Hemigaleidai Book – Chapter 01: Greater
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"Cause I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed, when others say I'll never be enough."
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Author's Notes: This is written for day 1 of KisaIta week, and follows a specific pattern. This is the frame of the story, beginning to end. Chapter 02 will go into more detail starting after the first chapter begins but ending before the first chapter ends, Chapter 03, 04 and 05 will focus on specific details between the frame as well. Day 1 is about the "First meeting, Goodbye" and that is what this focuses on. It is part fic, part analysis of all the canon scenes we have of Itachi and Kisame shown from a KisaIta perspective. Again, this is similar to a frame, meaning it won't follow logical order, the middle is in the next few chapters.
I highly recommend listening to the song "Greater – MercyMe" as a significant portion of this chapter is based on it. Every chapter has a song that it's titled after and has significance to that reminded me of their relationship. Some lyris are incorporated.
Finally, this won't make as much sense if you haven't read my Analysis of Kisame Hoshigaki so I highly recommend going to read that, otherwise my KisaIta characterizations might not make sense to you. However, it is not required, just highly recommended.
Make sure you've seen the Kisame x Itachi battle, there are spoilers. In fact rewatching the Itachi & Kisame scenes will help you understand this chapter better if you need a refresher.
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He's just a child, but that means nothing. Kisame was a child too once, and he killed then just as he will kill now. He killed his clansmen, his comrades, and it begs the question why. Kisame did it because he was ordered to, and at the highest rank he found lies upon lies until he had lost all hope in the system.
He joined Akatsuki for the promise of a new world. A world without lies perhaps, could be a world worth living in. It was a greater purpose, perhaps even one worth dying for. It was one worth fighting for at least.
So why then, did Itachi Uchiha join Akatsuki? Why did Itachi Uchiha kill his clansmen? It was loyalty that drove Kisame to request Itachi Uchiha as a partner. At the tender age of thirteen, Itachi was already a nightmare. He was far too powerful and if he killed his own clansmen, he couldn't be trusted in Akatsuki. He might kill them all too. It was hypocritical perhaps, but maybe that's why it made the most sense. Kisame had killed his own clansmen so he knew the apathy it created – and he feared that Itachi's apathy would doom Akatsuki, doom the world he wanted to create.
"From today onwards, we will be partners." Kisame said. It was best to bare his fangs now and make it clear who was commanding. "I am Kisame Hoshigaki of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. You are Itachi Uchiha – I have heard rumors about you, and how you killed your clan."
Kisame paused only for a moment, taking in the salty ocean air by the pier. The air around Itachi was pungent with the blood of his family, death hung by him fresh and sinister. Kisame felt a familiar creeping along his spine, a chakra, a power in the atmosphere that Itachi gave off, letting him know without words that he was not to be trifled with.
"I understand you." Kisame continued, because he did. He would make his intentions clear, intentions that only Itachi could understand because they held a bond already, a bond of deceit. "That's why I asked to be your partner. Killing your comrades… Such a feeling is indescribable, isn't it?"
And it was. Kisame made himself vulnerable in his attack, showing the apathy and the impact it had on him, if only so he could see Itachi's vulnerability. Itachi would give in surely, show his true colors, and they could dance around the lies they create, until Itachi's head hung at the end of Samehada.
"You talk a lot." The boy said, and suddenly Kisame was struck by how tiny the child was. His voice was cracking from the beginnings of puberty and his height left much to be desired. "You may know a lot about me, but what about you? You got lost in the mist and ended up here. You're just a thug who couldn't figure out where to go."
Kisame flinched. A strike to the heart. It was accurate, almost too much so. He was lost, he was wandering, he had no where to call home, and Akatsuki was not the answer to the world he wanted to create. It was closer, but it wasn't the answer. Kisame was shaken to the core and he responded the only way he knew how.
He pulled his blade and brought it to Itachi's shoulder. A threat. The boy responded in kind, his chakra blaring to life, surrounding them in its invisibility, it was dangerous. Kisame didn't dare kill, he could not, it would be folly. The boy wasn't bad.
"Do you want to know something interesting?" Kisame asked, reciting a tale he was often taught as a child. "Some sharks are born inside their mother's belly, but in some cases… In some cases the number of eggs that hatch don't match up with the pups. Do you know why that is? Cannibalism. Other than itself, every sibling is fodder. The fratricide begins before birth. From today onwards, you and I both belong to Akatsuki. Please be wary… Of me."
It was a tale he was often taught, a tale he lived up to. He killed his fellow schoolmates, his siblings, his parents even, in the monstrosity that was the blood mist. He knew from the first day it happened that there was no such thing as comradiereship, trust or love. Relationships were a lie, artificial at best. Lies, all of them. He would not lie, he had no reason to create false bonds. It was with truth that he divulged his intentions to Itachi, a truth he hoped Itachi could hold onto. They may be partners, but they had nothing between them, they never would. He said this clearly to contrast his life in the Mist, where he lied to his partners and killed them later. There would be no lies now – he made it clear what he would do. Yes, honesty was the way to go.
