"Lies Sting.
(This story picks up where episode 7 of season 7 ended. Just a few ideas on how this situation between our favorite lovebirds could go until we learn for ourselves next Monday night!)
Cuddy hurried through the door of her office, leaving a speechless House standing alone in her wake. She had felt the constant burning weight of disappointment in her empty stomach ever since learning House had lied to her face. Cuddy could barely stand to look him in the eyes during their brief conversation since he come to her office. She needed to escape being in his presence. She felt too tired to deal with him now that he wasn't dying of 'the pox."
House had disappointed her before but the hurt hadn't been this extreme. Cuddy felt immensely let down by House's callous comments. He always has to be right even when he's dead wrong! Cuddy told herself angrily. Let him be right all by himself. Cuddy tossed her head and held her chin up high. Her quick strides sounding loudly has her heels crashed against the hospital lobby's cold, polished floors.
House stood silently staring at the floor in Cuddy's office. Cuddy was angry and she had every right to be. He knew it and she knew it. Worse, he hadn't admitted his fault. Why? Why had he held back? Was he hoping she'd let him get away with it? She'd never let that happen before, so why had he hoped she'd let him off the hook? He really was an idiot. House gripped his cane tightly and took off after her.
Cuddy unlocked her car door and practically threw her briefcase bag into the passenger seat. She got in quickly and slammed her car door. She sighed deeply, slid the key into the ignition and pulled through the open parking space ahead of her car. She needed to get away from him. She needed to think.
House hustled as quickly as he could but just missed her as her car pulled out of the lot and drove past him. She didn't make eye contact. "Shit." House murmured to himself.
Dinner dishes were done and Cuddy was relaxing for a few minutes with Rachel in the living room. Cuddy reached for her cellphone certain it was House calling. She was right. She answered it quietly.
"So you are speaking to me?" House said playfully.
"What do you want, House?"
"I uh...feel bad about our conversation..." House began.
"Which one?" Cuddy said dryly. House paused and waited.
"You still mad at me?"
Cuddy stayed silent.
"Oh, c'mon. I told you a perfectly good lie to save a patient's life." House whined.
"We had this conversation already," Cuddy sounded drained. Normally when she was angry with him she'd turn into a raging tigress growling wickedly at him. This time there was none of that. She was practically lifeless, something rare. He hated this. She was hurt and it was his fault. He knew she was right to feel hurt but he didn't want to admit it. "I'm tired, House. I really don't want to do this anymore..."
House panicked. "Wait! What?"
"I'm tired. I need to go..."
"Don't hang up!" House urged. Cuddy wasn't planning to but she was tired of waiting for him to catch on and do his part.
"If you don't have anything new to say, what's the point of this conversation?" Cuddy asked with less energy than he'd ever heard in her voice.
"I'm coming over," House stated.
"Why?"
"What do you mean, 'why'?" House stammered. "You're miserable and that makes me miserable." Cuddy swallowed but didn't really feel any better. "I'll be right there." House hung up, pocketed his cellphone and aimed his idling motorcycle into her driveway from across the street.
The doorbell rang not thirty seconds after Cuddy set her cellphone on the coffee table. She glanced at Rachel who hopped to her feet and ran to the front door. "I get it!" Cuddy got up tiredly and followed her daughter to the door. She peeked through the door's viewer and saw a worried House on the other side of the thick wooden door. Cuddy scooped Rachel up and sat her on her hip before opening the door.
House stood there taking in the view. Cuddy looked blank. Rachel looked excited. He would have preferred it the other way around. So this is what a hurt Cuddy looked like; a shell. No fire, no energy, no life.
"House!" Rachel squeaked loudly. House glanced at the little girl and cocked a small grin at the child's excitement.
"It's RugRat Rach!" House shot back and poked her lightly in the ribs, hoping the child's giggles would energize Cuddy's blank face into a small smile. It didn't work. Cuddy turned away and left him to follow her. Cuddy slide the child off her hip and watched the toddler race across the room to her toy pile where the little girl quickly found a stuffed dog to hold up and show House.
"Dawgie!" Rachel said enthusiastically. House nodded but quickly glanced back to Cuddy hoping to catch her eye. Cuddy had taken a seat on the couch before a half-empty cup of tea and a pile of files.
"You don't look happy to see me, Cuddles." House nudged.
"I'm just thrilled. Can't you tell?" Cuddy said dryly without taking her eyes off the file she opened and held in her lap.
"I get it. I fu...messed up and ..." House's voice trailed off. Cuddy glanced at him finally.
