Tied Together With A Smile
Author: VasiraSnow
Setting/Plot: The War is over, Harry has defeated Voldemort. The Trio has decided to head back to Hogwarts to do their final year. Now, Harry is getting mysterious letters. From who? And Why does he want to befriend Draco Malfoy so bad?
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco (eventually); Ron/Hermione. Possibly some other's will be thrown in, once I think of them.
Please Read and Review. Let me know your thoughts =).
Chapter 1 - Tied Together With A Smile
Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you...
Harry blinked at the owl that was scratching at the window of the room he shared with Ron. Ron was currently in the library working on an assignment with Hermione. Harry had wanted to be alone, he still had nightmares from the war, of all the deaths that had been because of him. Hermione thought he was being stupid for letting the war and deaths get to him the way they were, she kept saying how none of it was his fault, it was Voldemort's. Harry raised an eyebrow and then went over to the window and opened it. The owl flew in and landed on his shoulder, he was immediately reminded of Hedwig, and Harry closed his eyes in pain.
The owl gave a hoot, and Harry slowly went over to his desk, opening his eyes, and then wrote down his old owl's name into a muggle notebook he kept open at all times. He was writing down the names of everyone, human or not, that had died because of him. He never wanted to forget anyone, even the death eaters he hadn't liked.
After another moment or two, the owl dug it's claws into Harry's shoulder, reminding him that he was there. Harry cleared his throat, and then finally, he took the note that was tied to it's leg off. The owl flew off Harry's shoulder, and then perched itself on the window sill, as if waiting to see if Harry would write back to it's owner. Harry breathed out heavily as he unrolled the parchment and began to read what the note said.
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
Harry;
I see you sulking every day, I see how you ignore your friends... I've overheard Hermione Granger tell you that it wasn't your fault, the war and everyone who died fighting. I agree with her, it was the Dark Lord's fault. You have to believe that, I don't like seeing you so reclusive.
I've been wanting to talk to you, wanting to get to know you... but I fear you don't even seem to notice I exist. I wanted to write to you, whether you are even reading this right now or not, to tell you.. I know how you feel... I feel responsible for some deaths too... My mother keeps sending me letters reminding me that it's not my fault, it's his fault, but that you ended it, you are our saviour... ugh that sounded very muggle religious didn't it? I don't view you as our saviour... but you did save my life, you saved my family... you saved yourself.
Harry, your friends don't hold you responsible for any lost ones, no one holds you responsible for any death but his. Please remember that...
I can see the pain in your eyes, I know you've been crying when you're alone.. I've heard you... I don't mean to sound creepy... you ARE the Hero we all see you as... you have always wanted to save everyone, even if you didn't like them... you may have killed Voldemort, but you are not a murderer, please stop beating yourself up over the war...
You need to stop hiding yourself, you keep dressing in baggy clothes as if you find yourself ugly. You are beautiful, especially when you smile.. a real smile, not the fake ones you've been giving everyone.
Signed,
A secret admirer (god, I sound like a wanker, don't I?)
Harry stared at the letter, and felt a small blush creep up on his face. He looked around and caught the owl's eye. The owl was staring at him, as if he knew what had been written, as if he was memorizing Harry's reaction to the letter to report it to his master. Harry let out a small sigh, and then moved to lay down on his bed. The owl gave another hoot, but remained where he was. Harry closed his eyes and tried to think about who could possibly have written to him and noticed his fake smile better than Hermione and Ron had.
Ginny? No, she would have said something in person, and Harry wasn't sure he wanted her to be writing to him like that anyway. Sure, he loved her, but in a brotherly way. He had figured it out over the summer, after Voldemort's death, Ginny and him had tried to pick up their relationship. He felt wrong about it the entire time, and eventually began to wonder if he even really liked girls that way.
He was flattered whenever anyone, woman or man, had shown him any interest in the past. But he really had only had two crushes in the past, Cho and Ginny. Chang was emotionally unready for a relationship with him, and Ginny.. well she was his best friends little sister... and Ginny, that's all he could think to describe her as.
During the war, while he was off with Ron and Hermione hunting horcruxes, he had begun to dream about someone, he never saw the face, but he was pretty sure the person was a man. Sometimes they were sexual dreams, sometimes they were simply just fluffy dreams, but he always woke up aroused. When he got himself off, he would find himself imagining this mystery person from his dreams, even without a face it always got him off. Harry sighed again, and gave a small smile as he realized that he had stopped guessing who this letter writer might be, but was hoping it was a man.
