How heartbroken did Jess look at the end of Backslide?
I quickly wrote this after. Not really a happy ending to the episode, just an exploration of Jess' inner thoughts as the weight of Nick leaving crashes down on her. I know I usually write fluff...but in my defense I whipped this sucker out an hour after the show, I just couldn't turn my brain off after those last five minutes.
*sigh*
Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl...
She felt as if she had gotten the wind knocked out of her.
Watching Nick's retreating figure as he disappeared into the hall she tried to calm her suddenly rapid breathing.
He was leaving.
He was leaving to move in with Caroline.
Looking up at the ceiling she blew out a shaky breath as she tried to blink back the tears that were suddenly threatening to spill over her tired eyes. She felt so confused, so conflicted. A variety of emotions were swirling throughout her at that moment, and she was quite certain she was on the verge of a small panic attack. Why was she so upset? Why did she suddenly feel like curling up into a ball and crying? One moment she had been happy and excited to share her news with a good friend. To share with him that it was okay to be alone, that they could get through this tough time in their lives together. They could face the uncertain road that lay before them with each other…as buds, confidants, and partners. And now…now she felt as if she were teetering on the brink of a realization she wasn't ready, wasn't stable enough to comprehend…to accept. Wrapping her arms around her body she stared blankly into the hallway.
He was leaving.
Her chin began to tremble as that single thought cruelly played over and over again in her brain. Biting on her lip she shook her head, silently telling herself to pull it together. Why was she so upset? Why? Turning away from the bathroom doorway she caught sight of herself in the mirror.
Dark disheveled hair, red-rimmed blue eyes shining with tears, bloodless pale face, a mouth turned down into a tight frown.
She looked like a woman with a broken heart.
"Oh God." She whispered meeting her watery blue gaze in the mirror. Her reflection smiled sadly back at her as the full weight of Nick's imminent departure from their crazy, happy little loft crashed suddenly on her.
He was leaving.
Walking over to the sink she turned on the faucet and let the water run for a bit before cupping it in her hands and splashing the cool liquid on her face. Her brain was racing, still cruel…only now it was viciously replaying moments…memories she had shared with Nick. She was remembering things that she had secretly deemed special, and had filed away to a safe part of her brain. Those special moments that had made her smile, but always, always, she had pushed to the back of her mind, refusing to allow herself to analyze, to consider why they made her so happy…why they always brought a smile to her face, when she allowed herself to remember them.
Soft touches, lingering glances, heartfelt advice, shouting matches, laughing at a funny joke.
She began pulling up memory after memory.
How he stuck around when their landlord Remy had stayed for dinner at the loft. How he had felt the need to protect her, watch over her, and then somehow had challenged her to a threesome all while truly trying to have good intentions toward her. She had almost allowed him to kiss her…she had almost wanted him to.
She smiled when her brain flashed to another memory, just a quick one, of them brushing their teeth together. Of the looks they had shared in the mirror, the knowing gazes and goofy smirks.
Her smile became a soft laugh as she thought about a more recent memory. Sitting outside of his locked bedroom door, both trying to talk some sense into Russell's infatuated daughter. The soft laugh became a bit more hysterical as she thought of the laughs they had shared and the smiles they had exchanged while trying to convince Sarah that they were a pair of the world's most messed up weirdos.
Quickly that hysterical laugh turned into a sigh and that sigh turned into a hiccup, and that hiccup threatened to turn into something that very much felt like a cry.
Because now…now it was too late. Now, because she had neglected to explore those moments, those feelings, for fear of getting hurt again or ruining their friendship...she had missed her chance.
Because Nick had never really been just her friend.
No matter how many times she had ignored those special glances, and soft smiles, and secret moments…she had known it deep down inside. She had known that one day she would want something more with him. One day, she would gain the courage to take the next step.
And now it was too late.
Turning around and sliding to the floor she welcomed the feel of the cool tile against her skin. Pressing the palm of her hand to her chest she finally let her emotions consume her.
Hot wet tears streaked down her cheeks.
He was leaving.
"Oh God." She whispered again.
If you hate me for writing this go read Sunshine and Lollipops...it's a bit more lighthearted! :)
Thanks for reading! Please review! :)
-Okay after reading the first reviews and PMS...I know some of you really want me to continue this, and I'm seriously considering it. BUT, I honestly wasn't expecting to write anything after Backslide. And, I still have one more chapter of Sunshine to write. I just thought Jess looked so sad, that I wanted to explore what she could be thinking, without necessarily stepping on the toes of the finale. BUT I am taking your suggestions into consideration! My calendar is getting kinda crazy...BUT I've become an insomniac lately so who knows...maybe I'll write something more for this in the wee hours of the morning sometime soon.
:)