STARSKY & HUTCH

THE FIRST STEP
by Silverladynl
7/17/2002

(Sweet Revenge Aftermath moment - Starsky)

Alone, he stands against the wall, lighting a cigarette. When did he start smoking again? Oh yes, I remember. I caught him one day when he thought I wasn't looking. Doesn't he know smoking is an unhealthy habit?
What has happened to my partner? There is so much of the old Hutch in him I recognize, and so much in him that I don't. He's hiding himself away from me, as if I can't see how much he's still hurting.

"I'm hurting too, Hutch."

I got my life back, but I lost the Hutch I used to know. He still doesn't see me staring at him. He's either too occupied with his own thoughts or he does a good job of ignoring me.
There used to be a time when he could feel I was looking at him, then he would turn around and smile at me. Now he waits until I'm in sight and gives me a faint version of his usual bright smile.

If only he would talk to me. After all these years, it hurts that he suddenly shuts me out. I know why. I can even understand it, but enough is enough. I need my partner, but most of all I need my best friend.
It's time for us to take the first step towards a new beginning.

Lay your hand in mine
Let me lead the way
and I'll take you with me
to a brand-new day

THE SECOND STEP
by Pat L.
07/30/2002

(Sweet Revenge Aftermath moment - Hutch)

What did you say, buddy? Smoking is bad for me? That would almost be funny, if it weren't so tragic. Bullets are kinda bad for you, too, wouldn't you say? What's the difference between killing myself slowly and someone else doing it quickly, with a gun? God, I don't want to hurt you. You've been through enough, and now I'm making it worse. I'm not just hiding from you; I'm hiding from myself, too. I don't know what I feel right now, and I don't think I want to know. Yeah, I'm still hurting.

"I know you're hurting, too, Starsk."

You didn't lose me, partner. The "old" Hutch is still here, buried deep inside. Time, and Gunther, have buried him so deep that I don't know if he'll ever make it back. Is the "new" Hutch that much different? It's still me, maybe a little older and a lot wiser, but still me. This is who I am now. Can you handle that?

I'm not ignoring you, buddy. I can still feel you. You're where you have always been; in my heart and soul. But I know that you can see inside of me, and I'm not sure if you're ready for that. I've lost so much over the past few years. If I lost you, too, I don't know if I could take it. As for my "bright smile", well, I haven't had much to smile about lately. I got you back, and that's a lot, but what now? Where do we go from here?

You want me to talk to you. What do you want me to say? That I was terrified that I was going to lose you? That I wanted to kill Gunther and all of his men? That I want to grab you and run away from this damned job so you'll never be hurt again? Being a cop is the most important thing in the world to you. The only thing that is important to me is you. This badge and everything that goes along with it can go to Hell.

But if the job is what you want, I guess I can take it, too. I'll always be your best friend, and if it's what you really want, I'll be your partner, too. Just don't leave me, OK? If you're willing to take that step, I'll be there, too.

So take my hand in yours
And show me the way
I'll gladly go with you
to that brand-new day

THE END