Hello! You know, it's funny how stupid ideas can come at the most random time, say...while taking a shower, or playing a video game. Right? Right. Well, that's what happened to me. I was playing Zelda, and then it hit me. And that's how I came up with this.

Oh, and this is AU. Nothing, or most, of this story never happened in the books. Only in my mind...Ah, now the boring stuff.

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, though I wish with all my heart. I'm just using it to unleash the untamed wilderness of my mind, okay?

Disclaimer Number Two: I do not own the name Boba Fett. Nor do I own the helmet.

Slight, Almost Claimer: I kinda sorta not really own some not all of the things that these cats do. Oh, and I own Lunisola and Boba and the other non Clan cats.

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How to Cure a Clan

The Mountain of Idiots

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Chapter One

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"Firestar! You need to see this! Hurry!"

Firestar groaned. His clan had some serious problems, it seemed. At least for the past week. That's all he had heard the past seven sunrises. "Firestar look at this. Firestar look at that." The ThunderClan leader was about sick of it. The only cats sane in the idiotic clan were he and his daughter, Leafpool. And even she was being slightly crazy.

"Firestar! Quick! Leafpool's getting on the back of Crowfeather's motorcycle!" cried Sandstorm.

That made his pelt bristle. The leader jumped up and bolted out of the den, just in time to hear an engine rev, and see his daughter's light brown tabby fur streak across the grass, and out the entrance of the camp. "What in the blazes?!" the scared father cried to his mate.

"I know! She took off with my oranges! Now I only have three!" the she-cat cried, pulling three oranges from her pockets.

Firestar sighed. His mate had gotten an uncontrolable liking for oranges ever since a ginger tom carrying a whole lot of the fruit came through. He sold them to her for half of the fresh kill pile, and a nest for three days. He also told her that there were trees behind the abandoned two-leg nest that grew twenty oranges each during the middle of green-leaf. Of course, his mate had gone several times to get them.

"And there won't be very many oranges now!" she cried.

"Well maybe if you hadn't gotten so many!" Firestar yelled at her. The she-cat flinched.

"Whatever. You're just jealous. And no, you're NOT taking my oranges. Go find another orange tree." the crazed she-cat stalked off.

Sometimes Firestar wondered if it was really worth it...

~Moonhigh~

It was almost moonhigh when Leafpool got home. Firestar was waiting for her when she did get there. He jumped down off of Highledge when she walked into the camp. "And just where were you, Leafpool?"

Leafpool gasped and said, "None of your business."

"You nearly gave me a heart attack. Do you know how worried the clan was?" he asked.

The medicine cat snorted. "Right. I'm sure Sandstorm and her oranges missed me." She turned and ran to the medicine cat's den.

Firestar gritted his teeth. He realized that he was the only cat who actually had a brain.

The leader stalked back to his den. Oh, StarClan. What will happen?

~Dawn~

Firestar woke up to find terrified shouts from outside. "Yes! Oranges!" The leader instantly knew that Sandstorm was awake.

"Firestar, come outside!" Cloudtail, who was standing at the entrance of the den, yelled.

The leader stretched, stood up, and walked outside. "What is going on?" he asked sleepily. His eyes instantly bulged.

Right smack dab in the middle of the camp, oranges were stacked into a huge pile.

The ginger tom screamed. He couldn't help himself. "Sandstorm! What the dark forest did you do?!"

Sandstorm smiled. "My orange dance." The she-cat held up two oranges and started running in a giant circle.

"Right, then. Well, since Sandstorm has destroyed all of the fresh kill, we need some hunting patrols. Graystripe gather up six or so cats to hunt."

Graystripe saluted the leader. "Aye, aye, sir." He turned away and walked to the other cats. "Which of ya sea scum be willin' to join me on a huntin' party." he said in a pirate voice.

Firestar gazed at him. His dearest friend had, unfortunately, gone crazy, too, and had thought that he was a pirate. The leader felt sorry for him. Though he had been in a poor state, the gray tom was still a good and loyal cat.

"Cloudtail, you also find cats to go on a hunting party." the leader said.

His nephew gasped. "Hunting? But a princess does not hunt! Ew!" The snow white tom shuddered.

Cloudtail, probably because of his mother's name, thought he was a princess.

"For Pete's sake, you landlubber! You ain't a gal, never will." Graystripe growled at him.

"I agree. The technical definition of a she-cat is--" Brambleclaw started to say, but was cut off by Squirrelflight growling.

"Quiet, Brambleclaw! We all know what a she-cat is." the ginger she-cat said in a deep voice.

Ferncloud walked out of the nursery. "Listen to your brother, Brambleclaw. He knows everything. Remember, darling, you're only a she-cat, so you aren't important." she said in a high pitched voice.

That got Sandstorm into all of it. "Hey, you piece of fox dung. Those are my kits! Squirrelflight is my son, and Brambleclaw is my daughter! Leave them alone!"

And that got Dustpelt into it. "Hey, dudes...Uh, I mean dudettes. Dudettes, let's not fight. War is not the answer. Flowers, and love, and lava lamps...That is the right path." he said in a hippie voice.

