Homecoming
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A Family Guy fanfiction.
by Zombie Boy.
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For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind: it has no stalk; the bud shall yield no meal: if so be it yield, the strangers shall swallow it up.
Hosea 8:7
King James Bible.
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Meg Griffin watched with a bored as the familiar streets and houses of Quahog rolled past her window.
"Not much has changed in the past four years, has it Meg?" she asked herself, then blinked and sat up slightly straighter in her seat as the realization hit her. "It's been four years? Holy shit, the time has flown."
"Hey."
Meg was jarred from her introspection by the slightly nasal voice of her partner from the drivers seat of their car.
"What?" she asked, looking over at her partner.
"Our turns coming up, right?" he asked, nodding ahead where the next intersection was rapidly approaching.
Clearing her head and focusing on the here and now, Meg looked at the local landmarks and shook her head.
"No." she said. "We got another two blocks, then you take a right. It's the fourth house down on the left."
"Right." her partner grunted and went back to driving.
Unlike her hometown, which seemed to be static and unchanging she and her partner Eric Cartman had changed a lot in the last four years. In Eric's case he had gone from a chubby, whiny, snot nosed, bully, to having put quite a bit of muscle on his big bones and becoming a violent, sadistic sociopath much like his boss- not to mention having grown a foot, which did wonders for his weight problem.
In her case, Meg had gone from being a slightly overweight teen with rather sever insecurity issues to being a self confident, yet still slightly chunky, heavily tattooed psychotic killer, much like her own boss.
Looking down at her hands, which were encased in fingerless leather gloves, she flexed them and thought about the death's head tattooed on her right hand.
"Didn't have that when I left home." she thought, unconsciously rubbing the back of her right hand. Then her gaze flicked over to her left bicep, where one of the tribal tattoos she had gotten in prison curled around her upper arm. "Had those though."
Meg's lip curled up into a sneer when the the thought of her home life came to the front of her mind. She had hardly thought of her home life in the past three years of her internship, and truth be told, she hadn't really missed it. In fact, if it wasn't for some things she had left behind when she'd taken that internship, Meg wouldn't even be returning at all.
They turned, and ahead of them her house came into view, easily noticeable by the fact of it having the lone Prius parked in the driveway.
"Your parent's drive a Prius? What are they, hippies or something?" Eric asked, his face set into a scowl.
"No, that's Brian's." Meg replied as they pulled into the driveway. "My parents drive a couple of Caprice's."
"Oh." Eric said, putting it into park. "You gonna need help carrying anything out?"
"Nah, everything I'm getting will fit into the one bag." Meg said as she opened her door and got out. "Leave the motor running. There might be a bit of a scene."
"Got it." Eric said, and reached up for his pack of cigarillos in the sun visor.
Reaching into the backseat, Meg retrieved an empty duffel bag along with a tooled leather men's shoulder bag, shut the door, and walked up to the front door off her house, draping the mens bag over her shoulder. Twisting the knob, she was not the least bit surprised that it was unlocked and pushed it open.
Inside, both of her parents were sitting on the couch with Chris sitting on the floor, Stewie was playing with his toys off to the side, and Brian was reading Bone magazine with a martini by his side.
"Meg!" her mother exclaimed as she started to rise from from the couch. "You're back! How was your job-"
"I'm just picking some of my stuff, then I'm gone." Meg said tersely.
"Whaat?" Lois asked, shock coming over her face. "You're not staying?"
"No, mother, I'm not staying." Meg answered, irritation creeping into her voice. "I have better things to do than hang out with this chicken shit little family."
Almost the whole family's collective jaws dropped at her statement- except for Stewie, who had the most odd little smirk. Then Peters brain kicked into gear with every ounce of it's weed whacker power and he opened his mouth.
"Hey!" he shouted, jumping to his feet. "You cant talk about your family that way!"
Meg smiled, a nasty, cold, killers smile. "Actually, Dad-"
The next thing Peter knew, a freight train hit him in the stomach and he was sent flying into the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room, cratering the plaster, smashing several picture frames, and demolishing the stereo system.
