What would it take
For things to be quiet
Quiet like the snow
Harry sat on the marble staircase in the entrance hall, his gloved hands clasped together around his knees. He had been here for quite some time, waiting for nothing in particular, watching the snow falling beyond the oak front doors.
He had always envied the snow, how pleasantly calm it was, how pure it was against the muck of the ground hidden beneath it. It was as though the sky was taking advantage of the winter months, using them to wash away all the pain and worry that had snaked it's way across the land, the dirty, depressing land. He had always loved to watch it fall from the windows of the Gryffindor common room, watch it blanket the expanse of the land, washing away all the pain that hid underneath.
He wished it was as simple as that. He wished that the snow would wash away all his pain, all his fear and offer him a second chance. He wished it could be that way, but he knew better. Beyond these walls dangers lurked below the surface, hidden away where they couldn't be seen, where nobody would ever think to worry about them.
Within the confines of these walls he was protected at least, though the anguish that rested in his heart followed him everywhere, hidden away from prying eyes, it ate at his spirits constantly.
He had never noticed it's presence there, for it had followed him for the best part of his life. It was only when Sirius had left him alone, had gone away forever, that he finally saw the creature lurking within himself.
It had crept from the shadows, had filled his lungs and swallowed his heart, had sunk it's talons into his throat, and brought stars to his eyes. It was almost as though the monster was going to consume him, to destroy his very being, and push him into a darkness he would never be able to escape.
But here he was, almost half a year later, his breathing easier as every moment went by, the scars only he could see were healing, though they would never really disappear.
He was covered in scars just like the ones wrapped around his throat, all only visible to himself. They streaked his chest, ran down his arms and legs. He knew there would be more to come, but dwelling on that fact would do him no good, there was already enough darkness in the world without considering the deaths that would likely come all too soon.
For now, he chose only to focus on healing the scars he already had, and keeping the creature at bay.
The sound of footsteps awoke him from his reverie, turning his head to watch Hermione descend the steps with the slightest smile on her face. She sat next to him on the staircase, glancing at him for a moment before turning her gaze to the snow falling outside.
"It's beautiful, isn't it? The snow?" Her words were gentle, almost calming in the quiet. Harry smiled to himself, leaving Hermione's words clinging to the air he breathed. It was the moments like these, when everything was so simple, that made him smile, these moments that made him forget what it was he was destined for.
In inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, as though savouring the feel of the cold air in his lungs. He kept them closed for some time, listening to the sound of silence, feeling the heat from Hermione's body next to him on the cold staircase. He could stay like this forever.
"Merry Christmas, Hermione," he whispered, smiling vaguely to himself before opening his eyes to look over at his friend. She, too had a smile on her face, her eyes glistening as though she were going to cry.
"Merry Christmas, Harry."
She tucked her gloved hands into her jacket, watching Harry's face with interest. She seemed to be almost pleasantly surprised to see the smile he was wearing, though she didn't question him.
"You know, some days I wish everything were as simple as it is right now." He watched her raise an eyebrow questioningly and laughed quietly, "I wish everything were quiet, easy. Like the snow is. It covers up all the mistakes for a while, even if it's just for a moment. It lets us forget for a while. I like that."
"Since when did the great Harry Potter like the quiet life?" Hermione chuckled beside him, turning her eyes back to the snow. "I know what you mean, it's nice once in a while, to just stop having to think"
Harry held back a laugh at this, smiling over at his friend before dropping his eyes to his hands, and there were the scars, his snap back to reality. He felt the smile fall from his face in an instant, the burning pain inside him welled up with screaming intensity. It brought tears to his eyes, and made his heart ache, as the creature stirred deep inside him.
The creature had lived with him his entire life, had followed him like a shadow, looming over him as though it were going to engulf him at any moment, but it was now, in this moment, that he truly understood the importance of the beast that clawed at his insides, he realised the reason he did not fight against it's attacks.
It kept him moving forward, it kept him seeking to find the reasons why, to fight, to protect, and to cherish the moments, just like the one just passed, for everything they were worth. It taught him to love, and to respect. But most importantly, it taught him how precious and fragile life really was.
Somebody would have to die at the end of all this, somebody would have to die to protect the thousands of people whose lives were at risk. That gift could be ripped from him at any time. The creature curled in his stomach was there, to remind him of the brutal truth.
He blinked away the tears, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes before he finally stood, having found what he was waiting for. He took one last glance at the snow outside, before helping Hermione to her feet, and walking into the Great Hall where Christmas lunch awaited them.