Welcome all, to the epitome of crack fics in adventure form. It has plot and all that, but it also has the essence of stupidity and with the amount of things that don't make sense, it will make you wonder what the heck possessed me to write it.

The main idea was that Link, Zelda, and a number of unimportant Zelda characters have gone missing, and since Ike and Soren are gone as well, Tibarn is going to be our stand-in hero. Be warned, the only replacement I actually thought about was Reyson, who I replaced with Saria, and Elincia, who ended up as Zelda. The other replacements are just there to be made fun of.

So, with my goal being to either entertain you or scare you and to weird out my sister, I shall continue to write, and in the process, make huge spoilers for Ocarina of Time and possibly Fire Emblem (Radiant Dawn).

I don't own Zelda or any of its characters and the same goes for Fire Emblem.

On with this weirdness!

It was raining, and when he said it was raining, he meant that it was raining hard. The problem was that it was very dark out and hard to see two feet in front of him at the moment, and he had no clue as to where he even was. It was dark and there was lightning flashing and he was standing in front of a castle that seemed familiar in no way whatsoever. He watched as the drawbridge started to lower and a white horse galloped out. There were two figures on the saddle, one he didn't recognize and one he could swear was a younger version of Elincia looking back at him, worried. He was going to try to follow her and ask what the hell was going on, but she was already gone in the darkness and he heard another horse behind him. He jumped slightly, looking up at a darker horse that carried one of the most evil looking men that he ever saw in black armour (or just the most ugly). The man looked down at him and laughed, the sound seemed to scare him more than the strange situation he was in.

And then he woke up.

"Come on, wake up!" A high pitched voice said. "Can the fate of Hyrule really depend on such a lazy boy?"

Tibarn groaned in annoyance, but he sat up anyway, glaring at the winged ball of light that was fluttering around his head. "What… are you?"

"Finally!" The thing slowed, floating in front of him. "I'm Navi the fairy, the Great Deku Tree asked me to be your partner from now on, nice to meet you!"

"Great Deku – what?" Tibarn looked around. "Where am I? What Great tree? Is this one of Janaff's jokes?"

"…Who's Janaff? Anyway! That's not important! The great Deku Tree has summoned you; we have to go see him!"

Tibarn stood up, taking a weary step back from the fairy. He really hoped that he was still dreaming. "Okay, seriously, before I supposedly follow you, where the heck am I?" He paused, realizing a great different in his point of view. He looked down at himself and gasped. "And why the hell am I two feet tall!"

Now he really hoped that he was still dreaming.

"You're in the Kokiri forest, Tibarn!" Navi said happily, and then she seemed confused. "All Kokiri are children. You've always been that size!"

"No!" Tibarn exclaimed. "I'm supposed to be very tall! And strong," he noted his lack of muscle, "And manly!"

"…What are you talking about? Okay, let's just get to the Great Deku Tree; we don't have a whole lot of time here!"

"Okay, fine!" Tibarn rubbed his head, already feeling a head ache coming. This was not going to be a good day… He followed Navi outside, realizing he'd just been sleeping inside of a tree. "Okay, where's the guy with answers, I want to know what the hell's going on!" Navi was about to answer, but Tibarn saw a familiar face coming toward him. He smiled, relieved. He wasn't sure if he still had the ability to fly, but he took a chance as he leapt over the edge of the fence, ignoring the ladder.

Flight: possible. Not very well at the moment, but it was possible.

"Reyson! You're here!" Tibarn drew the heron into a tight hug, taking no notice of the second fairy following him. "I've only been here five minutes and I have no clue what's going on! Do you?"

"Tibarn – you have to let go – I can't breathe!" Reyson gasped for breath as Tibarn let go of him and set his hands on his shoulders. "Took you long enough to wake up,"

"So you do know where we are?"

"The Kokiri forest, I told you that! We have to go see the Great Deku Tree!" Navi urged.

Reyson stared at Tibarn for a few seconds, which he wasn't used to seeing as he was a few inches shorter just a few hours ago. He opened his mouth like he was about to answer and Tibarn looked hopeful, but then he just dropped his hands to his sides. "I – no – I'm sorry, I really have no clue…"

Tibarn deflated.