"Yes, you did. But we already established that."
"Actually, we didn't. You're mad at me because I did what I always do and that's lie to save a patient's life." House moved slowly towards Cuddy.
"Actually, we DID." Cuddy said firmly her eyes returning back to the all-important file in her hands. "You lied to me...twice." Cuddy continued. "You let me believe you were being honest with me and took me for a fool. That's what hurts."
House sat down next to Cuddy, reached over and took her hand in his. She looked at him. No smile, no expression, no words. She waited.
"You're not a fool, Cuddy." House swallowed.
"Then why?"
"I thought you'd ..."
"What?" Cuddy interrupted.
"You'd break up with me." House looked miserable. Cuddy pulled her hand out of his.
"For god's sakes, woman. Get mad! Yell at me! Slap me! Just do something!" House demanded
Cuddy looked down at her hands and remained quiet, thinking. "I'm not your mother, House."
"Well, I know that! It would be pretty sick if you were after all we've done sexually not to mention seriously impossible since you're younger than me," House joked to no avail and stopped speaking as Cuddy looked up with a fragile expression on her face.
"If I can't trust you..." Cuddy began but House cut her off.
"Don't even think of going 'there.' You know you can trust me."
"Just not between 9am and 5pm weekdays." Cuddy noted flatly.
House felt his cheeks reddening at her words. She was right. He had intimated that.
"That doesn't work for me, House." Cuddy pulled her hand away and folded her arms across her chest. What he wouldn't do right now to have her open those arms to him again.
"You want me to be totally honest all the time?" House asked.
"I want to be able to trust you and not have you lie to my face!" Cuddy sounded annoyed. At least there was some emotion returning to her voice. "If you'll lie to me at work, who knows what else you'll lie about. I need someone I can trust. I wanted that to be you but..."
"Whoa! Hold on, Cuddles. You don't sound like you want to forgive me."
"You haven't asked to be forgiven!" Cuddy shot back. "You act like I should just get over it! Like you've done nothing wrong!" Cuddy moved to stand up but House stopped her. Rachel stopped playing and stared at them.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you." House said quickly but earnestly. Cuddy paused and stared at him.
"I don't need this drama, House. I mean it." Cuddy retorted.
"I'm really sorry I lied to you. I mean it." House repeated. Cuddy relaxed a little at his words.
"This can't happen again," Cuddy said firmly.
"It won't."
"How can you be so sure? It's your default position," Cuddy pushed.
"I know." House held his breath. "I'm gonna mess up but you gotta know I don't mean to hurt you."
"You gotta know this is a deal-breaker for me. If I can't trust you, I can't be with you." Cuddy said firmly. Her eyes still reflected the wounds. Rachel got up and walked over to her mother and began rubbing Cuddy's arm. House watched the little girl doing instinctively what he should have done. House reached over and rubbed Cuddy's other arm. A tiny smile darted around the corners of Cuddy's mouth.
"Are you still mad at me?"
Cuddy looked into House's worried face. "You hurt me."
"I know. I didn't mean to but I just...panicked." House glanced over to Rachel recalling his babysitting adventures with the toddler. "I've been doing that a lot lately."
Cuddy looked confused. "We've got to be honest with each other if this is going to work. You have to be straight with me."
"Six years of doing just the opposite is hard to overturn overnight!" House hedged.
"You can't have all the perks and none of the work, House." Cuddy raised an eyebrow. "I know you can do this but you have to want to."
Rachel watched their faces and reached up to pat House on the cheek comfortingly. House looked into the child's big trusting eyes and realized trust was there for the taking. He just had to reach out for it.
"You won't kill me or break up with me when I tell you things you don't want to hear?" House asked Rachel who cocked her head in confusion. Cuddy grinned at her daughter and reached over to turn House's face toward her own. "Rachel won't kill you but I will if you lie to me again."
"So I'm a dead man," House muttered. Cuddy sighed sadly.
"House, there are lies and then there are lies. You know the difference and so do I."
House looked at Cuddy's unhappy face. "You mean white lies and..." He paused not sure how to define what he had done to her. Cuddy waited for him to figure it out, her lips pursed, a small frown between her delicate brows.
"...and whoppers." House admitted. Cuddy nodded. "I knew I was screwing this up but I had to save my patient and you demanded proof."
Cuddy glared at him. "Don't make this my fault."
"I'm not saying it was your fault, Cuddy, just that I had to work fast. You have no idea how much I struggled over this..." Cuddy looked suprised.
"And you did it anyway." Cuddy interjected. House looked down. "Then you lied about it to. my. face!"
