Randomness in the Pridelands

From musicals, to drugs, to murder

One morning in the Pridelands, the sun came up bright and beaming, like in a musical...

Kovu (Singing): Oh what a wonderful moooorning, oh what a wonderful daaay!

Then Kiara, Simba, Zazu, Sarabi, Sarafina, Timon, Pumbaa, Rafiki and a random Zebra come into view and join Kovu.

(All!): I've got a wonderful feeeeeling, everything's coming my waaaay!

Then, they suddenly all walk away. Except Rafiki who is still for some reason singing...and then he looks around, noticing everyone else has gone and stops.

Rafiki: Oh...well that's just friggin great!

Then he goes to his tree and puts on a cd of the song 'I got high'. Then he dances around crazily in his tree.

All the lions are in the cave playing strip poker, only they had to put on some extra clothes so they could strip. Timon and Pumbaa are outside talking to Zazu.

Zazu: What the hell do you mean, bugs are the other white meat?

Pumbaa: They are!

Zazu: No they fucking aren't!

Timon: Shut up you Fucking kentucky fried chicken!

Zazu: That's "MR" fucking Kentunky fried chicken to you, fuzzy!

Pumbaa: Hey what's that sound?

Timon: It's the sound of a chicken being fried, Pumbaa!

Pumbaa: No, I mean the sound coming from Rafiki's tree...And what do you mean, a chicken being fried?

Timon: Oh, I'm just frying Zazu, wanna bite?

Pumbaa: Timon!

Timon: What?

Pumbaa: The whole point of KFC is that it is made in Kentucky, and you are frying him in the Pridelands. So it would be PFC...and Zazu's a hornbill, so it would be PFH actually Timon.

Timon: (Long pause) . . . You can go to hell!

Pumbaa stares at Timon and watches him frying Zazu for exactly 10.5 seconds and then says:

I don't like KFC.

Timon turns his head really slowly towards Pumbaa in a creepy way, and replies:

Shut the fuck up, Pumbaa.

Pumbaa: Rafiki is doing something in his tree, listen.

Timon stops frying Zazu and listens.

Timon: Oh you're right, let's go and see what he's up to.

T&P go to Rafiki's tree, Timon takes a plate of PFH (Pridelands fried Hornbill) with him, eating from it on the way.

They are in Rafiki's tree, and he is still dancing.

Pumbaa: Hi Rafiki!

Rafiki: (Stops dancing, and turns around slowly, his pupils are dilated) What the fuck are you doing in my tree?

Timon: It was his idea. We brought some fried hornbill!

Rafiki: Look I don't know who you people are!

Pumbaa: What are you talking about? You know us, we are your friends.

Rafiki: ...Just get the fuck out of my tree before I fucking kill you!

Pumbaa: I think he's high and he forgot who we are!

Timon: Well duh, he's a fucking stoner! He keeps the drugs here in his tree!

Pumbaa: So that's why you keep wanting to go up here to ease your trouble!

Rafiki: You stole my pot? You fucking little pot head, I'll kill you!

Timon: Nice going Pumbaa

Pumbaa: Thanks!

Rafiki goes after Timon and Pumbaa with a chainsaw and they run away screaming. They run all the way to Pride Rock, where Nala and Simba are sitting around.

Nala: Oh my God, Rafiki is chasing Timon and Pumbaa with a chainsaw, do you think he might be trying to kill them?

Simba: No.

Nala (Creepily): You lie Simba, YOU LIIIIIIEEEE!

Simba stares at Nala.

Rafiki: Hahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaha

Timon and Pumbaa: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Timon: Help! He is trying to kill us!

Nala: See, I knew you were lying!

Simba: Yes, can you ever forgive me for lying?

Nala: No, you are an ass and I can't believe I even married you.

Rafiki: Shut up both of you, or I will kill you too!

Nala and Simba run away screaming. So somewhere in the Pridelands, Timon, Pumbaa, Simba and Nala and some PFH are being chased by a stoned Rafiki with a chainsaw.