The moment the sharingan came to life, Kisame felt it in his blood, the exhilaration of battle had his heart racing, singing in joy for the familiar rush of adrenaline. Kisame wanted.
"That goes for you too." Itachi responded in kind, marking his place, refusing to be seen as weak. Good shinobi. Kisame would pat him on the head and give him a toy.
Kisame smirked at the seriousness in Itachi's tone, the child who hadn't even reached puberty yet daring to threaten him like a little puppy, yet with a power so harsh it made Kisame's body sing. Beautiful. "Well, let's have fun together." Kisame suggested, grin still there. There was no reason they couldn't do that much. Maybe this honesty thing would work out. A new path for a new life. He would go through many partners probably, and one day Itachi's head would be on his sword, he would enjoy that day very much. "And let's hope we are not the last two facing each other."
They might hope, but it's what Kisame wanted. Samehada would enjoy it, if Itachi grew into his life.
"Let me just say this…" Itachi rose from his position calmly as he spoke. "Anyone who has raised their hand against a comrade, even once, never dies a decent death. Remember that."
Really? Kisame didn't need a reminder that he was doomed, he knew it already. Perhaps it was new to Itachi what such acts bring. He was young after all. Kisame chuckled slightly as he answered. "Then I suppose you and I are both worthless." It was true. He didn't need a reminder, but Itachi seemed to need it.
"No…" Itachi was calm, his chakra controlled in a way Kisame couldn't respond to, a sage like level that shouldn't be possible. "We aren't fish, we are human."
Kisame's world fell apart.
We aren't fish, we are human.
All his life he was told he was a fish, a shark, hell he looked like one. Every analogy, every story he was taught was based off of that ideal. Kisame lived by it. He accepted it. He hated it.
Someone called him human. Someone called him human. Itachi called him human.
The surprise couldn't be held back from Kisame's face. Never had anyone acknowledged him as human. He killed. He murdered. He was a fish, a shark, a monster. Monster of the Mist.
"No matter who you are, you do not know what kind of human you are until the very end." Itachi walked past Kisame, who stood there, dumbstruck, still processing the impossible. They said sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt. Kisame had learned to live by it.
So why did these words hurt? They weren't insults, but they hurt, a pain, deep and dull, aching in his heart – something he probably didn't even have and it tugged him. Words were power, and for the first time Kisame understood it. He could feel the strings binding him with those words spoken so casually, nonchalantly, uncaringly.
"One realizes their true nature when they are dying. That's what dying is, isn't it?" Itachi's final words boomed in Kisame's mind, as he finally managed to regain composure long enough to follow, something he didn't realize he would spend his life thereafter doing.
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Bring your tired,
Bring your shame,
Bring your guilt,
Bring your Pain,
Don't you know that's not your name?
You will always be so much more to me.
Everyday I wrestle with the voices
That keep telling me I'm not right
But that's alright
Cause I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed
When other's say I'll never be enough
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"Itachi-san, don't lie to me." Kisame warned. It was a hollow warning, Kisame wouldn't dare act on it. "Even if you get your brother's eyes you will die. What is it you really want? Why don't we go spend what time we have searching for a cure? Forget Akatsuki! I would follow you – I would go anywhere for you!"
"No." Itachi answered without so much a movement, but it didn't feel Kisame who could feel the disturbed chakra signature. He knew it inside out, he knew it better than his own. Itachi was his sheath, his sage, his heart.
"Itachi!"
"We must continue for Akatsuki."
"You aren't doing this for Akatsuki."
"Do not cross that line, Kisame."
"Please-." Kisame begged. He begged. For Itachi, he did. He felt no shame.
"Kisame." Itachi spoke so softly that Kisame strained to hear, pushing every other desire out but the one to listen. "I need you to do something for me, when the time comes."
"Itachi-san…" Kisame knew he lost. He lost and he didn't breakeven. It tore him apart, pieces and nothing more.
"Tomorrow Sasuke will come." Itachi shuddered.
"Tomorrow…" Kisame could have wept. It would be the end, Kisame knew. Sasuke was always the end. "Sasuke will kill you."
"Have faith, Kisame." Itachi coughed, blood spluttered onto the bed. Kisame didn't move to help. It would be unwelcome.
He knew, he always knew, he would never be enough. He could never be equal to this invisible force, this unknown force, this thing that Itachi strove for.
"If he kills you…"
"Then he won a fair battle. If he is capable of killing me, he is capable of killing you. You will avoid him." Itachi answered with no remorse, heaving as he allowed himself to lay down. A sign of weakness to any other shinobi. Yet Itachi knew he had Kisame's complete and utter loyalty, he felt nothing showing this weakness. It was not weak – it was strength, it was trust.
"How can I just let it go?"
"You don't. You will live on and create a world with no lies." Itachi sighed.
And what could he say? He wanted a world with no lies, sure. But there was one lie he was willing to let live, did Itachi not know it?
"Itachi I-."
"If there is an afterlife." Itachi cut in. "We will meet again and travel along this road we've built together."
It was enough.
"You are my sheath, my sage."
"You are my sword, my guardian." Itachi answered with familiarity.
"My heart."
"My heart."
