded his doubles partner. "You shouldn't say things like that." Secretly, that question burned a deep, dark hole into the egghead's own brain. Does Inui have freak-eyes that turn other people to stone?
Momo stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe he doesn't have eyes," he said.
"Idiot," hissed Kaidou, "of course he does. How else would he see?"
A quick tussle ensued because they always tussle when they disagree. While they went on with the name-calling and whatnot, Fuji also contemplated the issue of Inui's eyes. "They're probably perfectly normal eyes," he said. "I bet he looks humena-humena-humena hawt♥ without his glasses. "
Nobody said anything. They all felt disturbed by that last comment.
"I meant that would be my opinion if I were a girl," assured a smiling Fuji. Silence.
"Which I'm not," he added, still smiling.
The others still looked very perturbed. Taka decided to break the awkward silence and spoke. "So... I wonder what colour his eyes are..."
The awkward silence continued when they realized that nobody knew his eye colour despite the fact that most of them had known him for three years. Upon much thought, they came to the mutual conclusion that this was very, very weird. Three years and not a single glimpse of his eyes...
Ryoma took a sip of Ponta and said, "Does it matter whether we know or not?" He was, of course, being his usual indifferent self.
An all-too familiar voice spoke up. "Your tennis will improve by 8.3 percent if you find out what my eyes look like."
Quite suddenly, they all realized that they were in the unmistakable presence of a certain Inui Sadaharu. Everyone wondered how it he managed to sneak in without anyone noticing anything at all. Ryoma raised an eyebrow. Why the heck would his tennis improve after finding out something as trivial as the appearance of his eyes?
"There is a 13.4 percent chance that I have freak-eyes that turn others to stone, a 2.9 percent chance that I don't have eyes at all, and a 37.1 percent chance that I have perfectly normal eyes."
At this point he became quiet and simply stood there with his notebook. There was yet another silence.
Momo tried doing some math on his fingers. He said, "That doesn't add up to 100 percent... does it?"
Inui adjusted his glasses. "Of course not. There's a 53.4 percent chance that-"
Just then, Tezuka walked in and grabbed Inui's glasses right off his nose before anyone could say anything. Eager for this opportunity, nobody bothered to apprehend the obviously fake Seigaku captain who did random things (which made him a rather poor imposter) and ask him what he had done with the REAL Tezuka Kunimitsu. Instead, they all crowded in to see what Inui looked like. Everyone except Fuji reeled back in surprise.
"See?" he said, still smiling. "I told you he'd look humena-humena-humena hawt♥ without his glasses."
Inui continued to be his stoic self even as hotness radiated from him in ways unimaginable to mankind, animals, fungi, and invertebrates, especially fungi. After all, no mushroom was ever as hot as a certain dataman at that moment. He cleared his throat and said, "As I was saying, there's 53.4 percent chance that Tezuka looks even hotter than me without his glasses."
That quickly snagged the attention of all who were present. Everyone immediately turned to the captain who was standing there nonchalantly with Inui's glasses in his hand. Compelled by their curiosity, a few people started aiming for his eyewear.
Before anyone could start lunging for him or his glasses, Tezuka said, "Fifty laps. Now."
Everyone was disappointed as they walked outside to begin their laps. Even Ryoma looked sad. But hey, who wouldn't want to see what Tezuka looked like without his glasses?
As the majority of the regulars left the locker room to do their laps, Inui turned to the captain. "I'd like to have my glasses back before I run, please."
Tezuka thought about this. He considered not to give them back because then he could point and laugh while Inui was hunted down by girls who screamed things like "TAKE ME" or "MARRY ME" or "HUMENA HUMENA HUMENA". But then he realized that if he pointed and laughed, people would decide to apprehend him and ask what he had done with the REAL Tezuka Kunimitsu. That would ruin his fun. (And he WAS the real one. Honest.)
He pondered it even further and realized the ignorant fangirls might yell things like "YOU'RE EVEN HOTTER THAN TEZUKA". Which was quite simply not true. So, after a few moments' thought, he gave the glasses back to Inui who had been waiting very patiently.
"Thank you," said Inui. "I'll go do my laps now." And he did so with his glasses on. The world did not deserve the right to bask in the near-lethal radiation of his hotness.