"What was I supposed to do?" House sounded annoyed.
"Talk to me, you idiot!" Cuddy snapped.
"You'd have said no!" House snapped back. "I did it to protect you, to protect us!"
Cuddy laughed sarcastically, "protect me?"
"If I was wrong, you'd be in the clear. The hospital wouldn't be sued if you fired me for getting it wrong." House exclaimed. "You wouldn't get blamed, I would."
"That's how your mind works?" Cuddy said in awe. "Only you can justify lying to me and still come out the hero!" House looked down in embarrassment.
"I'm not normal, you know that."
"Normal's over-rated." Cuddy said softly. House glanced up. Was she forgiving him?
"I get it, House. You believed you were doing the right thing. That I'd get over it." Cuddy paused. "It still doesn't explain why you let me believe you did the right thing and that's the lie that hurt the most. Why would you do that?" Rachel had left them alone on the couch after sensing the growing tension. She was sitting quietly on the floor by her pile of toys, studying the arguing couple with a worried look on her face. "I trusted you and you lied to me ...you let me believe a lie about us."
"That's not what I meant...I just didn't want to make you mad at me."
"Since when?" Cuddy asked incredulously.
"Since I thought you'd dump me." House looked worried. Cuddy realized he was more of a kid making stupid connections between the wrong facts and his own fears. "Since I love you and I don't want you to be mad..."
"Shut up, House." House looked up at Cuddy.
"I'm not an idiot, House. If you at least try to explain things better, I will listen. Just don't make decisions for me, not about us anyway."
"That sounds like 'we' are still a 'we'?" House said hesitantly.
"Of course, you idiot, once you apologize."
"I did, already!"
"What, there's a limit to the number?" Cuddy groused.
"Noooo, fine. I'm sorry, really." House waited. "Look at me, I mean it. I'm sorry for being an idiot."
"And..."
"And I won't do it again. At least I will try not to do it again, but you have to remember I'm an idiot."
Cuddy nodded.
"How come you were ready to forgive me when you thought I was dying?" House pushed.
"If I recall correctly, I believe it was a famous diagnostician who once said 'almost dying changes nothing. Dying changes everything." Cuddy said flatly.
"So if I died of the pox, you'd have forgiven me?"
"Apparently. And since you you didn't die, we're back to the problem at hand. you now have the choices of screwing up again or not. You need to realize you have to grow up if you want to be in an adult relationship."
"I thought you didn't want to change me," House niggled.
"I don't want to change you, I just don't want to be your mother. Either I'm dating the adult you or I'm not dating you at all."
"So you no longer appreciate my boyish charms?" House teased her. Cuddy rolled her eyes and glared at him.
"Don't sabotage us, House. I'm serious. Besides, there's a major difference between being an idiot and being immature," Cuddy reminded him.
"I'm not trying to sabotage us, I just ...I'm ..."
Cuddy sighed.
"I know, I know. But I am trying. This growing up thing doesn't happen over night," House answered.
"Actually that's exactly how it does happen," Cuddy said calmly. House nodded a little acknowledging the truth.
"Can I possibly make this up to you?"
Cuddy drew in a long breath, holding out her answer for an interminably long time to House.
"Possibly." Cuddy finally answered. House slid his arm around Cuddy's shoulder and pulled her closer to him as he reclined against the sofa and her. Cuddy felt herself giving way as she allowed her head to rest on his shoulder. His lips grazed her forehead lightly.
"Am I forgiven?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"On what you do to make it up to me. And don't fall back on sex. This has to be more pleasant for me than it is for you."
"Oh-ho-ho-ho, ouch! You know you love it just as much as I do."
"Possibly but you don't get to enjoy making it up to me. This gets to be all about me!" Cuddy said slyly.
"More clinic duty?"
"Nope. This time it's personal." Cuddy said firmly.
"Foot rub? Right now?"
"That's your best idea?"
"No...but it's a start. Gimme," House reached for her feet. Cuddy lifted them and placed them onto his lap. He gently began stroking the tops of her feet before kneading the soles slowly."
"Ahhhh, that's good." Cuddy moaned. "But this isn't going to lead to sex, House." This time he rolled his eyes.
"Am I forgiven?" House watched her face closely. She had relaxed, her long eyelashes were more noticeable when her eyes were closed.
"I'll let you know. Don't stop." Cuddy said as she wiggled her foot more against his hands and snuggled against the arm of her couch and stretched her legs across his lap.
House smiled to himself. That was close, He told himself.
Readers: Should this story continue? Let me know your thoughts.