It's time for the day's Trail Report.
Mountain Runoff: Unbelievable
Weather: Dangerous
Shop Prices: Unreasonable
Obituaries:
Marty Droog. Died of starvation, dehydration, typhus, cholera, and sunstroke. He will be dearly missed.
Ringo Droog. Died of frostbite, food poisoning, contaminated water, typhus, cholera, influenza, tuberculosis, bronchitis, and the black plague. Maybe he would have made it by taking a lower pass.
Beefy Droog. Died of typhus, cholera, injuries sustained from a bear, a buffalo, multiple gunshot wounds, and disembowelment. His family will see him for the last time tonight, unless of course they decide to make soup tomorrow.
Maki Takahashi. Died of starvation, frostbite, sunstroke, consuming eight 16-oz. bottles of vinegar, typhus, cholera, and eating cactus needles. Parents: Make sure your child is attended at all times.
This week's most stupendous death:
Lily Droog. Or as we have decided to nickname her: Little Miss Rasputin.
She died after getting sick with a cold, suffering from frostbite, starvation, and dehydration, having seven ribs broken when the wagon tipped over crossing a stream, contracting typhus and cholera, being gored by an ox, and bitten by a rattlesnake. She finally died when she fell asleep bathing in the river. All just fifteen miles out of Independence.
Complete Party Deaths:
Droog Party
Donner Party
Goldberg Party
Oscar Party
OhmyGodwhyarewedoingthis Party
Philadelphia Ltd. Party
Socialist Party
Come back tomorrow for the latest news from the Oregon Trail!