"But you've been summoned by the Deku Tree, right?" Reyson said, trying to get some of the hawk's hope back. "He should be able to give you some answers, right? You go ahead, I'll wait here."

"I'm really going to have to talk to that… tree guy, aren't I?"

"The Great Deku Tree," Navi corrected. "Come on!"

"I'll be right back, with an explanation!" Tibarn said and followed Navi away from the tree house. "Okay, where am I going?"

"This way!" Navi led him on the path to the right. Tibarn looked around the forest. There were other children just as small as him wondering around, and all of them had a fairy flying around them. He could have mistaken them all for beorc if it wasn't for their pointed ears. No one else had wings, but when he passed them, they didn't seem to notice his at all. He was freaked out enough as it was, so he didn't bring it up with Navi. The fairy continued to lead him across a small pond and headed toward a passage through the trees, but there was another boy there. Tibarn immediately didn't like the look of his sneer.

"Hey, 'Mr. No-Fairy'! What's your business with the Great Deku Tree?" The boy held his hand up, signalling the pair to stop. Tibarn was about to respond in a rather indignant way, but the boy kept talking. "Without a fairy, you aren't even a real man!"

"What did you just – never mind, you! If a fairy's this thing over my head, then I got one!" Tibarn glared at him, jabbing a finger in Navi's general direction for emphasis. "Now move! I need to see the tree!"

The boy looked surprised. "What? You've got a fairy?" Tibarn didn't have time to open his mouth as he kept talking. "The Great Deku Tree actually summoned you? Whaaat? Why would he summon you and not the great Mido? This isn't funny…" Mido crossed his arms.

"Yeah, well too bad, I don't think it's funny either, so move it!"

"I don't believe it! You aren't even fully equipped yet! How are you supposed to help the Great Deku Tree without a sword and a shield ready?"

"Why the hell would I want that?" Tibarn asked, about to point out the wings on his back and his ability to transform into a hawk (which he wasn't actually sure if he still had, considering he had somehow turned into a kid). "You don't have either of those either!"

"What?" Mido paused. "You're right, I don't have any of those either, but… If you want to pass through here, you should at least equip a sword and shield! Sheesh!" Mido puffed out his chest and made it quite clear that he wasn't going to move.

Tibarn was, again, about to point out his wings and the ability to transform into a hawk and rip the little idiot's head off, but Navi was finally intervening.

"Come on, Tibarn! I know where we can go!"

Tibarn turned away from a triumphant looking Mido reluctantly. "He's not going to let me through, is he? I don't even know how to use a sword! Gah! When I get my hands on him next time…"

Navi was confused again. "Haven't you always had a thing for swords?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about,"

Navi disregarded it as she led him to the edge of the forest where there was a tall cliff wall. There was a tunnel going through it though, which Navi was floating around. "Through here!"

"You want me to crawl through there?" Tibarn looked at her incredulously. "I don't think I'll fit."

"Of course you will, you aren't that big!" Navi exclaimed, and Tibarn frowned, wanting very much to be taller again. "Do you want to get past Mido or not?"

"Fine, fine!" Tibarn hoped Janaff wasn't anywhere around here, because he didn't want to be seen in this position, on the ground, crawling through a tunnel in which he just barely fit. The younger laguz would laugh his head off and then he'd never be able to live it down. When he finally emerged, with dirt all over his front, he looked around the small maze. "Okay, where now?"

"This way, watch where you're going!" Navi said happily.

Tibarn was about to ask what she meant when he saw the giant boulder roll around the corner. "What the hell?" He jumped up to fly over the boulder that was quickly coming in his direction and would surely run him down when it turned around another corner. He then came to a realization. "Hey – I could have just flown around that kid!" He landed and glanced around the corner to make sure that the boulder wasn't coming back. "What is that doing here anyway?"

"It's supposed to stop intruders," Navi said. "Hurry up!"

Tibarn followed Navi through the small maze, looking over his shoulder several times in search of the boulder before she led him to a large chest on top of a tree stump. "What's in that?"

"One thing you need to get to the Great Deku Tree!"