"Love? Mouse dung! You know nothing of how the world works. Nothing is ever based around love and peace, you hippie! Can't you see? Love," Cinderpelt spat on the ground. "is why we die!" She donned a military uniform and started singing something patriotic.

"No." a new voice said. "This is not the way to solve anything." Firestar, who was starting to panic, looked around. His eyes widened. A calico she-cat with green eyes was sitting near the entrance. "My name is Lunisola. I have come to help you solve this case of stupidity."

Firestar's jaw dropped. "Can...the others see you?"

Lunisola smiled. "No. Only you. That is because I have chosen to come back from StarClan and help you. You see, I was part of ThunderClan a long time ago. This has happened before, I'm afraid. And I was the one to save the clan. And I must do it again. But not alone. Boba!"

Suddenly, a giant staircase fell from the sky. A ginger tom wearing a helmet descended it. "Hello." he said when he was at the bottom. "My name is Boba Fett (A/N: For you Wars fans out there...(including me!)) but cats just call me Boba. I am Lunisola's brother. We are here to lead you to the Mountain of Idiots. Only there will you find the cure to this horrible stupidity."

Firestar nodded. "Thank you...But I can't just leave my clan like this."

Lunisola sighed. "I understand."

"They might die without me." the leader said.

Lunisola sighed again. "I understand."

Firestar shifted. "They might separate and my clan will be no more."

Lunisola sighed yet again. "I understand.

"That's annoying." Firestar tried.

"I understand." came the expected reply, only this time Boba said it. "She can be a little weird."

Lunisola stood up. "You must go. I will watch over your clan without you. It might be hard, but I have done it before."

"Really?" the leader asked.

"Um...No, but how hard can it be?" Boba said. "Just go. Your clan will be fine."

"Yes. Boba, you will go with Firestar to the Mountain of Idiots."

Firestar sighed in relief. "Thak you so much. I am glad that I will finally be able to cure my clan of this horrible disease."

~Sunhigh~

Leafpool shouted with joy as the black motorcycle sped away. Firestar knew she wouldn't be back until moonhigh, as usual. He stared after her in worry as he realized that her actions could be the result of her troubled home life. The leader made a mental note to keep a watchful eye out for her when he returned from his journey. Perhapes he could find a difference in her behavior.

Firestar stuffed the last of his clothes in his small suitcase. Boba walked into his den. "Ready? Good. Just remember to keep up. I'm getting the cure for this clan even if you die on the way." Boba's eye twinkled with warmth, and the leader knew that he was joking. Or at least he thought.

Sandstorm walked in. "Firestar, I'm glad I caught you alone." Firestar remembered that she, along with the rest of the clan, couldn't see Boba or Lunisola. "I wanted to give you this. You might need it." His mate dropped four oranges onto his nest. "Eating two oranges will cure a cat of severe stupidity. I know what you're thinking. I don't have enough for the whole clan. Even if I cure a few cats, stupidity spreads. I cured myself, but I don't know how long it will last. Firestar, do you know what happens when a cat gets too stupid?" Firestar shook his head. "If a cat gets too stupid, they start to foam at the mouth, and then slip slowly into madness. They eventually become so stupid they forget everything, even who they are. It's horrible to watch, even worse to be the victim. The process starts about five moons after a cat catches stupidity. That's why I called those oranges. I don't think any other cat likes oranges, though. I heard you talking to yourself about curing us. But remember, Firestar, not even oranges can rid an entire place of stupidity. I wish you luck on your journey. If you need more curing oranges, which I pray you won't, you can find them around just about anywhere. They usually grow on pines, the ones that can cure you. Any other ones can't. Bye bye!" Sandstorm suddenly turned and ran out of the den.

"I never knew your mate could be so serious..." said Boba, who had been watching the whole thing. "She's right, though. But we're not looking for oranges. You'll see when we get there."

The two cats walked out of the den, said goodbye to Lunisola, and padded out of the camp. "Follow me. Since your clanmates have had the disease for about a week, we have some time, but we need to hurry if we are to get there and back in less than five moons. To get there, we shall run like StarClan cats!" The deceased tom yowled up to StarClan, and they both started running.

"So this is what it's like to run as a StarClan cat..." Firestar whispered to himself.

"Yes." Boba answered the statement. "You know, it's not a surprise why you haven't caught the disease yet. You must be immune to it, or have lost a life while sleeping, which cured you of it. Or the bug hasn't come in your den."

Firestar hoped with all of his heart that it was the last one.

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I know the Boba Fett thing is kinda weird, but oh well.

Hey, you, if you want to hear what happens to this story, keep reading until you hit the bottom of the page.

See that little purple button? Yeah, the one at the bottom of the page? If everyone who reads this reviews for just one chapter, even if it's not long, I will have enough reviews to feed the clan cats, give Sandstorm more oranges, keep Crowfeather's gas tank full (we all know how hard it is to keep a tank full, these days), and fund Firestar and Boba's trip. Please review!

This way to the review button

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