"- I actually think I can." Meg finished.
"Meg, what's gotten into you-" her mother started to say as she put her hand on Meg's shoulder.
Meg spun around and delivered her mother a backhanded blow that sent Lois flying in a spray of blood and teeth to crack head first into the wall.
"What's gotten into me. Mother?" she asked as Lois slumped to the floor, out cold. "Nothing has gotten into me. I just got over my insecurities, that's all. Aren't you happy?"
Lois's response was to twitch limply and bleed onto the carpet. In the background, Stewie clapped for some reason.
"You've gone crazy!" Chris shouted as he got to his feet, his voice still somehow managing to sound like a nasal whine while being shocked at the same time.
Meg spun around and fixed her brother with a rather psychotic stare.
"Boy, you've gotten smarter, haven't you?" she said.
Chris had opened his mouth and was about to say something when she spoke, and she saw him hesitate fro a fraction of a second as his brain tried to process what his sister had said.
Meg of course, used this opportunity to step in close to her brother and smash his kneecap with a well place right kick, toppling him like a ton of bricks. Chris screamed and fell top the ground, clutching at his knee.
Standing over her screaming and crying brother, Meg smiled a happy and disturbing little smile before kicking the ever living shit out of him.
"Sucks when your victims develop a spine, doesn't it, Chris?" she yelled over his screams, punctuating her sentence with a final kick to his face that knocked him out, along with a half a dozen teeth.
Finished with her brother, she turned to where Brian was huddled in the corner, trying to dial 911 with severely shaking hands.
"Oh Brian..." she said in her sweetest, most gentle voice.
Brian looked up for just a split second and Meg used that split second to reach into her shoulder bag, draw a suppressed .380, and shoot his cell phone.
"Bad dog. No dialing 911." she said.
Brian's jaw worked up and down for a few moments before his overloaded brain just gave up and he passed out. Meg smirked at the comatose canine and then turned her attention to the only member of the family still conscious.
Stewie's eyes went to the size of dinner plates as his sister turned her gaze on him, and studied him for several long moments.
Then she smiled.
"Boo."
Stewie crapped his diaper and lit out of there like a bat out of hell.
Meg took a look around at the beaten and traumatized members of her family, chuckled to herself, and headed up the stairs to her room.
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Eric stubbed the butt of his cigarillo out in the ashtray as Meg stepped out of the house and shut the door behind her.
"What the hell took you so long?" Eric asked as Meg walked up to the car. "You fixing your makeup or something?"
"Just saying goodbye to my family." Meg told him as she tossed the duffel bag in the back seat.
"Anything permanent?" Eric asked as she got in. "I heard you toss a shot."
"No. They're not worth the trouble." Meg said as she got in. "What's your hurry anyways?"
"I got a call from the bosses while you were inside." Eric said, putting the car in reverse. "We got a job."
"Where at?" Meg asked as she unslung her shoulder bag.
"Belarus."
Meg made a face. "Belarus? What the hell are we doing going there?" she asked.
"They told me that we're supposed to go to Babruysk and secure a set of warehouses." Eric replied.
"Babruysk? That's the closest city to the Exclusion Zone." Meg exclaimed. "Did they say why were going so close to a radioactive wasteland?"
Eric grimaced as they accelerated away. "I made the asking that question." he said grimly.
"And?"
"And... apparently, they bought it."
Meg was silent for several seconds before she spoke again. "They bought it."
"Yes."
"They bought Chernobyl."
"Yes."
"What the hell for?" Meg asked, wondering if her bosses had finally, truly, lost whatever traces of sanity they had left.
"Well, Chris was doing his mad scientist laugh, and I could hear Andrew smirking, so whatever it is, it's gonna be good." Eric said.
Meg sighed and took out a pack of Lucky Strikes. "So B3S owns Chernobyl. Lovely." she said before lighting one.
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Author's note: BWAAAAAA-!