Tibarn lifted the lid up and looked inside. Lying on the bottom of the chest was a small sheathed sword, a red gem glinting in its hilt. He had to almost jump into the chest to reach it and he held it in his hands for a few seconds. Swords were more of Ike's thing; Tibarn was a hawk king who rarely touched the weapons, so he really had no clue as to what to do with it. Sure, he had a knife, but knives weren't swords and he only used that to cut up fruits. "So… what do I do with it?"

After a few minutes he managed to get the sheath strapped to his back along with much coaching from Navi. It wasn't all that comfortable, but it would do. He was sure that if she could, Navi would just have gone off one her own with the small blade; it was hard to tell who was more annoyed with the situation. It was outside of the maze that Navi decided that she would bother him further with the sword.

"You should practice on those bushes,"

"Okay, I've got it, and if it gets me to the tree, fine. But I'm not using it; I have more pride than that!"

"Pride? You think you could strangle a monster with your bare hands? Do you know how long that would take compared to just cutting it with your sword?"

"So? I've survived this long, screw the bushes," and with that, Tibarn marched proudly past the bushes. "Where do I get a shield?"

"You need to buy it from the shop…" Navi trailed off. "Okay, we need to go find some rupees!"

"What are rupees?"

"Seriously?" Navi sounded astounded. "Rupees are the currency in Hyrule!"

"Hyrule? I thought we were in the... Koki forest or something,"

"Yeah, we are, the Kokiri forest is part of Hyrule, it guards the borders of the realm from dark forces from outside." Navi looked around.

"So, where are we going to find… rupees?"

"They're pretty much everywhere," Navi explained, and so began a wild goose chase around the forest. Tibarn had never done anything so strange. Then again, things tended to get strange in dreams.

They ran through grass, they smashed rocks, they tore up bushes (because Tibarn still refused to use the Kokiri sword), they intruded in others homes and opened random chests and smashed pots. By 'they', Tibarn meant 'he'. Navi just floated around his head and directed him around the forest to where rupees might have been hiding until at last, he held several green and blue rupees. It also occurred to him that Reyson might have been able to help in some way so that he wouldn't have had to get so dirty, but it was too late now.

Inside the shop, the shopkeeper was so small that he had to jump up just to see over the counter. Tibarn felt sorry for the poor kid, so when he was asked why he was so dirty, he said that he was 'just so happy that he finally got a fairy that he couldn't hold in his excitement'. Navi seemed happy with the idea.

The problem was what to do with the shield.

"Okay, surely you must have noticed that this won't go over my wings too well," Tibarn said while inspecting the shield outside the shop. "Maybe I could just keep it on my arm the entire time?"

"Can't you just fold them up or something?"

"Are you kidding me? That'd be too restricting," to prove his point, he attempted to fold his wings against his back and place the shield over them, but before the wood even touched them, he found that the sword strapped to his back was also a problem. "See? Do I really need this?"

"How else are you going to defend yourself? What did you do before?"

"I could transform into a hawk, but it's obvious that these people have never seen a laguz before, so I don't want to risk it." Tibarn strapped the shield to his arm as he spoke. "Okay, this is just going to have to do, let's go."

They headed back to the path that Mido was guarding, and Tibarn already felt great hatred to him, so he smirked victoriously, fully expecting Mido to move aside. He didn't. Well, not right away, at least.

"If you want to see the Great Deku Tree, then you should at least –"

"I have a shield!" Tibarn exclaimed, waving his arm inches from the kid's face.

"Yeah, well you still have to – what is that?" Mido noticed the sword strapped to his back. "Is that the Kokiri sword? Good grief!"

The smirk spread across Tibarn's face.

Mido crossed his arms, glancing away. "Yeah, well, even with all of that, a wimp is still a wimp!"

Tibarn glared at him. "Wimp? You're gonna want to take that back shrimp, before I-"

Mido seemed to ignore this. "I, the great Mido, will never accept you as one of us!

"You don't have to, you – I'm not even going to waste words on you! Reyson's waiting for me to go see the tree, now get out of my way!"