The sound of coughing cut through an organ Kisame doubted he ever had sharper than any knife could accomplish.
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"As good as you are, even you can't dodge all of these." Kisame said as if he were sure. He wasn't. It was a lost battle, Kisame knew. It wasn't even a true battle. This was his only way of accepting it. He had to fight – he had to have his say, if not with words than with fists.
They always were for words. But now words were out. If Itachi wouldn't do what was best out of his own will, Kisame would force him. Only he wouldn't and he knew it. He could if he wanted to, if he really did. But this was more a show than anything, a wounded heart hoping Itachi would do this willingly because anything else wasn't worth it.
Kisame ran forth and attacked with Samehada. The streams of water cut Itachi just before Kisame slammed his sword into the clone, which dispersed into many crows.
"I stand corrected." Kisame said, a slight air of humor about his voice. He knew all along of course, that it wouldn't work. He had too much faith in Itachi.
Their sparring and barely used strength was almost a joke. It was a dance, a dance of wills and nothing more. Itachi understood, it didn't have to be said. Kisame spoke, more to still his ever beating heart.
"I've always wanted to go head to head with you like this." It was exciting, their dance. In another life, it could have been done differently. It could have been a dance of lovers, a battle of strength and valor, of sweat and blood, the masculine musk filling the air with its pungent scent and driving them to a wilder, more primal instinct.
Samehada came out, feeling the misery of its master. Samehada who no longer saw Kisame alone as her master – Samehada who understood that the two together made one whole. She would not stand for her master breaking in half, for suicide.
"Even samehada is happy." Kisame joked, but his voice had no joy to it, his expression was pained, almost angry. He used his water bombs as Itachi retreated.
The mist had become theirs, their calming soft moments, the shroud that protected them and eased their broken souls. It was theirs, their fire, their water, their wonder, their relationship. It was their heart, their sword, their sheath, their sage, their guardian. It was their heart. It was familiar. Itachi didn't truly need the sharingan for their heart, but it added that adrenaline that coursed through Kisame's veins and reminded him he was alive. It reminded him of their dangerous dance, a dance of men, a dance of honor, a grievance of theirs to let out their aching hearts, their doubts and fears. To scream for their hurts and unspent tears.
Kisame wanted to scream.
"With your sharingan you are able to find my faint shadow from behind and attack even in this mist…" Like it had to be said. Kisame felt a queasy sensation in his belly, a pain and agony so strong he could not put it to words.
"Impressive." Kisame tried not to shake. "Is what I'd say…"
"So you saw through me and used a water clone?" Itachi asked, and Kisame nearly screamed to the skies in joy. For Itachi shared his pain, for Itachi needed to calm his nerves and speak. For Itachi was his, his heart, his sheath, his sage.
Kisame let out his best attempt at a laugh, it was what he needed to calm his aching. "It's been a long time since I've had to use this." Kisame brought Samehada against Itachi like when they first met, reminiscing about the day his life changed.
Was this a victory? Did he show his heart to Itachi? Would Itachi give in?
Itachi's mangekyo blared to life, the chakra engendering the air with a very real threat.
Kisame could have cried. His heart was stone, he was dead. For Itachi, he would lie. He would pretend to be happy, because that was his job. "I'm so happy to see you use that power." He lied. It was Itachi's final answer. He continued speaking unnecessarily, just to give himself time to accept Itachi's decision. He had no other choice after all. "Never thought you'd be serious enough to use Amaterasu. Too bad it uses too much chakra."
That last part was a hope, a glimmer, a question. Unsaid it spoke please come back to me, if I tried I could get past even Amaterasu and we could fix you and continue building our road. "Won't that dash your hopes of going against Sasuke after this?"
He wouldn't really do it. He wouldn't. He hoped he wouldn't. Could he have that much restraint? Could he let go?
Itachi's silence, his disappointment, was enough. Kisame knew Itachi was suffering. Why make it worse? The hardest thing is giving up your own happiness for another.
"Why don't we call it a day? I'm satisfied just seeing you like this." Because it means you cared, at least a little.
"I don't want to fight you like this." Itachi knew the hurt, he knew the pain.
"Look at you." Kisame was put in his place. It was second. And it was okay. "It's been a long time since I sweat this much."
"I want to fight Sasuke one on one. Do me a favor and keep everyone out of it." It was an order, a command from his sage. Kisame knew what more it was. It was a gift, a goodbye. Kisame hated goodbyes.
"Fine." Kisame agreed. How could he not? His sage asked, after all. "Still it's a little sad, parting like this, after all we've been through together."
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Bring your doubts,
Bring your fears,
Bring your hurt,
Bring your tears,
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"Itachi, it's just like you said…" Kisame thought as blood began to engulf the ball of water he was in. "At the moment of your death… Itachi, it seems, I was not so bad after all."
I would have liked to see it. A world without lies.
He saw only Itachi's face.
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There'll be no condemnation here,
You are holy, righteous and redeemed
Every time I fall,
There'll be those who call me
A mistake
Well that's okay
Cause I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed,
When others say I'll never be enough,
And greater is the One living inside of me,
Than he who is living in the world
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