Summary: SG-1. Screaming Jaffa horde. Quantum mirror. Insanity ensues.

Crossover: Dragonball Z

Notes: My son laughed his butt of at 'The Contest', and since he'd asked me to do an SG-1/DBZ crossover a while back, I figured what the heck. Here's the result. God help me...

Disclaimer: -Cue music- (sung to the tune of 'Am I Blue?) It's theeeeeiiirrssss, it's all theeeiirrrsss, it's all theirs, nothing's mine, it's all theirs...

STUPID MIRROR

By screaminheathen69

"Oh, for cryin' out loud!"

Lt. Col. Jack O'Neill was having a crappy day. It had started off well enough, mind you. He'd woken up bright and early, feeling rested. Even his knees were being agreeable, which was always a good thing. The mission planned for today was going to be a cake-walk, if maybe a little boring. More temples, more history, more rocks for Danny to check out. Stupid rocks-err, artifacts...

They'd stepped through the gate into a glorious morning, an hour or two after local sunrise, and for once Jack didn't complain about the trees. Daniel went to look at his rocks, Carter went to scan for useful minerals, and Teal'c had gone off for a walk. Jack had found a comfy spot and kicked back, just enjoying the day. It was all very peaceful. A guy could get used to this, Jack thought to himself happily.

This of course would be just about when the horde of rampaging Jaffa had shown up. Stupid Jaffa...

Jack had jumped up and run for the temple, firing wildly behind him at the screaming horde, hollering into his radio for help. This would be when his knees started giving him grief, of course. Stupid knees...

For the next three hours, SG-1 held off the enemy, but it grew quite obvious as the day wore on that sooner or later, they were going to be overrun.

Carter, as usual, was the first to point out the obvious. "Sir, we can hold them for a little longer, but sooner or later we're gonna lose."

"Thanks, Carter. Never woulda figured that out on my own." Jack's voice positively dripped sarcasm.

Carter just rolled her eyes and kept shooting. "Anyway, sir, I think I might know a way out of this."

"And you're only just telling me this now?"

"Yessir. Didn't think you'd like what I'm about to suggest, but I think we're out of options."

Jack shook his head tiredly. "So tell me already."

"Look at the back wall, sir."

Jack stole a quick glance over his shoulder. Did a double-take and took an even longer look. "Is that-?"

"Yup."

"You were right. I don't like it."

"Yessir."

"You want to go through a quantum mirror?"

"Yessir."

"Not knowing where we'll wind up..."

"Yessir."

"We could wind up in a world inhabited by nothing but shrimp..."

"Umm, kinda doubt that, sir..."

"But we're completely screwed otherwise, right?"

"Yessir."

"Can you make it work?"

"Pretty sure, sir."

"Go to it. T, take Carter's spot. Danny, you cover Sam." Carter went to work at the control panel mounted beside the mirror, ducking as the occasional staff blast hit near her. A few minutes later, the surface of the mirror shimmered, then settled into a view of the side of a hill.

"Got it sir!"

"Okay kiddies, time to go to Carter's World O' Shrimp!" The four team mates quickly gathered at the mirror (Carter was shooting Jack a dirty look) and touched it at the same time. They vanished from the temple...

And reappeared in the middle of a war zone.

A war being fought by the weirdest assortment of characters that they'd encountered in all their travels. Which is saying something. All around them, there were people and creatures fighting, using just about every style of martial arts that Jack had ever seen, and a few he hadn't.

Not to mention the ones that were blasting away at each other with bolts of energy that (Jack had a little trouble with this, thought maybe he needed to get his eyes checked) they appeared to be firing from their bare hands.

And did I mention the ones that were flying?

Sam had deactivated the mirror the second they stepped through, and now stood next to her friends, awe-struck. "How? That... nuhuh, that's not... How did he do that?"

Daniel finally found his voice. "What kind of crazy reality did we walk into?"

Jack shrugged. "Dunno. Super-hero world, maybe?"

Just then, a short, bald man came running past them. "Gohan, DUCK!" He then proceeded to throw some kind of spinning disc of energy at a purple and pink beasty that was trying to sneak up behind a kid (that Jack would have sworn didn't look more than ten years old and seemed to be surrounded by a shimmering golden glow), cutting the purple and pink beasty in half. The bald guy pumped his fist in triumph, and then flew off at such a great rate of speed that he was quickly lost from view.

The boy Gohan yelled something, firing off an energy blast that vaporised about a dozen something-or-others, then flew off after the bald dude.

Jack stared after him, wide eyed. "Did he just say 'Kamehameha'?"

Teal'c nodded once, never taking his eyes from the battle. "Indeed."

"Oh." Jack glanced over his shoulder at the quantum mirror, then turned his full attention back to not getting caught in the cross-fire.

"Stupid mirror..."

THE END?

'To thee no star be dark...'