"Shoot! How did you get to be the favourite of Reyson and the Great Deku Tree?" Mido asked indignantly before moving away. Tibarn wasn't sure how he made this conclusion, or how he even knew Reyson, but he didn't bother asking as he passed by the grumbling Mido.

"Let's hurry, Tibarn!" Navi flew quickly along the path.

"Finally, you sure this guy's going to give me – holy shit!" Tibarn didn't know what had just shot up from the ground in front of him, but he didn't really care as he drew the Kokiri sword and slashed them apart before they could hurt him in any way. "What the hell were those?"

"Deku babas," Navi stated simply. "They're pretty harmless, though, and I thought you weren't going to use that!"

Tibarn noticed the sword and quickly sheathed it again. "Yeah, well," he coughed, gathering his composure again. "They just surprised me!"

"I saw that," Navi said happily. "Pick up those deku sticks, they'll be useful!"

"You want me to carry some sticks around?" Tibarn asked, but he picked them up anyway and followed Navi into a large grotto. His jaw dropped as he saw the biggest tree that he'd ever seen. Surely it was more than twenty times his size (maybe it would look smaller if he was still tall) with branches that branched out over the grotto, reaching high into the sky. If he wasn't mistaken, the tree also seemed to have eyebrows and a moustache, which sort of scared him. Was it actually going to talk to him?

What a strange dream.

"I'm back!" Navi announced, and after a few seconds, a deep voice responded.

"Ah, Navi… Thou hast returned…"

Tibarn could have gaped, but not only was he a king (because kings did not gape), he wasn't sure if the tree had eyes or not, he didn't want to be disrespectful (yeah, that's it, disrespect to gape at giant trees that are obviously figures of authority…).

"Tibarn, welcome," the Deku Tree said. Tibarn was about to ask how he knew his name, but the tree continued. "Listen carefully to what I, the Deku Tree, am about to tell thee…"

"Uh… sure…" Tibarn continued to stare up at the tree. "Am I going to get to know how I got here now?"

The Deku Tree spoke as if Tibarn hadn't. "Thy slumber these past moons must have been restless and full of nightmares."

"Actually, not really, just last night… And right now." Tibarn was starting to get annoyed, not only because Navi told him he'd get answers and he wasn't getting them, but because every one he talked to seemed to just keep talking like he's never said a thing. He was not used to being ignored.

"As the servants of evil gain strength, a vile climate pervades the land and causes nightmares to those sensitive to it… Verily, thou hast felt it…"

"So I'm sensitive to evil? Great…"

"Tibarn, the time has come to test thy courage… I have been cursed; I need you to break the curse with your wisdom and courage…"

Tibarn frowned. "Um… I think my wisdom and courage have been tested enough, I mean… I've been through two wars in the last four years, so…"

"Dost thou have courage enough to undertake this task?" The Deku Tree asked, again as if Tibarn had never spoken.

"Well, again, two wars, being king and all, I think I'm pretty much the most courageous guy you'll find here…" Tibarn said with a shrug, looking around. "But seriously, what am I-"

Tibarn was cut off once again, but not by the Tree's voice. This time, he did gape as the Deku Tree began to open his mouth, which Tibarn didn't even know was there. There was now a large gap in the tree's trunk, like a large archway.

"Then enter, brave Tibarn, and thou too, Navi."

Tibarn was beyond trying to comprehend the events of the past hour.

"Navi the Fairy… Thou must aid Tibarn… and Tibarn, when Navi speak, listen well to her words of wisdom."

"Uh… okay, sure, I'll…" Tibarn looked at the tree then at Navi. "I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Navi didn't have a face, so he couldn't judge her reaction, but she spoke as it the answer was obvious the entire time. "No, why would you be dreaming?"

"So, I'm supposed to go into the giant tree, and defeat some curse?" Tibarn said, pointing to the tree but not looking at it.

"I thought you said you were brave!"

"I am brave!"

"Then get going! We don't have much time left! We'll explain everything after!"

"Hey!" Tibarn followed Navi over to the Deku Tree, still waiting for them to enter. "You said I'd get answers when we met, and I sill have to go see Reyson, I don't have time for this!"

"Yeah, but deadly curses take precedence right now!"

"Damn it, fine!"