Harry had shared his suspicions that he thought he was gay with Ron and Hermione shortly after he and Ginny split up for good. Hermione was completely fine with it, Ron had felt weirded out about it at first, but once he realized Harry hadn't fancied him, he immediately felt better and was pointing out all the available good looking blokes wherever they went, wanting to set his friend up with someone. Harry chuckled to himself as he thought about it.
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
Oh, cause it's not his price to pay
Not his price to pay...
Harry took a deep breath, and slowly sat himself back up. He needed to work on the homework that was due tomorrow, sure he had won the war, and technically everyone who would have finished year 7 last year didn't need to be back at Hogwarts doing their final year now, but it seemed anyone who hadn't finished, or even started in the trio's case, their final year at Hogwarts had asked to come, show their potential. Harry wasn't entirely sure where he wanted his life to go now, and Hermione was freaking out that she hadn't taken her N.E.W.T.s, so the three had decided to attend Hogwarts anyway. It wouldn't look good if he had decided to come back only to flunk himself out of every opportunity. He wanted to prove himself as educated, not coax by with his status in the wizarding world. He was far from the Hero everyone thought him to be.
They had been back in school for about a month now.
The owl gave another hoot, and Harry looked over at the window, as he ran fingers through his hair.
"You can go back now, I won't be responding to your owner now, I don't have the time... and I have no clue who your owner is." Harry said. The Owl stared at him, and Harry rolled his eyes, and then went back to his desk to work on his homework. After about half an hour, Harry realized he needed the help of Hermione and the library, and he stood up, ignoring the owl who was still there, and headed out of his dorm and down the staircase, and out of Gryffindor.
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
Harry hurried into the library, the walk had been longer than he had anticipated.. but then when your mind wanders and you start imagining spells are going off in your direction and bouncing off walls, and then remembering the look on your friends faces as they die around you, or what they looked like after the war had ended and everyone was picking up the pieces and finding the missing bodies... well, it's no wonder Harry had taken some wrong turns and not noticing when the staircases moved.
"Harry? Are you alright?" came Hermione's voice. Harry's step paused, and he blinked and then he looked around, and gave his friends a small fake smile.
"Yeah, I'm fine.. just... the time alone didn't seem to help the thoughts.. don't worry though... I came here to do homework." he said, as he sat down beside Ron. Ron grinned at him and patted his back.
"Oy Mate, it's about time. You said you'd be here about an hour ago." he said. Harry shrugged.
"Sorry, I.. fell asleep, I guess I was more tired than I though." he said, giving them a fake sheepish smile. Ron smirked.
"In other words.. you were wanking off weren't you?" he asked.
"RON." Hermione hissed, Harry rolled his eyes.
"That's none of our business if that's what Harry wants to do in his spare time." Hermione whispered hastly. Ron shrugged, and Harry shook his head.
"Let's just work on our homework, shall we?" he suggested. Hermione grinned.
"So, where are you in the homework?" she asked. Harry pulled out his parchment, and unrolled it quickly, and showing Hermione exactly where he was stuck.
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
It had gotten late, nearly midnight, and Harry, Hermione and Ron had class early the following morning, before the weekend started. The three packed up their belongings, and headed back towards Gryffindor Tower. Harry hoped the owl was gone when he and Ron arrived, he didn't want to show Ron the letter, he didn't want to explain the letter, especially since he didn't even know who had sent it.
"So.. did you really fall asleep?" Hermione whispered, once they were closer to Gryffindor tower, and were sure no one was listening in. Harry nodded.
"Yes, and if I hadn't and had done something else, it's not something I'd want to discuss." he said, frowning. Hermione gave him a small smile.
"I was just wondering.. because... well I was wondering about the dream person you keep dreaming about.. and if you maybe were able to uncover what he looked like?" Hermione asked. Harry frowned a bit more, then sighed and shook his head.
"I wish.. then maybe I'd be closer to having what you two have." he said. Harry was envious of his friends relationship, they had realized their feelings for one another while they were hunting, and once the war was over the two became inseparable.
"Aww Harry, you'll find him. Even if he doesn't come to you in your dreams." Hermione said, smiling. Her and Ron shared a smiled, and Ron clapped his hand down hard on Harry's back.
"Don't worry Mate.. he's out there, and we'll help you find him." he said.
You're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone... oh
Goodbye, baby
With a smile, baby, bab