Portable Alchemy

Written by: Japanese Vampire Babe II

Thought by: Dranzer (her brother)

A/N: Okay I know it's no longer the 4th of July but deal with it. Also, I didn't think this story up, my brother did. I just wrote it and tried to make it sound better then it did before. Oh and for this, try and pretend Edward and Al have never seen fireworks, 'kay?

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Not even the layout of this story, I helped but I didn't make it. Like I said, that all goes to my brother. Except the title, I made that up. Oh and any FMA cast that it looks like we're using? Purely coincidental… really it is… I'm kidding, we don't own them either.

Rated: T (for some swearing (cough cough) did I say that? I meant a hell of a lot of shitty swearing and, uh, world domination? Oh! Don't forget the randomness… Can't forget that)

Pairings: Um… None that I'm aware of… Curse you sibling for keeping me in the dark!

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Chapter 1: The Beginning… Or so we think

July 3rd

BOOM!

"What the hell was that!"

"Well, what ever it is, pay no attention to it. We need to find that damn stone!" Replied a majorly ticked Edward Elric… (Not to be confused with THE Edward Elric… Their names are the same by pure coincidence… really… NOT!)

SNAP CRACKLE POP! SNAP CRACKLE POP!

"Make those damn Rice Krispy people SHUT UP!"

"Ed? That's not the sound of the Rice Krispy people (Snap/Crackle/Pop Are you doubting us!) it sounds like an explosion. Hey, brother, LOOK!" Al points behind him at the darkened sky.

"Um, Al? Could you move over, you make a better door than a window." Ed looks up, when Al moves, and sees what appears to be a shooting star headed RIGHT TOWARD HIM! "Um, Al? You can move back now…"

BOOM!

Al scratches his back overwhelmed with a sudden urge to act like Elmo (Not to be confused with… okay I'll stop) "HA HA HA that tickles…" And suddenly he starts to vibrate.

"Al, what are you doing? I thought you got over that Tickle Me Elmo when you were a kid."

"What? I played with a Tickle Me Elmo when I was a kid? (Remember people, Al doesn't remember his past)"

"Why the heck are we doing talking about Tickle Me Elmo?"

Still that night…

Ed and Al travel to the train station…

Ed "Dude, where's the train?"

Al "Where's the train, dude?"

Ed "Dude, where's the train?"

Al "Where's the train, dude?"

Ed "Dude, where's the train?"

Al "Where's the train, dude?" (Not to be con… I said I was going to stop didn't I? Well… Screw that idea… 'Fused with the saying from Dude where's my Car?)

Next morning… July 4th

Ed "Dude, there's the train! It was hiding behind um, um, damn! There's nothing for the train to be hiding behind!" Uses alchemy to make a brick wall in front of the train, blasts through wall, and puts ground back to normal, "Dude, the brick wall was hiding it!"

Al "… Whatever you say, dude. Hey! Why do we keep changing the subject! It's supposed to be about portable alchemy, it says so in the title! We're not supposed to be talking about Dude, Where's my Car?, or Tickle Me Elmo… but that was pretty funny though, right? Right? Come on; give me some of your love honey (cough cough) I mean fans!" Applause is heard from inside his stomach.

Ed wrenches open the door that magically appears out of nowhere on his stomach, you know just to be technical, it's a polished wooden door with smooth edges and … as I was saying he wrenches open the door and inside was a whole miniature world of man-eating kittens and Al looks down, "Wow, and it started with only one girl and one guy… hey everyone, do you know how the man-eating kittens had babies? Well you'll never know because I'm not going to tell. (If you really want to know… email me. Dranzer Well my sisters just left so I'll give you a little info… well first the girl rips off the guys… Me NO YOU DON'T! Dranzer Move over! It's there balls! There balls! Me Gross…)

A/N: Well, we changed the subject AGAIN! Oh well… anyway let's get this straight. So far Ed and Al have seen two "exploding things" AKA: fireworks, and then they changed the subject like four times. Technically though, it's not there fault, after all I am writing it. Now we're going to the first chapter that's really about portable alchemy. Or so you think… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Remember kids… don't swallow flies if you intend on swallowing other things to catch what ever you just swallowed. Because you'll eventually swallow a horse and be dead of course. That's what the old lady did who swallowed the fly… we may never know why she swallowed the fly… (sing song voice) Perhaps she'll die!

See? We changed the subject again! That's the end of the chapter folks! See ya next time on Portable Alchemy! I hope to hear from you! REVIEW!